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Dumb Little Man

7 Secrets to Making This Year the Best Year Ever 30 December, 2011, 11:05 am
It’s the time of year when goals are made and abandoned a few weeks later. Will you be one of them, or will you set goals that have the power to change your life?Not achieving what you set out to do means you’ll yet again fail to move toward the life you desire, which leads to nothing but regret. Inertia can be difficult to overcome, but something you may overlook is the influence from friends, parents, and society in general.Often what you believe you want is not what you want at all. The trick lies in setting meaningful objectives.It doesn’t matter whether you set goals or not, as long as you’re doing something that makes you come alive.Stay Here and NowBefore you decide what you want to do, stay present here and now. Forget about the past and the future. Let any and all thoughts pass. Don’t give them meaning, and don’t add to them.It is from this blank, calm state that you can begin to look at what has gone well last year, and what hasn’t.EliminateThe big mistake people make is they think more is better, but that isn’t always the case. The more things you do, the less time you have. You want to make sure that every single thing in your life is something you’ve consciously chosen.It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing things that distract you from what you really want to do, because you’re afraid.Instead of letting distractions take over your life, look at what you can stop doing. Pick just one thing right now. Keep it simple, and then eliminate it from your life. It could be something small, such as a magazine subscription, or something bigger, like fast food. DiscriminateYou have to be vigilant about what you let into your life. Learn to say no and learn to respect your own time. You don’t always have to say yes to friends and family. First, think about what you want to do. Otherwise you’ll end up living someone else’s life.If you complain about not having enough time, you probably need to get clearer about what you want from life. And by clear, I mean really, really clear. Focus on ONE main thing at a time.GoalsNext, set one big goal for the year. And by goal, I don’t necessarily mean regular goal setting. Set a direction for where you want to go.I simply use the concept of goals to get a point across. Goal-setting is just a process that gets you results. What matters are the results; many get stuck on the process, but the process doesn’t matter.Use whatever feels good, and take action. Start now.Focus (on Your Next Step)When you have one big goal, it’s time to look at what your next step is. What can you do right now to move closer to that goal?Keep the next step as tiny as possible. It could be brainstorming ideas and action steps. Whatever it is, start now. Yes, you can put it off, but if you do that, you’re putting off your life. If you make it a habit, you’ll end up living a mediocre life.Do you really want that?Living an extraordinary life takes effort, at least at first, which is why most people turn it down.MomentumWhen you focus on taking one step at a time, you build momentum. You take one step, then the next, and then the next. It eliminates overwhelm, because you don’t have to try and predict the future.Know where you’re going, and keep taking the next step. Let the rest take care of itself.The Most Important SecretLast, but not least, remember to focus on what matters to you. Forget about what others think you should or shouldn’t do. This is your life, and you are the one who has to live it.If someone thinks you have to do something that you don’t want, forget about them. If they try to push you to do it, eliminate them from your life. I know, easier said than done!There’s no one you have to put up with, and nothing you have to do, except follow what feels right for you. Always remember that, because that is what will help you create results that matter and make this year the best one of your life.Written on 12/30/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: lednichenkoolga
Trying to Improve Your Willpower is a HUGE Mistake - Here's What to Do Instead 28 December, 2011, 9:14 am
When we're failing to reach our goals, we often blame a lack of willpower:I've gotta try harder.If only I could stay focused.I need to be more determined.I have to be self-disciplined. The problem is, willpower alone won't get you far. You know that, really; you've seen the times in your own life when you tried to be determined and self-disciplined ... but when you still failed to reach your goal.Maybe you tried to lose weight – but ended up scoffing junk food every evening.Maybe you wanted to save money – but you couldn't resist that shiny new laptop.Maybe you were going to take up exercise – but you just couldn't manage to get up early enough to hit the gym before work.Every time, you probably blamed yourself. You felt lazy or stupid for not managing to stick to your plans. Perhaps you looked at friends or colleagues who were succeeding in similar goals – and you felt sure that they had some huge reserves of willpower which you lacked.You felt like you just weren't cut out for success.The truth is, willpower is hugely over-rated. We don't generally achieve things by gritting our teeth and struggling on manfully.Why Willpower Doesn't WorkThere are plenty of times when you've used willpower successfully. Maybe you: Resisted the lure of that chocolate cookie Made that difficult phone call Tidied up a messy roomSaid "no thanks" to a third glass of wine...and so on.The problem is, willpower is a limited resource. You can't stick to a diet by sheer willpower, day after day after day. And you've probably noticed that on days when you've been trying really hard to be patient or to stick with a tough task, you're more likely to crack and fail in a difference area.So, if you try to improve your willpower – forcing yourself to rely on it, or even putting yourself in situations where you'll be tested – then you're just setting yourself up to fail.What Works InsteadWe're all creatures of habit. We tend to take the easiest route, or the one which seems most attractive – we need to apply our willpower to do anything else. Our daily environment (home, work, etc) makes far more of a difference than most of us realize. For instance, if you've got a vending machine at work, you're probably going to end up buying more snacks than you otherwise would.Instead of fighting against your habits and environment, get them to work with you!That means doing these sorts of things: Keep those tempting candy bars out of your house. If they're sitting within easy reach, chances are, you'll grab one without even thinking. But if you have to go to the store every time you want candy, your natural laziness will usually stop you… Make it hard to access distractions on your computer. Do you always end up playing flash games or checking Facebook when you should be working? Then block those websites. If you want to stop checking email first thing, then don't let the program load up as soon as your computer is switched on. Work exercise into your day. Instead of trying to get up at 5am, or drag yourself out in the evening, how about going for a brisk walk during your lunch break? Hide the TV remote so that you don't switch the television on as soon as you get home from work. Build a habit. If you're trying to establish something new in your life – like reading for 30 minutes every day – then find a consistent time and place for it. Once something becomes just another part of your routine, it's easy to keep it up. Chase goals that excite you. Of course, however awesome your goal, it's not going to inspire you every minute of every day – but it's much easier to achieve something which you want than something which you just feel you should do.Has willpower ever worked for you? If it has, let us know about it! And if not, what went wrong – could changing your habits and your environment help, instead?Written on 12/28/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here.Photo Credit: locusolus
Whose Goals Are You Really Chasing? 21 December, 2011, 9:32 am
Do you have a big goal for the next year – or perhaps a three-year or five-year plan? You might have a whole bunch of goals, even if you don't call them that – perhaps ranging through things like:Lose weightMake lots of moneyGet a promotionStudy for a new qualificationStop reading for a moment, and think about some of the goals that are currently lodged in your mind – they might be things you've told yourself you "should" do, but you've not made much progress on them. You may want to write them down.Whose goals are these?Perhaps that seems like a stupid question: obviously, they're your goals ... aren't they?Unfortunately, there's a fair chance that some of "your" goals aren't really yours at all. They might belong to your parents, your friends, or even your society as a whole.Here's how other people's goals can become yours – and why you want to take control again.#1: Your Parents' (or Family's) GoalsNaturally enough, parents often have big hopes and dreams for their kids. They may have struggled through hardship and made sacrifices in order to support their children – and they might have ideas about what constitutes a "good" career or a valuable life.Parents (or other relatives) may impose goals by:Insisting that a particular activity isn't worth pursuing because "there's no money in it" – perhaps art, writing or musicFocusing on certain qualifications and career paths – perhaps wanting their children to become doctors or lawyersEncouraging a particular type of lifestyle by criticizing behavior that they consider "wrong"Talking about the success of certain family members in terms of career, wealth, marriage, etc...How to Change: Spend some time digging deep into your own goals. What do you really want for yourself? If you're pursuing a degree or career that you dislike, don't be afraid to change to something new. Your family may well turn out to be more supportive than you expect.#2: Your Friends' GoalsAmong groups of friends, it's common for particular traits to spread. For instance, if your friends are all overweight, there's a good chance that you'll be overweight too.One recent and dismaying example of this trend is for breast enhancements, with women feeling pressured into following their friends into having surgery.Your friends might not talk about their goals as such. But they probably have a set of things that they value – and it may be hard for you to identify your own values. For instance, if you work with colleagues who just care about the paycheck, you might find it tough to stick to what's important to you: doing a good job and playing a valuable role in society.How to Change: Consider joining a group or club that relates to one (or more) of your goals. For instance, if you're starting up your own business but all your friends are traditionally-employed, you could look for small business networking opportunities in your area.#3: Your Society's GoalsFamily and friends aren't the only people whose goals you might have unwittingly adopted. Society as a whole can impose certain goals on you – ones that may not be what you want at all.Big companies have an interest in making sure you think of certain things as important or even essential. They encourage you to adopt goals that mean purchasing their products. For instance, you might end up buying gym membership or diet products because you feel like you "should" get in shape – even though you're already pretty healthy.If you find yourself thinking that's just the way it is or everyone knows that, try questioning your assumptions.Is it really better to buy a house, or would you be just as happy renting?Will that new gadget/TV/game really enhance your life?Do you need a new car?Do you and your spouse really want to have a pricey meal out on Valentines' day, or are you both just doing it because you feel like you should?Some of society's goals and priorities might well be in tune with your own. Others won't.How to Change: Don't be afraid to be different! There are plenty of ways you can challenge the assumptions of society – that might mean living frugally, homeschooling your kids, avoiding designer labels, or whatever else you want to do.You only have one life to live: your own. Don't waste years of it chasing other people's goals. Take the time to decide what you want, and go after it wholeheartedly.Written on 12/08/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here.Photo Credit: [F]oxymoron
Are You Making These 7 Productivity Mistakes? 21 December, 2011, 9:31 am
You want to get things done. You're keen to be efficient and effective. "Productivity" is your favorite word – and you're working really hard at it. The problem is, if you're going about being productive the wrong way, you might just be setting yourself up to fail.These are seven common mistakes that people make when they're trying to be more productive. Do any of them sound familiar?Mistake #1: Cutting Back on SleepWhen you need an extra hour or two in the day, it's very tempting to simply cut back on sleep. You'll even hear productivity gurus advising that you "get up half an hour early" in order to create some extra time.The problem is, skimping on sleep is going to decrease your productivity. In the short-term, you'll find yourself struggling to focus. You'll work more slowly than usual. In the longer-term, you could end up getting ill more often.Mistake #2: Multi-TaskingAlthough multi-tasking sounds good, it rarely works. You can multi-task if you're combining a physical task with a mental one (e.g. you listen to audio books while doing the ironing) – but you can't multi-task by reading emails while working on your big report.When you try to tackle several work tasks simultaneously, you're really just switching your focus constantly from one to another. This breaks your flow, slows you down, and leaves you more susceptible to distractions.Mistake #3: Doing Everything YourselfPerhaps you believe that if you want a job done well, do it yourself. Instead of delegating tasks to other people (at work and at home), you simply get on with them. Some of the tasks aren't exactly challenging – like data entry, or doing laundry – but you want them done to your high standards.This isn't just bad for your productivity, it's bad for the people around you. If you try to do every little thing yourself, you're going to be using up time that would be better spent on more high-powered activities. And if you never give your subordinates (or your kids) a chance to tackle something new, you're stopping them from growing.Mistake #4: Focusing Solely on NumbersIt's often useful to track particular metrics: how many miles you ran this week, or how many new leads you got from a particular business conference. But just focusing on numbers can be counter-productive – you'll miss all the important things that can't be easily quantified.There's often not an obvious ROI to be found – especially in areas like relationship-building. You may need to invest time without any immediate results, but the network you create around yourself could be invaluable in the future.Mistake #5: Eating at Your DeskWhen you're busy, it's tempting to skip a lunch break in favor of carrying on with work. You grab a sandwich at your desk, munching away while reading emails. Once in a while, you might genuinely be so rushed that you have to do this – but if it's happening every day, you need to reassess things.Taking a proper break helps refresh you for the afternoon ahead. Even getting out of the office and walking around for 15 minutes is valuable. And if you can eat lunch somewhere other than your desk, you'll probably enjoy the meal more – and digest it better.Mistake #6: Checking Email FrequentlyUnless your whole job is about answering emails (e.g. you're in tech support), you almost certainly don't need to check email every ten minutes. You don't need to have a notification pop up on your screen with every new message, either.All too often, we check email when we're not too sure what we should be doing – or when we're putting off a more important task. If you're genuinely worried about missing an urgent message, use a service like AwayFind to make sure that you're alerted about emails from your boss / client / child-minder.Mistake #7: Pushing Yourself HardIn the quest for productivity, you may find yourself trying to squeeze more and more into your days. Perhaps you're working full time and running a business on the side – while writing a novel and redecorating the spare bedroom. If your days, evenings and weekends are all packed full, something's eventually going to give.In many cases, that may be your health. Mental and physical health issues can be caused by stress and overwork – and the time you'll lose to ill health can add up to far more than the extra few hours you gained.Of course, it's good to be productive – to achieve things in both professional and personal life. But don't try to be productive at the expense of all else, and don't adopt measures for short-term gain that are going to cause problems over the long-term.If you've got a productivity tip to share – or a mistake to warn us about! – then leave a comment below...Written on 12/19/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here. Photo Credit: MrVJTod
7 Warning Signs That You’ve Given Up on Your Dreams 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
What do you REALLY want from life? What’s your big dream? Are you taking steps toward it? If not, why not? What’s stopping you from taking action today?Perhaps you’re scared, or maybe you've built a huge wall of procrastination that you'll never scale. Whatever it is, you probably think it has merit. In fact, you may have simply stopped thinking about your dreams because you've given up.It's too bad. People in much worse situations than you have created the life of their dreams. You may have excuses and obstacles standing in your way, but you can transcend them. However, it only happens when you’re ready.Here are seven warning signs that you’ve given up on your dreams:ExcusesEveryone makes excuses. Fleeting excuses are fine but problems begin when you stick to the same excuse over and over again. That’s when you start believing that it’s real and insurmountable.Your excuses may seem real, but the one creating them is you. I had a lot of excuses when I started. I could’ve given up, but I kept going, because I knew that that was the path to realizing my dreams. Lose the excuses and focus the effort on progress.FearNot only did I have a lot of excuses before I started building my online business and following my passion, I also had a lot of fear and still do. I'm afraid of failure, not being good enough, and all those fears that we all share.But I kept moving forward. If you're letting fear stop you from going after your dreams, you're surrendering to a life that you ultimately don't want to live. Sure it may seem comfortable right now, but a few years down the road, you'll regret not having taken action. Is that what you want?AnalyzingAre you trying to analyze how you're going to go after your dreams? Trust me, it doesn't work. Some planning is certainly helpful, but ultimately you have to take action in order to learn what works and what doesn't.Look at that thing you've been putting off, and do something today to take action toward it.Some DayHow many people have told you that some day they will go after their dreams, follow their passion, and be happy? A whole bucket load I’d bet - and one of those people may be you.Some day is not on the calendar, and the longer you wait, the longer you wait. It doesn't get any simpler than that. Instead of waiting, start now, start anywhere, and start with anything, because it's better than sitting around waiting for some day.If OnlyIf only you had more money, connections, or talents, you'd easily go after your dreams and enjoy life, right?I don’t think so.Many of the most successful entrepreneurs and people that are living the life that they want to live did not have their dreams served to them on a silver platter.The bottom line?You're not missing anything except the proper attitude and willingness to take action.I’m Not…Are you afraid that you don't have anything unique to give to people?This is something I deal with a lot with my clients, especially when it comes to creating an online business and putting yourself out there. We all have something to contribute to the world (yes, that includes you), and that something is the exact thing that makes you come alive.For me one of those things is writing, and another thing is helping people live the life of their dreams and follow their passion.What's yours?Comfort ZoneFear of failure is a big obstacle for many when thinking about going after their dreams. You’ve probably heard that it’s hard to go after your dreams and follow your passion, and it is, but anyone can do it, if they are willing to suspend their disbelief and take action.You have to decide whether you are happy with where you are now, or whether you want to take action and work towards something that truly fulfills you.Discover your passion, follow it, and create the life you want. There’s no better time to start than now.Written on 11/10/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Benson Kua
5 Small Things You Can Do Today to Infuse Your Day with Positivity 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
Everyone wants to make big life changes because they believe that it will make their life better. I am talking about HUGE life changing events that will transform you into some other, more powerful you. And, I think you’ve experienced it first hand just like everyone else reading this article.Why do you think most people are still chasing something they think will bring more security, happiness, and freedom to their life? Why don't these BIG changes ever occur despite our best efforts? Well, something's missing, that's why.Making your life better doesn’t start with big changes - nothing does. Change happens slowly. Sometimes the changes are so small that it may seem that you're standing still. Alas, change is indeed occurring and it can happen with something as small as a thought - anything that changes your direction and your actions is meaningful.Let’s have a quick look at what small steps you can take today. As you read these, think slowly and really digest the message. You'll notice that size and speed are rarely important to meaningful progress.Be PresentNotice your thoughts, and welcome them.Just for today, be present with whatever goes on inside your body and mind. This includes your thoughts, feelings, and everything else that goes on during the day. Let them be there and do what they do. Your thoughts have a life of their own, and if you try to resist, which most people do, it will only cause suffering.Something else you may want to try is to simply welcome any thoughts and feelings that you notice. The effect may astonish you.Acts of KindnessDo something nice for someone. It could be your kids, spouse, friend, coworker, or perfect stranger. It doesn't have to be big. If you can do it anonymously, that's even better. Leave a dollar for someone to pick up, or whatever creativity your mind can conjure up.It doesn't have to scare you in any way, just do something that you think is kind to someone else. If you make it a daily habit, you may again be surprised by the results.JournalMost people never write down their thoughts. When you let thoughts fly around in your head, you will often feel out of control - in and out, all day, every day, your mind races with no end in sight. When you write down your thoughts, you will see patterns, and suddenly you’ll notice yourself starting to write down answers to your problems that you never thought of before.What I do is I simply grab a blank sheet of paper, and I write. I write for about 30 minutes non-stop. If I run out of words at any point, I'll write that I don't know what to write. At first, I thought this exercise was a waste of time, and it took me a long time to even try it. But when I did, I noticed more clarity, more creativity, and more solutions to things I perceived as problems.Try it, you might like it. Food ChoicesThis is a no-brainer, but how often do you actually choose healthier food options?If you're like me, you're not perfect and you often fall prey to the more convenient (and tasty) foods. So, just for today, eat healthy all day long, and see what happens.Give up the soda, pizza, and chips. Drink water, and take care of your body. Do LessYeah, you heard that right. Experiment with doing less today, say no to people asking for your time, reduce your consumption, and minimize the media you take in. You don't have to do everything on your to-do list. We often put more things on our lists than we need, because we think doing more is what will bring us happiness. Wrong. The truth of the matter is that it is not by doing that you will be happy, but by being. Deep inside you are happiness, joy, and presence.All you have to do is peel away the layers and tap into it.The question is, will you?Written on 11/20/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Abaconda
7 Mental Mistakes That Stop You From Living a Life of Freedom and Peace 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
How often do you lament the fact that you’re still not where you want to be?There’s still something missing from your life that if you could get, you’d be happy.Life doesn’t seem fair, and it never works out just the way you want it.If you identify with any of these statements, then you’re most likely making mental mistakes that may hold you back for the rest of your life. The good news is that since they are mental mistakes, they can be changed, and when changed, your whole life can be changed.Living in the FutureDo you dream of a better future where you have more money to travel, more time to do what you want, or even a better job? Then you’re falling into the first mental trap, which is giving your attention to a future projection that does not exist.The future cannot save you. The more you complain, the worse you will feel.The solution? Notice whenever you feel pulled to daydream and bring your attention back to your body. Be present with whatever is here and now, even if it feels negative. In the beginning, it may be uncomfortable, because you are used to running away, and your mind is active, but if you truly want to live a joyful life, then this is one of the fastest paths there.This doesn’t mean you stop planning. It means you stop excessive future projection that leads to chronic dissatisfaction.Living in the PastDo you wish you could go back to the past and change something? Or maybe you’re marveling in a memory that is sweet as cotton candy. It fills you with joy and excitement, but at the same time, it carries with it a sour aftertaste, because it’s only a memory.Remembering good times is all fine and good. The problem arises when it is done excessively. Whenever you notice your attention drifting away either to the past or future, gently bring it back, and notice how you’re feeling right now. Saying No to the Here and NowStaying right here and now can be painful. Stay vigilant of what is happening within you even as you read these words. Guard the temple that is your inner space.How deep or shallow is your breathing? What thoughts are arising? Do you want to be somewhere else, do something else, have something better? Is there a problem in this present moment unless you think about it?Going Nowhere FastAre you constantly in a hurry? You have a goal that you want to get to, because you think it will make your life better. The best measuring stick for a good goal is to ask yourself if it is making your life better right now.If not, then drop the goal.Most people are constantly going somewhere else. They are never here. And when they reach that somewhere else, they set a new goal, and off they go, back on the hamster wheel.It is a never-ending journey that is full of suffering. External Solutions to Internal “Problems”Things do not give you peace, freedom, and fulfillment. It is your reaction to them that gives you all the good feelings. The good feelings come from inside, not from outside.Beyond food, shelter, and a few basic needs, things do not dramatically increase your happiness, which is why you see so many miserable people swimming in material abundance. They are trying to fix something internal with something external. It just doesn’t work.The only way to experience freedom and peace is to go inside.AvoidanceWhenever you feel inner turmoil, negativity, suffering, or pain, sit with it, and be with it, without analyzing. It is the running away and wanting it to go away that feeds the fire. Stop avoiding what you are experiencing, and simply be.Notice the chaos of your mind, and notice that you are not that. You are the presence behind your thoughts. And if you want to take it further, notice what is aware of both your thoughts and the presence behind them.Feeding the Fire That Burns YouWe take so much so seriously, but everything that exists in our head are merely ideas. It may not seem like that, but that is how it is. If you believe that you shouldn't do something, that’s an idea. If you believe you are better than others, that’s an idea. If you believe you are no good, that’s an idea. If you think this article is full of baloney. That's another idea that is constructed from other ideas you've learned in the past.Those are all ideas, and they hold power over you as long as you choose to identify with them.How do you not identify with them? By allowing them to pass. Look at them, taste them, but do not put them in your pocket and call them yours. You have ideas that you do not pay attention to, such as the color of flowers. You don’t get angry about them or try to change them. They just are the way they are.What if all your thoughts and ideas were like this? What if it was okay to feel whatever you feel? Just let it be. It is your constant wanting to change what is that stands between you and a life full of freedom and peace.Written on 11/29/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Tim Geers
6 Ways to Start Your Day Off on a High Note 21 December, 2011, 8:34 am
I’m an early riser and I have been most of my life. It’s a habit my parents instilled in me ever since I was a kid, and nowadays I actually look forward to the morning. But for the first part of my life, my mornings used to be a bit chaotic.I recall the daily scrambling to eat breakfast, get my things together, and get out the door. As a result, my life was a reflection of this chaos. I think the way you start your day can have a big impact on how the rest of it turns out so I today I want to share six basic ways that you can start your day off on a high note. WriteAs a blogger, I’ve found that I’m most prolific and creative early in the morning. But even if you’re not a blogger, writing is a very therapeutic thing to do. We tend to have quite a bit on our minds when we wake up because we’ve been dreaming all night. Putting it all down on paper allows you to clear the mind for a much more productive day ahead. I always come back to what Tony Robbins said about journaling - “A life worth living is a life worth recording.”ReadOn the days that I can’t seem to put two words together, I go to my next alternative which is to read. I recommend you don’t read the news or anything serious right when you wake up. Most of what’s on the news is negative. You could spend time reading through the archives here at Dumb Little Man or find books that are uplifting. Whatever you read, make sure it’s somewhat light-hearted or thought provoking. Even if you read for 15 minutes each morning you’ll be amazed at how much that adds up over time. Eventually it will be something you look forward to.Listen to MusicI tend to combine reading and writing with listening to music, but you could just listen to music. I have a morning playlist setup on Spotify that is very soothing. I tend to stay away from anything that is really loud or full of negative lyrics. I think you can more or less listen to anything as long as you find that it calms your nerves.Motivational TapesThis is something I’ve actually learned from listening to Zig Ziglar. He said that one of the best ways to speed up the flow of serotonin first thing in the morning is to listen to a motivational tape. Having done this more than a handful of times, I can definitely say there’s value in doing this. You start your day off with a bit of inspiration and hope and that mindset permeates the rest of your day.ExerciseIf there’s one thing that trumps all of the above for me, it’s a morning surf session. With nothing but waves, a sunrise, and dolphins leaping in the air, this really enables me to start the day off on a high note. All it takes is one good wave. But if you don’t live near an ocean, any form of exercise will do. Go for a walk around your neighborhood even if it’s a short one. Do a search online and you’ll find a number of exercise options that you could do in the comfort of your own home. While I think being outdoors is idea, if you live somewhere where it’s freezing cold it might not be that easy to get outside.Sit QuietlyThis might seem like a strange way to start a productive day. A few years ago when I was diagnosed with IBS the doctor told me to spend 15 minutes in the mornings just relaxing and doing absolutely nothing. This is actually easier said than done because we’re so used to being in motion. But I think you’ll find that slowing down just a little will actually result in a much better day.The way you start your day can have a big impact on how the rest of it turns out. So pick any one of these ideas and try it for 30 days. I think you’ll be amazed at the dramatic difference it will make in your life.Written on 12/21/2011 by Srinivas Rao. Srinivas is the author of the Skool of Life, where he writes about surfing, personal development, and things you never learned in school but should have. If you’re ready to to become a student, check out his FREE course on the 7 most valuable lessons they never taught in school. You can follow him on twitter @skooloflife.Photo Credit: Tobyotter
Turn Yourself Into a Savvy Buyer While Christmas Shopping 16 December, 2011, 9:58 pm
Maybe you slept in on Black Friday simply unable to muster the will to battle hundreds of other people storming the gates of the local WalMart. Perhaps you are waiting for your next paycheck in December before you start searching for good deals. Or, maybe - just maybe - you believe retailers will cut costs even further because they NEED to liquidate their inventories before the end of the year.No matter what the reason is, the goal for many is clear: Purchase as many presents as possible for the lowest possible cost. If you are in that crowd, here are some hints for being more than a bargain hunter; we're talking about becoming a savvy buyer.HaggleYou may not think that the local appliance store is willing to go down from the printed sales price, but you would be surprised what a failing economy does to salespeople. If you have knowledge on your side (like what the competitors are selling the same item for), you can get them to come down on prices, add extended warranties, deliver for free, install for free, etc. In addition to these, don't forget the freebies. Be willing to walk awayDon't be afraid to be difficult. If you don't get the deal you want, tell them you are going to leave. This works even better when you cart is loaded with other purchases and you are willing to let all of those go because you don't get the deal on what you really want.Bring up competitorsThis works well when you are looking at very competitive business - like car dealerships or electronics or even credit card companies who are pumping up your interest rate. If you are in a store, it works even better. If you say, "that other store was selling those same things for cheaper" loud enough, you'll get all sorts of attention.Cash, cash, cashNot only should you bring cash for your purchases to keep you on your budget, you should tell the salesman you intend to pay with cash and thus save them the 3%-5% that Visa collects on each purchase. Some stores will drop the price simply because it's a cash purchase.Another trick is to be sure you only bring as much cash as you are willing to spend. This will eliminate the possibility of you exceeding your budget. It also may help persuade a sales manager when you are haggling over the price of an item.Shut upWhen in doubt, keep your hands in your pockets and keep your mouth shut. This will make the salesman dicker himself down on prices when you don't seem happy with his initial offer. They may even divulge some juicy information, like the markup price or even if what your looking at is the best model. Remember, the sales person wants to make the sale more than you want to purchase it!The Golden Rule! Don't be afraid to ask for a discountIf all else fails, ask for a deal. There may be sales coming up you don't know about, special pricing or even a coupon that the store has on hand. Even small bargains add up to big ones. "What else can you toss in" is a single sentence that can amount to some huge discounts or freebies.These aren't just holiday strategies; use them all year long and you can become a big-time bargainer. If you feel embarrassed or cheap by asking for discounts, remember that you are never going to see this salesperson again! You will however see your bank account balance for the rest of your life!Written on 12/01/2008 by Mike Koehler. Mike Koehler is a multimedia journalist in Oklahoma City working full-time to save the newspaper business while helping his wife raise three kids under age 8. In his spare time he sleeps. E-mail Mike at kmanconsulting@gmail.com.Photo Credit: CamelCrusher1978
How to Lose Weight... By Snacking 15 December, 2011, 4:06 pm
Many people make this mistake of thinking that they can't snack at all if they're trying to eat healthily or lose weight. But it's not only okay to snack – it's beneficial.Snacking keeps the cravings down. You don't get over-hungry – so you don't eat as much at mealtimes. If you snack a little during the day, you'll consume fewer calories during meals: aim to eat a light meal or snack every three hours.Of course, you need to eat the right things. Snacking on candy bars and chips won't help you lose weight. Here are some healthy snacks to try:Healthy Snacking: NutsAlmonds make a great snack: your portion should be about 12 – 15 individual almonds. They're a great source of calcium – which makes them especially good for those of us who don't like milk. They're also heart-healthy.For the chocoholics (like me!) out there, combine almonds with about an ounce of good-quality dark chocolate – 70% or more cocoa. Avoid milk chocolate, as it usually has a lot of sugar. Dark chocolate has been scientifically proven to lower your blood pressure.Nuts in general are good for snacking. Peanuts have gained a bad reputation – they're actually healthy, as you don't eat too many. Walnuts are a great choice as they contain Omega 3 fatty acids – particularly useful if you dislike fish. Healthy Snacking: FruitsIt's important to include fruits in your diet: they're high in fiber and vitamins. Bananas are often a good choice, unless you're diabetic (they have a high sugar content, especially when very ripe). They contain a lot of potassium so they're good for people with high blood pressure.Many fruits are easy to grab and eat straight away – like grapes (freeze them if you like) or berries. The dark-colored berries like blueberries, raspberries and blackberries are all packed with anti-oxidants.Snacking While You're OutIt can be tough to eat healthily when you're on the move – traveling or shopping, for instance. You may need to plan ahead and take some healthy snacks with you.Although popcorn makes a good snack while at home, the type you buy at the movies is often covered in butter, sugar or salt. Whole wheat pretzels are a better option.Other good snacks on the move include fruit, and small containers of yogurt (look out for the sugar content, though).Don't just think about what you eat while out and about – think about what you're drinking, too. "Liquid calories" can add up to a surprising amount. Your favorite latte could contain up to 500 calories, which is equal to a cheeseburger. While the occasional special coffee will not ruin your diet, having one every day may add on the pounds. You can – and should – snack while you're trying to lose weight. Sensible snacks are a vital part of a healthy diet.Have you got a favorite healthy snack? Share your suggestions in the comments.Written on 12/15/2011 by Patricia Setzer. Patricia is the author of How to Eat Healthy for Life (Without Giving Up the Foods You Love), available in ebook form. You can click here to find out all about it here.Photo Credit: havankevin

ZenHabits

A Compact Guide to Creating the Fitness Habit 29 December, 2011, 1:28 pm
Post written by Leo Babauta. A new year, a new slate of resolutions. Perhaps the biggest resolution at New Year’s is to get fit — start exercising, start eating right, and all that jazz. But resolutions never last. As you might already know, I’m not a fan of resolutions. Instead of creating a list of resolutions this year, create a new habit. Habits last, and they lead to long-term fitness (and more). They require more patience, but they are worth the wait. As some of you know, fitness habits are what started me along the path to changing my life. I quit smoking, started running. Then I started eating healthier, became vegetarian (now vegan), quit the junk food addiction, started doing other types of workouts (bodyweight, weights, Crossfit, anything that was fun). And six years later, I’m nearly 39 years old and in the best shape of my life. I have less bodyfat than any time since high school, more muscle than ever in my life, and I can run and hike and play longer than anytime in the history of Leo. That’s not to brag, but to show you what can be done with some simple fitness habits. Reshaping Through Habits The appealing thing about many fitness programs is that they promise quick results. You see testimonials from people who have gone through the program and lost 30 lbs. and gain a washboard stomach in just 4 weeks! That’s all complete crap. First, most people won’t achieve those results. Second, and more importantly, if you do get quick results, you’ll reverse those results very quickly … because you haven’t created new habits. You’ve just done something intense and unsustainable for a short period of time. That’s nearly worthless. You should be focused on long-term results, and more importantly on a healthy lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle starts with changing your habits and ends with long-term results. Changing habits takes time. I recommend one habit at a time, and give yourself about a month per habit. That takes patience, but you shouldn’t try to see amazing results in just 30 days. You should enjoy your new lifestyle, which will be an amazing result in itself that you can achieve immediately. In a matter of months and years, your body and health will change too. Let’s say you change one habit at a time, one per month or so. You’ll have 12 new habits every year. Even if you only formed 6 habits that stuck and that you loved, you’d be amazed at what kind of changes those 6 habits would create in your life and fitness. If you did 6 habits a year for three years, you’d be transformed. If you don’t have the patience to change one habit at a time, or focus on enjoying your new habits rather than getting quick results, you should stop reading now. Which Habits to Choose So let’s say you’re just starting out … what habit should you start with? My favorite habit is daily exercise, but if you’re looking to lose weight probably the most important habits relate to eating. In truth, which habit you choose first matters very little in the long run. You will be changing many little habits over the course of the next few years, and the order of those habits is unimportant. What matters is that you start. Here are some habits that I’d start with, if you haven’t created them yet: Exercise for just 5 minutes a day, adding 5 minutes per week. Make it a fun exercise. Drink water instead of sweet drinks. Replace fried foods with vegetables. Eat fruit and nuts for snacks. Eat lean protein, including plant proteins, instead of red meat. Add strength exercises to your routine — pushups, pullups, squats, lunges. If you’ve been doing all of the above for awhile, add some weights — compound lifts like squats, deadlifts, bench presses, dips, chinups, overhead presses and rows. I’ve found that losing weight is simple: eat lots of veggies and plant or lean protein, reduce calories, do some kind of cardio, lift some weights to preserve muscle. Gaining muscle is also fairly simple: eat lots of veggies and plant or lean protein, increase calories, do some kind of cardio to preserve heart health, lift heavy weights to grow muscle. The weights should be compound lifts and heavy, the cardio should be enjoyable. Getting “toned”, btw, is just gaining muscle and losing the fat that covers the muscle, whether you’re a man or woman. Forming the Habit These are my top principles for forming habits. If you’ve read my writings on habits before, this won’t be new to you, but often it’s good to review these principles for things you’ve missed: Make it social. This is an incredibly powerful too. I highly, highly recommend Fitocracy to everyone, as it’s a way to make exercise fun and social (invite code: ZENHABITS). It turns fitness into a game, and you log your exercises, get points, encourage others, complete fitness quests, get props for workouts you’ve done. Other great ways to make your habit change social: report on your daily progress to friends and family through Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or email, find a workout partner, get a coach, join a running group, join online fitness forums, join a class. Do one habit at a time only. People often skip this one because they think they are different than everyone else, but I’ve found this to be extremely effective. You increase your odds of success with just one habit at a time, for many reasons: habits are hard to form because they require lots of focus and energy, having many habits means you’re spreading yourself too thin, and if you can’t commit to one habit at a time, you’re not fully committed. Make it your top priority. People often put off fitness and diet stuff because they’re too busy, too tired, to stressed out by big projects or the holidays, etc. But in my experience, those are great reasons you *should* be exercising. So make your new diet or exercise habit one of your absolute top priorities for the day. If you don’t have time, you need to make time. Enjoy the habit. This is extremely important, and most people ignore it. If the habit is fun, you will stick with it longer. And even better, if you are enjoying it, you immediately win. You don’t need to wait for a bunch of pounds lost or other results — you get instant results because you’re enjoying the change. I find activities I enjoy, I join challenges or races to make exercise fun, I enjoy a conversation with a friend during a run, I eat healthy foods that are delicious (berries — yum!) and focus on savoring those foods. Focus on the enjoyment, and don’t make the habit change a big sacrifice. Final Recommendations Many people set fitness goals for the year. I’ve done it myself, but lately I’ve found that I can get fit without them. For one thing, when you set goals, they are often arbitrary, and so you are spending all your effort working towards a basically meaningless number. And then if you don’t achieve it, you feel like you failed, even if the number was arbitrary to start with. You can create habits without goals — I define goals as a predefined outcome that you’re striving for, not activities that you just want to do. So is creating a habit a goal? It can be, or you can approach it with the attitude of “it doesn’t matter what the outcome of this habit change is, but I want to enjoy the change as I do it”. So enjoy the habit change, in the moment, and don’t worry what the outcome of the activity is. The outcome matters very little, if you enjoy the journey. The journey to fitness can have an infinite number of paths, and setting your path in advance by setting goals is limiting. Allow yourself to change course on a whim, without guilt of not achieving a goal, and you’ll find new paths you’d never have anticipated when you set out. But the most important step of the journey is the first one. After that, the most important step is the one you’re presently taking. So take that step, and enjoy it.
The Essential Zen Habits of 2011 27 December, 2011, 1:57 pm
Post written by Leo Babauta. It has been a year of contentment for me, and Zen Habits. Zen Habits has just finished its 5th year of existence, and every year has been better than the last. This year has been no exception. Zen Habits grew from 200,000 to more than 230,000 subscribers, had more than 12 million unique visitors, and was named by TIME magazine as one of the Top 50 websites in the world. But beyond those numbers, it was an amazing year for me, personally and professionally: I publicly wrote, and then published, my new book The Effortless Life. I also wrote and published The Little Guide to Un-Procrastination. I co-created, along with Katie Tallo and Barrie Davenport, The Habit Course. I co-created, along with Courtney Carver, the Clutterfree ebook and course. I became fitter than ever in my life, with a simple vegan diet and the habit of daily exercise. I completed a half marathon, won my age division in a 6.7-mile race, completed the Urbanathlon, and finished the Goruck Challenge. I traveled to London & Paris for the first time with my wife Eva, spent a month on the beautiful island of Guam, spent 10 days in New York City for the first time with my daughter Chloe, spoke at the World Domination Summit in beautiful Portland. Moved to a sunnier part of San Francisco, while exploring the city by foot and fork. Continued to enjoy a car-free life. My other blog, mnmlist, grew to 15,000 readers. I created an entirely new design for Zen Habits by hand, stripping away all but the essentials. I did this mostly without goals, without copyright, and with contentment. Most of all, I have to thank you, my dear readers. You have made my job fun, my work rewarding, and my life full of joy. Thank you for everything. The Best Zen Habits Posts of 2011 Without further ado, these were the best posts from Zen Habits in 2011, as judged by me: How I Changed My Life, In Four Lines Best Procrastination Tip Ever 38 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years Joyfear How to Start How to Finish Create. Finding Your Voice The Half Step That Will Change Your Life Breaking Free From Consumerist Chains How to Read More: A Lover’s Guide And more For more best of Zen Habits: Best of Zen Habits in 2007. The Essential Zen Habits of 2008. The Essential Zen Habits of 2009. The Essential Zen Habits of 2010. The Beginner’s Guide to Zen Habits – A Guided Tour.
12 Tips For Beating the Social Overeating Habit 23 December, 2011, 8:06 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. While I’ve learned to eat much healthier over the last six or seven years, one of my biggest challenges has been overeating on social occasions. There are holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there are many more: my kids’ birthday parties, going out to dinner with my wife Eva, get-togethers with friends, social gatherings of business colleagues, drinking with best friends. I’ve always tended to overeat, because: I am distracted by conversation and so I eat mindlessly; and unlike at home, where I’ve created a healthy eating environment, I tend to be surrounded at these occasions by boatloads of tempting but unhealthy foods. I’ve gotten better recently, though, and have been teaching myself healthier habits. My main habit is simple on the surface: mindful eating. Mindful eating is simply being aware of your eating, of your body’s actual hunger signals as opposed to your brain saying “eat all that sugar and fried stuff!”, of your urges to eat more when you’re not hungry, of your snacking even when your stomach isn’t asking for more. Mindful eating is eating slowly, fully tasting the food, appreciating every bite, being conscious of what you’re putting into your body, savoring but not overdoing. Mindful eating, though, can be tough to do when you are distracted by talking to friends and family. So I asked readers (on Google+) to share their tips for beating the social overeating habit. You came up with some great ones. I share these tips in hopes that you’ll find use for them during these holidays, and beyond. Constant awareness of bodily feedback and sensation. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry? Do I need more? Etc.” Being aware of your body’s hunger signals is a skill that has been overridden by years of overeating due to food reward properties like sugar, salt, fat, etc., but it’s a skill that can be relearned with practice. (from Brian Johnson) Don’t go to an event hungry. Eat something healthy and at least somewhat filling before you go. This way you’re less likely to mindlessly snack. This was one of the most popular tips submitted by readers, including Cyndi Pauwels, Cameron Chapman and many others. Eat until you’re 80 percent full. This is a cultural habit that the Okinawans have, and it famously helps them stay healthy well into old age. (from Leo) Don’t linger near the food table. Make a conscious choice to eat whatever you want to eat, but don’t eat just because other people are eating or because it’s convenient. (from Cameron Chapman) Actually engage socially with someone. If your mouth is talking, it can’t eat. (from Kenneth Cummins) At a standing event, keep one hand in your pocket, and the other holding a glass of water. Unless it’s a high-end, Roman-esque event with personal serving maidens, you can’t eat what you can’t pick up. (from Kenneth Cummins) Cheat without guilt. For one or two occasions a year, allow yourself to eat as much as you want, which doesn’t necessarily mean to stuff yourself, but to eat without thinking too much about consequences. Two big meals on Christmas or similar occasions don’t spoil a year-long habit of healthy eating. Don`t overanalyze, just enjoy, without any bad conscience. (from Alessandro Shobeazzo) Plan behavior beforehand, and plan it specifically. If going to a place of feasting (holiday, buffet, free lunch, etc), make a specific plan for what you will allow yourself to do. For example, plan to eat a good portion of protein, one starch, and lots of green vegetables. With your plan, you can then acknowledge the urge to overeat, but not give in. Make sure to make a specific plan BEFORE the event and NOT on an empty stomach. (from Jonathan Pishner) Place your two palms together. Whatever fits in between is the approximate size of your stomach. Project that on to your plate and put only this much food on it. (from Ivan Staroversky) Drink lots of water and eat s-l-o-w-l-y. Eating slowly allows you time to hear the faint but clear ‘enough! enough!’ cries coming from the belly. (from maggie dodson and Sujit Kumar Chakrabarti) Get over the idea of finishing your plate and be stubborn about stopping when you’re full. Most people are conditioned from childhood to finish everything on their plate so will keep eating when full. Be warned though that other people will sometimes get upset at you for not eating everything. Stick to ‘it was great but I can’t fit anymore in’ until they move on. (from Rhiiannon Dwyer) Try to count up to 15 chews per each mouthful. That will really slow you down. (from Hudson Gardner)
The Parable of the Modern Farmer 20 December, 2011, 3:07 pm
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity. Once upon a time, there was a farmer. This farmer lived in a different age than his forefathers, who were also farmers. Instead of specializing in tomatoes or cotton as his ancestors had done, our farmer was gifted with the ability to decide every day what to plant and nurture. By the time the next day rolled around, the previous day’s crops were ready for harvest. (In these fields, crops grew very fast.) While making decisions about his daily planting priorities, the farmer also thought about the meaning of life. Was the purpose of his existence all about ears of corn and bushels of strawberries? No, of course not. The farmer knew he wanted something more than the tasks he worked on while the sun was coming up. The farmer also knew that in some areas of his life, he wanted to slow down and breathe easy. He did that already, reading Zen Habits every day on his mobile device while plowing the fields. He did not check email until the sun reached high noon, and he maintained few possessions that did not bring joy to his life or regular maintenance for his tractor. The farmer was in good health, had a loving family, and kept up a routine of picking through carrots and alfalfa each week. But the farmer knew that this routine was not enough. Deep inside his soul, the farmer wanted a challenge. The farmer decided he should set out to build something that would improve the state of the world. But what would it be? At first he was perplexed. “I’m just a farmer,” he thought. But then, as he was bringing in a bumper crop of sweet potatoes one afternoon, he began to understand that there was much more he could offer the world than the vegetables he harvested during his day job. Once he started to think in this new way, the ideas kept coming. Should he begin a community tractor pull, bringing together the neighbors for a friendly competition? Write a highly-trafficked blog on cotton pesticides (“7 Simple Ways to Keep Production High”)? Distribute his excess starter crops to an enterprising young farmer in a land far away? He wasn’t exactly sure which project he would choose, and he knew he might change his mind later. But in determining to begin something, the farmer felt a surge of confidence rush over him. The possibilities were as plentiful as the colors in the sunset he viewed each evening from the rocking chair on the porch. What would the farmer build? How would he ultimately change the world? As the moon rose over his latest crop and the farmer sat in the chair, he thought about the possibilities and said to himself, “I’m ready.” And then the farmer got off his porch and went to work. Chris Guillebeau is the author of The Art of Non-Conformity blog and bestselling book. You can download his new manifesto on creating a legacy project, The Tower, for free.
Sitting and Watching 16 December, 2011, 11:13 am
‘No matter what gets in the way or which way the wind does blow… I’ll just sit here and watch the river flow.’ ~Bob Dylan Post written by Leo Babauta. Have you ever felt that we are rushing through life, that we get so caught up in busy-ness that life is passing us almost without notice? I get this feeling all the time. The antidote is simple: sitting and watching. Take a minute out of your busy day to sit with me, and talk. Take a moment to imagine being in the middle of traffic — you’re driving, stressed out by the high amount of traffic, trying to get somewhere before you’re late, angry at other drivers who are rude or idiotic, completely focused on making your way through this jungle of metal on a ribbon of asphalt. Now you’ve gotten to the end, phew, you made it, wonderful, and you’re only a few minutes late … but did you notice the scenery you passed along the way? Did you talk to any of the other people along your path? Did you enjoy the ride? No, probably not. You were so caught up in getting there, in the details of navigating, in the stress of driving, that you didn’t have time to notice your surroundings, the people nearby, or the wonderful journey. This is how we are in life. Now imagine that you pulled over, and got out of the car, and found a grassy spot to sit. And you watched the other cars zoom by. And you watched the grass blown gently by the wind, and the birds making a flocking pattern overhead, and the clouds lazily watching you back. Sit and watch. We don’t do this, because it’s useless to do something that isn’t productive, that doesn’t improve our lives. But as Alan Watts wrote in The Way of Zen: “As muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone, it could be argued that those who sit quietly and do nothing are making one of the best possible contributions to a world in turmoil.” It’s interesting, too, what we see when we sit and watch. We will notice others rushing, and worried, and angry, and in them see a mirror of ourselves. We will notice children laughing (or crying) with their parents, and remember what we’re missing when we rush to improve our lives. More interesting is what you see when you sit and watch yourself. You learn to step outside yourself, and act as an observer. You see your thoughts, and learn more about yourself than you ever could if you were rushing to take action. You see your self-doubts, and self-criticism, and wonder where they came from (a bad incident in childhood, perhaps?) and wonder if you are smart enough to let them go. You see your rationalizations, and realize that they are bullshit, and learn to let those go too. You see your fears, and realize what hold they have over you, and realize that you can make them powerless, by just sitting and watching them, not taking action on them. By sitting and watching, you come to know yourself. You learn the most valuable lessons about life, by sitting and watching. And as we know from the observer effect in physics, by watching, we change what we watch. Take a few minutes today, to sit and watch. It might change your life.
Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge 13 December, 2011, 12:46 pm
Post written by Leo Babauta. One of the driving forces of my life for many years was the need to improve myself. It’s one of the driving forces for people who read my work as well. It’s an incredibly pervasive urge: we are always trying to improve, and if we’re not, that’s something we should improve. It’s everywhere. Where does this urge come from? It’s embedded in our culture — in the U.S. from Benjamin Franklin to the early entrepreneurial titans, everyone is trying to better themselves. It goes deeper, to ancient Western ideals of the perfect well-rounded person. But it flourished in the 20th century, from Dale Carnegie and Napoleon Hill to Stephen Covey. And now it’s in full bloom, with blogs. And yes, I’m part of this movement. So what’s the problem? You could say it’s great that people are constantly trying to improve themselves, but where does it end? When is anyone ever content with who they are? We are taught that we are not good enough yet, that we must improve, and so … we always feel a little inadequate. This is true no matter how much you’ve accomplished. You might have achieved a thousand goals, but do you have defined abs? Are your boobs big and bouncy? Do you have perfect skin? Have you read every classic in literature? Do you know fine wines, fine art, and every great musician from classical to jazz to punk to rock? Do you have success as an entrepreneur, as a writer? Can you speak several languages, and have you traveled the world? Do you own fewer than 100 things, or a small house? Are you a fast runner, and have you run a 100 miler? Can you Crossfit, or lift 1,000 pounds in the Big Three lifts? Do you have the perfect home, and can you cook gourmet meals? Are you the perfect parent, or have perfect work-life balance? Can you do yoga, meditate, juggle and do magic? Do you brew the perfect cup of coffee, or tea, or beer? Can you recite Shelly, Shakespeare, Homer? Are you good at picking up women, are you the perfect friend, the perfect lover, a romantic husband, a wife who meets her husband’s needs, a master craftsman, a hacker and a programmer, a knitter or sewer, a home-repair expert, knowledgeable in investing and real estate, do you know the perfect system for goals and use the perfect to-do software, is your phone as nice as his, or your bag as nice as hers, do you have cute boots or a manly shave? Are you debt free, or car free or gluten free? Do you give to charity or volunteer at shelters or build schools for Africa? Is your TV as large as mine, or your penis? Are you adequate? Are you confident of that? We are never adequate, never perfect, never self-confident, never good enough, never comfortable with ourselves, never satisfied, never there, never content. And it becomes the reason we buy self-help products, fitness products, gadgets to make us cooler, nicer clothes, nicer cars and homes, nicer bags and boots, plastic surgery and drugs, courses and classes and coaches and retreats. It will never stop, because we will never be good enough. We must improve. We must read every self-improvement book. When we read a blog, we must try that method, because it will make us better. When we read someone else’s account of his achievements, his goal system, his entrepreneurial lifestyle, her yoga routine, her journaling method, her reading list, we must try it. We will always read what others are doing, in case it will help us get better. We will always try what others are doing, try every diet and every system, because it helped them get better, so maybe it will help us too. Soon, we will find the ultimate solutions, soon we will get there. No, that hasn’t happened yet, but maybe this year will be the year. Maybe 2012 will be the year we reach perfection. Or maybe it will never stop, until we die, and that’s a part of life — life is a constant striving for improvement, and we’d hate to ever stop wanting to improve, because that means we’re dead, right? Even if that means that as we die, we wonder if we could have been better, and our last thought is, “Am I adequate as a person?” Even if that means we are never happy with ourselves, at least we are striving to be happy with ourselves, right? What if instead, we learned to be happy with ourselves? What would happen? Would we stop striving to improve? Would that be horrible, if we were just content and didn’t need to better ourselves every minute of every week? Would we be lazy slobs, or would we instead be happy, and in being happy do things that make us happy rather than make us better? And in being happy, perhaps we would show others how to be happy? And crazy as it might sound, maybe we’d start a little mini-revolution of happiness, so that people wouldn’t feel so inadequate, or need to spend every dime on products, or spend all their time on self-improvement. A revolution of contentment. Think of how this might simplify your life. Think of how many self-improvement books you read, or listen to in the car. Think of how many products you buy to make yourself better. Think of how many things you read online, in the hopes of being better. Think of how many things you do because you feel inadequate. Think of how much time this would free up, how much mental energy. Realize that you are already perfect. You are there. You can breathe a sigh of relief. The urge to improve yourself will come up again. Watch it, like a funny little clown trying to tease your soul, but don’t let your soul feel worse for the teasing. Don’t let yourself react to this little clown, nor feel the pain of his attack. Let him do his dance, say his funny things, and then go away. Quash the urge to improve, to be better. It only makes you feel inadequate. And then explore the world of contentment. It’s a place of wonderment. ‘Contentment is the greatest treasure.’ ~Lao Tzu
100 Days with No Goals 9 December, 2011, 9:05 am
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists. I have lived the last 100 days with no goals. And I have never been happier or more content in my life. When I met Leo four months ago — two-thousand miles from my home in Dayton, Ohio — he said there were three things that significantly changed his life: establishing habits he enjoyed, simplifying his life, and living with no goals. I was already living the first two: I had established my pleasurable habits, I had simplified my life. But it was difficult for me to grasp the “no goals” thing. The thought of living a life with no goals sounded insane to me — it was counterintuitive, it was scary, it went against almost everything I had ever learned about productivity. In my corporate life of yesteryear, I managed hundreds of people for a large corporation, an organization in which I was often considered the productivity guy, the goal guy: I met deadlines, overproduced, exceeded expectations, got results. That’s why they paid me the big bucks. I regularly had umpteen goals in various stages of completion: short-term goals, long-term goals, personal goals, business goals, health goals, financial goals, vacation goals, consumer-purchasing goals, you name it. I thought if I crossed enough goals off my to-do list, I’d eventually be content. So I worked harder and harder, focusing on every new goal with lapidary precision. But I was stressed out of my mind with all those goals. My hauntingly perpetual to-do list was just that — perpetual, never-ending. And it was ever-growing. Plus, I was continuously disappointed when I didn’t achieve a goal, or when I missed a deadline. Hell, I was even disappointed when I attained a goal but didn’t overachieve. It was a self-consuming cocaine high — it was never enough. I needed a way to quit my goals cold turkey, so I did two things after speaking with Leo. First, I asked myself, “why do I have these goals?” I had goals so I could tell if I was “accomplishing” what I was “supposed” to accomplish. If I met a goal, I was allowed to be happy — right? Then I thought: Wait a minute, why must I achieve a specific result towards an arbitrary goal to be happy? Why don’t I just allow myself to be happy now? Second, I decided to live with no goals for a while. I didn’t know how long, because I didn’t make it a goal. I figured I’d give it a shot for a month or so, maybe longer, to see what happened. If it affected me negatively, I could return to my rigid life of “achieving” and “producing results” with my color-coded spreadsheets containing scads of goals. What happened? Breaking free from goals changed my life. Three Ways Living with No Goals Changed My Life 1. I am less stressed. I have virtually no stress now. Sure, there are brief moments in which I feel vexed or bothered — but I feel so much less stress these days. People I’ve known for years comment on how calm I am. With no goals, they say I’m a different person — a better person. 2. I am more productive. I didn’t anticipate this one. I thought getting rid of goals meant I was going to sacrifice results and productivity. But the opposite has been true. I tossed productivity and became more productive. I’ve written the best fiction of my life, I’ve watched our website’s readership increase significantly, I’ve met remarkable new people, and I’ve been able to contribute to other people like never before. The last 100 days have been the most productive days of my life. 3. I am happier and more content. During my 30 years on this earth, I’ve never been this consistently happy or content. It is an incredible feeling, even surreal at times. With the decreased stress and increased productivity resulting from no goals, I am able to enjoy my life, I am able to live in the moment. And thus I am appreciably happier and more content. Three Misconceptions About No Goals Three arguments against the no-goal lifestyle presented themselves to me in the last 100 days, all three of which I’d like to address. 1. Complacency: Doesn’t a life with no goals make you complacent? Well, if by “complacent” you mean “content,” then yes. But, otherwise, no it didn’t make me complacent. In fact, the opposite was true: after removing the stress from my life, I partook in new, exciting endeavors, while living a passionate, meaningful life. 2. Growth: Doesn’t a life with no goals prevent you from growing? No. I’ve grown considerably in the last 100 days. I’ve gotten into the best shape of my life, strengthened my personal relationships, established new relationships, and written more than ever before. I’ve grown more in the last 100 days than any other 100-day period in my life. 3. You still have goals: You say you have no goals, but don’t you still have some goals, like finishing your new novel or “being happy” or “living in the moment”? It’s important to make a distinction here: yes, I want to “be happy” and “live in the moment” and “live a healthy life,” but these are choices, not goals. I choose to be happy. I choose to live in the moment. I choose to live a healthy life. I don’t need to measure these events, I simply live this way. As for my new novel, I intend to finish writing it — I’ve never worked harder on anything in my life — but I’m enjoying the process of writing it, and if I never finish, that’s okay too. I’m not stressed about it anymore. Living with no goals has changed my life. It has added layers of happiness and contentment I didn’t realize were possible. It has allowed me to contribute to other people in meaningful ways. I’m not going back to a goal-oriented life. No goals. None at all. Life is outstanding without them. Joshua Fields Millburn writes essays with Ryan Nicodemus about minimalism and living a meaningful life with less stuff at The Minimalists. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook, or Google+. Subscribe to The Minimalists for free updates.
Kids Who Are Gift-less are Gifted 6 December, 2011, 10:50 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. When I wrote about my family doing the No New Gifts Holiday Challenge, I received a couple comments that I was a Grinch: You must be a drag to live with. ‘What kind of deprivation and sacrifice has Daddy got for us today?’ and I couldn’t agree more lol, I’m sure kids see him as the Grinch, i feel sorry for them. I doubt his kids would be like ‘Yes dad, don’t buy me the latest Call of Duty game, i don’t want the 1% to get richer.’ While I was touched by the concern for my kids, I am not worried: My kids have plenty of video games and electronics (including the latest COD game). They earn money and buy them themselves, and learn that if they want something, they can earn it, and it’s not handed to them. My kids have everything they need and much more. If anything, they have too much, but I try not to force my minimalist philosophy on them. Instead of deprivation, my kids are learning that there is much more to Christmas than getting a bunch of presents. (More below.) They are learning to be creative instead of consuming. This lesson is more necessary today than ever. We are learning that spending time with family is more important than spending money or spending time shopping. Together we are creating new traditions based on creativity, fun, and giving, not just buying. We are thinking of ways to give that don’t necessarily involve shopping — making gifts, volunteering, donating to charity, etc. The reaction of my kids when I talked to them (once again) about not buying presents? They completely understood my anti-consumerism reasoning, and they were excited to come up with new ideas. Honestly. I was really proud of them when I sat down with them (individually and in groups) and talked about these ideas — they didn’t look disappointed at all, they in fact happily thought of some cool things we could do together. Some ideas they’re excited about doing this Christmas instead of buying new gifts: Making our own gifts. My son Seth is really, really excited about making stuff. In fact, he wants to make something for himself and wrap it up to open on Christmas morning. Yes, he’s a bit weird, but I love that. Eva wants to sew gifts for people. Baking gifts. We love baking, and it’s a fun activity to do together. And we can give cookies, cupcakes, brownies as gifts to family, make them fatter, but not clutter their homes with needless possessions. Going to play in snow. We’re from Guam, so snow is a novelty for us. My kids know it from Christmas movies and the like, but it’s not a yearly tradition for us — so driving to play in snow is really fun. We love making snow people, snow forts, snow angels, and having snowball fights. Volunteering. We’re not sure where we want to volunteer this year (in past years we’ve done soup kitchens and Salvation Army bell ringing), but we do like the idea of giving. Christmas caroling. We aren’t good singers, but we love singing Christmas songs. Playing games. We love, love board games and other such games. We love getting together with family and playing games and sports. Having fun with family doesn’t have to involve gifts. Make decorations. It’s so much fun to put up festive decorations, and if you can make them yourselves, even better. And this is just the start of the ideas we’ve come up with. Sure, buying gifts is a holiday tradition — but is it the only possible tradition? Can’t we create new ones? My kids are not deprived. In fact, I think our family is very lucky, and I hope to show others that creativity, fun, giving, and family bonding are amazing things that you can do without being a participant in the usual consumerism.
The Secret Rule of Changing Anything 1 December, 2011, 9:00 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. I’ve learned a lot about changing habits over the years, and have taught thousands of people how to do it. The hardest habits to change, by far, are the ones people can’t seem to control. They want to change, but can’t seem to find the “willpower” (a term I don’t believe in). For me, some of the things that seemed out of my control: smoking, eating junk food, overeating during social occasions, procrastination, anger, patience, negative thoughts. I learned one little secret that allowed me to change it all: When you are aware, you can change it. OK, don’t roll your eyes and stop reading yet. That secret might seem obvious to some, or too simplistic. So let’s go a bit deeper. When we have urges to eat something we know is bad for us, we often give in. But is it that simple? The truth is that our mind is actually rationalizing why we should just eat that cake, why it’s too hard to not eat it, why it isn’t that bad to eat it. It asks why we’re putting ourselves through pain, why can’t we let ourselves just live, and don’t we deserve that treat? All of this happens without our noticing, usually. It’s quiet, in the background of our consciousness, but it’s there. And it’s incredibly powerful. It’s even more powerful when we’re not aware it’s happening. It beats us all the time — not just with eating, but with anything we try to do and end up quitting, caving in, doing it despite our best efforts. How can we defeat this powerful force — our own mind? Awareness is the key. It’s the start. 1. Start by becoming aware. Become an observer. Start listening to your self talk, observe what your mind does. Pay attention. It’s happening all the time. Meditation helps with this. I also learned through running — by not taking along an iPod, I run in silence, and have nothing to do but watch nature and listen to my mind. 2. Don’t act. Your mind will urge you to eat that cake (“Just a bite!”) or smoke that cigarette or stop running or procrastinate. Listen to what your mind is saying, but don’t act on those instructions. Just sit still (mentally) and watch and listen. 3. Let it pass. The urge to smoke, eat, procrastinate, or quit running … it will pass. It’s temporary. Usually it only lasts a minute or two. Breathe, and let it pass. 4. Beat the rationalizations. You can actively argue with your mind. When it says, “One little bite won’t hurt!”, you should point to your gut and say, “Yeah, that’s what you said all those other times, and now I’m fat!” When it says, “Why are you putting yourself through this pain?”, you should say, “It’s painful to be unhealthy, and it’s only painful to avoid the cake if you look at it as a sacrifice — instead, it can be a joy to embrace healthy and delicious foods, and fitness!” There are lots of times when “willpower” fails us. These are the times we need to become aware of our minds. When we are aware, we can change it. This is a small secret, but it’s life changing. It changed my life, because I can now change anything. I watch, and I wait, and I beat it. You can too.
3 Simple Steps to Making Money From Any Passion 28 November, 2011, 10:24 am
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend. Is it possible to have your passion also be your core source of income? We seem to hear more and more stories of people reaching the promised land, but is it really possible for the everyday person? Or are those ‘lucky few’ just that— lucky? After years of research I have good news for you… I bet you there’s something you love doing that someone else would be happy to pay you for right this second. I might go as far as saying I’m sure of it. But let’s start with a question. Why is it that the people who succeed once, seem to have similar successes on future endeavors? Whether it’s fitness, entrepreneurship, career, relationships, you name it. Success begets success. What are the things that consistently allow certain people to build a business and living around the things they love most, but allow the other 80% of the world to continue to drag themselves, day in and day out, to a job they can’t stand? Why can some people charge seamlessly from one creative endeavor and passion project to the next, experiencing all sorts of success along the way, while many others can’t take the first step to finding their passion, let alone building a career around it? The steps aren’t foreign, they aren’t cryptic, or hidden behind some secret handshake. They aren’t complicated and in many cases not even that difficult. But yet they are still massively underused. Why is that? These questions have kept me up at night for years. As it turns out, the answer is pretty simple… The passionate people simply know what’s actually possible. They are crystal clear about the steps that work, so they don’t think twice in applying them to whatever the excitement of the day is. The rest of the world doesn’t know the first move to distinguish up from down. It doesn’t have to be that way. Living Off Your Passion Is a Right – For Everyone For the past eight years, and more specifically the past three, I’ve lived and breathed passion. I’ve done case studies with hundreds of passionate workers around the world, conducted countless experiments and profiled 14 of the top experts on and off the web. Not only have I been obsessed with how people find their passion, but also how the seemingly ‘lucky few’ (hint: it’s not about the luck) are able to push through to the next level and turn their passion into a career – as entrepreneurs and employees alike. My goal was to combine the art of discovering your passion with the science of making money from it. I recently published the results and process into a self-study course called Live Off Your Passion. The results were invigorating. But as it turned out, they were not as complicated and unique as one would think. Living off your passion is more possible than most realize. We just have to condition it. I wanted to share some of the most profound lessons with you all. If you follow the steps below, I’m sure you can monetize your passion in record time if you want it badly enough. The 3 Sacred Steps to Converting Passion to Income 1. Separate passion from reality. We must start with brainstorming your passion projects in a way that encourages success. Unfortunately most people do the opposite. As humans, our immediate reaction to someone’s new idea (or our own) often is to figure out why it won’t work. I know, sad but true. The problem is that when you get critical of something the moment the idea comes up, it gets stomped out immediately. It might not even make it more than a sentence or two before someone else yells out the reasons it ‘obviously’ won’t work. Then you feel stupid and move on. But if that idea were given say five or ten minutes of brainstorming whiteboard action, along with a solid dose of open, creative and non-critical discussion, it’s very possible that the idea would turn out to have some merit. Imagine how many brilliant ideas get killed too soon due to premature criticism. This happens with passion every day—even if we’re just doing it in our own head (which is the most likely and most dangerous case). A lot of times when we task ourselves to think of our passions we only allow ourselves to play in part of the sandbox. Since the end goal is to find something we can make a living from, we subconsciously discard the ideas that are totally off the wall. We stifle our creativity without even knowing it. In order to have a fighting chance at developing world-changing business ideas or personal passion pursuits, you absolutely must separate the creative and the critical stages. Brainstorm your most far-out dreams of passion careers you can think of. Then wait for at least a few days if not a week or more before you start to get practical and critical. Mark my words, for every wild idea you come up with, I’m sure there’s already someone out there making a great living off it (and that’s a good thing). More on finding them below. 2. Be the expert you already are. One of the most common barriers keeping people from making money from their passion is the belief that you don’t know something well enough to get paid to teach it to someone else. That’s just flat wrong – You know more than you think. Being an expert is purely relative and based largely on perception. The crazy thing is once you find something you’re passionate about, you’ll likely realize it’s something you’ve been learning and improving upon for years and maybe even decades. You have more experience with your passion than likely 99% of those around you, simply because you love doing it. If you’ve been on this earth for at least a couple decades, I guarantee you’re an expert at something. Give yourself some credit. Find what it is and find the people who desperately need your help. Combine the two and living off your passion starts to become a reality. 3. Do the impossible. For decades, breaking the four-minute mile was believed to be scientifically impossible. Right up until Roger Banister did it in 1954. Then you know what happened? 16 more people ran sub four-minutes in the three years to follow. We’ve been largely conditioned that it’s not possible to build a career around passion. So many people hate their jobs and many of us have decided to accept that as a fact of life. I did too, right up until I started meeting people who showed me another way. Listen carefully. The most crucial ingredient to loving your work and living off passion is to surround yourself with people already doing it. You must reverse the brainwashing. Spend time around enough people living squarely in their dreams, and living off passion not only becomes possible, it becomes probable. That shift in psychology will change your world. My recent course, Live Off Your Passion, as well as my site, Live Your Legend, would not exist today if it wasn’t for the ‘crazy’ people I spend time with every day. Leo is at the top of that list. He and others changed my thinking from “making a living online, helping people while doing something I love, isn’t possible” to “I can’t imagine any other way to build a career”. Thanks to Leo and the rest of you. Once someone knows the process and is convinced not only that it works, but that it is indeed possible, their creative and business potential becomes limitless. It’s just a matter of time before they turn the passion of their choosing into a full-blown career. Start surrounding yourself with people doing the impossible. Don’t look back. Who can you help right now? Often the first step to living off passion, and the most realistic for those scared of the threatening income gap, is to start working with people one-on-one. Remember, there are things you are better at (and enjoy more) than the great majority of those around you. There are also people actively looking for the expertise you have. Find the right connection and you could begin making money from a passion tomorrow if you wanted to. It’s that powerful. And it’s that fast. Need reassurance? Go do some research on some of the people charging folks and making a living from the skill and passion you enjoy. Are they all the next Steve Jobs? I doubt it. They just decided to focus their energy where they could help the most. The great majority of people who have not been able to monetize a passion does not come down to lack of skill. It does not come down to lack of credentials. It does not come from lack of experience. It comes from lack of creativity and courage. Combine those two with something that makes you come alive, and the world will be beating your door down to give you their money. Crossing the Chasm—From 80% to 20% A recent study reported that as many as 80% of the people in the workforce don’t enjoy their job. And nearly 75% don’t know their true passion. This is not a coincidence. You don’t have to be one of them. What would happen if we could reverse that statistic? Think about it for a second. If we can begin building an income around the things that excite us, our work will no longer be something we loathe. It will be something we can’t get enough of. Which quickly becomes something the world can’t get enough of. If we can do that, we can literally change the world. The all-important first dollar The first hurdle in living off your passion is realizing it’s possible to get paid to do what you enjoy—to show yourself that you’re capable of helping people and they are willing to pay you for it. Whether it’s $1, $15, $100 or $1,000, the point is to make the massively huge leap from earning exactly ZERO from what you enjoy doing, to earning something. Anything. People will find value in what you have to offer, but you’ll never know unless you start offering it. In my years of passion research around the world, one belief has become a part of my core more than any other: If you can find something you’re passionate about, you can find a way to turn that passion into profit. I’ve seen too many examples of people living their dreams to believe anything else. You just have to be willing to get a little creative. So when are you going to join the 20% club? You have the tools. The rest is on you. Scott Dinsmore is the founder of Live Your Legend, and the author of Live Off Your Passion: An Unconventional Guide to Finding Passion and Getting Paid to Do Work You Love.

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Unclutterer

Get organized in January with these quick uncluttering and organizing tips 2 January, 2012, 9:24 am
January is Get Organized Month, or what the organizing community refers to as GO Month. It’s the time of year when home and office organizing supplies typically go on sale at major retailers and when people start acting on their organizing-themed resolutions. It’s also the time of year when professional organizers tend to hold public events in their communities talking about organizing and uncluttering strategies. Check your local papers to see if any of these events will be held in your area. When organizing, it’s best to unclutter first. Pull everything out of a space and sort it into piles: keep, purge, and other. Keep obviously means that you plan to continue to store and/or use the item. Purge can mean that you intend to trash, shred, recycle, or donate the item to charity. Your other pile is for objects that need to be repaired, relocated, returned to a friend or family member, or some other special action needs to be taken. Once all of the objects from the space have been sorted, you need to deal with the purge and other items immediately. If you don’t, they’re likely to cause you much frustration in the coming days. Trash what needs to be trashed, donate the objects that can be donated, return items to friends, and drop off objects that need to be repaired at the repair shop. Once all the purge and other items are handled, take a look at all the objects you have in your keep pile. Do you need to do another round of uncluttering? If you’re feeling more courageous about purging items, now is the time to do it. When you are satisfied with your keep pile, sort the objects into new piles of like items — pencils with pencils, envelopes with envelopes, jeans with jeans. When everything is in piles by type, examine what you have and compare it to your storage systems. It is only at that this point that you should consider going out and buying organizing systems. Before you do, though, look through your house or office to see if you already own something that could hold and organize your objects. If you do, you don’t have any need to go out in the cold to buy anything. If you decide to buy organizing products, check out the sales going on this January. The Container Store has a 30 percent off sale on all its Elfa closet organizers. Home Depot has all their storage and organizing items on sale through January 29, including their Martha Stewart line and many Rubbermaid products. And don’t forget to check out your local retailers that might also have sales on organizing items. Before putting objects away, be sure to clean the space where the items will be stored. Wipe down shelves, replace shelf liner if needed, and vacuum out all the dust and spider webs. Repair or replace any storage items that are damaged, and make the storage area inviting. You are more likely to use a storage system if you like it. As you’re putting items back into their newly cleaned storage spaces, be sure to put the items you access most often in the most convenient locations. Objects you access less often can go into the less convenient locations — and the heaviest of these objects should be stored lower to the ground so you don’t hurt yourself when you retrieve them. Put lids on things that aren’t accessed enough that they might collect dust, but keep objects you access regularly open to speed up retrieval time. Try not to stack anything more than three objects deep. Most importantly, know yourself. If you’re someone who has difficulty putting items back where they belong, make it as simple as possible to put items back in their places. A four-step return action will mean you probably won’t ever return the item back to where it belongs — one-step and two-step return actions are the easiest. Keep things simple. What projects do you have planned for GO month? Share your plans in the comments. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Ask Unclutterer: How do you create resolutions when you’re coming up on a major life change? 30 December, 2011, 9:22 am
Reader Amanda submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer: How do you define goals or resolutions when you know your life is about to change dramatically? I am due with our firstborn, a son, in early 2012 (our due date is February 4th) … I don’t know how to plan my life around such a big addition. I would like to lose the baby weight (plus some), but I have no idea what that will look like with a baby in the mix. My friends and family are not goal-setters like I am, so I don’t know who to ask for help setting goals around the unknown. Any advice? Congratulations on your upcoming new addition! Since you enjoy setting goals and resolutions, I suggest you go ahead and make the ones you wish to make. You won’t stop being you when you become a parent (or when you experience any major life change), so go for it. Do some soul searching, make your lists, and create a 2012 Resolution Action Plan. Resolution enforcement police won’t come and arrest you if you don’t cross all your resolutions off your list by December 31, 2012. Worst case scenario, you won’t achieve any of your resolutions by the end of the year, and you’ll save yourself some time coming up with resolutions for 2013. Plus, after your son is born and you become accustom to being a parent, you can always revise your resolutions. Think of it as a bonus opportunity — a goal-setter’s dream — to come up with a new plan in the middle of the year! Irrespective of parenting, anyone can revise resolutions and goals as necessary. Your 2012 Resolution Action Plan isn’t law, but rather a living document you can reassess as you wish. The first two months of parenting, at least in my experience, are very similar to the first two months of a new dating relationship. You’re head-over-heels for this new person in your life and you withdraw from your friends and responsibilities for awhile while you get to know the new person. After two months, you start to enter back into a normal routine, but with this new person in the mix. Since our son was healthy and a good sleeper, being a new parent was actually pretty easy until he learned to walk. I could strap him in a stroller and go for a run or put him in a carrier and go to the grocery store. When he started walking at 9-1/2 months is when life as a parent got more complicated for us. Luckily for you, most boys don’t walk until around their first birthday, so you could get 2-1/2 more months of the easy life than we did. All this being said, every child is different and your son’s temperament, health, sleeping and eating patterns, and preferences will dictate how much time you can spend doing things not immediately related to caring for your son. Go ahead and make the resolutions, but don’t feel bad if you don’t achieve all of your goals by the end of 2012. You’ll at least have been loving and doting on your child instead, which is still a wonderful accomplishment. Thank you, Amanda, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Once again, congratulations on your forthcoming adventure in parenting. Do you have a question relating to organizing, cleaning, home and office projects, productivity, or any problems you think the Unclutterer team could help you solve? To submit your questions to Ask Unclutterer, go to our contact page and type your question in the content field. Please list the subject of your e-mail as “Ask Unclutterer.” If you feel comfortable sharing images of the spaces that trouble you, let us know about them. The more information we have about your specific issue, the better. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Workspace of the Week: Under the stairs 30 December, 2011, 8:20 am
This week’s Workspace of the Week is JenniferHryniw’s space-efficient home office: I have a soft spot in my heart for home offices that are in unexpected places — inside closets or armoires or lofted above a living room. This week’s office caught my attention because it is in that strange area next to, and under, a staircase. In some homes there might be a closet or a window in this space, but I really like how this homeowner has constructed it to be a nice office. I especially like the vertical storage — running completely up to the ceiling. And, to the right of the desk, cut into the wall immediately under the stairs, is a set of five shelves that hold her printer and other office objects. Thank you, Jennifer, for submitting your lovely desk to our Flickr pool. Want to have your own workspace featured in Workspace of the Week? Submit a picture to the Unclutterer flickr pool. Check it out because we have a nice little community brewing there. Also, don’t forget that workspaces aren’t just desks. If you’re a cook, it’s a kitchen; if you’re a carpenter, it’s your workbench. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Making resolutions and creating a 2012 Resolution Action Plan 29 December, 2011, 9:01 am
According to the National Association of Professional Organizers, the phrase “get organized” is one of the top 10 resolutions people make every year. I’m not really sure how to validate this information, but my guess is that some version of “get organized” falls on the majority of resolution lists (“get the basement organized” or “have better time management”). If you add uncluttering into the “get organized” category, it’s likely a top 5 resolution. If you fall into the group of resolution makers who wants to be better organized in 2012, the first thing to do is specifically identify why you want to be organized. Being organized isn’t usually a goal. Being organized is merely a path to achieving another goal. For instance, you might want to be better organized with your time after work so you finally get your business idea off the ground. You might want to be more organized with meal planning so you have less stress surrounding mealtimes with your family. Knowing why you want to be organized will help you with the remaining steps of the resolution-making process and with ultimately achieving your goals. While brainstorming resolutions and the reasons you wish to make your resolutions, keep in mind that change is difficult and that research has found that it is easiest to achieve a goal when you’re only focusing on one at a time. This means you need to have 12 or fewer personal resolutions for 2012, giving yourself at least one month to focus on each resolution. If you have a resolution such as weight loss, and you want to be better organized with your meal planning to help you achieve that resolution, consider making your weight-loss resolution a six month or even an entire year-long resolution. You can focus on each step to help you achieve the weight loss each month — research and doctor’s visit in January, journaling food consumed and daily weight in February, meal planning in March, twice-a-week workouts with a personal trainer in April, four-times-a-week workouts on your own in May, etc. After you have identified why you want to be more organized and have a rough idea of the resolutions you wish to achieve, your next step is to create a detailed plan of action. This Resolution Action Plan should include very specific language and planning. You need to identify exactly what you want to do in concrete terms and then the exact steps of how you plan to achieve these steps. Create milestones — small goals — for each resolution and rewards you will give to yourself when you reach each milestone. Similar to last year, I will be taking on 12 monthly resolutions in 2012. Some of the resolutions are organizing and uncluttering related, but most are personal in nature, so I won’t be writing about them the way I did in 2011. I will check in with you over the course of the year, however, to see how you are doing with your resolutions and to provide tips for making and keeping your 2012 Resolution Action Plan. What resolutions do you have on your Plan for 2012? Good luck, and I wish you great resolution success in the coming year. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Unitasker Wednesday: Kiwi Guard 28 December, 2011, 8:21 am
All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy! New Year’s Eve is right around the corner and you’re probably wondering what to get all your party guests as parting gifts as they leave your celebration. (Or to give as host gifts if you’re heading out to a party at someone else’s home.) You want to be a good unclutterer and not send them home with any unitaskers, but you also don’t want to be a stick in the mud and give boring gifts. What to do? What to do … Wait! I know! You should give the Kiwi Guard: It’s definitely NOT a unitasker. Nope. You could easily also use it on a … a … a … lime? Sure, okay, a lime! A kiwi AND a lime! It’s a multitasker! Huh. Maybe it’s better to hand out bottles of champagne and call it a year … Thanks to reader Anis for finding us this incredibly specific device to protect a single kiwi. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Unclutter stress from your holiday season 22 December, 2011, 9:15 am
With Christmas just a few days away, Hanukkah already in full swing, and New Year’s Eve a little more than a week away, this time of year can be stressful for everyone. A simple trip to the grocery store to buy milk and bread can easily become an hour-long affair as you navigate your way through hordes of turkey buyers. Need a new shirt? The mob at the mall will easily make that trip an anxiety-filled adventure. In addition to all the shoppers, people’s fuses are short and folks are ready for an argument. So much for holiday cheer … To help keep your stress at bay this time of year, I strongly recommend employing the following three strategies: Keep perspective. If the present doesn’t arrive until after the holidays, the ornaments aren’t hung on the tree, or the gravy never makes it on the table — you will be okay. In fact, you’ll probably have a funny story to tell for years to come about the year you didn’t serve ham because it was frozen solid and Uncle Jerry broke his knife trying to cut it. Adopt a mantra. I’m not really one for mantras (especially after watching Annie Hall: “I forgot my mantra!”), but this time of year I’m willing to give any stress-reduction method a try. I like to repeat, “What is really important?” It helps to keep me focused on what matters instead of what doesn’t. Whatever positive saying works for you, use it. Often. Let it go. You are not a superhero. Perfection is unattainable. Buy a smoked turkey if you’re nervous about cooking the bird. Throw all your clutter into a closet and deal with it after the holidays when you’re more level-headed. Purchase a gift card instead of hunting for the exact gift you think you might discover at the last minute. A happy holiday celebrant is much more enjoyable to be around than someone who is miserable and curt with everyone around him. Happy holidays from all of us at Unclutterer! We wish you and yours a stress-free and joyful season. P.S. Check out our 2011 Unclutterer Holiday Gift Giving Guide for ideas if you still have shopping to do. There are many gifts on these lists you can get online and never have to set foot in a store. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
A year ago on Unclutterer 20 December, 2011, 10:00 am
2010 Unitasker Wednesday: Inflatable mealIn this holiday season, we wanted to invite all of you to join us for a (virtual) meal. Come on in, grab a seat, sit down, and let’s enjoy a meal together. Unitasker Wednesday: Electronic bubble wrapPopping bubble wrap no longer needs to involve bubble wrap, thanks to the Mugen Pop Pop Endless Bubble Popping Keychain. 2009 Unitasker Wednesday: Fingertip oven mittsThat’s right, fingertip-only oven mitts do not look safe in the least. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they look unsafe. And, all you can do is grab a plate with them. You certainly couldn’t use them while grilling, reaching into boiling water, or removing a pan from the oven. Gadgets of the decade that helped unclutter our livesFor all the unitaskers and useless doo dads the past decade gave us, at least there were a few gadgets that helped to get clutter out of our lives. Sort, scan, and file your stacks of papersIf you’re looking at a Great Paperwork Filing Project of 2009 or 2010, try the following method from the “Tuesday at Work: Fixing Your Files” section of Unclutter Your Life in One Week to get it under control. Unitasker Wednesday: Gift Wrap CutterScissors are so obsolete. Sure, they have efficiently and effectively cut billions of things for more than 3,500 years, but whatever. You’re not into multi-taskers. You’re all about tools that only have one specific purpose, like the Gift Wrap Cutter. 2008 2008 Gift Giving Guide: Gifts of clutterIt’s the holiday season, and we all need a little smile. Similar to our Unitasker Wednesday posts, we think you might enjoy our favorite gifts of clutter. 2008 Gift Giving Guide: Digital givingThis installment of the Unclutterer Gift Giving Guide explores the virtual world of digital products. Preparing your car for a road tripGuest author John Walton gives advice for organizing your car before a big road trip. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
November resolution wrap up and introduction of December’s goal 19 December, 2011, 10:09 am
November’s resolution was to take one complete day off from work. Until November, I had not taken a full day away from work since August 2008. It wasn’t that I had put in an eight hour workday every day since August 2008, but that I had done at least some kind of work every day — respond to Unclutterer email, delete spam comments from the Forums, check in with a client, make a few edits to my writing. Working for a lifestyle business has many advantages — I can work from anywhere, have flexible hours if necessary, I was home to witness my son’s first steps and hear his first words, and I’m able to be home to take care of him when he’s sick. Additionally, I get to write and help people and do work that I genuinely love. My work and my personal life are deeply connected, and I like it that way. The one disadvantage of having a lifestyle business is that if I shut off from work, I directly feel any and all negative repercussions. The most obvious of these are the financial repercussions that can impact my family’s well being (e.g. if I don’t answer a call from a client, the client fires me and hires someone else). Every job has disadvantages, and thankfully the advantages of my job far outweigh the disadvantages, it’s simply difficult to walk away for an entire day. I eventually was successful at taking a day off from work, but I have to be honest and admit that it wasn’t my intention to take that specific day. I accidentally didn’t charge my cell phone while on vacation and so I was forced to take the day off from work. I also spent the entire day fretting and stressing out about not doing the work I had planned. Had it been done on the day I had planned, I think I would have enjoyed it more than the way it happened. It is fair to say that although I technically completed my November resolution, the resolution was not a pleasant success. Or, more precisely, I realized I made a resolution I didn’t enjoy achieving. I discerned from this experience that I am a person who is okay with doing a little work every day. This may change in the future and I may grow to be someone who wants more time being disconnected, but right now I’m not that person. I enjoy the peace of mind I get from checking in for a few minutes to make sure the proverbial ship isn’t sinking. For December, my goal has been to create new resolutions for 2012. I sincerely believe that the one resolution per month system has been the most beneficial resolution-making method for me. I was able to achieve — at least in a technical sense — every resolution I set for myself. I have never had this positive of a success rate in previous years. I can look back on 2011 and know I changed myself for the better. With 2012 only weeks away, how are you doing with your 2011 resolutions? I hope you have had as positive of an experience as I have enjoyed. – Erin’s 2011 monthly resolutions: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, and November. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Workspace of the Week: Way up high, in the sky 16 December, 2011, 7:41 am
This week’s Workspace of the Week is Frederik’s lofted home office: On Unclutterer, we write a great deal about taking advantage of vertical space when organizing. Usually we’re referring to using walls for shelving or bulletin boards or creating cubbies. In this example, however, the vertical space in the home has been transformed into a small office. “The upper deck,” as Frederik refers to it, is large enough to fit a large monitor, task lighting, and a small bookcase for storage along the floor. There isn’t a chair pictured, but I assume there is one in the space. The most cumbersome thing about the office, I imagine, would be lugging all the equipment up into the space. Overall, however, I find it to be a wonderfully imaginative way to fit an office into a home. Thank you, Frederik, for sharing your lofted office with us. Want to have your own workspace featured in Workspace of the Week? Submit a picture to the Unclutterer flickr pool. Check it out because we have a nice little community brewing there. Also, don’t forget that workspaces aren’t just desks. If you’re a cook, it’s a kitchen; if you’re a carpenter, it’s your workbench. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
2011 Holiday Gift Giving Guide: The Six O’Clock Scramble deal for Unclutterer readers 15 December, 2011, 9:06 am
In our kitchen-themed post of our 2011 Gift Giving Guide, I alluded to the fact that we would be offering a special deal for The Six O’Clock Scramble in mid-December. The time has arrived, and I am eager to share the details with you. If you’re unfamiliar with The Six O’Clock Scramble, it is a service started eight years ago by the magnificent Aviva Goldfarb. Each week, for a very small fee, she emails subscribers a menu plan, corresponding recipes, and a shopping list. The meals are nutritious, seasonal, budget-friendly, and quick and easy to make. You can also customize meal plans to work with your specific food preferences, intolerances, and allergies. It’s also nice because you don’t waste money at the grocery store on food you’re not going to eat before it expires. Aviva is a master at home cooking, and her service helps subscribers become experts, too. A subscription to The Six O’Clock Scramble helps reduce stress about what to serve every night for dinner and is a perfect gift for anyone on your list who has any anxiety about getting good meals on the table night after night. (It’s also a great gift to ask for yourself if you’re the one wanting to get out of a mealtime rut.) Best of all, to sign up for a subscription, you don’t have to go to a mall or fight any crowds. It makes a wonderful last-minute gift, too, since her website doesn’t close at 9:00 p.m. There are 3 month, 6 month, and 2-year subscriptions available. Since the theme of this year’s Unclutterer Gift Giving Guide is high utility gift giving, a subscription to The Six O’Clock Scramble seemed like a perfect fit — there aren’t many gifts that can be used every single day by the recipient and reduce so much stress. Now, on with the good stuff … The discount details: When checking out, use the code UNC11 to get 20 percent off of all subscriptions, gifts, and otherwise. The code will go inactive on December 27, 2011. A huge “thank you,” also, to Aviva for working with us to offer a holiday deal for our Unclutterer readers. Again, and this should go without saying, Aviva did not pay us to choose her service as a selection for our 2011 Guide. We are big fans and I’ve even been a happy subscriber to the service (and love it). We are also not currently affiliates of The Six O’Clock Scramble. However, we are considering becoming affiliates because we think it’s such an awesome program. As I’m writing this, though, we have not received a single penny as payment nor have we been promised a big wad of cash at some point in the future. (Okay, now I think we’ve met our legal disclosure obligation.) If you or someone on your recipient list would benefit from such a useful gift as The Six O’Clock Scramble, consider taking advantage of the 20 percent discount and ordering a subscription. View the complete 2011 Holiday Gift Giving Guide. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.

Cooltools

SureFlap Microchip Cat Flap 27 January, 2012, 10:43 am
This is a battery operated cat door that unlocks (going inside) by reading the cat's microchip. Our cat was chipped at our shelter for around $10, but commercial vets are also able to do it for a bit more. No need to worry about lost collar keys, or magnets. Keeps out unprogrammed animals. The door also has the standard four-setting mechanical overide locking feature of: in-out, in only, out only, locked. If your cat is not chipped, you can also use an RFID collar key (not included). We previously had a magnetically keyed cat door, but you then have the choice of using a safety collar and loosing the (not cheap) key every now and then, or using a non-safety collar and risking the cat strangling itself. Raccoons eventually defeated our magnetically keyed door. They haven't defeated this one (yet), although the mechanical parts of the latching action are similar. -- Bruce Bowen SureFlap Microchip Cat Flap $140 Available from Amazon
Material Libraries 26 January, 2012, 7:39 pm
There are thousands of types of materials to make things from. The first impulse for most of us is to use known materials like wood, steel, concrete, and glass. But each of those have hundreds of varieties, each with their own properties. How about metallic ceramics? And every year brand new materials are invented. How can one find out what materials are available? One way to become familiar with the vast possibilities of materials is to visit a materials library. That's what professional designers and architectures do when embarking on a project. Maybe what they design can be made of some kind of glass? Or super strong plastic? Or bendable wood? Larger design firms have their own material collection, which they use for inspiration, research and for sharing with clients. Below is an unusually large material library at the New York City architecture firm 1100: Architect. Smaller ones can be found at most design firms. Not everyone has the space or time to build their own. So Material Connexion is a commercial business operating in 8 major design-center cities of the world. For a subscription fee you can use their extensive material library. They add about a dozen new materials per month. A fair number of university art centers also use them to install and manager their collections. Art, architecture and design centers in colleges and universities have begun creating material libraries that rival the depth and usefulness of book libraries. Notable collections include Harvard's Materials Collection and RISD's Material Resource Center in Providence, RI. At both you can check out a sample to study, just like a book: To Borrow Items from the Material Resource Center Select items from the shelves and bring them to the checkout desk. Materials circulate for 7 days at a time. Please return materials promptly - an overdue fine of .20 per 5 items will be charged. The Materials Lab at the University of Texas was the pioneer in creating material libraries several decades ago. Their own library contains 25,000 different types of materials. Even better, the catalog of the Material Lab is openly available online. It's organized by domain and even though you can't touch them, you can learn a lot by browsing and searching. You can quickly see, say, how many different types of concrete blocks are available, or how many types of metallic glass, or plywood laminates. Chances are that if there is a art/design college near you, they have a material library that you could at least visit. The local art college in my neighborhood is the California College of the Arts in San Francisco. I visited their materials library, which is small, but stimulating. Here the librarian oversees the collection. I was free to browse it. Even better, it is not hard to accumulate your own collection of materials, or even start a shared library with friends and colleagues. It is not just the pieces of stuff that is valuable, but the information about the stuff -- its specs, what it can do, or not do, where it comes from, how to get more of it. -- KK
Flexible LED Strip Lights 26 January, 2012, 3:32 pm
We installed flexible LED light strips in our kitchen for under cabinet and within cabinet lighting. These are very low energy consumption, cool to the touch, and rated to last for 50,000 hours. The strips are about .5 cm wide and 2 mm thick. The strips come on a spool with a sticky tape side. You press the sticky side to the bottom of the cabinet (or the sides inside) and the strip gives a very diffuse effective and efficient light. They are so thin, you can't really see the light strip itself, only the glow. The strip is a circuit of LEDs in a row. They have marked segments about every 2-3 inches where you can cut them to fit. They typically run off of 12 volts; the transformer can sit i a cabinet, attic, or basement. You can also specific different color temperatures (very warm to very cool). The lights are dimable. We used them under our cabinets and inside of one cabinet (picture above). There are tons of manufacturers pedaling flexible LED strips now. You can purchase them in meter strips or on 5 meter reels. Here is one supplier with many products and variations: Superbrightleds.com. I have no experience in using this outfit. It is a new market so quality varies. We used a local California-based manufacturer, Aion. Their prices are higher than many of the imports (usually from China), but they had a deliverable guarantee of 5 years. Unfortunately they don't deal retail, wholesale only through electricians, who can reliably install it. If anyone has experience with installing DIY LED strips, please let us know. And these nifty strips can be used for all kinds of other illumination where flexibility and thinness is desired. -- KK
Carpenter Pencil and Keson Sharpener 26 January, 2012, 7:28 am
I have been a carpenter for thirty years or so. I started out as a framer on single family homes, where I used the flat carpenter's pencil. Its sturdy lead stood up to marking rough lumber but was a little tricky to sharpen. You want a flat chisel point not a conical point. This is accomplished quickly and easily with an inexpensive Keson pencil sharpener. My framing days are long gone, thankfully. I have worked in many aspects of the field, from general carpentry to boatbuilding to cabinetmaking and am currently installing interior doors and high-end trim. Through it all I have held on to that flat pencil. It never ceased to amaze me how many employers (and I've been through a few) have told me to lose the flat pencil and get with the program and use a round pencil. To my mind, the only thing a round pencil is good for is taking a lunch order or making out the bill. The point breaks easily when marking wood and is difficult to sharpen unless you have an electric sharpener under your chopbox, which many guys do. -- Paul Francy Keson Carpenter Pencil Sharpener $8 Available from Amazon Manufactured by Keson
Smart Light Switch 25 January, 2012, 11:35 pm
We just had a new light switch installed in our bathroom, the Lutron Maestro Occupancy Sensor. It is smart and cool, but it needs a user manual! Yes, a manual for a light switch! Because of new building codes, bathroom gear needs to conserve energy by keeping electricity use to a minimum. One way of low use is via LED lights; the other is via a smart switch that has a motion detector built in, which will fade the lights after X minutes if no one moving inside. And it will turn them on when you enter. It also remembers what level the light was last when you turn it on. The downside is that you have to PROGRAM the light switch -- what levels, when, and how long it takes to go off. It comes with a dense how-to-manual. But the default settings seem fine and the device is pretty cool. Here is a shot of the instructions, which also cover the other side of the paper. It costs about $32 from places like Amazon.
3M Scotch-Weld EPX Applicator 25 January, 2012, 7:06 am
I always used to buy epoxy locally in disposable dispensers that are supposed to dispense equal ratios of the components. The dispensers never work that well: one side always starts to move first and then to get a reasonably equal mix I have to mix up a lot more than I need. The 3M duo-pack adhesives are sold separately from the dispenser. Because the dispenser is not disposable, it can be a decently built tool, like a caulk gun for epoxy. The way it works is that you slip on the adhesive cartridge. The applicator has a plunger that pushes up the adhesive cartridge. Think caulk gun. The epoxy comes in double tubes like a doubled tube of caulk. When an adhesive has a different mixing ratio the tubes in the cartridge have different diameters. And there is a different plunger that fits in the tube. The supported mixing ratios are 1:1, 1:2 and 1:10 because those are the ratios of adhesives available. When you buy the system you get the first two plungers, but the 1:10 plunger is sold separately as it is used only for DP-8005 and DP-8010, I think. Just like a caulk gun you can, but you need not remove the adhesive cartridge between uses. The gun stays clean. There is no need to clean it. (Unlike a caulk gun, the adhesive doesn't leak out the back and get on the gun.) In fact, if you're not so worried about waste there's even a further convenience: static mixing nozzles. These nozzles attach to the end of the epoxy tube and do all the mixing for you so that it really works like a caulk gun: what comes out is ready to use, completely mixed epoxy. But even if you don't use the somewhat wasteful mixing nozzles you can still use the gun to extrude the correct ratio mix of 3M adhesive products and then hand mix. I have been able to mix up just the amount of epoxy I need when with the old system I would have mixed ten times what I needed. (No exaggeration here.) I first got this system because I was trying to glue zinc-plated magnets to polyethylene. I tried regular epoxy. It doesn't stick well to either one of these materials. There are two adhesives that I think are of particular note in the 3M lineup. The DP-190 (which I have only used a tiny bit) is supposed to stick to everything except the "low surface energy" plastics. I saw that it is recommended for use with the zinc-plated rare earth magnets (by the magnet sellers). The DP-8005 is designed to stick to low surface energy plastics. I got it for my application. I also got a small mat made out of teflon because nothing is supposed to stick to that. This was great for repairs using epoxy. I repaired something and laid it on the teflon and it peeled right off after it was cured. According to 3M, epoxy shelf life is less than a couple years, so you don't want to buy a lifetime supply at any given time. The shelf life of DP-8005 is only 6 months. The shelf life of the previously reviewed Scotch-Weld Two Part Urethane is 1 year. -- Adrian M. 3M Scotch-Weld EPX Applicator $60 Available from Amazon Manufactured by 3M
Ask Cool Tools Unanswered Questions #11 24 January, 2012, 10:45 am
What's the best cheese grater for arthritic hands? Which PDA has the best basic functions? What's the most realistic driving simulator? Do you have recommendations for a product that can help me strengthen my nails?
Squeak No More 23 January, 2012, 7:54 pm
This tool is a system for eliminating squeaky floors. There are several versions available; I used the Squeeeek-No-More for carpeted floors. Essentially, the kit inclues the following: a tool for finding joists under the floor; a tripod depth stop and square-drive driver bit for the drill; and square-drive screws which are grooved at the top of the threads. First, you locate the joist by chucking the joist finder, which is a long screw threaded only on the end and has a hex end for the drill/driver. Pick a place and go for it. If you are over a joist, once the screw is down a couple inches, when you back it out it will push itself out. If you're not over a joist, it spins freely. It's pretty easy to tell even when the screw goes in if you are on a joist. Then you set the tripod stand over the joist and drive a screw through the center into the floor. The screw goes through the carpet, through the sub-floor, and into the joist. Once a few screws are in place, you can use the side of the tripod to rock the screws back and forth to break it off where grooved. The screws' depth is set by the tripod so that they break off slightly below the surface of the sub-floor. After a little brushing with your hand, the carpet reveals no evidence of the screws. After seeing an add in the back of a magazine, I bought a set. When I saw it, I did not expect the system to work, since I was expecting a dual-pitch screw that would pull the subfloor to the joist. The screws are just like wood screws with a groove. We had a large area about 1' x 3' in our bedroom that squeaked a lot. You could feel the give in the floor. I put about 15 screws into the area, about every 4" in three different joists. Now it is almost completely silent. This was only a few days ago, so I'm not sure of how long it will last, but so far so good. -- Jason Melvin Squeak No More Kit $17 Available from Amazon Manufactured by O'Berry Enterprises Sample Excerpts: A cutaway view of one of the screws after it has been embedded in the joist.
Youngstown Waterproof Winter Plus Work Gloves 23 January, 2012, 7:07 am
I received these gloves about six years ago from my wife, in one of those rare intersections of need and availability. It was Christmastime and I needed to shovel, so I broke these out and went to work. I never gave them a second thought, until I realized I had done a fair amount of ice chopping, opening the garage, and manipulating other things without ever removing the gloves. This is somewhat of a rarity for me since I usually cannot work in gloves. Fast-forward to spring, and I used them to protect my hands when chopping and stacking wood; working on the car; working in the garage. I *far extended* the prescribed use of these, despite the fact that they were winter gloves and waterproof. In a pinch, I've even used them when moving flaming logs in an outdoor fire pit. A short word about the waterproofing: I tend to agree with other owners in that these aren't strictly waterproof. If I was a long-line fisherman I may not use them. However, as a north Jersey resident who works on his cars, shovels snow, and builds snowmen for the kids, I can attest to their warmth and utility in the cold and wet. With respect to function, they fit my slightly larger hand size well, and the back strap does seal in against cold and snow. The palms and fingers are textured and I am able to pick up bolts, thread nuts, small tools and sockets, and work with wrenches rather easily. The fingertips are boxed, not tapered, but in some ways the fingertips work to my advantage in picking up things on the ground. When they get *really* dirty, you can toss them in the wash. The construction is such that the inner glove liner is not sewn to the shell, but it is a huge pain in the posterior to re-fit the glove components back to original fit. I used a wooden spoon and patience to eventually restore it to normal comfort. You can kill them. Eventually, I wore them down at the seams where the fingers meet the palm, and the palm itself. I hung onto them as long as I could but until recently could not find them. I hung onto the wrist strap tag so that if I ever found them online, I'd be ready. I rediscovered them on Amazon not too long ago and will be re-ordering soon. I plan to look at the normal work ones in addition to the winter ones; the capacitive thread ones look intriguing, since they have a conductive thread sewn into the fingertips and thumbs for smartphone use. -- Christopher Wanko Youngstown Waterproof Winter Plus Glove $28 Available from Amazon Manufactured by Youngstown Gloves
Homemade Hot Pad 22 January, 2012, 7:08 am
When I need to make a hot compress I put dried beans (preferably lentils) in a pillowcase and heat in the microwave for a minute or two. It's cheap, easy, doesn't smell horrible, and retains heat for quite some time. Reusable, too. If you want a pretty one, there are some nice ones available from etsy, including scented ones. -- Courtney Ostaff I also make hot compresses at home, but with rice in a long sock. Same method: microwave for a minute or two to enjoy around 10 minutes of heat. After several uses, the rice will eventually start to breakdown and you'll need to replace it. The heated rice does emit a very faint smell, but I actually find it to be comforting. This might be a problem, though, if you're using the heat to treat migraine pain. I tried using a rubber hot-water pouch recently, but I found that the thick rubber walls weren't transmitting heat very well, so I went back to rice in a sock. -- Camille Cloutier

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Ask the Readers: Basic Financial Frameworks? 27 January, 2012, 4:00 am
One common request from new GRS readers is some sort of central location where they can find a list of introductory articles to guide their progress. This is a great idea, and I’m working on it. Some of the GRS elves are working on a “Guide to Money” that will provide some of this info, but I envision a single page that collects all of the relevant articles for folks starting out. In the meantime, folks like Ashley are hoping they can get some help now. Ashley writes: I’m a new reader to the blog and just wanted to say thanks for presenting often overwhelming information in a digestible manner. As someone whose former financial philosophy was “ignorance is bliss”, GRS has played an integral part in my transformation from 30 year old faux-dult to real, live adult, at least in the personal finance category. My question is this: What does a generally healthy personal financial portfolio look like? What are some must-haves for everyone and in what order should I work on getting them? It seems like a simple question, I know, but I’m picking myself up from living paycheck to paycheck and struggling with debt and I want to set some goals: savings, debt, retirement, investments (gulp). I realize it’s hard to generalize, but what do a good adult’s finances look like? Ashley’s right: It is hard to generalize. Everyone is different, with different strengths, different weaknesses, and different goals. Still, it’s possible to make a few recommendations. There’s a core group of financial structures that I believe are important to everyone. And there are many ways to customize a “personal financial portfolio” (as Ashley calls it) in order address you own personal aims. Building a Base When I talk with people about how they should set up their finances, I generally recommend the following: Carry no debt — except maybe a mortgage. Though there are a handful of exceptions to this rule, I believe that most of us shouldn’t carry non-mortgage debt. We should avoid credit cards, car loans, and other consumer debt. Sure, that means we have to wait and save. It may mean that we drive used cars. (I drive an eight-year-old Mini Cooper!) But avoiding debt allows us to reach big goals while others are barely getting started with the small stuff. Build adequate emergency savings. What is “adequate” savings? That’s tough to say. When you’re just starting out — especially if you’re carrying debt — adequate savings might mean simply that you have $100 in the bank. But as time goes on, you’ll want to build a buffer in the bank. It’s an amazing feeling to know that were your job to vanish, you can still get by for six months before falling into debt. Fund your retirement. When you begin saving for retirement, you won’t have much. Plus, retirement will seem as if it’s decades away. Because it is. But just because you have 45 years before you’ll be eligible for retirement benefits, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start. The biggest factor in retirement savings is how much you contribute. The second biggest factor is time. If you start socking money away in a Roth IRA or a 401(k) when you’re just 20 years old, you’ll be light years ahead of your peers. (And that’s when you’re 35, not even when you’re 65!) Be insured. Some people think they’re above the law of averages, above forces of nature, and they choose not to carry adequate insurance on the important things in their lives — such as their car and their home and their body. But as most of us here can testify, bad things happen. And when they do, costs add up. You can mitigate the expenses by carrying adequate insurance, by which I mean the right insurance (and the right amount of insurance) for your circumstance. What type of insurance (and how much) is that? The answer’s different for everyone, but it’s not difficult to learn. Develop a budget — even if it’s just a loose guideline. When you have a budget, you’re telling your money where to go. You’re in control. Without a budget, it’s easy to lose track of what you’re spending where. A proper budget doesn’t have to be super detailed (thought it can be if that works for you). Instead, it simply has to guide your spending in a way that keeps you from losing control. Boost your income. There are two camps when it comes to increasing income: Those who think it’s irrelevant (or impossible) for their situation, and those who know it’s difficult but do it anyhow. I’m convinced that those who work to make more money, despite the obstacles in their lives, have more financial success. These are some of the basics, though not all of them. These core skills and habits can help almost anyone get started on the path to prosperity. Customizing Your Course Once you’ve become accustomed to the basics, it’s important to customize your financial habits and structures to reflect your personal skills, goals, and psychology. For instance, some folks are opposed to debt in all forms. These people avoid credit cards, certainly, and often try to avoid mortgage debt as well. Other GRS readers love credit cards. They never abuse them, never carry a balance, never pay any sorts of fees. And some are eager to carry a low-rate, long-term mortgage because they figure they can put that money to work elsewhere to earn a better return. Another example is automation. For most people, automation is liberating. By creating a system whereby you make automatic contributions to saving, to your retirement plan, and to your bills, you take the weakest link — you — out of the chain. But for a few people, automation actually creates problems. For these folks, it’s important to do things manually. So, you see, once you have a solid financial base, you begin to build a customized financial framework based on your personal needs. And these needs are determined by your goals. Until you have personal financial goals, you can’t really know what’s “healthy” for you. Emergency funds are a great example. Some folks — such as Trent at The Simple Dollar — don’t feel comfortable unless they have sizable emergency fund, such as a year (or more) of monthly income. I, on the other hand, am okay with six months worth of expenses in savings. Based on my psychological make-up and my personal goals, this is plenty. Reader Response My own financial profile? Let’s see if I can summarize it quickly: I carry no debt, but I do use credit cards. I repay the balance every month and pocket the 1% cash-back rewards. I have six months of expenses in emergency savings. I fully-fund my retirement plans every year, meaning I fund them to the maximum that the law will allow. I invest in low-cost index funds instead of trying to beat the market through guesswork. I carry adequate insurance, but employ high deductibles to reduce my costs. I use targeted savings to pursue other goals, such as travel. By using multiple savings accounts, I’m able to save for the things I want without losing track of my larger goals. I use the balanced money formula to keep my spending on track. This isn’t a strict budget, but it’s a lose framework to guide my financial decisions. I like it. There’s more to it than this, of course. That’s where you come in. Until I’ve had a chance to compile a beginner’s guide to personal financial mastery, Ashley’s best bet is to listen to the advice of GRS readers. What do you think? What advice do you have for Ashley? Is there such thing as a one-size-fits-all starter financial portfolio? If so, what does it look like? How does it change with time? If not, then what do you think different people should do (and have) at different stages in life?
Spare Change: Submit Your Story Edition 26 January, 2012, 2:00 pm
Like a hibernating bear, I feel like I’m waking from a long winter’s nap. For the past few months, I’ve been dormant, not just at Get Rich Slowly but at my other sites as well. I’ve had so much happening in my personal life that it’s been tough to find the mental energy to write about money (or anything else). Now I’m ready to get back to work. As part of that, it’s time to call for another round of reader submissions. I’ve always said that it’s your contributions that make this site great. Get Rich Slowly isn’t about me — it’s about the community, about helping to solve each other’s problems. I’m just the guide. If you have a reader story or an “ask the readers” topic, please send it in. April and I have been working together (along with the GRS technical elves) to streamline the process. As part of that, there are now dedicated submission pages and email boxes for collecting your contributions. If you’d like to submit something to Get Rich Slowly, visit one of these pages: Submit a reader question Submit a reader story Submit a guest post I look forward to reading the latest round of articles! Also as part of my escape from hibernation, I’ve begun to read other personal finance blogs again. It’s about time! Here, then, are some recent articles I’ve liked from around the web: First up, here’s a belated goal-setting tool for the new year. Many folks I chat with tell me they have trouble setting goals. They don’t know what they want to do with their lives. Well, Scott at Living Your Legend has created a free goal-setting guide that you can download and print. If you’re having trouble finding direction, this tool may help. Via Jim at Bargaineering, here’s an article at Wired that seeks to answer the question, “Are name-brand batteries worth the cost?” The short answer? Yes, they are. In a similar vein, Ed at Five Cent Nickel wonders is travel insurance worth the cost? He, too, concludes that the price is worth it. I’ve always been wary of travel insurance, but was forced to buy it for my trip to Peru. I searched and searched until I discovered a company called World Nomads, which seems to have great rates for reasonable coverage. Kris and I are paying a combined $280 for our upcoming trip to South America, for instance. Let’s go for the trifecta. Rebecca at Money Crashers has yet another “is it worth it” article. She wonders are discount grocery stores worth the savings? She says that for careful shoppers, they are. Finally, over at Saving Advice Amy Roseveare, an “image consultant”, shared a great list of how to save money on clothing. As she notes — and as I’ve learned first-hand — losing weight can be costly. (But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.) My favorite piece of advice? Spend more on the things you wear the most. It took me a long time to learn this, but I’m glad I did. I buy most of my clothing at thrift stores, but I’m happy to pay a premium for nice boots and a nice rain jacket. (I do live in Oregon, after all.)
11 Things You May Not Know About Retirement Accounts 26 January, 2012, 6:00 am
This is a guest post from Robert Brokamp of The Motley Fool. Robert is a Certified Financial Planner and the adviser for The Motley Fool’s Rule Your Retirement service. Robert contributes one new article to Get Rich Slowly every two weeks, and photocopies his face and other body parts. I don’t know you personally (yet), but my guess is that you own an IRA or employer-sponsored retirement account such as a 401(k) or 403(b). Such accounts are where the majority of Americans hold their longterm savings. However, like anything governed by the Congress and the IRS, there are plenty of rules, exceptions, and quirks. Here are some lesser-known facts about retirement accounts. 1. The deadline for 2011 IRA contributions is April 17, 2012. It’s too late to make a 2011 contribution to your 401(k), but you have until the tax-filing deadline to contribute to an IRA. That’s usually April 15, but it’s been extended to April 17 this year since April 15 falls on a Sunday, and April 16 is Emancipation Day in the District of Columbia (as well as the birthday of Peter Billingsley, who played Ralphie in A Christmas Story, but I don’t think the IRS cares about that as much). 2. Contribution limits are up for 401(k)s, not for IRAs. The most you can contribute to an IRA in 2012 is the same as the limits for 2011: $5,000, with an additional $1,000 for those age 50 or older. However, the amount you can contribute to a 401(k) has been increased to $17,000, with an extra $5,500 for the 50-and-older crowd. So if you maxed out your 401(k) in 2011 and want to contribute the max this year, you’ll need to increase your paycheck withholding. 3. If you have a job, or are married to someone who does, you can contribute to an IRA. There are lots of rules about who can contribute to which kind of IRA, how much can be contributed, and the tax treatment of those contributions. Spelling that out would take a whole other post. But here’s the crucial starting point: You must have earned income — i.e., get paid to do a job — to be able to contribute to an IRA. The only exception is a spouse who is married to someone with a job, who would then be eligible for the so-called “spousal IRA.” This also means that a kid who is earning money can contribute to an IRA (though it’s a bit more complicated, since it might take more work to document something like babysitting income). However, some people think that if they’re not eligible for a Roth IRA of deductible traditional IRA, then they can’t contribute to an IRA at all. Not true. You can still contribute to a non-deductible traditional IRA, which will grow tax-deferred — i.e., you don’t pay taxes on any investment earnings until you make withdrawals. Just make sure to document how much you contributed because that money will come out tax-free. (For those who want more information about income and eligibility numbers for IRAs, here are some of the IRA guidelines for 2011, and here are some of the guidelines for 2012.) 4. Improve your investment choices. The typical employer-sponsored retirement account offers so-so investment choices and charges too much for the privilege. Fortunately, you may not be stuck with those lousy and overpriced investments. Here are some options: If you no longer work at the company, transfer the money to a low-cost IRA. Many retirement plans offer a brokerage window, which allows employees to buy individual stocks, exchange-traded funds, and other mutual funds. Some plans allow for in-service distributions, which allow employees to transfer money to an IRA while still working for the company. Also, your company may have a benefits committee, or at least a group of folks who occasionally think about the retirement plan (typically, the human resources folks and perhaps the CFO). You can agitate for better investment options, a brokerage option, or even a completely different plan. We went through this process a few years ago at The Motley Fool, and believe me, it’s worth it. 5. You can pay annual IRA fees with non-IRA money. Many IRA providers charge an annual account fee, which is automatically taken from your account assets. But you can instead send a check to the custodian and leave more money in the IRA to grow through the years. (Contact your provider for details.) Unfortunately, you can’t use non-IRA money to pay other costs, such as commissions and mutual fund expenses. 6. Get the money before age 59 1/2. Because Uncle Sam wants us to save for retirement, IRAs and employer-sponsored accounts come with several tax advantages. To encourage us to actually use this money for retirement, Uncle Sam will make you pay a 10% penalty if you tap the account before age 59 ½. While leaving the money alone until you retire is definitely the smartest strategy, the truth is that sometimes people need the money before they reach their 60s. Here are several exceptions to the 10% penalty (though, in many cases, the withdrawals will still be taxed). Contributions to a Roth IRA (not earnings) can be withdrawn any time, tax- and penalty-free. However, early distributions from a Roth 401(k) are a proportional mix of contributions and earnings, so some of the withdrawal may be taxed and penalized. You may be able to make penalty-free withdrawals from your last employer’s plan if you retire at age 55 or older. Under rule 72(t), you can make substantially equal periodic payments (SEPPs) at any age by agreeing to take out a certain amount each year until you turn 59 1/2 or for five years, whichever is longer. IRA assets used to pay for qualified higher-education expenses — such as tuition, fees, books, and room and board — are exempt from the 10% penalty. Note that this applies to IRAs only, and not employer-sponsored accounts such as 401(k)s and 403(b)s. Also, these distributions are counted as income on the tax return, which could affect financial aid eligibility in the subsequent year. You can use your IRA to help put a roof over your head, as long as you’re considered a first-time buyer, which, according to the IRS, includes anyone who hasn’t owned a home in the past two years. There is a $10,000 lifetime limit on what can be withdrawn penalty-free, but that limit is applied per person, so married couples can withdraw up to $20,000. You also might be able to escape the 10% penalty if withdrawals are used for un-reimbursed medical expenses; health insurance if you’re unemployed; or living expenses if you’re disabled. The rules around these exemptions are more complex, though, so do plenty of research first. 7. You can invest in “alternative investments,” but tread carefully. Retirement accounts are not limited to stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. You may be able to use your retirement savings to invest in options, real estate, small businesses, and collectibles; I’ve even met someone who works for a 401(k) provider who claims they have a client who has invested in Babe Ruth memorabilia. The trick is to find a custodian that will allow such investments. You’ll have to go beyond the usual brokerages and mutual fund companies and find a company (often a bank) that specializes in such arrangements, which are often referred to as “self-directed IRAs.” That said, many promoters of these arrangements turn out to be frauds. Using your retirement-account money for such arrangements is much more complicated, and risky. Caveat emptor and all that. 8. Use the Roth as an estate-planning tool. Let’s say you’re still working, but you’ve already saved enough for retirement and would like to help your kids, grandkids, or favorite Get Rich Slowly contributor. One option is to contribute to a Roth IRA and name your relative(s) as beneficiaries. When you retire from this world to the next, your heirs will receive that money income tax-free (although it may be subject to estate taxes). There are a few reasons a Roth IRA is better than a traditional IRA for this purpose. You can’t contribute to a traditional IRA past age 70, even if you’re still working. In fact, at that point, you must begin taking money out, which is known as a required minimum distribution (RMD). The scenario is a bit different with a Roth; there’s no age limit and no RMDs. Plus, heirs must pay income taxes on inherited traditional IRAs. 9. Protect assets with retirement accounts. The money in your employer-sponsored retirement account most likely can’t be lost to bankruptcies or lawsuits. In most cases, the same goes for IRAs, up to $1 million. 10. Inherited retirement accounts can get very complicated. This is another one of those topics that would take several hundred words to explain, and you’d never make it to the end because you’d pass out from boredom and ennui (if you haven’t already). But there are lots of quirks about inherited retirement accounts. Just one example: If you inherit an IRA — even a Roth IRA — you may be required to take annual minimum distributions, even if you’re seven years old (and good for you for reading this post at such a young age). If you inherit a retirement account, it might be smart to see a qualified professional to get guidance — perhaps from an accountant or financial planner who works by the hour (such as the folks at the Garrett Planning Network). You can also find good information at IRAHelp.com and Fairmark.com. 11. Have Uncle Sam fund your IRA. Getting a tax refund? You can instruct the IRS to send it directly to your IRA.
How to Stock Your Liquor Cabinet on the Cheap 25 January, 2012, 6:00 am
This post is by staff writer Tim Sullivan. It’s Friday night. A few friends and I are debating whether or not to go to the college bars down the street to get a drink when my friend Steve chimes in that his apartment is just up the way, and says, with his chest slightly puffed, “I have a fully stocked liquor cabinet — something for everyone.” Steve obviously likes to keep his apartment ready for impromptu entertaining. There’s ample seating, surround sound, and yes, a bar separate from the kitchen that’s almost equal in size. Behind the bar he keeps bottles upon bottles of spirits, all lit from underneath. He puts on some Miles Davis and takes his spot behind the bar. “What are you having?” he asks me. “What kinds of whiskey do you have?” “Makers Mark.” “What else?” I ask, expecting somewhere in the umpteen bottles to be a second choice. “Nope. That’s the one. That’s my whiskey.” Steve takes the strategy of stocking his home bar with one of absolutely everything in hopes to appeal to every taste. Just looking over the bottles on the shelf, I don’t doubt that his liquor cabinet (which is less of a cabinet and more of a display rack) must have neared the $1,000 range. I wondered if there wasn’t a more cost-effective way to stock a home liquor cabinet. Economize and personalize Jeremy Coffey, sommelier at Sofia Wine Bar in New York City and home mixologist (his fiancée gave him that second title, even though he rarely goes much more intricate than a gin martini, an olive if you’re lucky) says the key is to economize and personalize. “No one likes to be a home mixologist, not even mixologists,” he says. “It’s just too much work.” Jeremy says that your liquor cabinet should be a reflection of your taste — quite simply, what you drink. When company comes over for a cocktail, let them try one of your favorite drinks. To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, we’ll use Jeremy’s liquor cabinet. He lives with his fiancée and neither of them like vodka drinks, so why have vodka in the house? He divides his purchasing needs into whiskeys and clear spirits. He’ll have a whiskey on hand, a gin, and his fiancée’s favorite tequila. He usually keeps a rye, especially during the winter months and substitutes that out for a more summery liquor when the temperature shifts. He makes his own bitters and likes to sink a drop of port into mixed drinks instead of vermouth. Let’s look at the cost: Whiskeys: $48 Scotch: $28. Jeremy recommends Pig’s Nose, which he describes as “very soft and not at all grainy.” For a slightly cheaper option, try the Elijah Craig 12-year, which costs around $24 a bottle. Rye: $20. He’s a fan of Rittenhouse 100. Why keep a rye on hand? Manhattans and hot toddies. Rye is a winter crop, and it’s sure to warm you head to toe. Clear spirits: $37 Gin: $22. Jeremy’s gin-of-choice is Bombay Sapphire: — lemony, crisp and many of layers of taste. Tequila: $15. Try Sauza 100 Anos Reposado Tequila — 100% agave, organic, delicious, and cheap! Jeremy gets a cheap bottle of port for around $10 and makes his own bitters. Going from an empty cabinet to fully stocked costs Jeremy about $180. He doesn’t consider the what-ifs or impromptu hellos essential considerations for his liquor purchases. What about planned events? Instead of putting out a couple of bottles of wine and hoping that people bring more, what can you make for a small gathering without your guests drinking away your last paycheck? Have them sip on one of the following: French 79 1/3 Canton Ginger Liquor — $26 1/3 Gin — I have a friend who swears by Gordon’s London Dry Gin, which you can pick up for around $12 a bottle. 1/3 Simple syrup — Simple (and basically free) to make yourself Champagne topper — Let’s use a cheap bottle of cava instead for around $10. With that, 10–15 people would be happily in drink for under $50. Have it be your cocktail of the night; let them supply the wine. Rye Manhattan. Try it with a tawny port. This one is a winter favorite of Jeremy’s and has quickly found its way into my calmer Friday nights. 2 parts rye whiskey 1 part port Dash of homemade bitters Garnish it with an orange twist, and warm yourself from the inside. After one of these, I can save money by turning the heat off. Jeremy also recommends any good old-fashioned party drink. He says that not many people complain with a splash of rum in their punch or a decent, well-made sweet and sour mix for margaritas. You can get the store-bought stuff for cheap, but if you have any inclination, a little bit of time and just slightly more cash can yield a better drink. Here’s the punch I had a recent party (and consumed enough vitamin C to keep me scurvy-free for decades): Homemade fruit punch 4 cups frozen strawberries 2 fresh peaches, sliced 1 cup fresh pineapple chunks 1 cup fresh mango, sliced 32 ounces 100% juice. (You can pick your poison here. I really like the R.W. Knudsen juices.) 4 liters club soda Agave syrup to taste A pour of rum (or whatever suits your fancy) As Jeremy advises, remember to stock your liquor cabinet not for breadth of options but for individuality. Try not to fall victim to the thought that you need to please all tastes and get over the marketing that tries to make us think we need to buy the top shelf liquor to shake up a decent cocktail. What are some of your favorite party drinks either from hosting or attending? How do you economize when it comes to entertaining?
The Calculus of Convenience 24 January, 2012, 4:00 am
For several years now, I’ve lived in a sort of financial sweet spot. After paying off my debt, I realized that Kris and I had everything we really wanted or needed, so we never had to buy much for the house (except when something broke). But now that I’m on my own, I’m finding all sorts of little things I need to buy again. And those little things add up. Last Friday, for instance, I invited the neighbors across the hall to join me for a glass of wine. Great! Except that I apparently no longer own a corkscrew. Oops. Something else to add to my ever-growing list of things to acquire. (Other items on the list: slotted spoon, measuring cups, kitchen tongs, pill box, hangers, picture hooks, toilet brush, and so on.) Some of these things can be obtained frugally. I’m happy to buy kitchen utensils — including a corkscrew — at local thrift stores. I don’t need fancy stuff. But sometimes I end up spending more due to necessity, or because I make a spur-of-the-moment decision. A Quick Bite to Eat I’m a creature of habit. Because of this I tend to eat one of two meals for breakfast: chicken sausage or Bob’s Red Mill organic high fiber hot cereal with flaxseed. I cook the chicken sausage on the stove, but I’ve always made the oatmeal in the microwave. I have a little two-minute routine that produces perfect oatmeal and makes me happy. Well, the new apartment didn’t include a microwave. And I was fine with that. Besides my oatmeal routine, I’m generally anti-microwave. I’m perfectly happy preparing food on the stove or in the oven. (It’s my inner Luddite, I guess.) I resolved that I was going to live without a microwave, which seemed like a frugal choice. That resolution lasted one week. During that week, I made oatmeal several times, and each time sucked. First of all, it took more than ten minutes to prepare each batch. (The electric range takes much longer to warm up than the gas range in the house.) Second, the quality of the oatmeal produced on the stovetop was awful: gummy, lumpy, and gross. ¡Que triste! So, when I found myself in a local department store last weekend, I made an impulse purchase. I bought a microwave. The Calculus of Convenience The microwave I chose cost me $80. If I’d been in frugal mode, I would have done more research to find the best model at the best price. I probably would have used Consumer Reports as a tool. But I wasn’t in frugal mode. I was in “I have a new apartment and need to buy things” mode. (This is a dangerous thing in and of itself, and a subject for another time.) On a long walk yesterday, I ran the numbers through my head. Was buying a microwave a poor financial decision? Of course not. Let’s make some rough assumptions: It takes ten minutes longer to make oatmeal by microwave than it does on the stovetop. I eat oatmeal for breakfast twice a week — or about 100 times each year. Both devices use the same amount of power to make oatmeal. (I have no idea if this is true; this is just my way of saying let’s leave this factor out of the equation for now. One way to look at the cost-effectiveness of the microwave is to look at the “price per use”. In this case, if the $80 microwave makes 100 bowls of oatmeal in a year, that’s about 80 cents per bowl. (And the cost per bowl would continue to drop over time.) Another way to look at this, however — and the way I prefer to look at it — is to see how much time I’m saving, and how that applies to the cost of the microwave. So, if I think I’ll save 1000 minutes during the first year of owning the microwave, that’s nearly 17 hours that I’ve recovered. And $80 divided by 17 gives us $4.71 per hour. If my time is worth more than $4.71 per hour — and it is! — then the microwave is a good deal. (Plus, the hourly cost will decrease the more the machine is used in the future.) If I could quantify the quality of the oatmeal, I’d have a final way to compare costs. But I can’t. All I know is I much prefer the perfect microwaved oatmeal to the gummy gunk I had been eating. That’s worth a lot right there! Conclusion Obviously, I’m not fretting over this purchase. I can afford it, for one. For another, we all know how handy a microwave really is. I’m not about to lapse into “how much is my hot chocolate?” thinking. (I hope.) There’s a balance to be had. Sure, it’s silly to spend on unnecessary (or unaffordable) appliances and gadgets. I wouldn’t use a KitchenAid upright mixer, so it would be foolish to buy one. Kris, on the other hand, uses hers all the time. It’s a valuable tool in her kitchen. And as much as I covet a $650 blender, that’s outside my budget. (It might be in your budget, but it’s not in mine.) For me, it’s fun — and motivating — to run the numbers on purchases like this from time to time, just to be sure they make sense. Now that oatmeal will taste even better because I know each batch saves me a little more money…or something like that.
How We Paid Cash for Our First Home 23 January, 2012, 4:00 am
This is a guest post from Cystal Paine, the Money Saving Mom. Paine is a wife, homeschool mom to three, self-proclaimed minimalist, and wannabe runner. For practical help and inspiration to get your life and finances in order, visit her blog, Money Saving Mom, or purchase a copy of her brand-new book, The Money Saving Mom’s Budget. When my husband and I got married nine years ago, we had an audacious dream of paying cash for our first home. At that time, it was very much a far-off dream — we were just trying to survive the rigors and expenses of law school without going in debt. That alone was a seemingly gigantic feat. But after three years of law school, my husband did graduate without debt, passed the bar, and we started planning for the future. Since we’d been renting for almost four years, my husband had a good job, and our second baby was on the way, pretty much everyone expected that buying a house would be in our immediate future. I mean, after all, isn’t buying a house the responsible thing for a young couple to do? Well, maybe — or maybe not. We didn’t have much money in savings, and we weren’t sure how long we would be living in the town we were in, so we chose to go against conventional wisdom and continued renting. Setting a goal Within the next six months, my husband lost his job, we relocated to another city so he could find work, I had some significant health problems in my pregnancy which resulted in numerous hospital and doctor’s bills, and we had our second baby. Needless to say, we were incredibly thankful that we hadn’t taken out a mortgage and then had to deal with the headache of trying to sell a house at the last minute — especially since the housing market was poor in our area. It was around this time that we were first introduced to Dave Ramsey. While we didn’t have any debt and had always lived on a strict budget, going through his Financial Peace University Class fired us up to set big financial goals and work hard to accomplish them. One of the big goals we decided to aim for was paying cash for our first home. We crunched a bunch of numbers and realized that, if we continued to live simply and frugally and worked hard to bring in extra money through side jobs, we could save enough over the course of five years to pay cash for a starter home. It felt like a mammoth goal and we weren’t sure if we could do it, but we decided to go for it anyway. We figured that, even if we didn’t make our goal in five years, we’d at least be a lot closer to it than if we didn’t try at all! Plus, from our calculations, we’d be in a lot better position to wait to buy — even if it took seven years to save up enough for a house — than if we were to go ahead and get 15-year mortgage and pay it off early. We knew that we could buy a decent starter home in the area where we were planningto move for around $100,000 to $110,000, so we divided $100,000 by 60 (since there are sixty months in five years) and set a goal to save $1700 every month. Because we didn’t have any debt or school loans, and because we lived simply and frugally, we were able to live on significantly less than we were making, thus freeing up a good chunk of money to put towards our house savings each month. Gazelle-like intensity Once we set this goal and I blogged about it publicly, we were incredibly motivated to work as hard as we could and delay every purchase we could in order to put as much as possible into our house savings fund. We used coupons, ate a lot of meatless meals, shopped at thrift stores, cooked from scratch, brown bagged it, continued to use our old and worn-down furniture, didn’t replace anything that wasn’t an absolute necessity, limited our going out to eat, only had one car, stayed home a lot, used gift cards from Swagbucks to buy any non-necessities, bought eye glasses from Zenni optical, learned to be content with what we had, and continued to live on a strict written budget. Meanwhile, we also looked for ways to increase our income. I blogged, wrote ebooks, and took on freelance writing jobs. My husband did contract work, started his own law firm, and helped me running the blogging business. That first year, we didn’t always make our monthly savings goals. We had some unexpected medical bills and car problems that ate up a portion of our savings. But we kept plugging away, throwing whatever extra we could squeeze out of our income toward savings. The few years of long hours and hard work we’d put into blogging started to really pay big dividends and by the second year, we were meeting and exceeding our monthly savings goals every single month. As our house savings fund increased, we began to get so excited that we kind of went overboard and worked long, long hours in order to meet our savings goal even faster. I wouldn’t recommend putting in such long hours, missing so many social events, or sleeping so little, but the effort paid off because, at the end of two and a half years, we paid 100% down on our first home! Even though I wish we had given ourselves a little more breathing room and margin while saving, it was thrilling, fulfilling, and exciting to achieve this goal — in half the time we had initially planned. And we are thankful we chose to take a counter-cultural route and pay cash for our house. Not having a mortgage payment has freed us to continue to save aggressively toward other goals, increase our spending in areas that really matter to us, and give generously to needs in our community and around the world.
Reader Story: A Frugal, Happy Life 22 January, 2012, 5:00 am
This guest post from Clara is part of the “reader stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success or failure. These stories feature folks from all levels of financial maturity and with all sorts of incomes. This story seems especially appropriate after the news I shared this week. Two and a half ago, my marriage ended. I left a comfortable financial situation and found myself one step above being eligible for food stamps. Money from our joint accounts paid for the down payment on my rental, but I also needed beds for me and my two children, furniture, and household equipment. The little things add up. I found the tiniest little house to rent, priced well under market value (perhaps because it’s only about 450 square feet). This little cottage has its charms, but it’s very rough around the edges. Winter winds seem to shoot straight up from the crawl space. Still, it’s cheap. And I have access to a yard and a garden, and the landlords and neighbors are nice. I took a few things from the house I’d shared with my husband. Virtually everything else was purchased used from yard sales during the months before I left: kitchen knives, pots, lamps, towels, a TV. Even artwork and the shower curtain came from yard sales. The only things I bought new were the beds and the refrigerator. I started life on my own with no money in the bank at all. Starting with nothing The divorce was in mediation, which didn’t seem to be going so well for me because I had no idea about my rights to marital assets. My car died, so I took out a car loan, my first debt in many years. My part-time job ended just after I signed my lease, and I couldn’t stay in the house with my husband, so I just kept moving forward. I found another better-paying, part-time job and made a hasty decision to go to graduate school. I wanted to get a master’s degree since decent jobs were as scarce as hen’s teeth then. I took on student loans to pay my in-state tuition costs and to buy a laptop computer that was absolutely necessary to be a student again (our only computer). Meanwhile, my kids and I played board games and borrowed books from the library. I bought bikes, scooters, and other toys at yard sales. I was lucky in that my ex-husband was good about paying the spousal and child support, but there sure wasn’t anything to spare. We lived quite frugally, to say the least. I cut expenses to the bone. Three years later Eventually ,I got a raise at my part-time job, found a summer job when I didn’t have classes, starting doing some tutoring, and sold things on-line as well. it was a tough schedule with two kids, graduate school, and everything else. But here I am, almost three later. And there’s money in the bank (a four-month emergency fund, plus I allocated the car loan money to a car fund account so I have something the next time I need to buy a car). At first, I lived on $25,000 a year in a high-cost area (and, frankly, it’s not much more than that now), but I still saved money. I saved enough to pay a divorce attorney. I saved enough to pay off some of my tuition to limit my student loan debt. I just retired my car loan. (I still can’t figure out how I paid off that $10,000!) I had an opportunity to become a graduate assistant; because I had so little debt and such low expenses, I was able to do it. Now my salary is minimal, but I’m getting free tuition and lots of mentoring from many wonderful professors. I will graduate in May and start to look for a full-time career in a couple of months. I’m aware that I may need to take a couple of part-time jobs instead. Looking to the future The divorce still isn’t finalized. When it is, I’ll be able to pay off my $16,000 in student-loan debt. Once gain, I’ll be utterly debt free. I was able to leave my share of retirement funds untouched during the divorce, so retirement calculators tell me that I have enough to fund a very frugal retirement at age 67. My kids and I are healthy and happy and sane. When the divorce is finally settled and I have a full-time job, I am planning to buy a house: a nice, small, affordable house. It’s been hard. There are nights when I sit with just one light on studying because I need to keep down the electric bill. But we always had enough for our needs, plus enough of our wants to keep from going crazy. I even got a scholarship to the local Y for me and my kids. Because I’ve lived a frugal life for several years, there’s no prior debt at all, which of course makes everything much easier. I never figured I could live so happily in such a tiny house with so little money. But I’ve learned that this freedom is the gift that frugality gives me. Reminder: This is a story from one of your fellow readers. Please be nice. After more than a decade of blogging, I have a thick skin, but it can be scary to put your story out in public for the first time. Remember that this guest author isn’t a professional writer, and is just learning about money like you are. Henceforth, unduly nasty comments on readers stories will be removed or edited.
How to Negotiate Your Salary 20 January, 2012, 6:00 am
This post is from staff writer April Dykman. One of my goals for GRS in 2012 is to write more about earning money. I quit my job a year-and-a-half ago to become self-employed, but I know that most people are employees, and I’m the last person who would suggest that everyone should quit their jobs and become full-time freelancers. For one thing, it’s not right for everyone. It can be lonely, and it doesn’t come with medical benefits, which some people need, especially those who can’t get individual insurance at a reasonable cost. Depending on your career, it might not even be possible (never heard of a self-employed police officer, for example). And some people want to put in their time and leave work at work at 5 p.m., or just plain enjoy their job. There are a lot of reasons why it makes more sense to be an employee, which is why I don’t plan to only write about starting a side business or freelancing (although I do plan to cover those topics), but also how employees can earn more at their current job and make savvy career moves. A history of unsuccessful negotiation I worked for one company or another from the time I was 17 until 2010. And one thing I never mastered, despite my sad attempts, was the art of negotiating salary. There was the job I took because I desperately wanted to work for this company with great benefits and “just be an editor” (not an editor and secretary and event planner and marketing coordinator and graphic designer…). They called, offered the job, and I said “yes” to all of it without even blinking. There was the job where I tried negotiating — I even researched how to negotiate and prepared facts and figures — but felt strong-armed into taking the amount offered. In both cases I was scared they’d pass me over. I didn’t know what to say if they said “no”. I wondered if it was even possible to negotiate at either of these companies, or was it more that the common denominator here was me? So when I decided I wanted to write more about career strategy this year, I also knew I would need to bring in some experts. Obviously I’m not the best person to tell anyone how to negotiate their salary! How the pros negotiate Recently I spoke with Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich (the blog and the book). When Ramit was studying at Stanford, he got a group of friends together who, like him, were interviewing at some of the world’s toughest companies — such as McKinsey, Google, and Goldman Sachs — and learned the intricacies of interviewing, negotiation, and writing effective résumés. I interviewed him about some of the top mistakes people make when it comes to negotiating salary, and how to overcome your fears. April: What is the biggest mistake people make when it comes to salary negotiations? Ramit: They don’t negotiate at all. We concoct all kinds of reasons why — “The economy is terrible!” and “I’m just lucky to have a job,” and “They don’t have a budget this year,” but really, we don’t know if it will work because we rarely try. In our research of 20,000+ people, we found that most of us are afraid of negotiating for two reasons: We were never taught how, so we don’t know what to say, and we worry what will happen if they say “no.” April: There was one job offer where I didn’t negotiate at all! I accepted their offer right away because, like you said, I was scared they’d rescind the offer or think I was being difficult. What’s one thing can we do to assuage our fear of negotiating? Ramit: Practice relentlessly. I went from closing zero interviews to closing a double-digit percentage of interviews once I practiced — and practiced in the right way. First, practice in front of a mirror. Then, record yourself. Next, have a friend run a practice negotiation and videotape yourself. Most of us find this weird, but I find it weirder to leave literally millions of dollars on the table over your career because we don’t want to take a few hours to negotiate. April: What are the gender and age differences when it comes to negotiating? Ramit: The data is clear that women negotiate far less frequently than men, costing them tens of thousands of dollars in the short term and millions over the course of their careers. They also use subtle phrases that cost them thousands, like “I think” or “I’m not sure, but…” There are very subtle gender pressures in a negotiation, so it’s extremely important to practice and deconstruct any self-sabotaging verbal or body language tics that compromise your position. This can work well — my female students negotiate, on average, $10,000 in salary increases. April: Wow. I use those phrases all of the time! But some negotiating tactics sound like they could be pretty uncomfortable if someone isn’t good at selling themselves. Does successful negotiation involve sales techniques or some kind of Jedi mind tricks? Ramit: When I was younger, I had to get scholarships to pay my way through college. I ended up applying to 60-70 scholarships, and when I landed my first interviews, I kept losing again and again. I finally decided to videotape myself and I discovered a subtle tic — I wasn’t smiling! In my head, I was a friendly guy. On camera, I wasn’t coming across how I wanted to. Once I started smiling, I started getting scholarship after scholarship. Is that a Jedi mind trick? Or is it simply studying the process systematically? None of this is magic, but it does require some unconventional approaches. April: At one of my companies, my boss was notorious for putting people off when it came to an answer about raises — is it worth “bugging” my boss? Do a few thousand dollars more make that much of a difference? Ramit: Even one $5,000 raise — just one — can be worth $1 million over an entire career. And people who tend to negotiate a raise once tend to do so repeatedly. Well, there you have it. It was me, not them. I was a young female using phrases like “I think” who was too fearful to ask for raises because I was always hearing about budget concerns and how we were lucky to have jobs. I was pretty textbook, and a lot of that could have been remedied if I had videotaped myself. It’s a powerful way to avoid common mistakes — such as not smiling or using weak phrases that undermine your efforts — and to gain confidence before you sit down with your boss. If you’re interested in more on negotiation, Ramit is offering a free mini-course that includes tips on overcoming fears about negotiating; the three biggest interviewing mistakes; the exact words to use to get a raise; and more. Here’s a preview of what you can expect: Do you negotiate your salary? If not, what has held you back?
Make 2012 Better by Asking the Right Question 19 January, 2012, 6:00 am
This post is by guest writer Carl Richards. Carl is a financial planner, contributor for The New York Times and Morning Star, and author of Behavior Gap: Simple Ways to Stop Doing Dumb Things With Money. With 2012 still fresh and new, it’s a great time to make a plan to have a better year financially than we did in 2011. But figuring out how to make smart decisions about money can be a frustrating experience. In large part it comes from the sense that it should be easy. After all, it should be a simple math equation, something that fits in a spreadsheet, right? I think a significant part of our frustration with money comes from the fact that making smart decisions is not as simple as finding the right spreadsheet. Emotion and how we feel about money plays at least as large a role as the calculator. Given the role that emotion plays in our financial decisions, I’ve found it far more interesting, and frankly more helpful, to focus on asking the right questions, instead of obsessing over one-size-fits-all answers. By learning to ask better, or at least different, questions we can have some hope of having a better experience. This approach reminds me of the old Stephen Covey lesson about spending our entire lives climbing a ladder only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall. As we start to ask ourselves different questions about money we can make sure that we’re climbing a ladder leaning against the right wall. To get started, I suggest asking yourself and/or your partner some of my favorite money questions. 1. What’s important about money to you? I’ve asked this question in hundreds of interviews over the years, so I’m no longer surprised when the initial answer is silence. We’re not used to thinking about the importance that we place on money and why. This question is not about goals, like saving for education or retirement; it’s about values, like security, freedom, flexibility, and peace. The goal of this question is to define your financial values and help you get to the “why” of money. Don’t stop with the first answer or even the second. Most often I hear people say things like security. But keep pushing. What’s important about security to you? Think of the answers as a progression of values and your goal is to keep digging until you can say, “There is nothing about money more important to me than XXX.” One time I had this discussion with a very successful professional couple. The wife was in the prime of her career as a successful emergency room physician. Like many people before her, the first answer to this question related to security. But as we continued to push, the answer became, “I’d like to have more time.” When I asked why time mattered, she got very quiet, and then said, “I finally want to have time to have a child.” The most important thing about money to this emergency room doctor was getting to the point where she would have the security and the flexibility to have a child. Of course your answer will vary from this doctor, your friends, and your neighbors, but that’s why this is so important. Once you become really clear about what’s important about money to you, then you have the emotional context to talk about goals. To return to the ladder example, it’s about defining the wall you want to lean your ladder against. 2. Where do you want to be financially in three years? The context for answering this question should be based on what you learned in the first question. Whenever possible, the answers should be specific and measurable. Think in terms of defining and setting goals. For instance, if one of the most important things about money to me is providing opportunities for my children, I might set a goal to start saving for education. But of course that’s not specific enough. The next step requires that you define exactly how much you want or can afford to save. I found it to be most helpful to make these goals specific in terms of time frame and dollar amount. They need be no more complicated than, “I will save $100 a month on the 15th of each month into my child’s 529 account.” Picking the specific numbers and even the timing may take some work to figure out for your particular situation, but plenty of online savings calculators exist to help you figure out the best number for you. It’s important to notice that so far we haven’t talked all about rates of returns or specific investment products. So far this is just about the plan, not the product; it’s about a process of planning. The other thing that’s important during this step is to let go of the need for precision. While we want the goals to be specific and measurable, you also have to realize that often these are guesses. You don’t really know how much you’ll need to save to meet an educational goal, for instance, because too many assumptions go into it. So what we need to do is avoid getting hung up on the need for precision at the expense of getting started. Realize these are guesses, make the best guess you can, and get to work. 3. What good habits will help me reach my goal? When it comes to money, behavior plays a massive role in our success. The big problem is most of us behave poorly if left to our own devices. The solution is pretty well documented at this point: we have to find ways to automate good behavior. If you determine that you should be saving $100 a month towards education, don’t make that decision every month, make it automatic. It’s as simple as signing up for an automatic withdrawal out of your checking account and into your child’s 529. If we make this into a decision that requires action on our part every single month, we will fail. If it’s going to require you take out your checkbook, write a check, address an envelope, put a stamp on it, and put it the mailbox you can tell it’s not going to happen. There will always be other things that we would rather spend $100 on. So take advantage of automation. Another example of good behavior that we can automate is rebalancing our investment portfolios. This is a pretty simple concept. I believe it’s one of the most important things we can do to avoid the big behavioral mistake of buying high and selling low that we’re also prone to commit. Here’s the deal: let’s say you determine that the 529 education account should be put 60%into stocks and 40% into bonds. So you setup the account and invest in broad-based index funds to ensure diversification. Now comes the avoiding temptation part. Perhaps you set up the account in mid-2007 right before the massive declines of 2008 and early 2009. After watching the market go down 20, 30, or 40%, you’d probably feel like selling what you had invested in stocks. But clearly that decision doesn’t match with our goal of rebalancing. The key to investing success is pretty simple: buy low, hold on to it, and sell it for a higher price later. But instead we’re tempted to buy high (when we feel good about things) and sell low (when we feel bad). It’s why the behavior gap exists. Going back to the earlier example, emotionally we wouldn’t want buy more stocks to get our portfolio back up to a 60/40 value split. Instead, we’d be tempted to liquidate our stock holdings. By adopting rebalancing as part of our investing strategy, we avoid this temptation because it automates behavior. So if we started in 2007 with 60% of our money in stocks, and the market declined, we would now have something less than 60%, let’s say 50%. However, if you’ve automated the rebalancing process, you’d be taking money (10%) from the bond side of the portfolio that did relatively well (high) and move it into the stock side of the portfolio (low) to restore the 60/40 split. Avoiding the greed trap There are a lot of benefits that can come from rebalancing, but none is more important than effectively automating the good behavior — avoiding the big behavioral mistake of getting scared out of our portfolio after a market decline. It also works to prevent us from getting greedy after a market is having huge run. Warren Buffett said the key to investing success is being greedy when others are fearful and fearful when others are greedy. But unless you see Buffett in your mirror, it’s almost impossible to do unless you automate that type of behavior through disciplined rebalancing. There are plenty of services out there that will actually rebalance for you. Each of these questions demonstrates my primary goal in writing The Behavior Gap. It wasn’t to provide another step-by-step personal finance book, but to help people think through the questions we need to ask ourselves. By providing a framework, there’s the opportunity to have more meaningful discussions about money. Plenty of great resources cover the specifics of how to implement financial decisions, including J.D.’s book, and the ongoing discussion on this site. My hope is that we also can take a little time to have some more meaningful, honest conversations about money with the people we love to make sure that the ladders we are climbing are leaning against the right walls.
Stealth Savings: Sneaky Ways to Fatten Your Account 18 January, 2012, 6:00 am
This post is from GRS staff writer Donna Freedman. Donna writes a personal finance column for MSN Money, and writes about frugality and intentional living at Surviving And Thriving. Have trouble saving money? Time for some mind games. Hide cash via direct withdrawals. Get free money from banks. Name an account for a goal. Make your savings “one-way,” i.e., really hard to tap. The unemployed and underemployed may feel — with good reason! — that they can’t afford to save. Even those with decent salaries might feel squeezed by the rising cost of basic needs like food and utilities, especially if they’re repaying student loans. Here’s a cold, hard fact: You need to save anyway — and not just for an emergency fund, but also to augment your eventual retirement. (And when you’re my age, “eventual” is closer than it may appear in the rear-view mirror.) Maybe you really do need need every dime to keep creditors at bay. Or maybe a little budget-tweaking could free up some extra bucks for your Someday Fund. Even if it’s just a tiny amount at a time, it’s something. Easy does it The simplest way to save is to automate it. Have a small amount siphoned off each payday by your financial institution (I use an online bank for this) and learn to live on what’s left. Increase the amount slowly — an hour’s pay at a time, perhaps? — to give yourself time to adjust your spending. See if you can get to the 20% mark suggested in the 50-30-20 budget. Since that 20% refers both to savings and debt repayment, get those cards paid off so you can salt away more at a time. Incidentally, that does not mean exile to the Island of No Fun At All. The “30” in that plan allows for 30% of earnings to go to “wants.” Some ways to inch closer to the 20% savings mark: Save flexible-spending and/or work-related reimbursements. Set up direct deposit if possible. If not, make it a point to deposit the checks rather than cash them. And if you need that money to balance the books? Pledge to keep at least a dollar (preferably $5) of it in the account. Save your raises. That is, assuming you’re lucky enough to get them. If you were already managing on what you earned, pretend you didn’t get a raise. (Curse you, short-sighted bean-counters!) Then raise the biweekly (or whatever) automated savings. Save your bonus. That is, if you’re super-double-lucky enough to get one. But give yourself permission to spend 10% of it on something you really want. Come on, you know you want to buy Stuff from time to time. Just about everybody does. Get symbolic. Want to retire at 50? Start depositing $50 a month, or per week if you can swing it. Make a weekly or monthly deposit equal to your current age; that’s easy to sustain since it goes up just a buck a year. Drop a habit. It’s tough to quit smoking or, for that matter, to stop buying so many comic books. But as you taper off, put what you would have spent on coffin nails or anime into long-term savings. Round’em up! Not cattle — coins. When you use your debit card or write a check, record it for the next dollar up (e.g., $7.29 becomes $8). At the end of the month, add up the differences and transfer it to savings. Challenge yourself. Take the dollar-bill challenge by removing the Washingtons from your wallet every night. Super-flush version: Take the $5 challenge. Super-tight-budget version: Save your coins and wrap them every so often. Bank your coupons. You saved $6 on the groceries? It’s not savings unless you save it. Tuck away the amount you saved using manufacturers coupons and your supermarket customer loyalty card. Every dollar — and every dream — has a name One financial planner I interviewed sends his clients monthly “invoices” for their long-term goals, e.g., “pay cash for next car” or “comfortable retirement.” Think of your savings account as a line item on your budget, and pay it along with the rest of your bills. Another planner told me her mom always said, “Every dollar has a name.” Those bucks had some pretty prosaic names: Rent, Utilities, Groceries. But the lesson stuck, and the little girl grew up to include a name in her own monthly budget: “Savings.” My own experience with naming was not a line item but a targeted account called “Home.” (As in, “a home of my own some day.”) I started it with one of those “free money from banks” deals and beefed up the account with any extra cash I got: manufacturer rebates, a little holiday bonus, wrapped coins, babysitting jobs, pet-sitting gigs, mystery shopping. Whether you do long-term savings as a budget line item or as a targeted account, you’re giving your dollars a name. You’re sending them to a specific area to do a specific job. You’re being proactive about your financial future rather than just heaving greenbacks toward that amorphous entity called The Bills. A glimpse of the future Maybe you need a more tangible reminder of your goal. Some people slip photos of their kids between the cellophane and the cigarette pack to bolster their efforts to stop smoking. I’ve also heard of folks who rubber-band pictures of their dreams (new house, Mini Cooper, whatever) to their credit cards to discourage in-the-moment spending. I once interviewed a woman who created a computer-drawn design of her dream kitchen. Then she pinned up the picture by her desk as a reminder of why she needed to save. It worked: She paid cash for the remodel. Another woman I spoke with changed an online shopping account password to the year her kid would start college and the preferred university’s acronym. Retail therapy wasn’t nearly as important when the sign-on became something like “2014UCLA.” It was a sobering reminder that baby needed textbooks much more than mama needed a new pair of shoes. These same tactics could work when the goal is beefing up savings vs. getting yourself some gorgeous granite countertops. Personally, I recommend solid-surface counters. Some of that counterfeit stone is so good you could take it for granite. (Sorry. I couldn’t resist.) Hands off! Make it tough to touch your funds and they’ll remain safe from moments of temporary insanity. (Back away from the comic book store! Hands where we can see ’em!) I’ve got a few suggestions for isolating your dough: Opt for inconvenience. Don’t pick the bank or credit union with a branch in your neighborhood. You don’t want it to be easy to get at this money. There’s no need to go there in person because you’re using direct deposit. (Aren’t you?) Again, this is not for liquid funds but rather for the long-term scratch. Choose an online bank. That way it takes a couple of days to get the money. You might come to your senses by then and realize that investing in Action Comics futures might not be the best use of your funds. Bonus frugal points for putting the buckage into laddered CDs; there are penalties for early withdrawal but since the CDs mature on a regular schedule you could access some money in a true pinch. Don’t get an ATM card. Ever have one of those days when you think, “I don’t care! I’ve been good for too long! I’m gonna get all the Green Lantern books — and maybe a Slurpee, too!” If you had to drive to the financial institution and fill out a withdrawal slip, you might have time to realize that the expense is not strictly necessary. But don’t save every dime. You need categories like “discretionary spending” or “riotous living” in your budget, too. (Or just cut to the chase and create a line item called “bail bondsman.”) Spend it any way you like — but once it’s gone, that’s it until the next pay period. If you don’t spend it all, you have the choice of depositing it into savings. While it can be really satisfying to watch that balance increase, I’d caution against banking the surplus every month. Live too close to the bone for too long and you might eventually knock yourself off the wagon. Allow for some wants along with the needs and you’ll find it easier to stay within the budget the rest of the time. We all need goals In a perfect world you wouldn’t need a bag of pecuniary tricks. You’d just pay yourself first as a matter of course. Life isn’t perfect, though. Some days it’s not even above-average. Don’t feel you have to do it all. You won’t get kicked out of the movement if you don’t embrace every frugal hack extant. Sometimes it’s still hard for me to spend money, but I recognize that I need to loosen up lest I reflect the worst attributes of Hetty Green (miserliness) without any of the advantages (shrewd business sense, huge net worth). Thus I don’t lose any sleep if I neglect to bank my coupon savings or to save every dollar bill that comes my way. In fact, my “Home” account is no more — at least as a private entity. When I got mugged a few months ago I had to redo my bank accounts since my personal information had been compromised. I realized it didn’t really make sense to have a separate account, so I merged it with my regular savings. Yet it still exists in my mind as the seed money for a smallish house with a decent southern exposure for gardening (mostly things I can eat) and a front porch swing. We all need goals. The possibility of homegrown tomatoes keeps me tucking away the savings. But I make sure to shake loose a few bucks for the bail bondsman fund, too.

LiteMind

How to Make Great Decisions in Life: Top 5 Practical Insights 1 November, 2010, 4:40 am
Making great decisions can be tricky: there are many hidden traps and potential roadblocks you need to be aware of. Here are 5 practical, actionable insights to help you make the best possible decisions to improve your life. 1. Value is in the eye of the beholderHow much is a gallon of water worth?Well, if you’re reading this, you can probably get a gallon of water for pennies from your kitchen tap. Yet, if you were dying of thirst in a desert, you’d happily pay a hundred bucks for it, right? On the other hand, you’d pay a hundred bucks an hour for a plumber to avoid the water being there in the first place (in your flooded basement, that is).Many people believe value is intrinsic to an object. Sure, water is water is water, but its value varies enormously depending on what you need it for.Decision making is a very personal business — it’s about assessing what’s valuable to you. There’s no absolute best job, best car or best life to be lived: value is in the eye of the decision maker.How to Apply This InsightAlways decide on your own. Sure, factor in other people’s opinions, but bear in mind that they may value things (very) differently. Blindly following other people’s advice may lead to disastrous decisions — even if they are based on “sound” advice from people with the best intentions of helping you.2. Know your goals before choosingAs we’ve seen in insight #1 above, no decision outcomes are intrinsically ‘good’ or ‘bad’ — the outcome depends on who you ask, and there are never absolute answers. How do you make sure you’re making the best decision for your life, then?It may sound obvious at first, but it all boils down to your goals — knowing what you want out of the decision.
Personal Development Ebook Winners 4 August, 2010, 5:28 am
Wow, more than 700 entries in our giveaway — thanks to all participants! Now it’s time to meet the lucky 12 who will receive their free ebooks… Here they are:Derek Watson, Ashley Nielsen, Susan Blackman, Akila, Naz, Vicky Buckland, Olaia, Bhaskar Jha, Cary, coy, Mary Frances, Adrian Chira (full draw results)Congratulations! I’ll get in touch with you today so you can start enjoying your ebooks as soon as possible! What if I didn’t win?Don’t let that stop you from getting the ebooks you want! These ebooks are premium guides that I know will make a difference to a lot of people. Their authors worked hard to create and compile information in a way that’s easy to read and understand and that — above anything else — is actionable. So, even if you didn’t get them for free, if you believe one or more of these ebooks will be useful to you, go get them right now!Litemind Readers’ Top 5 Picks[Update] Many of you asked me which ebooks were the most popular choices among participants. So, by popular request, here are Litemind Readers’ top picks listed first. 1. Learn More, Study Lessby Scott H. YoungWhat if I told you everything you know about how to learn, study and succeed in school was wrong? Through researching speed learners, school experts and pinpointing the hidden weaknesses most students face, I’ve been able to come up with my own system — holistic learning.Holistic learning is the opposite of rote memorization. Instead of trying to pound information into your skull, you can weave it into existing understandings. By using these strategies you can actually “get” any subject you want to study.Learn more about ‘Learn More, Study Less’ 2. The Essential Motivation Handbookby Leo Babauta and Eric HammAre you in need of a motivational boost? The Essential Motivation Handbook was created to address those everyday motivation, productivity and self-improvement issues that seem to plague so many of us.You can use this ebook as a handy reference any time you need motivation and as an easy way to find dozens of great motivation tips without having to spend time searching for them online and filtering out the useless stuff.Learn more about ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ 3. How to be More Creativeby Marelisa FábregaHow to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists is your guide to leading a more creative, inspired life. It shows that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts, but is important in any field.The purpose of this ebook is not just to give you information, but to transform you into a more creative and innovative person. Get practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor.Learn more about ‘How to be More Creative’ 4. The Personal Excellence Bookby Celestine ChuaThe Personal Excellence Book is your essential handbook to help you live life to your best. At nearly 800 pages long, it contains 120 in-depth, self-exploratory articles and exercises.Covering 9 key categories of personal growth — including Purpose & Meaning, Goals and Success, Cultivating Habits, Emotional Mastery, Relationships, Productivity and more — The Personal Excellence Book is a one-stop guide if you’re serious about living a life of your highest meaning and potential.Learn more about ‘The Personal Excellence Book’ 5. How to Change a Habitby Scott H. YoungDo you have a habit you would like to change? This book is about learning the right strategies so you don’t need to constantly rely on willpower. Exercising, quitting television, cutting down e-mail, waking up earlier — which are normally painful and long processes. By practicing the right techniques you can learn how to do it with far less pain and much better results.Learn more about ‘How to Change a Habit’All Ebooks How to Live Your Best Lifeby Marelisa FábregaImagine waking up each morning to a life that’s centered around your life goals, instead of trying to fit what’s most important to you into the nooks and crannies.How To Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List will show you how. By the time you finish reading this ebook you’ll know exactly what you want in each area of your life, and you’ll have defined exactly how you’re going to get it.Learn more about ‘How to Live Your Best Life’ Doing with Lessby Daniel RichardThe fastest way to go broke is to spend on the things that you don’t love. In a society that had taught us to have more of everything — from junk to spending on the unnecessary — how can one go from funding dreams with debt to becoming debt-free, ending the addiction of overconsumption and start living again?Doing With Less is written to guide you to make changes in your live, bringing out the minimalist in you, and making you thrive with less in a rush-rush society.Learn more about ‘Doing with Less’ Regain Your Balanceby Ali HaleRegain Your Balance is designed to help you get back in control of your life. Tackling six key areas – your time, creativity, focus, environment, recharging, and money – it’s packed with motivation, ideas and tips to help you find your balance again. With bonus worksheets and a two-minute questionnaire to get you started, you’ll feel calmer — and on top of things — straight away.Learn more about ‘Regain Your Balance’ The Personality Puzzleby Hunter NuttallThe Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most popular personality assessment in the world. While simple on the surface, one’s four-letter type offers amazing insight into their personality. Solve the personality puzzle, and get a much deeper look into yourself and everyone you meet. Whether you’re a type theory newbie or a die-hard typewatcher, this ebook will give you a fresh and entertaining perspective on how to enjoy better relationships and a better life.Learn more about ‘The Personality Puzzle’ The Power of Positivityby Henrik EdbergThe Power of Positivity contains 22 chapters where we explore the tips and strategies that can help you to greatly improve your life in areas such as weight loss, confidence, social skills, productivity, self esteem and attitude. It’s a constructive and practical guide to living a more positive, happy and successful life.Learn more about ‘The Power of Positivity’ Passionate Livingby Henri JuntillaPassionate Living is a simple guide to getting you started on following your passion. There comes a time in each of our lives when we need to stop squandering our potential and start doing what we truly love.Passionate Living is a book filled with my personal experiences on how to make that happen. It’s a simple and effective guide that deals with aspects ranging from fear and the lack of time to the specific steps I took to get to where I am now.Learn more about ‘Passionate Living’ The Art of Being Minimalistby Everett BogueThe Art of Being Minimalist teaches you how to apply simplicity in your life to achieve your goals. Last year I quit my job, moved across the country with everything in my backpack and $3,000 in the bank — everyone said I’d starve, but instead I opted to live a minimalist life. This is what I learned: when you don’t have all of the junk, you can achieve the important.Learn more about ‘The Art of Being Minimalist’(Note: If you’re still on the fence about buying the ebooks, remember that nearly all of them have money-back guarantees — just in case you’re not 100% satisfied. So you have nothing to risk, really. All I ask from you is: if you’re serious about improving yourself, don’t let possible doubts hold you back.)And, once again — thank you for participating in this commemorative giveaway. This has been really fun and I’ve been blown away by your response! I feel very lucky to be part of such a vibrant community!Related ArticlesPersonal Development Ebook Giveaway!One Year of LitemindImperfect StartHow Can I Make Litemind More Useful for You?Free Ebook: The Very Best of Litemind, 2 Years of Mind ExplorationsNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Personal Development Ebook Winners.
Personal Development Ebook Giveaway! 26 July, 2010, 5:10 am
This weekend marked 3 years since the first post on Litemind! To celebrate the date, I have a special treat for you. For the past few days I have been talking to many fellow personal development bloggers… Many of them, in addition to their blogs’ free articles, also sell ebooks with premium content. These ebooks are great and well worth the money (as their customers can attest) — and today you have the chance to get them for free!Yes, each of these authors agreed to give away copies of their ebooks to a few lucky Litemind readers! And it’s really easy to join and participate.How to Participate in the GiveawayFor a chance to win, all you have to do is leave a comment with the 3 ebooks that you would like to win, in order of preference, chosen from the list below. You have until August 2nd (next Monday) to post your comment. (One entry per person, please.)I will publish the list of winners on Wednesday, August 4th. There will be 12 winners — each one getting one of the ebooks. (If two or more winners choose the same ebook as their top preference, I’ll use their second and third choices, giving preference to the winners who were drawn first.)Personal Development EbooksHere is the list of personal development ebooks, in random order, for you to choose. The descriptions were provided by their authors. Many of the ebooks have free chapter previews, so make sure you visit the links to get more details.Anyway, make your choices, pick the three you like best and let me know in the comments below. 1. The Essential Motivation Handbookby Leo Babauta and Eric HammAre you in need of a motivational boost? The Essential Motivation Handbook was created to address those everyday motivation, productivity and self-improvement issues that seem to plague so many of us.You can use this ebook as a handy reference any time you need motivation and as an easy way to find dozens of great motivation tips without having to spend time searching for them online and filtering out the useless stuff.Learn more about ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ 2. How to Change a Habitby Scott H. YoungDo you have a habit you would like to change? This book is about learning the right strategies so you don’t need to constantly rely on willpower. Exercising, quitting television, cutting down e-mail, waking up earlier — which are normally painful and long processes. By practicing the right techniques you can learn how to do it with far less pain and much better results.Learn more about ‘How to Change a Habit’ 3. How to Live Your Best Lifeby Marelisa FábregaImagine waking up each morning to a life that’s centered around your life goals, instead of trying to fit what’s most important to you into the nooks and crannies.How To Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List will show you how. By the time you finish reading this ebook you’ll know exactly what you want in each area of your life, and you’ll have defined exactly how you’re going to get it.Learn more about ‘How to Live Your Best Life’ 4. Doing with Lessby Daniel RichardThe fastest way to go broke is to spend on the things that you don’t love. In a society that had taught us to have more of everything — from junk to spending on the unnecessary — how can one go from funding dreams with debt to becoming debt-free, ending the addiction of overconsumption and start living again?Doing With Less is written to guide you to make changes in your live, bringing out the minimalist in you, and making you thrive with less in a rush-rush society.Learn more about ‘Doing with Less’ 5. Regain Your Balanceby Ali HaleRegain Your Balance is designed to help you get back in control of your life. Tackling six key areas – your time, creativity, focus, environment, recharging, and money – it’s packed with motivation, ideas and tips to help you find your balance again. With bonus worksheets and a two-minute questionnaire to get you started, you’ll feel calmer — and on top of things — straight away.Learn more about ‘Regain Your Balance’ 6. The Personality Puzzleby Hunter NuttallThe Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most popular personality assessment in the world. While simple on the surface, one’s four-letter type offers amazing insight into their personality. Solve the personality puzzle, and get a much deeper look into yourself and everyone you meet. Whether you’re a type theory newbie or a die-hard typewatcher, this ebook will give you a fresh and entertaining perspective on how to enjoy better relationships and a better life.Learn more about ‘The Personality Puzzle’ 7. The Power of Positivityby Henrik EdbergThe Power of Positivity contains 22 chapters where we explore the tips and strategies that can help you to greatly improve your life in areas such as weight loss, confidence, social skills, productivity, self esteem and attitude. It’s a constructive and practical guide to living a more positive, happy and successful life.Learn more about ‘The Power of Positivity’ 8. The Personal Excellence Bookby Celestine ChuaThe Personal Excellence Book is your essential handbook to help you live life to your best. At nearly 800 pages long, it contains 120 in-depth, self-exploratory articles and exercises.Covering 9 key categories of personal growth — including Purpose & Meaning, Goals and Success, Cultivating Habits, Emotional Mastery, Relationships, Productivity and more — The Personal Excellence Book is a one-stop guide if you’re serious about living a life of your highest meaning and potential.Learn more about ‘The Personal Excellence Book’ 9. Passionate Livingby Henri JuntillaPassionate Living is a simple guide to getting you started on following your passion. There comes a time in each of our lives when we need to stop squandering our potential and start doing what we truly love.Passionate Living is a book filled with my personal experiences on how to make that happen. It’s a simple and effective guide that deals with aspects ranging from fear and the lack of time to the specific steps I took to get to where I am now.Learn more about ‘Passionate Living’ 10. The Art of Being Minimalistby Everett BogueThe Art of Being Minimalist teaches you how to apply simplicity in your life to achieve your goals. Last year I quit my job, moved across the country with everything in my backpack and $3,000 in the bank — everyone said I’d starve, but instead I opted to live a minimalist life. This is what I learned: when you don’t have all of the junk, you can achieve the important.Learn more about ‘The Art of Being Minimalist’ 11. Learn More, Study Lessby Scott H. YoungWhat if I told you everything you know about how to learn, study and succeed in school was wrong? Through researching speed learners, school experts and pinpointing the hidden weaknesses most students face, I’ve been able to come up with my own system — holistic learning.Holistic learning is the opposite of rote memorization. Instead of trying to pound information into your skull, you can weave it into existing understandings. By using these strategies you can actually “get” any subject you want to study.Learn more about ‘Learn More, Study Less’ 12. How to be More Creativeby Marelisa FábregaHow to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists is your guide to leading a more creative, inspired life. It shows that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts, but is important in any field.The purpose of this ebook is not just to give you information, but to transform you into a more creative and innovative person. Get practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor.Learn more about ‘How to be More Creative’Whether you’re a newcomer or an old-time reader, thank you for being around during these 3 years — it means a lot to me. And good luck everyone! PS1: Just like I did with the Personal Excellence Project, I want to make sure the random draw process is as transparent as possible. To pick the winners I’ll use a random sequence generator, numbering the comments (in chronological order) and using a public and yet unknown piece of data as the seed. I will use Amazon‘s stock last trading price for August 3rd. That makes sure the draw is fair and that its authenticity can be verified by anyone. (I know many people wouldn’t care about this kind of stuff, but I do.)PS2: I’d like to spread the word to as many people as possible about this giveaway. So, if you’re feeling particularly generous, I would be very grateful if you tweeted it or shared it with your friends on Facebook (buttons right below). Thanks!Related ArticlesPersonal Development Ebook WinnersOne Year of LitemindImperfect StartHow Can I Make Litemind More Useful for You?Free Ebook: The Very Best of Litemind, 2 Years of Mind ExplorationsNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Personal Development Ebook Giveaway!.
6 New Productivity Principles to Live By 7 June, 2010, 9:33 am
A while ago I laid out a small set of productivity principles that sum up what makes me really productive. Distilled from a million tips I read online on a daily basis, they’re the gems that make the most difference in my everyday life.From the time I wrote that article, I had the chance to try many new principles that are probably as effective as those. So, there you go: the six tried and tested new productivity principles that have been working exceptionally well for me — and which can make you feel at your best too.Principle 6: Goals are for today, not for the future.I got this insight from Steve Pavlina‘s book Personal Development for Smart People, and it’s as simple as it’s powerful:The point of goal-setting is to improve the quality of the present.For a long time, I was setting goals that were like punishments: their only purpose was to serve as whips to get me to work. “Sacrifice yourself now to reap the benefits later” was the rationale. No wonder I have had a hate relationship with goals for a long time — I’m glad things have changed now.Set goals that make you feel powerful, motivated, and driven when you focus on them, long before the final outcome is actually realized. So the debate about setting your goals on a daily, weekly or yearly basis doesn’t really matter much. What matters is that your goals create not only a better tomorrow but above all a better today for you.How to Apply this PrincipleAsk “Will committing to this goal improve my present reality?” If you can’t find a good answer, either refine the goal or throw it away. For example: Suppose your goal is to ‘save money’. The goal is just not worth it if it makes you feel miserable. But if ‘saving money’ makes you feel more confident about what you could do tomorrow, empowered and in control, that’s a keeper.Principle 5: Do you want to improve? Track it!Do you want to exercise every day? Then track the days when you exercise on a calendar. Do you want to write the best book ever? Track how many words a day you actually write.You can improve anything you do if you pay attention to it on a regular basis. When you track, you get cold, brutally honest data. That means, for example, realizing that you’re writing zero words for your novel, day in and day out, exactly as your blank calendar makes painfully clear. Nothing is more revealing (and shocking!) than real-world data — real data about your actual world.And guess what: once you start tracking, you may not even need to do any conscious effort to improve. There’s a phenomenon called the Hawthorne effect: we change our behavior just by being aware that we’re being watched. This means that tracking, by itself, can set in motion the changes that you need without any further conscious effort!How to Apply this PrincipleUse (simple) tracking systems. Take anything you want to improve and create a simple spreadsheet or table in your notebook. And since you may need to record data often, tracking should be fast and easy, otherwise it won’t work.Keep a journal. Writing regularly is a great way to track your thoughts in a more informal way; it helps clarify what you think about any topic you choose. An effective way to track the topics that matter to you is by using the Topics du Jour technique.Principle 4: Treat upcoming decisions as regular tasks.I firmly believe that taking commitments seriously is paramount for leading a productive life (as I’ve outlined in one of the principles in the original manifesto — “Honor Thy Commitments”). However, that raises a big issue: when we aim at honoring all our commitments, we tend to hesitate a lot before accepting any new ones into our lives to begin with.And avoiding new commitments usually manifests itself as delayed decisions. After all, for every decision we make, it means that all tasks associated with it have been officially ‘welcomed into’ our lives, like it or not.Those pending decisions are big energy drains and a major source of procrastination: we can’t afford to let them hang around for too long. They not only deplete our energy but, most importantly, delay meaningful, important action in our lives. And, perversely, decisions with the greatest payoffs are the ones that we tend to put off the most.How to Apply this PrincipleMake upcoming decisions explicit. Don’t let important decisions drift aimlessly in your head: treat them exactly like any other of your tasks. Write them down and deal with them. Put them in your to-do list and allocate the amount of time necessary to make the decision.Set a time limit for making decisions. Oftentimes we have the illusion that if we just wait a bit longer, it will become easier to make the decision — but in fact that usually simply compounds the problem. Most of the time, it’s better to just decide (imperfectly), adjusting to the results of our choices as we go. Set a timer and commit to having the decision made by the time the alarm goes off.Principle 3: Keep it simple, sweetie.When creating to-do lists, setting goals and the like, I always assume that these things will be used by the dumbest person I can think of — me. And I’m right: although I usually feel very smart when setting goals and planning, the “doer” in me is indeed the dumbest person I know…This “other me” (which is in control most of the time) is a procrastinator. He looks for any excuse to escape work. He wants things to be complicated — because it’s in complexity that he finds ways to avoid work without feeling guilty — while pretending to be very busy indeed.So yes, we still want to plan, set goals, review; but let’s keep things simple — otherwise the doer in us will find ways to avoid the important stuff. Simple tasks lists, simple goals, simple reminders.How to Apply this PrincipleUse simple tools and systems. Don’t make it complicated. Use pen and paper or other simple tools. Remember: your goals and plans are only support tools for action, and you shouldn’t spend any more time or effort than necessary on these things.Always look for ways to simplify things. This is more than an isolated act — it’s a mindset. Constantly look for opportunities to simplify routines and put time and effort streamlining them. To make things simple is one of the most difficult things there is, but it pays off!Principle 2: Fresh starts, every day.It’s impossible to be productive every single day. There will be setbacks. There will be times when you will succumb to distractions. It’s a fact of life, and that’s OK.Don’t fret over lost time; don’t try to catch up with yesterday’s unfinished tasks. If yesterday was bad, just start afresh today. I like to think about this as a “productivity meditation”: if something sidetracks me, all I care about is getting focused again. Don’t analyze, don’t criticize, just focus on getting back on track again. Be forgiving with yourself and move on.The flip side of the coin is that if you’re having many good days in a row this is no guarantee that you’ll have a good day next. So, treat each new day as a new personal mini-challenge: forget past successes and failures. Now is all that matters.How to Apply this PrincipleTreat each day as “day zero”: Let go of sunk costs: act like all you have is today. Forget tomorrow and yesterday: focus on doing your best just for today.Don’t fail twice in a row. This is a technique I’ve been trying lately with success. It’s simply an ‘escape clause’: if you fail one time, make it your top priority not to fail for the second time at this task. So, if you missed today’s practice, no big deal. But tomorrow, make that your topmost priority. This guarantees you will get back on track quickly and make you feel terrific again in no time.Principle 1: You already know what to do.Let’s face it: most of the time you don’t need a “productivity system” to get stuff done. Although I believe that tools like task lists, goals and tracking sheets can be really useful, the fact is that they’re only that — tools. Just like any other tool, though, they can be misused or become an end in themselves.Easy goals can distract us from what really matters. Long task lists can be merely a way to show how busy we are, when in fact we’re not sure what to do next. We like spinning our wheels and will go to great lengths to avoid tasks we find unpleasant.It turns out that, most of the time — right in our guts — we already know what to do. And that’s usually not in our to-do lists or calendars.No system can force you to do anything. You can “set priorities” and “get organized” but in the end, no matter how sophisticated your lists are, you’ll still need the courage to act on what matters.How to Apply this PrincipleListen to your fears. What are you avoiding? If you’re spending energy avoiding something, you should pay closer attention to it. Learn to identify your tendency to procrastinate and then act on what matters, even if you feel uncomfortable at first.Keep important things in front of you. What is the most important thing you need to do? Write it on a piece of paper and keep it in front of you. Make it hard to escape from it. Get used to making it go away by means of action, not by running away from it.How do these principles apply to you?Do these principles resonate with you? Do you have anything to add? What works and what doesn’t for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments!Also, if you haven’t yet, make sure you check part I of this article, which I pompously called my “Personal Productivity Manifesto” (though, as you can see, is not a fixed set of values by any means…) Thanks!Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Lifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Do It Tomorrow: An Interview with Mark ForsterBeat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your ProductivityNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: 6 New Productivity Principles to Live By.
The Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us Astray 12 April, 2010, 4:54 am
Our minds make sense of the world by making comparisons. For instance, how do you tell if something is cheap or expensive when shopping? It’s mostly by comparing it with other products, isn’t it? And so it happens for everything in our lives: we’re constantly comparing — everything, all the time. It’s true that making comparisons is human nature, but judging everything only through comparisons can get us to think irrationally and make bad decisions. It eventually makes us feel miserable when we realize that our choices weren’t really that good, after all.Learn how this mind trap works and how to escape it.Relativity in Our Daily Lives: Pens and SuitsPicture yourself in the following situation: You have two errands to run today — buying a new pen and a new suit for work.At an office supply store, you find a nice pen for $16. You are set to buy it, but you remember the exact same pen is on sale for only $1 on a closeout 15 minutes away. Do you buy the pen for $16 or go for the $1 one?OK, on to your second errand: Let’s go get your suit. You just found a nice suit for $500 and while waiting for the cashier, another customer tells you that you can find the same suit for $485 on a store just 15 minutes away. Do you buy your suit for $500 or drive 15 minutes for the $485 one?Take a moment to think about your choices. What would you have done?A similar situation was presented to a group of people in a study (by Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, the same brilliant guys from another great famous framing experiment). The results? They found that most people chose to drive to buy the cheaper pen, but happily parted with $500 for the more expensive suit.What’s going on? Can you spot the contradiction here?A Dollar is a Dollar is a Dollar — Or Is It?Clearly, our minds are fooling us. In both situations your choice boils down to saving $15 or 15 minutes of your time: The absolute price of the item you’re buying has no importance whatsoever (and is the red herring used in the experiment to elicit the contradictory behavior the researchers were looking for).Whether you save $15 from buying a pen, a suit, a car or a luxury yacht, the end result is the same: $15 in your pocket. The only question that matters here should be: “Is 15 minutes of my time to save $15 worth the $15 I’m saving?”What’s happening here is that your mind can’t decide, without external aid, if a $15 discount is a good deal: it needs something else to compare the discount to (in this case, the total price of the item).And this is the problem: we look at things in life relatively, comparing differences, instead of looking at each thing’s value on its own.Making comparisons and evaluating things relative to each other is a many times a useful shortcut, but as demonstrated above, in many occasions it severely hinders our ability to make wise decisions.Relativity Traps are EverywhereNot surprisingly, relativity kicks in not only when buying pens and suits but in almost everything in life.Relativity, along with the bad comparisons it entails, can make you feel bad about yourself, get you in debt, and lead you to make life-changing decisions that are just plain stupid. In short, it can make your life miserable.The examples are countless; here are just a few.Comparing yourself with others. This is a biggie. If you assess your worth by comparing yourself with others (in any dimension you choose to use), you’re set for disappointment: there will always be people better than you in any measure you pick. I’ll further explore this theme in a subsequent article, but for now it suffices to repeat something you already know: avoid comparing yourself with others; it’s always a no-win situation.Keeping up the Joneses. The richest person in a poor neighborhood is usually happier about his net worth than the poorest person in a rich neighborhood — regardless of how much they actually have! In light of relativity, people compare themselves with their neighbors, and don’t like the feeling they’re behind “everyone else”. This is an endless cycle: the more people have, the higher they set the bar for the people they compare themselves with.Winning (and feeling like you lost). Isn’t it true that the silver medal usually tastes bitterer than the bronze medal? Despite the absolute value of the medals, earning the silver medal usually comes in the context of failing to win the gold one. The bronze medal, on the other hand, is earned in the context of getting any medal instead of no medal at all.Taking advantage of “great deals”. It’s a well-known sales technique to offer customers the most expensive products first. Those overpriced items establish the context for people to see the other products as being cheaper. Oftentimes those “cheap” products are not cheap at all, but thanks to relativity, you walk away thinking you made a great deal. (Note, though, that you paid the ‘absolute’ amount of money for your product! It may be relatively cheaper but you may have parted with a great deal of your hard-earned money, anyway.)On the flip side, people may go for the more expensive item because the difference in price to the less expensive one doesn’t look as big. People find it easy to spend $3,000 on leather seats for their new $25,000 cars (the $25,000 serves as the comparison number), but have a hard time spending the same amount on their living room sofas (that usually don’t have a clear figure to be used for comparison).How to Overcome the Relativity TrapIs it possible to escape the mind trap of relativity”? Dan Ariely, in his brilliant book Predictably Irrational (from which I got most of the inspiration to write this article) hints at the solution.The way to escape thinking in terms of comparisons and relative terms, is — not surprisingly — thinking more in absolute terms: you got to escape the trap of doing local comparisons and think more broadly.Going back to our example of buying the pen and the suit: Resist the temptation of looking at the $15 savings relatively to the item’s total price (the immediate, most salient comparison). Escape that local comparison and put the savings into a broader context instead. Ask yourself ‘What can I do with the $15 saved?‘ and see how that can better inform your choices.Maybe you will buy a book? Save the money? Donate it to charity? Moreover, ask yourself: “Is $15 worth a drive downtown and 15 minutes of my time?” In short, see beyond the immediate situation.In 15 minutes, maybe you can go back to work and earn more than $15? Or maybe a 15-minute break is what you need right now? Regardless of which way you decide, remember: this has nothing to do with the price of the pen or the suit, but with what you are actually saving (time? money? hassle?) means to you in a broader context.This was an easy example, but if you think about it, you can apply it to just about everything in your life. How about stop comparing yourself with others and assess how you feel about your life broadly — on your own terms? How about focusing on the value of your silver medal instead of the other guy’s gold medal?Think outside your immediate context, escape easy comparisons and start seeing things in a broader perspective. When you think about life this way, everything can be seen under a new — much more positive — light.Try it: make notes of some of your important decisions (and some of the not-so important ones) then write down your impressions from a relative as well as an absolute perspective. Are your decisions better one way or another? Why? How?While simple in theory, thinking in absolutes is not the way we’re wired to think, so doing it always takes a great deal of conscious effort and practice. But it’s absolutely worth it.Related ArticlesTop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IITop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part ISunk Cost Bias: How It Hinders Your Life and 4 Ways to Overcome ItThe Essential Guide to Effective Decision MakingSharpen Your Critical Thinking With E-PrimeNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: The Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us Astray.
Framing Changes Everything 5 March, 2010, 4:46 am
A young priest asked his bishop, “May I smoke while praying?” The answer was an emphatic “No!”Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, “You shouldn’t be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn’t do it!”“That’s odd,” the old priest replied. “I asked the bishop if I could pray while I’m smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!”As this joke shows, the way you frame a problem profoundly influences the solutions you get. The same problem, when seen from a different angle can lead to a directly opposite interpretation!Skillfully framing problems is paramount for better problem solving and decision making.On the flip side, it’s too easy to fall into thinking traps when it comes to framing. Let’s look at one of these traps — and offer some ideas on how to overcome it.A Brief Pause for You to Save Some LivesLet’s make a thought experiment, shall we?Suppose the government is gearing for the outbreak of an unusual disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative programs to combat the disease have been proposed, and you must choose which one you think is better. These are the estimates of the outcomes for each program:Program A: 200 people will be saved.Program B: There’s a 1/3 chance that 600 people will be saved, and a 2/3 chance that no people will be saved.Make a note of your choice.Now suppose that, instead of those two programs above, you’ve been presented with the following two programs instead. As in the previous situation, pick the one you think is better.Program C: 400 people will die.Program D: There’s a 1/3 chance that nobody will die, and a 2/3 chance that 600 people will die.Are You Being Consistent?Which programs did you pick for the two questions above? (Hint: Most people pick A and D.)This question was asked in a famous experiment by Tversky and Kahneman (which led to a Nobel Prize for Kahneman), with 72% of participants choosing option A over B, and 78% choosing D over C.Well, I don’t know about you, but for me these are astonishing results!Why? In case you didn’t notice, programs A and C are identical, as are programs B and D. They’re objectively the same — the same number of people live and die, with the same odds — but they’re presented — or framed — in different ways!If people were to act consistently, it would be expected they would pick either A-C or B-D. But the change in wording alone was enough for people to shift their choices from the first option to the second. Many people chose inconsistently compared with their previous choice.And that’s how powerful framing is.No matter how “rational” we think we are, emotions and mental images play a large part in our decisions — many times preventing us from seeing the real content behind our options.The Problem is Not Risk Aversion. It’s Loss Aversion.Have you ever heard that people are in general averse to risk?Well, the experiment we looked at strongly suggests that that statement may not be entirely true. When the programs were presented in terms of lives saved, the participants preferred the safe program (Program A). However, when the programs were presented in terms of expected deaths, participants chose the gamble (Program D). If people were risk averse, they’d always choose the safe option.People are willing to gamble — but usually only when the gamble can avoid losses.It turns out that in our minds losses are much stronger than gains. We feel much stronger negative emotions when losing than positive emotions when winning (about 2 times stronger according to some studies).We feel much more disappointed losing $1000 than happy when earning $1000. Saving 200 lives is good, but it is not as appealing as the possibility — even if not that favorable — of avoiding the loss of 600.Framing ToolsIf framing has such an impact in how we decide and solve problems, what is the “correct way” of framing a problem? How can we protect ourselves from our biases? Here are four ideas.1. Try multiple different perspectives.Never accept the initial framing without at least some thought — whether it was formulated by you or by someone else.Try different perspectives and look for distortions in thinking. Play with your problem definition.Because our perceptual positions determine how we view things, it’s important to learn how to shift perspectives and look at a subject in different ways.2. Make all-encompassing and neutral statements.To avoid the biases of posing your problem as losses or gains, state the problem in a neutral way — one that combines both positive and negative perspectives. Make it in such a way that it is redundant, simultaneously encompassing multiple reference points as objectively as possible.In our previous example with the disease programs, it could become:Program A: 200 people survive. 400 people die.Program B: 1/3 chance for 600 people to survive and 0 to die, and 2/3 for 0 people to survive and 600 to die.Regardless of which of the options you end up choosing, you can now evaluate them in a much more balanced way.3. Invert the situation.Take your problem, invert it and see how you feel about it.For example, if it’s about earning $1000, imagine that you already have it and now would lose it. In the same manner, if it’s about losing $1000, imagine that you’re $1000 behind and that you’ll earn it.Check how that feels comparing to the original situation. If you notice a strong asymmetry between your feelings in both situations, this is a strong signal that you’re being affected by the framing of the question.4. Detach yourself from it.Check for elements in your problem that trigger disproportionally emotional responses. It’s always useful to be aware of the role our own emotions play when we make decisions. Acknowledge and express your emotions — it would be impossible not to, anyway — but don’t let them cloud your vision.To separate the rational and the emotional components of the problem, detach yourself from it: Imagine the situation is happening to someone else, someone you don’t know. Conversely, get the opinion of other people who are not involved.Tune the emotions down for a minute to add a new perspective to your problem. Then feel free to tune them back up.What About You?Now, it’s over to you… Have you ever been affected by misframing a situation? Were you able to reframe it? How did it work? Share in the comments!Related ArticlesTopics du Jour: Give Your Life Direction in Less than 10 Minutes a DayTop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IITop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IThe Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us AstrayThe Essential Guide to Effective Decision MakingNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Framing Changes Everything.
Deconstructing Creativity: The 4 Roles You Need to Play to be Fully Creative 2 February, 2010, 5:16 am
Do you want to be fully creative? To not only have wild ideas, but to actually create and bring remarkable things to life?There are four distinct roles to be performed for the creative process to be as effective as possible. Each one requires that you play different characters, with different mindsets and skills.The roles are: Explorer, Artist, Judge and Warrior.Learn how they help unleash your creativity and how to master the skills each one requires.1. The ExplorerIdeas do not come out of the blue. In order to build them you first need to gather the raw materials: facts, concepts, experiences, knowledge, feelings — that’s what ideas are made of. To get all of that, you need an attitude of ongoing curiosity and exploration.The Explorer is always in search of new things. He is relentlessly curious and never limits himself to a particular area of experience and knowledge. To have ideas is to connect dots. First and foremost you need lots of dots to connect — you need fuel for the formation of new ideas.How to Develop Your ExplorerBe curious and alert. Poke around in unknown areas. Be like a child, by paying attention to the world and being receptive to it. Rediscover the fun in finding things out.Seek out as many inputs as possible. Do not limit yourself to the tried and true. Read different books and see different movies from the ones you like. Also, don’t mind going after information “you’ll never use”. Seek many different areas of knowledge.Talk to a lot of different people. Get to know many different perspectives. Talk to strangers. Don’t limit yourself to expert advice.2. The ArtistThe artist has ideas. He takes the raw materials from the Explorer and combines them in novel ways.When people say someone’s “creative”, they’re usually referring to the Artist. The Artist has ideas mostly by trying new things. He applies his imagination by rearranging, turning things upside down, stirring things up. He pursues different approaches and finds unexpected connections. He’s playful; he doesn’t care about what people expect from him.How to Develop Your ArtistFlex your idea muscles. Write down new ideas as they come to you; it stimulates your brain to generate more and more ideas. Also, use idea-generation tools deliberately: Lists of 100, Idea Quota and SCAMPER just to name a few.Play! We all know it: the most efficient way to have new ideas is by having fun. Don’t always take problems too seriously. Entertain yourself and keep your brain fresh and ready.Use your imagination. Leave practicality aside; don’t be afraid to let your imagination run wild and visualize new possibilities. Dare to ask ‘what if’ and watch new realities unfold.3. The JudgeThe Judge is all about “getting real”. His job is to analyze the Artist’s wild ideas and assess if they’re practical — in the real world.The judge questions assumptions; he compares and analyzes. He checks how feasible ideas are. No matter how much the Artist loves an idea, the Judge looks for counterarguments, checks evidence, and makes hard decisions. Combining gut feeling and analytical tools, the judge must only let through feasible ideas.The Judge gets a bad reputation — but only because people usually invoke him too early. Killing an idea before the Artist can play with it is a pity; killing it later is oftentimes a necessity.How to Develop Your JudgeDevelop critical thinking. Check your assumptions, experimenting with hypotheses, analyzing results and drawing conclusions. Master decision making.Be aware of thinking traps. Our minds deceive us. Be always aware and vigilant of your own biases. There are more ways than you can imagine that your thinking can go wrong. Really.Be real. Will the idea give you the return you want? Do you have the resources to make it happen? Are you willing to put the effort to make it happen? Be practical and down-to-earth.4. The WarriorAs soon as you have an idea ready to be executed you’ll realize the world isn’t set up to accommodate every new idea that comes along. The enemies can be external: competition may be fierce, or people may just don’t “get” your beautiful ideas. Even harder than those, there are more than enough enemies already within you: think resistance, excuses and fear of failure.The Warrior’s job is to make ideas happen. For that, you’ll need not only a strategy and plan of action but to put in the hours — fight the daily fight.That means remaining productive, developing the resilience and courage to overcome obstacles and, of course, being able to sell your ideas — whatever’s necessary to materialize them.How to Develop Your WarriorOvercome resistance. When you create something new, resistance inevitably creeps in. You need to find ways of overcoming procrastination and staying productive day in, day out.Be courageous. In order to make things happen, you’ll need to let go of self-doubt and conquer fear of failure.Market and sell your idea. Are you the only one who thinks your idea is great? Can you convince others of the merits of your idea? If you can’t sell your idea, it won’t get far.Awareness and Timing are Critical TooIn reality, we all know the path to creativity is not that sequential — explorer-to-artist-to-judge-to-warrior. Usually, there’s a lot of switching back and forth between roles: The Judge may return an idea to the Artist for further development; the Artist may want more data from the Explorer to develop a certain idea, and so on.This is fine. The main thing is to be aware of which role you’re performing at different points in time. We often get stuck in the Explorer role for too long. Or we may jump the gun and summon our Judge while our Artist is still working his magic. There are so many ways to spend too much or too little time in each role, or to overlap ineffectively.The lesson is: make sure not only to develop the skill set for each role, but also to play each one at the appropriate time. Be aware of which phase of the creative process you’re in and what you’re trying to accomplish. All roles are equally important: make sure they’re playing well with each other.Want to Know More? Here’s a RecommendationThese concepts above are not new. The idea of the four creativity roles comes from Roger Von Oech‘s classic work on creativity A Whack on the Side of the Head, as well as the Creative Whack Pack (which is a deck of cards where each of the four roles is a suit — very fun, do check it out too).I have had this book for ages but only lately have been applying its principles and becoming more conscious of the steps of the creative process. There’s a myth that creativity needs to be wild and unplanned, that one cannot be trained to be creative. I’m increasingly convinced that that is not true and I will expand on this topic as I explore more. In the meantime, A Whack on the Side of the Head and Creative Whack Pack are two truly excellent resources I recommend for those interested in becoming more creative.Related ArticlesThe Medici EffectTackle Any Issue With a List of 100Solve Your Problems Simply by Saying Them Out LoudGet Mentally Fit with an Idea QuotaEinstein’s Secret to Amazing Problem Solving (and 10 Specific Ways You Can Use It)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Deconstructing Creativity: The 4 Roles You Need to Play to be Fully Creative.
50 Ways to Get Your Life in Order 12 January, 2010, 5:20 am
This is an article by guest writer Mark Foo, author of The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People.There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of chaos in your life. As Albert Einstein once stated, “Three rules of work: out of clutter find simplicity, from discord find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”Unexpected challenges are what make us stronger, so don’t avoid them. Keep in mind the following 50 tips and you’ll be able to streamline your life and get back on track in the New Year.Recycle old papers that are filling drawers in your house. If you’re anything like me, you have drawers overflowing with old receipts, junk mail, records, and notes to myself. Get rid of all of this. Invest in a paper shredder to reduce clutter and maintain privacy.Mentally prepare yourself for change by visualizing your ideal self. Who do you admire the most? How do you envision yourself in the future? Who do you want to be? Visualize yourself to be that person.Realize that unexpected events can be a good thing. As the Dalai Lama once said, “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”Ask people you admire how they got where they are today. I’ve always admired my grandfather. Learning more about how he started up his business, dealt with difficulty throughout his life, and maintained grace throughout it all has helped me in my personal endeavors.Cut back on alcohol, cigarettes and other vices. These can be crutches that cloud judgment. The money saved by not purchasing or cutting back on this type of material can then be put into something rewarding such as a vacation.Remove elements of negativity from your life, be they people or a job you don’t want to do. If you have friends who are bringing you down, there’s no need to keep hanging out with them out of obligation. Cut your ties and cut your losses.Start each day with a clear to-do list along with your cup of morning coffee. Knowing what you need to do in the day ahead helps keep you on track.Clean your house from top to bottom and throw away anything outdated. Not only receipts, as mentioned above, but any old junk that should be donated to charity or sold in a garage sale.Institute a clear filing system for your personal records. Investing in a simple filing cabinet and folders with labels is something you don’t need a personal secretary for and makes your life much easier when you are looking for a specific item.Do your grocery shopping for the week on the day it’s most convenient. Make a list, budget, and get only what you need to save time and money.Take a career test that will help you identify your strengths. If you are unhappy with your career but don’t even know where to begin in the process of moving on, this can be a good way to identify strengths and new possibilities.Meet with a professional counselor if there are issues you need to discuss. Many people are struggling with dead weight from the past or emotional baggage that is holding them back. Deal with them and move on with professional assistance.Go through cabinets and throw out expired medications or food items. The last time I did this, I found everything from 3-year-old curry powder to 5-year-old aspirin. Throw them out.Make a clear diet plan with an emphasis on whole grains, fruits and vegetables. A healthy diet plan has a tremendous effect on your overall energy levels.Add vitamin pills to your daily diet. Vitamin supplements can help reduce the possibility of cancer and osteoporosis, among other disorders.Work out a clear exercise plan with an activity that you enjoy such as dancing or biking. My girlfriend loves yoga, and I am a soccer enthusiast. As long as it’s active, it counts.Set appointments you’ve been putting off. It’s easy to put off going to the doctor or dentist until we are sick, but preventive care is extremely important in overall health levels.Take up a mental exercise. Crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or other word games along these lines are more than just a good way to pass time. They have been shown in studies to help improve overall mental capabilities.Publish your own book. This is easier than ever before with Internet publishing. You can get your ideas out there and start making money from them. I’ve published my own eBook, The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People, check it out.Make a reading list and join a book club. Most people state that they want to read more, but without an actual plan you may not make the time to do this. Joining a book club not only serves as a social activity but also keeps you up to date with your own reading list.Spend time with yourself each day. Susan Taylor states that “spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”Practice breathing exercises or meditation. Stress can have an overarching effect on our overall productivity levels. When stressed, I personally forget to breathe at times. Take the time to take deep breaths and improve oxygen flow to the brain.Speak and act with honesty. Are you able to stand by what you do and say? If not, it may be time to reexamine your own words and learn to articulate your thoughts in an open, honest way. This helps eliminate mistakes down the road.Learn from past mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Usually, we make a lot of them during our lifetime. As long as they aren’t repeated too many times, and are looked at as a learning experience, they can in fact be a good thing in the long run.Volunteer to help others in your community. Helping others is a rewarding way to get your own life together.Take up a new language or hobby.Read inspirational biographies. For new ideas, find out how others got their lives in order.Talk to a stranger. Unplanned conversations can be surprisingly inspiring.Reconnect with friends and relatives who live far away. Call those people you miss but keep putting off calling. With the Internet and Skype at your disposal, even an online chat can help you reconnect.Change your toothbrush. It can be a hotbed of bacteria.Take more naps. Sleep is often sadly underrated in its ability to boost energy, mood, and keep reaction times sharp.Drink at least 6 cups of water per day. Staying hydrated helps keep energy levels up.Organize your photo collection. Get both digital files and physical printouts in albums. If you’re anything like my family, your photographs could be sadly sitting tucked away in shoeboxes in the closet, taking up space.Take an interest in art in your community. Visiting galleries can help introduce you to the artists in your community and help stimulate thinking.Join a hobbyist club. My friend decided to learn more about building model airplanes and was so deeply into it that he recently obtained his commercial pilot’s license. You never know where a simple hobby can lead you in life.Keep a calendar with commitments. Having a visual reminder in front of you can be extremely helpful. We are all different types of learners.Don’t put off difficult conversations. Deal with problems directly and immediately. This will result in a much lower level of anxiety for all involved.Make a list of priorities and do what makes you happy. If you have lost touch with your own priorities lately, it can be beneficial to take the time to sit and think about what actually makes you happy. Work toward achieving this as much as possible.Spend more time outdoors. Nature has an ability to help soothe a troubled mind and clear your thoughts. Taking a walk in the woods or climbing a mountain, at any level of difficulty, gives a sense of pride and accomplishment.Attend lectures. These could be science lectures or other types, but it’s helpful to keep up-to-date on what’s going on in the world and plan accordingly. Keeping the mind active helps you in all aspects of your daily life.Take the time to stretch muscles. Get a massage to improve muscle tone and circulation, then use this new energy and apply it to your work routine.Make laughter a priority. Hang out with some of your most entertaining friends for a good laugh, or simply sit back with some favorite old comedies. Laughter counts as exercise and has been shown to expand your life span.Clear some time each day to do nothing. As a child, I remember that we had “free time” scheduled into our school activities every day. This could be used for reading, drawing, or simply staring into space if that’s what we felt like doing. What a novel idea, and one that keeps the brain at ease.Schedule a much-needed vacation.Learn new tips for entertaining. You don’t have to be Martha Stewart to throw a great dinner party, and learning how to be a host or hostess with minimal effort can give a big boost to your confidence levels.Throw out old clothing that doesn’t fit. Too many of us are squeezing into outdated clothes that are doing us no favors. Look and feel your best with clothes that are tailored to fit.Live in the present, not the past. The past is over. Move on and enjoy every moment as it occurs. Take stock of what needs to be accomplished and move forward with this information.Learn from past mistakes and move forward with your life. Get your life in order by looking forward, not back.Get your car checked up. You go to the doctor to have your body checked up. Don’t wait until it is too late to perform maintenance on your car. I once got stuck on a road trip to Ipoh (Malaysia) as a result of this oversight, and it wasn’t pleasant.Budget for possible home repairs. Set aside some money in the proverbial cookie jar to keep home maintenance within the realm of possibility in this coming year.Do you have a tip to help us get our lives in order? Please share in the comment section below!About Mark FooMark has brought together 48 personal development bloggers and writers to co-author The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People eBook that spells out all the secrets of very successful people. This eBook is available to you FREE. Grab your copy now at http://www.77SuccessTraits.com.Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Overcome Fear of Failure, Part II — 6 Powerful Strategies You Can UseOvercome Fear of Failure, Part I — Building the Right MindsetLifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: 50 Ways to Get Your Life in Order.
Are you stuck in a rut? Run from the experts! 7 December, 2009, 9:20 am
You’re facing a big challenge at work and can’t come up with any innovative ideas. Maybe your business is flagging or a particular area in your personal life has stalled. Either way, you could really use fresh new ideas to spice things up.In situations like these it’s tempting to go seek help from the experts. After all, someone much more knowledgeable should be the best source of ideas, right?Well, maybe not.The Problem with ExpertsExperts need to specialize. They need to draw boundaries around their subjects so they can narrow their focus and be as effective as possible in their fields.This ‘compartmentalization in thinking’ is immensely useful in speeding up problem solving. It also means experts usually fall short in stretching their thinking beyond their areas of expertise, and as such fail to see the big picture.Michael Michalko puts it well in his book Thinkertoys: “It’s like brushing one tooth. You get to know that one tooth extremely well, but you lose the rest of them in the process.”But it gets worse: experts may not only miss obvious solutions, but they may actually cause harm, forcing inadequate solutions that fall within their area of expertise. “To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail”, psychologist Abraham Maslow wisely remarked.Although experts are often useful, when it comes to innovation you may actually be better off without them.An Alternative: Embrace The Nonexperts Around YouThe alternative to talking to experts is — drum roll — talking to nonexperts, of course.Regular people around you. Your soccer buddies. The garbage collector. Uncle Bob. It doesn’t matter who: anyone outside your field, anyone who’s strange to the problem — anyone who “doesn’t know the rules” will do.Regular people — nonexperts — don’t have enough experience to know where to draw boundaries: they’re unaware of limitations or “how things are supposed to work”. In their naïveté, they’ll miss many constraints and assumptions you take for granted — which is exactly the point. These are the people who will most likely spark fresh new ideas for you. They can genuinely think outside the box: for them, there’s no box.We have a tendency to always go after more specialized people for getting help in our problems — and that works in many cases. But for creative endeavors, perhaps all you need is someone who knows less.The great news is that there is no shortage of nonexperts around you. Everyone is a nonexpert at most things. All you need is to know how to tap into their non-expertise in the area you need help. Here are 3 tips to help.1. Meet Different Kinds of People — Lots of Them!To build a solid network of idea-generating friends, first and foremost you need to strive for diversity.It doesn’t matter if you have 500 peers to draw ideas from if everybody else’s mind is the same: it’s not a matter of how many people you know, it’s how many kinds.Resist the temptation to seek advice only from people who think alike: it’s comfortable, I know, but it hinders you from fully expanding your mind. Go out and mix with people with diverse interests for a change!Getting in touch with many different perspectives is guaranteed to keep your creative juices flowing (and as a bonus you become a much more interesting person in the process!).Find out how different people would tackle your problem. How would a nurse do it? A 5-year-old child? An economist? Your mom?Never miss the opportunity to have casual conversations with strangers. The butcher, the old lady ahead of you in the line and the ice cream vendor are all sources of potentially useful ideas. Even if you don’t discuss your particular problem directly (which of course may not always be a sensible thing to do), discovering different perspectives about random life subjects is useful in itself to spark new ideas.2. Seek Out Idea-Oriented PeopleHaving an abundant circle of relationships always comes first, but after striving for quantity, you now need to make sure you have quality relationships too!There’s a certain breed of people that you’ll always benefit from having around: it’s the kind of thinkers that spark your imagination whenever you talk to them. You know who they are:They love original ideas and use them in their businesses and lives.They are relentlessly curious and pay attention to the world around them.They may be naïve about your business, but are not stupid or ignorant of the things that matter.They have great wits and challenge the absurdity in things.Make a list of people who you know have those traits and arrange to spend more time with them. Never let too much time pass without staying in touch with them. Discuss your challenges and ask for ideas — or just engage in idle chatting (which also sparks a torrent of ideas in itself).Having such vibrant people around you is invaluable for your creativity and too fun to miss out.3. Engage in “Fool Mode” (Assume Everybody’s a Genius)This is a fun technique I use sometimes. I like to call it “Fool Mode”.When I’m in “fool mode”, everybody knows the solutions to my problems. Everybody is a genius — except me. In fact, not only do they know the solution I’m looking for, but they may be already giving it away — the only caveat being they’re talking in riddles — so it’s my job to figure it out!Adopting the fool’s mindset works great because it checks our tendency to kill ideas before giving them at least some thought.Think about this: When someone presents us an idea we can’t see the use for, our tendency is to dismiss it immediately, labeling it a ‘stupid idea’. Now what if the other person were a well-known genius — like, say, Einstein? Would you not consider paying a little more attention to what he would have to say? Of course you would! It’s in that thinking — trying to force relationships between seemingly unrelated ideas — that your breakthrough idea may lie.Being in “fool mode” is also fun and teaches important lessons: You open your mind to the world. You temporarily suspend judgment and let go of any intellectual arrogance you may have. You assume everybody has something to contribute — and what you come to realize, of course, is that they do.In ClosingYou shouldn’t expect random people to actually solve a complex problem they don’t know about. But, if you have an open mind and are willing to listen, they can spark off a torrent of fresh new ideas, which may be just enough for you to solve the problem yourself.So, by all means don’t dismiss experts. They have more experience and can often help you. But don’t forget that the great innovative ideas are usually elsewhere. The solution you’re looking for may be with your neighbor or with weird uncle Bob — you just need to go get it.Related ArticlesThe Medici EffectTackle Any Issue With a List of 100Solve Your Problems Simply by Saying Them Out LoudNever Eat AloneHow to Always Remember People’s NamesNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Are you stuck in a rut? Run from the experts!.
Beat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your Productivity 16 November, 2009, 5:20 am
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Even if you are not familiar with its name, I’m sure you’ve fallen prey to Parkinson’s Law countless times… what can we do to escape it?Do You Recognize These Symptoms?We all know the drill: when we have too much time to complete a task, we tend to slack off until the task becomes urgent. Then, when meeting the deadline gets nigh impossible, we become super-productive and miraculously pull it off — getting the job done just in time.The quintessential example of Parkinson’s Law in action is school assignments: even with a full month to complete an assignment, most people work very unproductively (if at all) until the last few days — when they pull one or two all-nighters and manage to get it done right at the last minute.If you are like one of those students, you know that ‘working’ on the assignment filled up the whole time available — even if only psychologically — despite the fact that you spent little time in actual, productive work. Had you invested this short amount of time right after the assignment was handed to you, you would have completed it much sooner and could have spent the remaining time much more joyfully (either truly resting or working more productively on other stuff).Does that mean we’re doomed to work at our peak only when we’re faced with looming deadlines? How can we get rid of this unproductive behavior and beat Parkinson’s Law? It turns out there are a few things you can do. Read on.6 Surefire Ways to Beat Parkinson’s Law1. Break Down Your Tasks and DeadlinesParkinson’s Law always strikes the hardest when you have enormous tasks with far-away deadlines. The best way to fix this is, of course, breaking those big, monolithic tasks into many smaller, bite-sized tasks, along with several intermediate deadlines to complete them.In addition to showing how you are progressing, frequent, achievable deadlines create a mild sense of urgency during the whole duration of your work, keeping you naturally engaged and focused on what needs to be done.This method works great indeed, but note that you still need to take those intermediate deadlines seriously — which is not always easy!2. Know What ‘Done’ MeansIt’s not always easy to know for sure when a task is finished. The more of a perfectionist you are, the most likely you’re a victim of Parkinson’s Law: there’s always one more little thing to add, one little refinement to be made, isn’t there?Sure, I am all for aiming for greater quality: the hard part is knowing where to draw the line so we don’t spend a lot of time overdoing it.If you suffer from this same problem, one thing that helps a lot is to precisely define the output of your tasks. The trick is to be as specific as you can about them — and then simply stop when you complete them.For example, ‘write white paper draft’ allows too much room for interpretation by your inner perfectionist. ‘Write a 1000-word unedited stream-of-consciousness-style text’ works much better, doesn’t it? Being specific upfront helps keep our perfectionism in check.3. Set Clear BoundariesMost of the time, Parkinson’s Law kicks in when we’re doing too much stuff at the same time: our days become a jumble of tasks when hardly any ever gets completely finished. And, with the huge amount of distractions that tend to creep in, it only gets worse.To avoid Parkinson’s Law’s effects and finish tasks sooner, we must work on them one at a time, focused and with as few distractions as possible.The best way I know to do that is by corralling your tasks using time boxes. Get a countdown timer and set a time limit to work on them — a contiguous block without distractions to finish or at least make progress on those tasks.Another great way of setting boundaries is by clearly separating between work and leisure. If you restrict the time available for work (and honor it, of course), you’ll learn to fit all your work into these boundaries. My favorite technique to keep work boundaries well-defined is the time budget (where you define how much time you spend on each area of your life).4. Challenge YourselfWhen you have a tight time limit or deadline, it forces your brain to figure out ways to get it done in the time available.So, it’s time to stop adding hidden “safety buffers” when you estimate and allocate time for your tasks: if you pad your estimates, they will be wasted as a result of Parkinson’s Law kicking in.What works here instead is to set challenging deadlines for yourself. Not too challenging — mildly challenging, I’d say. The trick here is that they must still be believable — otherwise you’ll just disregard them.Take those time boxes you set for yourself (in item #3 above) and now shrink them! Can you do the same task 10% faster? Maybe 20%? A litttle more, perhaps? As soon as you set an expectation — an estimate for the duration of a task — the estimate becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The task will take the expected time, so take advantage of that!The good thing about regularly challenging yourself that way is that you’ll improve your estimation skills very quickly, in addition to having fun finding creative ways to win these self-imposed challenges. If you practice (and your tasks are well-defined and small enough), it becomes increasingly easier to effectively set challenges for yourself.5. Create Incentives to Finish EarlyOne reason Parkinson’s Law is so prevalent — especially in corporations — is that people rarely have the right incentives to finish early:—”Finished already? Here’s more work for you.”—”You’re fast! Guess we can bring the deadline forward next time!”Even without pointy-haired bosses around, sticking to the current task as long as possible is often desirable, as it can act as a security blanket: maybe you’re avoiding your next task because it is too daunting, for example.So if you finish early, give yourself mini-rewards: take a quick break, browse the web, go for a walk — do whatever takes your fancy — and enjoy the feeling of having deserved it. The key here is to associate rewards with results, not with time spent — so don’t fool yourself.Of course, incentives for finishing early only work if the task is well-defined (i.e., you know exactly what ‘done’ means), otherwise most of us will just cheat (by doing a sloppy or incomplete job) in order to get the reward sooner.6. Know What’s NextLastly, something that happens too often is hanging on too long to a task solely because we don’t know exactly what to do next.Most of the time, the cognitive effort in planning tasks is much higher than that required to actually carry them out. That means that if we don’t have anything ready to be acted on, we may not have the required energy to stop, plan on-the-fly, and then get back to work. The easy way out is to stick to the current task for as long as we safely can.One thing that I always strive to do is separate planning from doing, and make sure to always have a few next actions in the pipeline so you can keep the momentum going and avoid having to stop to reassess what you should be doing.Over to YouAre you a victim of Parkinson’s Law? What works best for you in beating it? Share in the comments!…and, while we’re still at it, writing this article reminded me of an oldie (but goodie) short video I enjoy. It’s not exactly about Parkinson’s Law, but it’s somewhat related and always makes me chuckle… (If you can’t see the video, watch it on Youtube)Credit for intro photo: Robbert van der Steeg.Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Lifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Do It Tomorrow: An Interview with Mark Forster6 Productivity Principles to Live By (My Personal Productivity Manifesto)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Beat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your Productivity.

metatalk

Google buzz 27 January, 2012, 10:35 am
Folks, you know where MeTa is. Leave the needling of other users out of this thread, please? - Well, this appears to be about me, judging by some of the disappeared comments, but would you mind explaining what aspect of the conversation is verboten?
Everybody Has One 27 January, 2012, 12:02 am
Thanks for the Favorites!Thanks to everyone who favorited my response to this post. It was very nearly my mostest-favorited comment of all time when it got vaporized. Apparently calling the OP an ass (without dissembling or qualifying words to soften it) crossed the sensitivity threshold like it was the Maginot Line. Livenlearn. Again, thanks for the favs, people. (closed)
Son of "a desk is a dangerous place, redux" 26 January, 2012, 10:51 pm
I know I asked this about 10 months ago, but I'm so excited about my new proper work desk! Our workplace was remodeled during the summer; my old desk was demolished and I was working from a large Rubbermaid cart until this beauty showed up. So please indulge me, and join me: "Show us your desks again, pretty please!"previously and A desk is...redux
The Side Bar is open and damn do I love the drinks there! 26 January, 2012, 9:58 pm
I'm calling out the mod team for their excellent response over the past month to my post requesting more use of the sidebar. I've read things I never would have seen before, and they've all been excellent. Thanks so much, and keep it up! This feature makes MetaFilter even better for me, and I'm sure also for others.
It Is Time to Stop Linking to the Same Bloody Article. 26 January, 2012, 7:25 am
It Is Time to Stop Linking to the Same Bloody Article.In ten days, the same MeFite has posted four links to the same article, mostly without much comment: It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #1 It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #2 It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #3 It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #4 Another MeFite has also done it twice in one hour by his own proud admission : It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #5 It Is Time To Stop Pretending To Endorse The Copyright Monopoly. #6 Guys, if you think this article is so great, please make a decent FPP out of it, or at least do explain why it is so great. Otherwise this becomes uncomfortably close to political spam. (closed)
Yay for gift exchanges! 25 January, 2012, 7:10 pm
"A secret crafty gift from a stranger (from the internet)..."Dear the anonymous person who drew my name in MeRAGE or Metafilter craft exchange and sent me a lovely box of crafty goodies and an adorable felted CactusMonster™ in time for my birthday: you are wonderful. Love, Me. What other wonderful things have people received?
Donate here! 24 January, 2012, 9:58 pm
As long as we are looking for clarification on posts that push boundaries, how about this direct link to a project seeking donations? It's not a Kickstarter, but equivalent.
You should knock off the sermons 24 January, 2012, 9:20 pm
This post reads less like an interesting topic or link and more like a heavy handed call to action blog post. Can the post be deleted or failing that, could people please avoid this horrible writing convention?
Copyright infringement is not legal 24 January, 2012, 7:39 pm
Why do we allow posts to warez sites?This FPP links to a site that emulates the Game Boy Color, and has a bunch of games you can play. None of those games are authorized to be there. Distribution of copyrighted works without permission is illegal under the law. I posted in that thread complaining about its existence; I should have done so here. So, here I am doing it. Please delete the post.
baby, baby 23 January, 2012, 8:16 pm
I am really surprised that this comment was allowed to stand. The question is not about adoption, at all, and I think this comment is a borderline solicitation.

michaelhyatt

Five Ways to Find a Mentor 27 January, 2012, 3:00 am
This is a guest post by Daniel Darling. He is the Senior Pastor of Gages Lake Bible Church in the northwest suburbs of Chicago and is the author of iFaith, Connecting with God in the 21st Century. You can read his blog or follow him on Twitter. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here. The value of a mentor cannot be overestimated. A mentor is someone who is a few laps ahead of you in an area of life where you wish to find success. More than formal training, more than a book or a seminar, a good mentor brings his or her personal experience to bear on your life in a way that may shape it forever. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/asiseeit But how to find one? It’s actually easier than you think. Here are five ways to find a mentor: Don’t Start with Seth Godin or Max Lucado. Yes, we’d all love to have someone at the top of our profession mentor us. But not only is this unrealistic, it’s also unhelpful. Chances are that the advice of someone at the very top would be intimidating or unhelpful to you at your current pace of life. Instead, look for someone a few levels ahead of you in your chosen field. Someone accessible to you. There is a pastor in my community whose church is medium-sized, but not mega. Since I pastor a small church, he’s perfect for me and has the time. Attend trade functions or gatherings in your community. As a pastor, I regularly attend pastor’s gatherings in our area. I’ve also done this in the Christian publishing field. Simply attending and meeting new people has led to many rich mentoring relationships. If you stay inside your office your entire life, you’ll never experience the opportunity to be enriched by the wisdom of others. Make friendships through simple conversation. You don’t find a mentor by asking someone, “Can you be my mentor?” That’s a bit awkward and may seem to put a heavy burden on someone who doesn’t know you very well. Instead, meet people, develop relationships through conversation and let natural human interaction be your guide. Follow up with a request to meet again, one-on-one. If you’ve gotten to know someone you think you can learn from, get his contact information and ask him something like, “Hey, I’d love to sit for coffee and pick your brain on _______.” This is the intentional part of finding a mentor. I’ve done this a number of times both with pastors and with writers and have found them eager to share what they know about their chosen field. Ask questions. When you do meet for coffee, pepper the mentor with questions and then sit back and listen. Ask him questions like, “How did you get into this field?” “What have you learned over the years?” “What do you think of this idea?” Don’t try to wow him with all you’ve done. You’re there to learn from his success. Mentoring relationships are valuable . . . and they aren’t complicated. They are simply friendships which have the potential to help shape your future. Oh, and a bonus tip: pick up the tab. The wisdom you gain is well worth the price of a latte. Question: What have you done to find a mentor? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
When You Feel Overwhelmed by Your Workload 26 January, 2012, 3:00 am
I often write and speak on workload management. But even I occasionally get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of requests and assignments. I’m in such a state right now. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/VallarieE In the last week I’ve attended board meetings for three different companies. Two were out of town. In addition, I have spoken publicly five times and am right in the middle of reviewing the copy-edited manuscript for my new book. That doesn’t even count the 669 e-mails I have received in the last week. (Yes, that’s the exact count as of 10 minutes ago. It only represents the ones that have come through to my private account.) No wonder I feel overwhelmed! But I’ll bet your life is no different. The reality is all of us have more work than we can possibly do. When you add to this the demands of regular exercise, family, church, civic duties, and some semblance of a social life, it becomes impossible. Here are six things you can do to cope. Trust me, I am preaching to myself! Acknowledge you can’t do it all. The idea that you will eventually get caught up is a myth. It’s impossible. You have more work than you can reasonably expect to get done. And unfortunately, your workload is not static. Even now, while you are reading this post, your inbox is filling up with fresh new tasks. Accept the fact some things won’t get done at all. This flows from the first item. You have to make peace with the fact that you must leave some things undone—for the sake of your own sanity. Practice workload triage. On the battlefield, medics have to decide where to apply their limited resources. They can’t help everyone. According to Dictionary.com, triage is the process of sorting victims, as of a battle or disaster, to determine medical priority in order to increase the number of survivors.” Some patients will survive without medical care. Some won’t survive even if they have medical care. Triage means ignoring these two groups and focusing on those that will only survive with medical care. You must know which things you can safely ignore and which things demand your intervention. Categorize your tasks by priority. In my view, this is the one thing missing from David Allen’s system. It assumes all tasks are equal. Or to say it another way, you can only decide a task’s relative priority in the moment.This doesn’t work for me. I end up with scores of tasks I must review every day. My eyes glaze over, and I fall prey to what Charles Ummel calls the Tyranny of the Urgent. Instead, I like the Franklin-Covey method of assigning a priority tag to each task: A—urgent and important B—important but not urgent C—urgent but not important D—not urgent or important I personally categorize each task with one of these tags. At the beginning of each day, I focus on my A’s first. If I get those done, I move to the B’s, then the C’s. Practice intentional neglect.Many people practice the opposite—unintentional neglect. They forget to do something or they are late in meeting their deadlines. They don’t like this behavior and neither do those who are counting on them.But this inevitably happens if you don’t practice intentional neglect. You must decide in advance you will not do category D tasks. They are neither urgent nor important. They are simply not worthy of your time or attention. “But,” you may ask, “what about tasks I don’t think are important but someone else does?” Great question. Let me give you an example. When I was a CEO, my Board sometimes asked me to do something I thought was a waste of time. I didn’t regard it as important. But, because I served at their pleasure—and wanted to keep my job!—I re-categorized it in my mind as important. Sometimes, it is a simple matter of re-framing the task. On the other hand, I recently received a lunch request from a man who is an acquaintance. He is looking for a job and wanted to discuss career possibilities in the publishing industry. This is no doubt important to him and possibly urgent. For me it is neither, so I declined. The bottom line is you must learn to say “no” to the unimportant tasks, so you can say “yes” to the important tasks and actually get them done. Do the next most important thing next. Multi-tasking is a myth. You really can’t do more than one thing at a time—at least more than one thing that requires focused attention. So get your list of priorities, do the most important thing first, then move to the next item and work down your list. For today, I have six things I’d like to accomplish: one of them is an A, four are Bs, and one is a C. I’m starting at the top and working down the list. Question: How about you? How do you cope with feeling overwhelmed? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Is It an Obstacle or an Opportunity? 25 January, 2012, 3:00 am
If you want to improve the quality of your life or business, planning is essential. You have to be honest about your current reality, envision a better future, and then create a roadmap for getting from one to the other. If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here. But having a solid plan is no guarantee against encountering problems along the way. As a mentor of mine used to say, “Doo-doo occurs.” In the video above, a classical violist faces the unexpected. Near the end of a concert, a cell phone goes off in the audience. Note what he does: He embraces the interruption as an opportunity. He uses the unexpected to demonstrate his artistry. He wins over the crowd and a creates an unforgettable experience. The Apostle James encouraged this kind of attitude when he wrote: When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance (1:2–4, J.B. Phillips New Testament) The bottom line is that it all comes down to your perspective. Do you see obstacles as problems or opportunities? Question: How could the problem you face today be an opportunity? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
My Experience Using a Virtual Assistant 24 January, 2012, 3:00 am
I left my role as CEO of Thomas Nelson in April 2011. I thought I could get by without an assistant. Boy, was I wrong. If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here. As a result of greater focus on writing, my blog traffic spiked and my comment load doubled. I started getting more email. I had to book my own travel. I soon felt overwhelmed. Initially, I thought I’d hire a part-time assistant. I even created a job description and sent it to several people I thought might know of someone. A few people applied. But then I started counting the cost: Where would I put them, since I work out of my house? Would I have to supply my assistant with a computer? a cell phone? other equipment? Did I want to pay payroll taxes and keep up with the paperwork? So, I switched gears and considered a virtual assistant (a “VA”). I re-read Tim Ferriss’s excellent chapter on virtual assistants in The 4-Hour Work Week (see Chapter 8). I had hired a “VA” a few years ago while I was still at Thomas Nelson. I did this more as an experiment than anything else. I hired someone in another country for about $10 an hour. It was cheap, but the service was disappointing. I decided this time that I would hire someone domestically. I posted on Twitter that I was looking for a virtual assistant. Within an hour, Bryan Miles of eaHELP.com responded. We talked by phone a few minutes later. I was impressed by Bryan’s responsiveness, personal values, and operating philosophy. After considering a few other options, I decided to give his firm a try. Bryan assigned Tricia to my account. I was immediately impressed with her. She has worked for me since August, and I couldn’t be happier. People I interact with, assume that we are working out of the same office. She has her own michaelhyatt.com email address. I routinely get compliments on her responsiveness and efficiency. Here’s what she does: She screens my email. She checks my main email accounts, handles what she can, and “redirects” the messages that require my personal attention to my private account. She has reduced my email load by 90 percent. She books my travel. She handles all the details, including airline reservations, hotels, car rental, etc. She sets up a trip in TripIt, so I have everything I need in one place. She makes calls on my behalf. She makes appointments (both personal and professional), confirms my appointments, checks my voice mail, and follows up as needed. She manages my calendar. Almost nothing gets on my calendar unless it passes through her first. We have agreed together that I will only accept appointments on two afternoons a week, and she works to stay within those boundaries. She handles other projects as needed. I continue to turn over more and more to her. For example, she recently screened all the people who had applied to be a community leader on my site. She and my manager, Joy, ended up picking the final ten I appointed. Basically, Tricia can do anything that doesn’t require her physical presence. I started using her for five hours a week and quickly went to fifteen. I found that I was so much more productive that it was well-worth the additional investment. Tricia has now become such a partner in my business that I no longer even think of her as virtual. She’s just one of my teammates—and a very valuable one at that. Question: Have you ever considered hiring a virtual assistant? What would it make possible for you? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Why Vision Is More Important Than Strategy 23 January, 2012, 3:00 am
Vision and strategy are both important. But there is a priority to them. Vision always comes first. Always. If you have a clear vision, you will eventually attract the right strategy. If you don’t have a clear vision, no strategy will save you. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/MAEK123 I have seen this over and over again in my professional and personal life. Once I got clear on what I wanted, the how almost took care of itself. Let me give you an example. In July of 2000, my boss suddenly resigned. I was already the Associate Publisher of the division, the second-in-command. With his departure, I was asked to take his job. I became the publisher of Nelson Books, one of the trade book divisions of Thomas Nelson. I knew our division was in bad shape. But I didn’t know how bad things really were until I became the publisher. I took a deep breath and began to assess reality. Here’s what I found: We were the least profitable division of fourteen in the Company. We had actually lost money the previous year. People in the other divisions were mumbling about our performance and how we had drug the whole company down. Revenue growth had been basically flat for three years. In addition, we had just lost our single biggest author to a competing publishing company. This made revenue growth going forward even less likely. As a percentage-of-revenue, inventory and royalty advances were the highest in the company. In other words, we were the least efficient users of working capital. We were consuming enormous corporate resources and providing virtually no return to our shareholders. We were publishing about 125 new titles a year with ten people. Everyone was overworked and the quality of our output showed it. We simply had too much to do. Honestly, things could not have been worse. However, as the new divisional executive, I recognized that things could not have been better for me. This was a great career opportunity. If I turned the division around, I would be a hero. If I didn’t, that would be okay, too. After all, the division was a mess when I inherited it. I couldn’t lose. The first thing I did was to go off on a private retreat. I had one objective in mind. I wanted to get crystal clear on my vision. What did I want to see happen? What would the division look like in three years? I didn’t care about strategy; I was only concerned with vision. Through the years, I had learned that if you think about strategy (the “how”) too early, it will actually inhibit your vision (the “what”) and block you from thinking as big as you need to think. What you need is a vision that is so big that it is compelling, not only to others, but to you. If it’s not compelling, you won’t have the motivation to stay the course and you won’t be able to recruit others to help you. For example, if I had been strategic before I was visionary, I might have said, “Well, I don’t see how we can accomplish much. The situation is so dire. We don’t have many resources to work with. Let’s just try to get to break-even this next year. Maybe we can reduce our working capital some by selling off a little obsolete inventory. And, maybe we can sign a few new authors and get a little revenue growth.” Do you think anyone would have gotten excited about this? Would this vision have attracted the right authors? Would it have retained the right employees? Would it have secured additional corporate resources? I don’t think so. The problem is that people get stuck on the how. They don’t see how they could accomplish more, so they throttle back their vision, convinced that they must be “realistic.” And, what they expect becomes their new reality. This is simply faith applied negatively. I didn’t take this approach. Instead, I developed a vision statement that I found compelling. If I couldn’t get excited about it, I couldn’t sell it to others. Instead, I gave myself permission to envision the perfect future. Here’s what I wrote down: Vision Statement Nelson Books is the world’s largest, most respected provider of inspirational books. We have ten “franchise authors” whose new books sell at least 100,000 copies in the first 12 months. We have ten “emerging authors” whose new books sell at least 50,000 copies in the first 12 months. We are publishing 60 new titles a year. Authors are soliciting other authors on our behalf because they are so excited to be working with us. The top agents routinely bring us their best authors and proposals because of our reputation for success. We place at least four books a year on the New York Times bestsellers list. We consistently have more books on the Christian bestsellers list than our competitors. We consistently exceed our budget in revenue and margin contribution. Our employees consistently “max out” their bonus plans. We are the fastest growing, most profitable division in our company. Once I had this on paper, I came back to the office and called a meeting with my entire staff. I reviewed our current reality. I was brutally honest. The situation was dire, and I didn’t pull any punches. I then shared the new reality—the vision—and described it in as much detail as I could. I was genuinely enthusiastic and committed. Because I found the vision compelling, most of the them did, too. Some were slow to get on-board, but in the end, even the most reluctant ones came around. I personally read through this vision daily. I prayed over every part. I asked God to guide us. Little by little, He brought us the strategy and the resources. However, I spent way more time—probably ten-to-one—focused on the what rather than the how. When people would ask, “How in the world are you going to accomplish this?”, I would just smile and say, “I’m not sure, but I am confident it is going to happen. Just watch.” And, guess what? It happened. I thought my initial vision would take at least three years to accomplish. Amazingly, we had an almost complete turnaround in eighteen months. We exceeded almost every aspect of our vision. Over the next six years, Nelson Books was consistently the fastest growing, most profitable division at Thomas Nelson. It had one bestseller after another. It was home to almost all of our company’s bestselling authors during that time. This didn’t happen because we had a great business strategy. It happened because we had a clear vision of what we wanted to achieve. That’s where it started, and that’s where you have to start if you want to experience a different reality than the one you have now, you have to get clear on what you want. Here’s what I recommend: Get alone with just a journal and a pen. If you can get a way to a solitary place, so much the better. Make sure you won’t be interrupted. Turn off your cell phone, e-mail, television, etc. Close your eyes and pray. Ask God for inspiration and guidance. What you ultimately want is alignment between His plan and your vision. But don’t make this harder than it needs to be. God usually speaks through our desires. If that’s a new thought, then read John Eldredge’s book, Desire: The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers. Write down your current reality—all the things that you don’t like. Be brutally honest. It’s difficult to change unless you find your current reality unacceptable. Now write down what you would like to see happen. Write it down in detail. If you can, use all five senses. Write it in the present tense, as though it has already happened. This will make it more believable to you. Share your vision with the people who have a stake in the outcome. Commit to reading your vision daily. This is critically important. “Faith is the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). The more you can “see” this, the more likely it will come to pass. Remember: Don’t get hung up on how you will accomplish your vision. Just believe God and watch it come to pass. Question: What is your vision? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Leadership Starts at Home 20 January, 2012, 3:00 am
This is a guest post by Kelly Combs. She is a full-time housewife and mom. She blogs at ChattyKelly. You can also follow her on Twitter. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here. I am not your average leader. My leadership decisions don’t affect the boardroom, but they do the future of the world because I am raising two future leaders. I am a domestic engineer, a home economist, a housewife, a mom. I have found that my leadership at home has taught me lessons that any leader, whether in the board room or the laundry room, can use. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/DNY59 If it stinks, change it. This philosophy applies to diapers and to decisions. As leaders, sometimes we may “own” an idea so tightly, that even when shown data that the idea is failing, we keep holding on to it. A leader should be able to change. As Gary Shapiro, president and chief executive of Consumer Electronics Association and co-author of a book on innovation puts it, “Mistakes are OK—hiding them is not.” Time outs are helpful. Sometimes my kids need a time out. A time out helps them refocus and get ready to carry on—with a new attitude. Sometimes I need a break…from my kids! That doesn’t make me a bad mom. In fact, the “time out” makes me a better mom. Good leaders also recognize the value of a time out or as Michael Hyatt refers to it, The Discipline of Rest. You need to share. A smart mom knows that arguments in the next room can often be stopped just by calling out, “Share!” A 1991 Mercedes commercial conveyed similar advice. When asked why they gave away a basic safety advance for free, by never enforcing their patent on their energy absorbing car body, the engineer replied, “There are some things in life that are too important not to share.” Good leaders understand the importance of sharing. It’s okay to be “mean.” After I took away my daughter’s dessert in punishment for lying, she said, “I am 100 percent sure you are not my real mom.” The assumption, of course, was that a real mom would never be so mean as to take away a child’s dessert. While my daughter couldn’t see past dessert, I was looking at the bigger picture, her integrity. Likewise, when my husband gave pay cuts to his entire company, including himself, during tough economic times he won no popularity contest. However, his hard, but wise decision enabled his company to stay afloat, while many other companies went under. Good leaders sometimes make “mean” decisions, but they are for the best interest of everyone. Leaders know how to follow. My kids love to play follow the leader, knowing before the game starts that they take turns being the leader. In my life, I may be Queen of the Kitchen, but my husband is the one bringing home the bacon. I must respect that. Even if you are a CEO, you still have a board, shareholders, or your client to whom you report. Realize that just like in the game, sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow. The future is in our hands. My kids will grow up and leave home one day. My job is to prepare them for that. I won’t always be around to rescue them or give advice. I mentor them now, with the goal that they will know what they should do, even when I’m not around to tell them. A good leader trains his people well, because he knows the importance of raising up new leaders. What leadership skills have you learned at home? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
The Difference a Little Extra Effort Makes 19 January, 2012, 3:00 am
Sometimes, success is simply a matter of making one small adjustment. For example, at 211 degrees, water is hot. But at 212 degrees it boils. This makes all the difference. If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here. Sam Parker and Mac Anderson expanded on this simple metaphor in their short book, 212°: the Extra Degree. They wrote, Raising the temperature of water by one extra degree means the difference between something that is simply very hot and something that generates enough force to power a machine—a beautiful, uncomplicated metaphor that ideally should feed every endeavor—consistently pushing us to make the extra effort in every task we undertake…. It reminds us that seemingly small things can make tremendous differences. Think about it: The margin of victory in the Men’s 800-meter Race in the 1984 Summer Olympic Games was only 0.71 seconds—less than one second! The average margin of victory in the Daytona 500 and the Indianapolis 500 (combined) over the last ten years has been 1.54 seconds. And the prize money for second place was less than half that of first place. The average margin of victory for the last 25 years in all major PGA golf tournaments combined was less than three strokes. The point is that it doesn’t take that much extra effort to win first place. What could you do if you were willing to push just a little bit more and break ahead of the pack? Here’s how you can harness the 212° principle in your goal-setting: Choose one goal. Select the one that matters the most to you this year. Identify what’s at stake. Why is accomplishing this goal so important—to you? Write down 2-3 key actions. These are the ones that could propel you into the winner’s circle. Now execute! Stop planning. Stop stalling. Just get out there and do it. I am reminded of a quote by Thomas Edison (also cited in Parker and Anderson’s book): Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. How close are you right now? You might want to show the video above to your team and then go through the exercise I’ve outlined together. It could make all the difference in accomplishing your most important goal for this year. Question: Where could you make a little extra effort and accomplish big results? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Catalyst Irvine 2012 [Event] 18 January, 2012, 6:00 pm
I will be leading one of the Catalyst Labs on the subject of my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World. Date: April 18, 2012 Time: TBD Event: Catalyst Irvine 2012 Topic: Platform: What It Is, Why You Need It, How to Build It Sponsor: Catalyst Venue: Mariners Church Location: Irvine, CA Public: Public Registration: Click here to register. More Info: Click here for more information.
The Power of Asking the Right Question 18 January, 2012, 3:00 am
A few weeks ago, I sat down with an old friend to catch up. He lost his job about nine months ago in a recession-induced layoff and has been unable to find another job. He’s had plenty of interviews just no offers. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/stevanovicigor “What’s wrong with me?” he asked. “Why won’t someone offer me a job?” He was clearly discouraged. I am sure he wasn’t even conscious of the question he was asking. It just bubbled up from his subconscious. But it was a good example of a bad question. Questions are powerful tools. They can ignite hope and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us struck in bad assumptions. The key is to be intentional and choose our questions well. For example, when something bad happens, you could ask: Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? What’s wrong with me? As soon as we ask these questions, our brains go to work, serving up answers. It is almost automatic. The answers have a way of reinforcing the assumptions behind the question. For example, if you ask “What’s wrong with me?” you are assuming there IS something wrong with you. Your mind immediately begins proposing possible answers. Maybe it’s because: You’re too old. You’re too young. You’re inexperienced. You’re overqualified. You’re too assertive. You’re too passive. Whatever the question, the answers reinforce the assumption and provide an excuse for why you are not getting the results you want. But what if you ask a different question? For example, my friend could ask: What could I do to make my interviews more memorable? What are the two or three attributes that make me the best possible candidate for the job? How can I follow up in a way that makes it easier for the prospective employer to say “yes”? How could my apparent liabilities really be an asset in this situation? These are constructive questions. They empower and create new possibilities. They lead to action. And they will produce results. The last question is particularly interesting. How could your apparent liabilities really be an asset in this situation? For example, if you think you are too old, that could, in fact, be a tremendous asset. You have no doubt made a lot of mistakes and have learned from them. As a result, you have better judgment. If you think you don’t have enough experience, that too could be a great asset. You aren’t locked into the same assumptions as more experienced candidates. It is easier for you to think “outside the box” and approach problems with a fresh perspective. Here are four ways to ask better, more empowering questions: Become conscious of the questions you are asking yourself. Evaluate these questions: Is this a good question? If not, what’s a better one? Choose the better question. Be intentional. Write down the answers that your brain serves up. Act on these insghts. This whole process goes back to a premise I have written about many times: If you want to change the results you are getting, you must change your thinking. Everything—everything!—starts there. Question: What would asking different questions make possible for you? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
10 Ways to Generate More Blog Traffic 17 January, 2012, 3:00 am
Whenever I speak on the topic of platform-building, someone always asks, “How can I generate more traffic for my blog?” Most are hoping I have a silver bullet, something that will instantly get them the recognition they deserve. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/burwellphotography The bad news is that it’s not quite that simple. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a platform. It takes doing several things right—and doing them over a long period of time. The good news is that it’s not rocket science. I have used these basic techniques to increase my blog traffic every year since I started tracking it in 2008 using Google Analytics. Some years have been better than others, but all have shown an increase: Year Pageviews Increase 2008 574,778 N/A 2009 1,496,241 160.3% 2010 1,972,497 31.8% 2011 5,060,331 156.5% Based on my experience, I believe you can dramatically increase their blog traffic by following these ten suggestions. (Forgive me if I cover some of the basics.) Write content worth sharing. Nothing I suggest in 2–10 below will compensate for weak content. If you are not writing stuff people want to read, smarter marketing will not fix the problem. Begin by creating a killer headline that makes people want to read what you have to say. Read Advertising Headlines That Make You Rich. It’s my secret sauce. Adhere to a consistent schedule. You can’t expect to increase your traffic if you don’t blog regularly. By this, I mean at least once a week. Three times a week is even better. Five times a week is best—but not if the quality of your content suffers. Frequency equals visibility. Get your own domain name. Make it easy on your readers to pass along your blog name. What do you think is easier, “yourname.wordpress.com” or “yourname.com”? This is the the foundation of branding and making your blog memorable. If you can get your name or a short phrase, it is worth paying (within reason) to do so. Include your blog address everywhere. In the beginning, you are adding readers, one at a time. You never know when someone with a bigger audience will quote you or link to you. Include your blog address in your email signature, on your business cards, and on your stationary. It should appear virtually everywhere your name appears. Make it easy to subscribe to your blog. You don’t want to depend on your readers to remember to come back to your blog. Instead, you want them to subscribe, so they get every new post you write. They should be able to do so by either RSS or email. (Use both.) Position these two buttons prominently so that those who want to subscribe don’t have to hunt for them. Optimize your posts for SEO. You people to be able to find you when they Google one of your key words or your name. I use two WordPress plugins for this: All-in-One SEO Pack and ScribeSEO. The latter analyzes every blog post you write and suggests how you can optimize it for the search engines. It is not cheap, but worth every penny. Utilize social media. If you want to build visibility for your blog, you must go where the people are. In days gone by, people gathered in marketplace at the center of the city. Today, they gather online in places like Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+. Which service is best? The one you will use regularly. Use social media to network, build relationships, and announce new blog posts. Engage in the conversation. Start by making it easy for your readers to comment. People today want to participate. I recommend the Disqus commenting system. (It’s what I use.) Don’t make them register. This only adds friction. Engage in the conversation yourself, reading your comments and replying as appropriate. Comment on other blogs. As you read other people’s blog posts, leave comments. I’m not taking about spamming people with invitations to read your blog. Instead, engage in the conversations that interest you and build credibility. Make sure that you register with their commenting system if possible, so there is always a link back to your blog. Write guest posts for other bloggers. Frankly, this is not something I have done. But most successful bloggers swear by it. Jeff Goins wrote a guest post for me on this very subject. He claims that it grew his own blog traffic more in six months than in the last six years. (If you are interested in guest posting on my site, here are my guidelines.) Finally, be patient. Building traffic takes time. Like anything else, the ones who win are the ones who stay at it after everyone else has quit. Question: What other suggestions do you have for generating more traffic? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Pick the Brain

7 Obsessions Guaranteed to Improve your Life 3 January, 2012, 1:15 am
“Obsession led me to write. It’s been that way with every book I’ve ever written. I become completely consumed by a theme, by characters, by a desire to meet a challenge.” ~ Anne Rice An obsession is consuming. It often pushes other activities into the background. It compels and fills your thoughts and impassions your soul with desire. It becomes the beat of your heart and the pulse of your being. It drives you ever forward toward its object. And while obsessive behavior can destroy and corrupt happiness, robbing it of a sense of freedom and will and sometimes even land you in prison, certain kinds of controlled obsessions can enhance the quality of your life. I recommend the following … 1. Be Obsessed with Kindness Are you drawn to kindness like a child to candy? Do you regularly think about how you can bless the lives of others? Do you wish you could do more? An obsession with kindness can be seen in those who are constantly reaching out to do good. They are seen in soup kitchens, ladling soup, in food banks, boxing food and cleaning up after natural disasters. Such people’s hearts are filled with love and compassion and charity. They care about others, even those they don’t know and have never met. And it’s an obsession that will draw the best from you as you reach out in service to others. It is guaranteed to add meaning to life and purpose to living. 2. Be Obsessed with Excellence No matter what you do, be the best you can be at what you’re doing within the time frame you have for doing it. If you have only 10 minutes to prepare for a presentation, for instance, then be the most focused and diligent preparer for each and every one of those 600 seconds. Make excellence your motto and your theme song. Those obsessed with excellence can usually be found congregating at the top of their classes, at the top of corporate ladders and on the top of winner’s platforms. They show up to practices first and are the last ones to leave. They are self-motivated and yearn to improve and add value and innovate. They also inspire others to excellence by pursuing it and exemplifying it in themselves. They go the extra mile and do those things others aren’t willing to do. Often, it’s the small things that put them at the top. They work on their free throw longer than others. They make the phone calls no one wants to make. They follow through and plan and pay attention to the details. 3. Be Obsessed with Happiness You only have one mortal life. It can be filled with frustration and anger, bitterness, hatred, suspicion and resentment. Or we can become obsessed with developing those characteristics happy people possess. People obsessed with their own happiness, when pursued correctly, find themselves very unfocussed on themselves in the long run. They quickly learn that the happiest people are focused on others. They develop traits like patience, compassion and gratitude. They smile freely and laugh often. They are obsessed with seeing the good in the bad and believing that, with a little work, things will work out in the long run even if they aren’t working out yet today. 4. Be Obsessed with Gratitude What a wonderful obsession to have! Such people possessed with this obsession habitually see beauty and opportunity and decency and humor even in life’s most trying moments. Not only are they obsessed with expressions of gratitude, they’re obsessed with being grateful, with feeling it deep inside. They have an incurable passion for seeing the good and interpreting life in terms of its blessings even when others only see its pain. 5. Be Obsessed with Wisdom Those plagued by this obsession hunger and thirst for knowledge and intellectual growth. But most of all, they seek to understand the wise application of that knowledge. Knowing is one thing. Knowing how and why and if, is another. If being smart is your capacity to learn and knowledge is what you’ve learned, then wisdom is knowing when and where and why that knowledge should be applied in any particular way … and when it shouldn’t be. That understanding is what is obsessed over. And so those obsessed with wisdom spend lots of time learning and thinking. They study a broad range of knowledge. But they spend a particularly large amount of their study time with wisdom literature, reading deeply from philosophical and religious and spiritual texts. Their libraries display books like Aristotle’s Ethics, Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching, the Bible and Buddha’s Dhammapada, among others. 6. Be Obsessed with Character A wit and intellect, a great sense of humor, popularity, a great personality are not enough for those obsessed with character. They believe character, their personal commitment to a set of moral standards, is more important than gold or power or prestige. They’re protective of it and don’t place themselves in circumstances where they may be tempted to act against it. They are not at the mercy of their emotions. They don’t excuse bad behavior by citing bad feelings. Such obsessives are very comfortable talking about morals and ethics and values and standards. They talk freely of courage and love, of humility, honesty and decency. They work on being compassionate and kind. Their honor and integrity cannot be bought and are never compromised. Those so obsessed therefore tend to be deeply respected, trusted and admired. They see moral flaws of pride and selfishness as things to be overcome. Their word is their bond. They stand for something which strengthens their sense of purpose. The beauty of those obsessed with character is that they seldom ever wince when they look deeply into a mirror, peering into the depths of their own souls. As such, they sleep peacefully, undisturbed by the pangs of conscience or guilt or shame. 7. Be Obsessed with Growth Personal growth obsessives are uncomfortable with plateaus and stagnation. They cringe at statements like, “That’s just the way I am” or “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” They challenge themselves and look for opportunities to learn and overcome, to stretch and become something better than they were before. They grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, professionally, and in their relationships. They work on their character and review their days and weeks and months and years to see how they can improve next time around. They go to seminars and check out personal growth tapes from the public library. They read and work out and eat well and push themselves outside their comfort zones with regularity. They welcome challenge because of the growth they experience from it. And because they are so dedicated to growth in general, they never become too lopsided, dedicated to one area of growth to the utter neglect of others. Afterthoughts “I know quite certainly that I myself have no special talent; curiosity, obsession and dogged endurance … have brought me to my ideas.” ~ Albert Einstein Obsessions are tricky things. While those obsessed with whatever it is that drives them and defines them are those who tend to cluster at the top of any industry (sports, entertainment, business, whatever), those obsessed with what they do often struggle in other areas of their very successful lives. Divorce, estranged children, character flaws made huge by media attention and health problems are commonplace among some of the people who have obsessed their way into the public spotlight. There are healthy forms of obsession – a passionate form of dedication and drive – that leads to great things if you use that passion to move you steadily toward your goals instead of being controlled by those inordinate levels and kinds of obsessive qualities. But an obsession with life, with living it well, fully, immersed in the joys of it, filled to capacity with the passion of living it, engulfed in the flow and rising tide of deep abiding happiness is an obsession that we would all do well to acquire. Your turn: What are your healthy obsessions? Or what targeted obsessions do you plan on developing for 2012? Please share in the comments below. And feel free to obsessively Share and Tweet this post if it resonated with you (or you think it may with others). Ken Wert, at MeanttobeHappy.com, is dedicated to inspiring readers to live with purpose, act with character, think with clarity and grow with courage. He believes we were all meant to be happy and can be if we but learn and apply the principles that produce it. He blogs at Meant to be Happy. Don’t forget to sign up for a free ebook and a monthly newsletter. Don’t Forget To sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER! Related Articles: The 21 Habits of Healthy People The Benefits of Meditation
Are You Ready For A Really Good Year? 2 January, 2012, 12:32 am
Many people start out the New Year excited and say they are really ready for a better year. They tell their friends that they are ready for better times and they make lots of New Year’s resolutions. The problem is that most people are only excited for the first two weeks of the New Year, then by the third week they have forgotten their resolutions and are back to doing exactly what they did before. And what usually happens is they end each year the same way they ended the year before. Why is that? There are two main reasons: one is because they get caught up in the “New Year’s Resolution Trap” and the other is because of a lack of continuous motivation. I call it a “resolution trap” because it feels good to make New Year’s resolutions, yet it rarely actualizes into anything tangible. Statistics show that the sale of diet products and health club attendance are highest in the first two weeks of the year, but the enthusiasm starts to dwindle by the end of the month. I tell my audiences that resolutions are a nice little feel good activity, but are really a waste of time. They have no substance and rarely, if ever, create any sustained improvement in people’s lives. I recommend you DO NOT make any New Year’s resolutions, but rather you set some new goals for the New Year! Goals are one of the main keys to achievement. How can you distinguish a goal from a resolution? Goals are measurable, they are specific, they have a time element attached and they are written. Resolutions are nebulous, are not specific and are almost never written. The best ways to reach your goals is to SMART them. Here’s how to do it: - Specific – Don’t just say I want to lose weight. Get specific! I want to lose 20 pounds by March 1st and I’m going to eat right, exercise three times each week and not give into cravings. - Measurable – Set a goal that is measurable so you can check your progress as you go. Don’t just say, “I want to be happy.” That’s not measurable. - Attainable – This means a goal that is in the realm of possibility. The idea is to push beyond your comfort zone, but not so far where it becomes impossible and you become frustrated and give up. - Relevant – Is your goal important to you? Are you passionate about it? Does it involve your purpose? If you answer no it’s going to be nearly impossible. - Time-bound – Set a date by which you want to achieve your goals. This eliminates procrastination. Whatever you want to achieve this year, set the goal, set the date of achievement, write it down, read it daily and GET BUSY! You will see your life change! The next thing that stops people from growing each year is a lack of continuous motivation. They get motivated at the first of the year but don’t keep it up. Some people say the problem with motivation is that it wears off. Well, so does bathing, yet most people bathe everyday (we hope). The same has to be done with motivation; it must be ongoing to maintain effectiveness. Make a commitment to read or listen to something motivational each and every day. Make a commitment to fill your mind with that which is positive and encouraging. Find something that inspires you such as a book, motivational tapes or inspirational music that makes you want to dream and then motivates you to go after your dreams. Make a decision and make it important to seek motivation and inspiration and make it a daily part of your routine and you will make this a better year…I guarantee it! So folks, On Your Mark, Get Set, Let’s Go! Let’s Thrive in the New Year! Willie Jolley is a world-class, award-winning speaker, best-selling author and media personality. Success Magazine hailed Mr. Jolley as the ‘Comeback King.’ Willie Jolley was named “One of the Outstanding Five Speakers in the World” by Toastmasters International. Willie Jolley is the author of several international best-selling books including “It Only Takes a Minute to Change Your Life,” “A Setback Is A Setup For A Comeback,” and “Turn Setbacks into Greenbacks.” For more information, visit http://www.williejolley.com/
3 Unconventional Ways to Change Your Life this Year 31 December, 2011, 2:26 am
Everyone wakes up on January 1 with a gut full of ambition and good intentions. The idea of a clean slate is invigorating! By the middle of the month, however, most people have already started the slide back to their regular existence, overcome by trying to reach lofty, unclear goals with the same mindset from the previous year. I struggled with this for many years myself before finally figuring out 3 unconventional ways to avoid the January slump: ● Porn ● Lowering my standards ● Pretending I’m someone else This sounds like the start of a really bad movie about a down-and-out mob informant in Vegas, doesn’t it? Stick with me here and it will all make sense very soon. Using these exact strategies below, my husband and I were able to sell everything we owned and save enough money to travel the world for five years. In fact, I’m writing this post to you from sunny Thailand, where we’ve been living for 3 months as we write our second book. Not bad for two people who could barely find the time for a 1-week vacation just a few short years ago, wouldn’t you say? Dream Porn There is a reason the daydream scenes in movies are always in a slight blur – they aren’t real. The main character longs for love, riches and happiness. She goes on daydreaming until her knight in shining armor shows up with a bucket full of money to solve all of her problems and carry her off to happily ever after. In the movie, the character doesn’t have to do anything to make this dream come true. In real life it doesn’t work that way, and you need something far more explicit and raw to motivate you to action. Let me suggest a little Dream Porn in 3-D, IMAX quality so you can visualize every single detail. You need the money shot, the close-up, the vocals, and the cheesy soundtrack. You want to know exactly what it looks, smells, feels, sounds, and tastes like to live your dream so you can make it happen: ● See: Pictures, paintings, vision boards, maps – whatever image evokes your dream best ● Smell: Candles, flowers, soaps, incense, food – the scents that put you inside your dream life ● Hear: Music that transports you to your dream, recorded sounds of applause for your band or birds chirping from your version of paradise ● Taste: Food from your dream location, meals you would cook in your restaurant, wines that make you think of your own vineyard or travels in wine-producing countries ● Touch: A sari from India, a mock cover of your dream book propped up on your desk, fabrics you’ll use to design clothes or furniture in your dream business Dream Porn is powerful stuff, and unlike the other kind, you don’t have to feel guilty about using it to fan the flames of your desire. Lower your standards You’ve probably seen those motivational posters they hang up in office buildings: soar like a guy on a glider over the Grand Canyon, challenge yourself like a rock climber, believe in yourself like a marathon runner. Man, I hate those posters. You want to stick me in a cubicle for 8 hours a day and ask me to excel by showing me the fabulous adventures of people who don’t have to stay inside a cubicle for 8 hours? The reason these kinds of posters are just feel-good material from Human Resources and not actual stepping-stones to your personal success with goals is because they aim way too high in a non-relatable way. Seriously, how can you relate to the guy scaling Mt. Everest when you’re tapping away at an expense report with a space heater at your feet? The key to long-term success with your goals is actually the opposite of these posters: lower the bar. Not just a little, a lot. In fact, lower the bar from Olympic pole-vaulter height and start with something you can step over without breaking a sweat. Don’t think about quitting smoking altogether; instead, think of getting to lunch every day with only one cigarette. As that becomes easier, you can work toward no cigarettes until lunch, and so on and so on until you are smoke-free. Every day is a mini challenge you can actually envision doing, not some pie-in-the-sky long-term dream that is completely un-relatable to your current reality. The momentum you build from these small successes keeps you going and is far more effective than mustering all your strength at the beginning and sustaining it long-term. As you and I both know, that doesn’t usually work. Pretend you’re someone else The same person you are today is not the same person you’ll be when you reach your goal. That’s part of the reason your goal is so challenging to you: you’re still the old you trying to fit into a new version of you. There is fear, uncertainty and inexperience clouding your vision. One way to bypass a lot of the angst and struggle in becoming the more evolved version of you is to pretend you’re already someone new. Assume the identity of the person you want to be in the New Year: health nut, college student, business owner, writer, artist, inventor, elected official, activist – whatever your heart desires. You may not be able to drag your chubby buns off the couch to walk around the block, but a healthy, fit person would do it with no problem. When you begin changing your mental identity from couch potato to fit person, even when you’re still straining the seams on your sweat pants and huffing and puffing just to tie your shoes, you are going to be more successful than the person who thinks of exercise as something other people do. A writer writes every day, an artist paints, and an inventor creates things. You get the idea. When you mentally become the thing you want to be, the actions required to be that thing will come much easier. Over time the two will meld and you will actually become the thing you want to be. What can you expect this time next year? Going into the resolution game with the right mindset will give you the best odds for achieving your goals. We’re walking proof of that, writing this article from exotic Thailand, 15 months into our worldwide tour. We dreamed big with a giant world map as our Dream Porn, lowered our standards by getting rid of just a few things every week instead of wondering how we would get rid of 20 years’ worth of possessions, and envisioning ourselves as long-term travelers to develop the minimalist, flexible mindset we would need to walk away from everything we knew. It worked for us, and it can work for you. Just think of what you could be doing this time next year. About the author: Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of the life you already have at Married With Luggage. When she’s not writing, she’s traveling the globe with her husband Warren and wondering where they will end up next. You can find out how they reached their dream of world travel in their latest book, Dream Save Do, now available on Kindle. Related Reading: 10 Ways to be Happy, On Purpose How To Prevent Seasonal Mood Disorder
How To Make Every Day a Fresh Start 30 December, 2011, 1:21 am
“Intentions compressed into words enfold magical power. “ - Deepak Chopra It does not have to be January 1st to give yourself a chance to make the most out of your day – and your life. Every day is a new day and a fresh start to learn, grow, develop your strengths, heal yourself from past regrets or hurts, and move forward older and wiser. Every day gives you a chance to reinvent yourself, to fine-tune who you are, and build on lessons of what you have learned. It is never too late to change things that are not working in your life and switch gears, instead of thinking in the same old ways, hoping for a different outcome. Be nimble, be flexible, and keep and open mind to start each day anew! Flexibility is the key! Ask yourself: How do you wake up each day? Do you start your day going already feeling pressured and rushed? Do you go through the morning routine without much thought at all, doing what you “have to do” to start your day? How about starting each new day with a moment to stop, breathe and think of a positive intention for the day. Think not just what you want to DO, but how you want to BE today? Each day is a new beginning and a blank slate. How would you like to create your day? Think of it as a blank canvas – what would you like to paint on it. What can you create? If you wake up in a negative mindset, you are more likely to paint a dark picture throughout the day, and your canvas will not reflect hope, happiness and joy. If you take each day to think positively, and have a positive intention for how you would like to create your day, how would your life be different? What positive outcome can reflect your positive intention? What can daily positive intentions do for you? Every day you will give yourself the gift of an “attitude of gratitude.” Visualizing how you would like your day will help release positive energy from within you and you will attract more positive energy from those around you. Instead of spinning your wheels in an old way of thinking, each day is a chance to reframe and re-look at things in a different way. You can experience each day an awe in the beauty and creation of the world – and the beauty of you who is in it! You find yourself shifting from an “”I can’t mindset” to an “I can” mindset.” With a focus on positive intentions, you feel more empowered and more like a “victor” than a “victim.” You are more mindful of the present, and will be more likely to live fully in the present each moment of each day. After all, the past is a great place to visit, but you don’t want to live there! So how about starting each day taking a moment to think of a positive intention for the day? Each morning, write it down and reflect each evening on how you did! Here are examples of Positive Intentions: “Today I would like to replace my feelings of annoyance towards my co-worker to feelings of acceptance.” “I am looking forward today to focusing on what I am grateful for in my life, rather than what is missing, and express gratefulness to others.” “Today I want to slow my life down and take time to savor the moment, especially with my children” Using each day to recommit yourself to positive thinking and intention will help you create the life you want and that you deserve! Judy Belmont, MS., LPC is a media mental health expert, a wellness speaker and corporate trainer, and the co-author of “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life: How To Get Through Life’s Holes Without Getting Stuck In Them!” Her web site is www.judybelmont.com
5 Steps to Handle Yourself Around Controlling People 28 December, 2011, 11:58 pm
To be in control is a good thing. To be controlling is not. There is a big difference. One who is too controlling is in fact so out of control they lose everything in their grasp. I’m sure you have seen it before. Someone who is so controlling they need to get their voice heard in every situation. They set guidelines and rules so stringent no one could possibly measure up. One slip up and there is war. The ‘My way or the highway mentality’. It’s like they have a choke hold on every aspect of their life and maybe yours too. If it is a parent, the kids are given the idea they can’t trust in themselves because everything they do is never good enough. As an adult the same message is received however it is also demeaning to ones character. We see it time and time again, these people’s lives come crashing down and they don’t understand why. To those of us looking in we could see it coming. When all of our suggestions to help went on deaf ears, we just shut up and did what we were told. But there are some things you can do to either understand their controlling behavior or at the very least, minimize the effects on you. Understand The Controlling Behavior - People who try to control others are themselves out of control – in their mind that is. Often, they have many conﬂicting thoughts which create havoc in their mind. They will then latch on to that which they know they can control thus making them feel better. It is kind of a protection for them. - Whatever is going on for them is never about you. Human nature allows us to take things like this personally. Don’t. Remember, they are doing this for their own sense of inner control, but doing it via outward expression. - Being a control freak is a compulsion. Recognize that it began for them long before you showed up. In other words they try to do it to everyone. - More often than not, control freaks have low self esteem. They do not have enough inner trust to handle outcomes other than ones they plan. - Control freaks never want to appear vulnerable. But in fact they are. Be In Alignment With Your Values - Don’t engage with them. Do not allow yourself to fall into the same behavior you are trying to avoid. Situations like this aren’t about winning. Or at least they shouldn’t be from your end. Do what you need to do in an unfavorable situation whether that is hanging up the phone, walking away or not responding to an email. These are subtle reminders to that person that what they are doing is not ok with you. Remember people do what works. When you stop allowing it they stop doing it. It won’t be overnight but it will happen. - Do not react. Knowing now what you do about control freaks, when they become aggressive take off your armor. Show them you are not a threat to them and you just want to help. You can do this by simply remaining calm no matter how much turmoil they are trying to create. This more than anything shows great strength. - Remain fearless. Everything is energy and we are emitting energy with each emotion. We are also receiving other people’s energy. Note the energy in the room while with a control freak. The minute you begin emitting fear energy they pick up on it and the behavior gets worse. Ask For Help - Control freaks like to be in control. By asking for their help you are giving them that control. They can now ‘tell’ you something and they will have your undivided attention. They may teach you something very valuable and it may also help build trust with them as well. - If you are being issued orders ask them how they would like to see it done. If they have already done that, ﬁnd a relevant question and ask it. The point is you are asking the control freak to help you and letting them know you understand the importance. - Try to ﬁnd a solution to their problem and ask them for help resolving it. Offer Extra Help - Do something that proves to the control freak that they can trust you to get the job done. - If there are moments where the controlling is at a minimum do more. This also sends a message. - Ask for the opportunity to do something to lessen their load. Make sure it is something you want to do and do it well. They will soon see someone other than themselves is quite capable to get things done. Trust Yourself - Self trust is crucial. When you trust in you, all fear goes by the wayside. Knowing you can handle whatever comes sets you apart from failure. Not everything works out exactly as planned. When you trust yourself it doesn’t matter. You know that there is a deeper meaning and move on. You don’t dwell and fret and stew over it you simply learn from it and proceed with the next thing. -With self trust you don’t take these things personally. You accept what is and remain calm and intact. -Decision making becomes easy and self conﬁdence builds with inner trust. There are reasons people have control issues and should not be judged. We need to look past these outward expressions and try to understand them as people. So starting today, do your best to see others through new eyes. My name is Suzanne Jones. I am a Certified Hypnotherapist and a Writer. I have a bloghttp://www.pristineperception.com and write based on true experiences. I guide people through either Hypnotherapy or my Writing to regain personal and mental control of their lives. Just one degree of perception change is all it takes. Don’t forget to sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER! Related Articles: Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness The 6 Components of a Happy Life
The Importance of Mindfulness 27 December, 2011, 11:58 pm
For many people, the word “meditation” conjures up images of a two-hour “om” session in a room filled with candles, the scent of patchouli wafting through the air. While it would be nice if we all had a couple hours to focus on ourselves, and an unlimited incense budget, for most of us that’s not remotely the case. If you’re like me, your time is filled with work and family and all of the other little things that make up a day. You don’t have two minutes to meditate, it seems, much less two hours. But by learning to make do with the opportunities that present themselves throughout the day, you can find a few nice meditative interludes to help get you through your schedule. The benefits of mindfulness are legion. Meditation and imagery are used to treat all sorts of physical ailments, and the stress-busting powers of mindful practice are becoming legendary. Western science is finally learning what Eastern practitioners have long known – the mind and body are inseparable, and paying focused attention to both has a positive impact on both physical and mental health. “Sure,” you say, “I’d love to meditate. That all sounds great. But, I’m too busy just getting through my day to sit cross-legged in some room, humming to myself. That’s for gurus and retired people!” Luckily, you don’t need two hours, you don’t need to sit cross-legged, and you don’t even need a room. There are ways that you can gain the positive, healthful, relaxing benefits of meditation without even missing a beat in your busy day. I call this “Menial Mindfulness.” My favorite menial mindful moments come when I’m doing what used to be my least favorite task – washing the dishes. We have a large blended family, and there’s no shortage of dirty dishes in my kitchen, ever. I used to struggle to motivate myself to get the dishes done. I’ve learned to use the time as a peaceful, centering interlude. It all has to do with slowing the breath, and opening the senses. Here’s how: -Start with acceptance. The fact is that you have to do the dishes, and at that moment in time, you’re at the sink. You are going to do the dishes whether you fight it or not. So, think about this as analogous to your entire journey of change. There are menial tasks on the road to changing yourself. Here’s some great practice in how to embrace those tasks as you work toward your goals. Breathe deep, look at your task, and get ready to dig in. It’s a feeling that you’ll get to know. - Approach your task with love and gratitude. If you have a roof over your head and a sink in which to do your dishes, there are many, many people who would give just about anything to be in your place. You are upright and breathing, and you are capable of washing dishes. This puts you in a position of privilege, and it’s worthwhile to remember that. As you continue on your journey of change and self-improvement, don’t forget to be thankful for what you’ve already got. - Use all your senses, but especially your sense of touch. Many grounding/centering exercises use touch to bring us back into our bodies. Pick up the first plate, and feel its weight in your hands. What temperature is it? How smooth is it? How do your fingers feel when you grasp it? Turn the water on, and use your senses to experience that. Take your time… feel the warmth of the water, the smooth slickness of the soap, the texture of the dish scrubber. How does the soap smell? How does everything look? - Keep returning to your senses. At some point, probably sooner than later, you’re going to want to escape into your thoughts. You’re going to want to race through this task and get it done so you can move on to “important” things. As far as your self-improvement journey goes, though, it’s hard to imagine anything more important than learning to gratefully accept whatever task you’ve been given in the moment. All self-improvement gains start with acceptance. It’s a wonderful skill to work on. So, as you hear your thoughts intrude, telling you that you need to hurry, asking you where the money is coming from to pay the bills, quiet your thoughts by returning to your senses. Feel that mug in your hands, slippery with warm soapy water. Express gratitude. Rinse. Repeat. - Generalize your learning. What works for dishes works for walking down the block to the coffee shop or driving to work. Try a walking meditation, where your focused breathing and mindful attention to the feel of your shoes on the pavement provides your center. Life is a meditation, if you make it that way. You can refresh your mind any time you’ve got a menial task at hand. Try menial mindfulness for yourself, with these ot other daily chores. If you find one that really works for you, share it in the comments. Dr. Jeff Guardalabene is a clinical psychologist. He blogs at drjeffblog.blogspot.com. Don’t Forget To sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER! Related Articles: The 21 Habits of Healthy People The Benefits of Meditation
5 Fertile Thoughts for Personal Growth: Thinking about Thinking 26 December, 2011, 11:39 pm
Personal growth depends to an unknown extent on our ability to be aware of, and think about, our thoughts, feelings and behavior. However if we don’t ‘do internal work’, think deeply about this vast uncharted area, we are certainly going to lead a life that is more lifeless and robotic. If we lead our life as if the world is only outside of us, repeating patterns of behavior, with no self-reflection, what is effective for us at one point in our life cycle, sooner or later, loses it’s effectiveness. Below are five ideas to fertilize thinking about our internal worlds: 1) The first is that even if we chew and grind up good or bad food, and drink with passionate love, it still turns into feces and urine. True? No. It is easy to see the beginning and the end of any process. We forget, or may not even be aware, that all food is something. When we take it in it begins a mysterious journey essential for our body growth; or, if there is too much, too little, or it is poisonous or rotten, this food journey can have destructive intent and lead to misery. Likewise, ideas and feelings we take into our mind, while in a gristmill of conflict, tension and friction, can contribute to growth or to energy ‘waste.’ This kind of information-food, good or bad, will often turn out to be seeds of vital nutrient for personal growth, the growth of our ‘mind’ and our ability to think. On the other hand this idea-feeling food, like real food, can also pass through quickly, be burdensome, poisonous waste, and, even if nutritious, it can also be too much, too little, or get stuck and not get worked on and thought about. This can leave us with the feeling we are in a dank, dark and slippery place. Example: Being constipated with an idea like resentment, and holding onto it inside, can poison us while an idea like forgiveness will endlessly nurture our body, mind and soul. 2) The second is that we can spit out another’s words or ideas, such as ‘God’, ‘science’, ‘truth’, or opinions like ‘God is One’, ‘it’s not scientific’, ‘it’s beautiful’; or we can spit an idea or feeling back: “Hey you, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” In both cases, in so doing, are we acting automatically? Have we briefly, or for an extended period, forgotten our self and our internal world? Are we so rattled, angry and disturbed we’ve ‘lost our mind.’ It’s perilous to not live mindfully, to not step back and ‘see’ things from different perspectives. Example: All ideas can be thought about from infinite points of view or vertices, to name only the mentioned three: religious, scientific or aesthetic. 3) So, here’s a third idea to chew on: We never really ‘pick the brain’; surely there isn’t brain tissue in a blog. Thinking about it further, the mind is an unproven concept; so picking the brain is a metaphor for chewing on ideas, feeding ideas to others, swallowing some, spitting others out, an exchange or extension of the ideas in our internal world with the internal world of others; an exchange extended across the world with love or hate. How this exchange affects one depends on whether or how deeply it is thought about it. On thinking further yet, maybe ‘pick the brain’ is not a metaphor. Ideas just might become brain food, brain tissue, not just ‘mind’ food. Unlike minds, brains do exist, we can ‘see them’. Like our ‘mind’ we just can’t ‘see’ ideas. Should we be aware of and think about ideas before we flush them away? Can we be that aware of them all? How much thinking is useful? Are we failing to pick our brain? Maybe ‘picking the brain’ means learning to think deeply. Do we ‘think’ in our dreams? Do we do dream work and ‘think’ unconsciously? Is this the only time we are fully ‘awake’? Is this a deeper way to pick our brains, to chew over of facts and ideas? Example: Are we walking around in a daydream or are we thinking deeply with our minds, right down into our heart, our genitals, our bowels, our very tissues. Is this the way to really ‘wake up’? Or is all this just picking over bones? That’s good. I get it. I like that. 4) Another idea to think about: If we think we can get something for nothing we are forgetting nothing is not only something, it is in its own way everything. We should be careful how we value something, or for that matter anything. Nothing might be priceless and we might be making a fool’s bargain for what we think is something. Yet even if nothing is really only nothing we need to be careful not to value what is valueless. Example: If we feel entitled to something in the present without working or paying for it, we are forgetting that the ability to work (something) is a gift of love (everything). We might get something we think we are entitled to without working or paying for it but the hidden price tag is starvation (nothing) from living automatically, repeating patterns: patterns of greed, patterns of grievance and regret. Something that turns out to be nothing leads inexorably to the misery of the loss of love (everything). 5) Chew on these ideas, swallow them; Or, what the heck, just spit them out and forget them! Don’t let them get ‘stuck in your craw.’ Maybe these ideas are just a bunch of hooey anyway. Hmm, will anyone think about this, be wide-open to what they have read? Will it help them grow? Have you now been able to introduce the thinking parts of yourself to one another so they can sit down and talk? Do you ‘see’ it ‘all’ differently ‘now’? How can we communicate, see things the same way? Can we, beyond forgiveness and love, ever see things the same way? How can I listen to what you say, read what you write, be fully open so that it will help me to grow. How frightened am I that your growth or mine might turn out to be malignant and must be killed before it murders you or me or both or all of us? Can your concept of mind ever really meet with mine? Is my mind ever separate from yours? Mind your own business!! If minds exist can they ever be separate running their own business? If so how separate can they be? Isn’t separation the only real problem? Who and what are we trying to be separate from? Example: The sun never stops shining. Does it for you? Is it ever miserable outside? Is it cloudy, too hot, too cold, snowing, raining or arid, or really scary? What’s your conjecture? How much of all this is ‘really’ happening in our internal world in that concept we call our mind? Dr. Clark Falconer is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain. He is a practicing Psychiatrist from Vancouver, Canada and the author of the new, critically acclaimed book The Three Word Truth About Love And Being Well. Don’t Forget To sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER! Related Articles: The Language of Success George Orwell’s 5 Rules For Effective Writing
What to Change in 2012 26 December, 2011, 12:12 am
It’s fair to say that most people reading this will want 2012 to be better than 2011. This isn’t necessarily negative nor am I talking recession, gloom and downturn. It’s simply in our nature to want to grow and develop – we’re designed to want to reach beyond our grasp and make things better. It’s also fair to say most people don’t keep their New Year’s Resolutions to be better, do more to have more (and again this is in all areas: spiritual, material, relationships etc.) Obviously, there are reasons for this (and drunkenly promising to love your dog more at 11.59pm is only one of them). The main reason is that on Jan 1st 12:01am you are actually no different to what you were a few minutes ago. (You may, of course, be drunker though.) As a result, by Jan 20th you have probably given up trying to change. If you want to make real changes you need to sober up and listen. The following sound like self-help platitudes but are actually common sense. “To get different results you need to do something different.” (Anthony Robbins) “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again” (Ben Franklin) These sayings last because they are true but at a certain level they are still unhelpful. If you are talking about varying market strategies for your business or learning to paint – or any number of physically or behaviorally oriented skills then yes, it’s all good. But when it comes to changing YOU then you need a different approach. Einstein said that “problems cannot be solved at the same level that created them.” Where it comes to humans this is more true than he knew. Our minds are dynamic systems that build themselves through repeatedly jumping to higher levels and creating new ways of thinking using the information from lower levels. Sometimes we energize certain thoughts and they become solidified as beliefs. These beliefs end up forming (at higher levels) the basis of your perceptions, habits and behaviors – what characterizes you (your character). Their power over your everyday thinking and actions is formidable. Therefore beliefs, because of their driving influence in these areas, are the place to start designing your New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, they are one of the best places to examine before you make any major change. Knowing solves the problem of which area of self-help to start with. Why? Because belief-change forms the backbone of almost any self-help course of change. Think of it this way: in 2005 American’s read $693 million dollars worth of self-help books and by 2010 the American self-help market was worth $10.9 Billion. That’s a lot of reading, listening and learning. Virtually all of these courses will ask you overtly or implicitly to change your beliefs in order to get new results. This is reasonable. The problem is they don’t usually tell you how. As a result we often try to change beliefs from a lower level of thinking – using physical effort to alter our behaviors in an attempt to be different. Our beliefs exist above our everyday level of consciousness and this is why wishing we could change, straining to change and trying to change our behavior doesn’t often work. It’s like pulling a rubber band and expecting it to stay stretched. What do you need to do then? You need to learn how to cut the band! In case you were wondering: Beliefs are formed one of several ways. We gather evidence for something over a period of time and one day decide (from a higher level of thinking ABOUT the evidence) to believe it. Or, we have an experience or a flash or emotion that causes us to pay special neurological attention to a particular idea – and it becomes a belief. Ironically, the way we do both of these processes have their origin in the simplest of English words: Yes, and No. What happens when we develop a phobia should help to illustrate my point. When we have a shocking experience (I knew of someone who saw a bump in someone’s neck burst open and baby spiders pour out) then our minds release a massive burst of energy marking that event with a giant neurological NO! Afterwards, we don’t have to remind ourselves to feel aversion to that kind of experience – our mind kindly freaks out every time. Thus the mind has developed a belief that we should not go near that thing – NO! In the same way, ecstatic experiences (yes, that one as well) give us a massive burst of pleasure energy and create a neurological YES to which we are more likely to respond in the future. We need both kinds of beliefs. ‘No’ beliefs (shocking and less so) are necessary for us to set boundaries and help us focus on what our YES beliefs are pointed towards. If you are studying for a course it helps to be able to say YES more to study than to partying. If you want to be faithful then you have to say YES to your spouse and NO to giving in to sexual temptation. And so on. It is the combination of the things we have said YES and NO to that make up our life. Yes, life is made up fundamentally of what we say YES and NO to. If you don’t stand for something (YES) you’ll stand for anything because you don’t have a strong sense of direction shaped by your beliefs. The good news is that we can all change even when we feel we can’t. Whenever you mentally step back and evaluate your thinking with questions like: What belief would I rather hold? What do I need to believe in order to be different in this area? What beliefs do I think a successful person in this area already holds? …then you are questioning the structure of your thinking from a position of authority. You see, unlike the apes we humans can constantly question the quality of our thinking. We can ask: Does it SERVE me to think this way? Do I like the results I am getting? Do I want to keep on thinking this way? If I do, what will I be doing in ten years? The mere fact of being able to question puts us in a position to change because we are now operating at a level above the beliefs! Think of it like the boss being at the top of the office building issuing orders to plebs down below. So, if you are willing to consider that you need to some new beliefs in order to do something different – what results do you want next year? And what will you need to believe? William James said: “To change one’s life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions.” So do you want a fast effective way to change your beliefs? To start now? To help you get a head start I have a special offer for PicktheBrain readers. I’ve created a belief change program based on the pioneering work of P.hd L. Michael Hall. It teaches you how to generate the emotional energy for change and use your YES and NO to create and destroy beliefs in just a few minutes. There’s a manual and 12 downloadable audio tracks which will take you through the patterns. See the main page at: www.change-my-beliefs.com and the reader offer at: www.change-my-beliefs.com/pickthebrain Don’t Forget To sign up for the PTB NEWSLETTER! Related Articles: How To Increase Self Discipline How To Motivate Yourself
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from PickTheBrain 25 December, 2011, 1:07 pm
To our friends all around the world, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I look forward to continuing our journey to ‘grow ourselves’ in the New Year to come! All the best and be well, Erin
Active versus Passive Relationships: Which Type Do You Have? 24 December, 2011, 1:15 am
How do you relate to others? Is it through talking, games, work, or is it something else? One of my worst habits in life is being shy. I’m wasn’t naturally attracted to meet with others. It wasn’t because I didn’t like people. It was because of my fear of how people would react. However, around the time I turned 16, I discovered that I had a strong desire to be with people. However, I was deathly shy. I had no idea how to effectively relate to others. I just passively walked by, and wasn’t relating to others as I should I have. And I hated it. But why was this? Why wasn’t I able to relate to others, even though I desperately wanted? It was simply because I was too passive. Your Relationships are your choice When we choose to relate with others, there are two ways we can do it; Actively or Passively. I always allowed my parents to lead instead of attempting to build relationships. Another person was always leading my relationship Passive relationships are ones that exist, but aren’t important to you. These are the relationships that we have with a local cashier, a mechanic you just met, or even friends you see every week at church. You might see each other often, but neither of you extend your relationship beyond your expected roles of co-workers or customer/seller. An Active relationship is a relationship that you actively are trying to grow and expand on. These include parents, friends, family, and some co-workers. In these relationships, you are actively engaging the other, in order to enjoy and understand the other more. Both of these relationship styles are a big part of our life. We need all of these relationships. However, Active relationships are the most essential relationship, because they fulfill our natural need for others. It is the Active relationship that is the most scary. It is where we are more vulnerable and open. It’s where we are more likely to grow. But too many of us are having only passive relationships because we are afraid of what comes with a true Active relationship: potential pain and broken hearts. That doesn’t remove the importance of those relationships. However, we can improve and grow how many of these relationships we have. Learning to Actively engage others What’s the first step a person can take in building an Active relationship? All you have to do is invest in them. When we engage with another person, we are choosing to actively invest our time into them. Self-development expert Stephen Covey on described this relational technique as “investing in their emotional bank”. Whenever we relate to others, we are either investing in their emotional bank account, or withdrawing from it. Obviously, when we want people to be interested in us, we need to remove as much personal cost from the others. What’s the best way to do this? Simply ask questions about them. What person doesn’t love to talk about themselves? However, not every person wants to get to know you. So, asking good questions will help you figure out if these people are even interested in an Active relationship. You must lead the way This simple step will help you to build more Active relationships. We are naturally built with a need to Actively relate to people. That’s why we need to take time and meet others. But if you do this, you’ll not only work to find people who care, but you’ll find more fulfillment in all of your relationships. Christopher Hutton is a Rivendell Sanctuary student and blogger at Liter8 Ideas. Liter8 Ideas is a “curiousity blog”, dedicated to the subject of “useful ideas that make you think”. You’ll find all sorts of ideas that will help you improve your life and your learning.

penelopetrunk

Key to productivity: Choose phone calls carefully 22 January, 2012, 1:00 pm
One of the keys to my ability to work 40 hours a week and homeschool two kids is that I have great time management. Which is to say, I say no to just about everything. But learning when to say no is still a work in progress. Here's what I know about saying no to phone calls: 1. It's more efficient to read the book than talk to the author. I get about ten emails a day asking me if I want to talk to someone about their book so I’ll recommend it on the blog. My answer is always no. I said yes once because it was Gloria Steinem. And it turned out to be a really disappointing phone call. If she is disappointing pitching to me, then everyone else will be, too. Now I ask people to send me the book. If I like the idea of it, I’ll read it. I just read a book by Alexandra Robbins about why high school is destroying the kids who go there. She didn’t come to that conclusion, I did. But see, that’s why it’s good that I read the book myself instead of talking to her. 2. Interviews are a faster form of entertainment than going to a movie. But I do try to say yes to all interviews. I like the Russian Roulette aspect of interviews in that I never know what I’ll get. I liked getting grilled on CNN about my miscarriage. They didn’t tell me that was the topic, but it’s okay. It was interesting to answer the questions. And I didn’t like talking to Steve Roy about his career, but whenever I listen to the recording of the call, I laugh out loud, so in hindsight, even that was a good interview to say yes to. So this guy, Michael Zenn, sent me this email: Subject hed: Your Input …I am currently in the process of producing a new edition of my book and reaching out to interview some of the leading female thought leaders in the nation, which I believe you are one. I will be adding a brand new material to the book and am looking for female influencers, bloggers, websites, resources and ideas that I could potentially feature in the new book that would benefit women readers. Please let me know when you might have a few minutes for us to chat. I replied with a yes. I figured I’d give him 15 minutes, and anyway, people never call me about food, so it might be fun to answer questions about that. 3. Smalltalk goes faster with short responses. Here’s what happened. He opened up with some platitudes. Like, who he is and that his book is sold in Whole Foods and it’s the only book the CEO of Whole Foods has ever endorsed. I think a few things. I think, I hope he gets to the questions fast. Then I think, he must be the illicit lover of the Whole Foods CEO to be leveraging the checkout counter in the way that he is. He is telling me how his first printing will sell out in one month. And I am thinking, something is fishy here. Then he says he reads my blog, and he wonders if I have always been so direct and unfiltered. I say, "Yes." He asks, “Do you know why?” I say, “Yes. I have Asperger's Syndrome.” He has never heard of it. “It’s like autism,” I say. “But with a high IQ. I’m smart about some things, but not social skills. So I have no patience for you making small talk with me.” He laughs. He says “Oh, it’s like you can’t tell a lie.” “Yeah.” “I wish I had more people in my life like that,” he says. “No you don’t,” I say. “You’d get sick of it.” Pause. 4. Tirades take too long (and they're hard to stop once you get going) He asks, “What is your goal ? What do you want to tell the world?” “I don’t want to stand in front of everyone and tell them what to do. Because I don’t know. Life is hard. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with the difficulties of life, and I like that people do that with me, on my blog.” He says, “Yeah, it’s much better to just be honest about what you’re doing.” Pause. Then he asks me if I have written at all about the food I eat. I think to myself that he is either illiterate or a liar. I say, “Yeah, I live on a farm. With animals that we eat. I write a lot about that. With pictures.” I can’t remember what happens next. I think I decide to tell him that all of the goat cheese that’s labeled by Whole Foods is made by killing the boy goats as soon as they are born. I hear nothing on his end. So I add that they are crushed underfoot, in the snow. I tell him people need to pay a lot more money for pork if they want to have pork from mothers who are not chained like prisoners while they are having their babies. It costs a lot more money to raise pork if the farmer lets the mom roll on top of some of the piglets, but it’s what she would naturally do. 5. A fast way to feel good is to attack a caller you're sick of. (Childish, but effective.) I don’t know what he says. He is saying something about how I have strong opinions or something. He is not used to this. I tell him people don’t have enough money to pay 50% more for groceries at Whole Foods. I tell him that group child care for kids under two is very bad for the kids and people should spend their money solving that problem. It’s a lot more important than not having food additives. He says his book tells people to do small steps. “Like what?” “Like eggs.” I say, “Do you buy your eggs at Whole Foods?” “Yes.” “Well, they suck compared to my free range farm eggs.” “The eggs at Whole Foods are free range.” “What does that mean? Free range for one day a year? Who regulates the words free range? Free range on sawdust? You can look at my eggs and the eggs you eat and you can see a huge difference in how yellow the yolk is.” “People need to know what they are eating.” “You don’t even know what you’re eating. This is a black hole for spending and it’s not appropriate for poor people. You can buy pork at Whole Foods where the moms are chained at birth and the pork could be organic.” 5. Get off the phone as fast as possible. Then I tell him it’s time to go to skateboarding. I tell him that my son gets more out of the money I spend on skateboarding lessons than the money I spend on organic juice with 50% less sugar which he thinks taste terrible, by the way. The guy says, “Can I send my book to you?” I can’t believe it. I want to tell him that he should have just sent that email to me, instead of wasting my time talking to me about his book. I would have said yes to just an email but now I hate him. I hate that he told me he wants to interview me for his book but he doesn’t. He’s a lifestyle guy, really. He’s telling people how to have a good life. And he’s lying to me. So I say, “Why do you need to pitch your book to me? You have a monopoly in Whole Foods checkout lines. Your book is selling out it’s first printing. Why don’t you do something more interesting than marketing a book?” He says, “I want to change the world. Obesity is a huge problem in this country.” “You’re going to solve obesity by telling people to buy free-range eggs?” “Yes. Education is the key to curbing obesity.” “You think fat people are too stupid to know that if you pay double for your food you get better food? I think they know that. Try being a single mom with two jobs and four kids and then tell her she has weight problems because she doesn’t buy free range eggs.” He asks, “Well what do you think is the panacea?” And I say, “Panacea? You are looking for a panacea? There aren’t those in this world.”
Things I wish I had written 20 January, 2012, 11:34 am
In therapy lately I am learning to identify my feelings. Maybe you’re thinking this is elementary, but did you know that envy is about wanting something you don’t have, but jealousy is the fear of losing something you already have? I am thinking about those two things. I am almost never envious, but I am often jealous. Most of my emotions, in fact, are rooted in fear. I am thinking a lot lately about where my joy comes from, and one thing I love is writing well. When I have a blog post that people love I am happy for weeks. And the excitement of doing good creative work gives me energy to do more. So I have been thinking about how to get better at writing, and I’ve been trying to notice stuff that I wish I had written. The process teaches me a lot about identifying my own emotions. 1. A New Yorker article. There is not much in the New Yorker I wish I had written. Most of it I think is too long and could use a stronger editor. (Like this article about Ikea.) But there is a piece in the Nov. 28 issue that is just one page, and so funny that I carry it with me and make people read it just so I can watch them laugh. It is We are the One Percent, by John Kenney. Will you click to read it? Go read it now. I'll wait. I am not funny. I mean, I am funny but in an unintentional way. When I try to make a joke it is usually a pun. I love puns but I have realized, late in life, that people do not think puns are funny. When people read my writing and say that I am funny, I feel lonely, because I know better than to try to be funny on purpose. So honestly, I don’t feel that funny. It’s a lot like when people say that I write stuff just to get a lot of traffic. If I knew how to churn out a 300-comment post on demand, don’t you think I’d do it every day? In fact, it’s like funny. I have no idea when it’s coming. Feeling: Lonely, because I’m always surprised. 2. An email from Melissa. I wrote to Melissa that I messed up my PayPal account and I hit my limit on money I can transfer to my checking account and I wanted the money right then, while I was in Florida, with the kids. We were at the Waldorf in Boca, which I would have never chosen, but there was a wedding. And actually, in the list of things I wish I had written should be the pricing plan for this resort. It reminds me of buying a printer. They seem so reasonably priced until you get killed on the ink. And that’s what happens here—when you have to pay five dollars for an apple juice, and $25 to get the hotel to remove the $5 juice from the fridge in the room so the kids don’t drink it. Anyway, I asked Melissa if I could pay her through PayPal and use her credit card at the hotel. This is the sort of fucked up behavior that Melissa and I have done in the past, so it seemed like a reasonable request. Melissa wrote back, “No. I’m not doing stuff like that anymore.” And I thought, “She is really smart. Of course we should not do stuff like that anymore.” It is bad boundaries and I am working on having better boundaries with everyone, even Melissa. I am hoping she will send me an email asking for something bad so I can write a response that blows her away with my ability to establish good boundaries. Feeling: Determination to change and excitement about what my life could be like with good boundaries. 3. The ad copy up there. The girl. In the hot outfit, with all the guys around her. Do you see her? It’s an ad for work clothes, of course. But it’s an ad that gives women the freedom to use their sexuality to get everything they can get. I love that. Women are doing better than men are at work in their 20s. Women earn more and women are less likely to get hit in layoffs. OK Cupid – one of my favorite blogs for the combination of amazing data and amazing analysis, and really, that should be on my list of stuff I’d like to write too, except that the guy who writes it – Chris Rudder – has his personality all over it which makes me just want to enjoy it and not be it. Like Joel Stein’s column in Time magazine. It’s too too too him for me to want it to be me. But I love reading it. Anyway, OK Cupid concludes that women are in highest demand when they are in their late 20s. Which makes sense to me—they are high earning, stable, and still very hot. So women should leverage their sexuality to get promotions, make sales, get high-earning husbands—great legs help with all that stuff. I want to write advice like the advice in this ad. Be great. Reach high. Inspire people around you by being inspired yourself. And when you don’t feel that way, at least look that way and eventually that good look will get you back on track. Feeling: Hopeful. The ad reminds me of all the positive psychology research – that you can create hope in yourself by giving it to other people. If I focus on what I wish I'd written, I realize that what I'm scared of has nothing to do with other writers. What I'm scared of is not growing. It's freeing to recognize that, really. Because I can't control what other people write. But I can control how much I push myself to grow. And I'm convinced that jealousy and envy — whichever is your sin of choice - have very little power over us when we are growing fast enough to surprise ourselves with what we can accomplish.
How to manage a career in 2012 16 January, 2012, 1:57 pm
I have never been great at picking my own clothes. I’m great at interior design, but I have a blind spot for clothes. So I email Melissa photos of my outfits, and she uses her photographic memory of my closet to edit my outfits. When I sent her this photo, she said: “What is this?” I only wanted her opinion about the color of the shirt, so I thought it was okay that it was blurry. But the more I look at the picture, the more I think that it’s how I feel about myself right now. I am not quite sure who I am, right now. And given the current career climate, this is actually how most people see themselves, too—blurry from constant movement, settled on the basics, but unclear on the specifics. And then I read an article in Fast Company this month titled Generation Flux. The article is about how careers are constantly moving and our identity is therefore moving as well. So I am focused on how to make myself more clear about what I look like. At least right now. And here are things I think we each need to do to pin down our moving-target, career-jumping selves. 1. Get a plan for post-35. This is a great post by Matt Heusser, from Google, that outlines why you only have fifteen years to put a plan together. By the time you’re 35 you have to get out of any career space that is for young people and settle into an older person job. Want to know what young people jobs are? Making sales (as opposed to managing), writing code (as opposed to managing), working across three time zones. These are jobs that middle-aged people do not get. Mostly because no one would respect a person who has worked for 15 years and still has to take a job like this. These are not good jobs for having a life. These are jobs for working long, hard hours with the intention of laying the groundwork for a better career. Sara Horowitz, writing in the Atlantic, suggests that the new jobs will be independent, short-term and maybe even coffee-shop based. Others, like Cathy Benko at Deloitte, suggest there will be a series of lateral moves that will somehow become respectable. Anya Kamenetz, writing in Fast Company, says this will look like continuous, back-to-back career change, so that job hopping begins to look tame and totally normal. At any rate, you can’t get through the second part of your career doing the work you did in the first part. So there is not time to rest in a safe spot for your career. The other reason you only get 15 years is that your salary tops out in your late 30s. (Actually, age 35 for women and 40 for men.) Statistically speaking, you are extremely unlikely to earn more than you are earning at that age. 2. Get good at setting boundaries. In the old workplace you could take one job, on an established path, and move forward in a predictable way. The average job today lasts four years. (And other research shows that people who are staying a lot longer than four years are probably getting themselves into trouble.) If you are changing jobs every four years, you are going to have to manage lots of close relationships with co-workers and bosses. This requires being very good at setting boundaries, which, in turn, requires good self-knowledge. I have a bookshelf full of boundary-building books right now, and I’m blown away by how relevant they are to careers. (Examples: I Hate You Don't Leave Me and Stop Walking on Eggshells). Most of our career problems have, on some level, a boundary component. For example, many people in their 20s know what they’d like to do but they cannot separate the dreams of their parents from their own, and so they make bad choices for themselves that they spend a decade undoing. In other cases, career choices are clear and good, but a spouse has dreams that are incompatible with this choice. For example, the spouse wants a income, or more attentive child care, or a relocation that is not possible. In this case there would need to be a family talk about boundaries and how one person’s dreams cannot depend on impossible career feats by the other person. The better we are at managing boundaries in our personal relationships, the better we’ll be at managing our career decisions. And as careers become more dynamic, this equation becomes more true. 3. Get tons of coaching. I have always been a huge fan of coaching. It’s not only that I have hired people for help with what to wear. In fact, I think one of my biggest strengths is to get coaching from a wide range of people. As a result of realizing this personal strength, last year I started doing a lot more coaching for other people, and I started reading more about coaching as well. For example, all high performers get a lot of coaching. And the need for coaching does not wane as you get better and better at your job. So many people told me that the coaching session I did with them changed their life that I decided I wanted to get that. I wanted a coaching session that changed my life. So I asked Christine Carter to do a coaching session with me. She wrote the book Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. She coaches families on how to create systems that promote family happiness. She helps them restructure schedules and priorities, which are exactly the things I’ve been having trouble with since I moved to the farm and started homeschooling. We dealt with fundamental decisions like when I will do my work each day and how the family can be more predictable. And you know what? She changed my life. Because she took questions that are difficult and complicated for me and she was able to find good answers quickly. Which, by the way, is exactly what I am able to do when I coach people about career decisions. A coach works on the same problem with hundreds of people, so the coach is great at seeing how to solve that one problem for you. For anything. I’ve written about coaching for mental imaging, coaching for more optimism, coaching for gait. Each of those coaches have blown me away by teaching me something totally new about myself and helping me solve problems related to that area. So I can’t stress enough how much I recommend that you get coaching this year. You cannot rely on your company to teach you what you need to know to manage your career. Because first of all, no one knows that answer except you. But also, a company cannot make that kind of investment in employees when the average tenure is four years. And one more thing about coaching: It's very hard to know what question to ask. Which may make you think that this is a reason to not get coaching. But in fact, learning to ask good questions is something you can get coached for as well.
5 Ideas that will influence 2012 8 January, 2012, 12:45 pm
If I look back on my blog, I can see that each year there were one or two ideas that just blew me away and ended up dominating my thinking. For example, 2011 my year to be obsessed with school – homeschooling and higher ed, 2010 was my year for disillusionment with happiness research, 2009 was when I started writing honestly about how unglamorous startup life really is. I'm excited to think about what this year will bring in terms of the ideas that will capture my imagination. Here are the early candidates: 1. Nature vs. nurture An important book came out at the end of 2011 that got very little play in the media: Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, by Bryan Caplan The title of the book is just awful. Which is probably why it has been roundly ignored. The title should have been Why Nothing You Do As a Parent Matters. That title would have gotten a lot of media coverage, but who would have purchased the book? No one. Because as parents we are invested in the idea that what we do matters. But it turns out that what parents do doesn’t matter very much. This book is a compendium of evidence from a wide range of university studies that show that once basic needs of a child are met, parents do not really affect how their kids turn out. Here’s an example of the reach of this evidence: The age that boys first have sex is determined genetically. You cannot influence it by talking to the kid, or preaching to the kid, or whatever. The evidence is astounding. But also disheartening. Because then what does it matter what are parents doing? One thing is that they can affect how much kids appreciate them as adults. This is influenced by the parents completely. So as this research gains public attention, the shift we will see in spending will be toward things that parents and kids experience together. We don’t need to spend money on shaping the child when the child is already in the shape he or she will be. We can focus on spending money to help the child connect with the parent in a meaningful way that will last their whole lives. That’s all we can influence, as much as we wish it to be otherwise. 2. Lean startup thinking At this point, the idea of the lean startup is not that new. That's the method for launching a startup where you continually ask questions and refine as opposed to setting up a goal and driving unequivocally in that direction. It's a process for dealing with the reality that we don't know what will work and what won't work. Eric Ries came up with the idea, wrote a book about it, and now he's at Harvard evangelizing it to the next generation of entrepreneurs. The idea took hold of the Silicon Valley crowd first, of course, but at this point, the idea of the lean startup has infiltrated entrepreneur circles in middle America as well. The lean startup is such a strong, salient idea for our era because it is the natural response to the situation where we have the ability to gather information quickly and move quickly. But why do we only apply this idea to companies? Why not also apply it to our lives? We don't need to figure out a goal when we are in our 20s and then move toward that goal. We can constantly gather information, ask questions, and readjust our goals. Our lives should run as lean as our startups do, which is to say, aiming to get rid of the baggage from goals we once thought might work but now clearly will not. Next, we should stop investing in our lives as if they are set in stone. The less stuff we have, the lower our monthly costs are, the more flexible we can be to respond to new information about what really works for each of us, in our own lives. 3. Fake is an art form. Instead of fighting against fake, maybe we should celebrate it. After all, we have a long history of loving fakery. You know what the people did with the discovery of oil paint? Now that they could make lines and colors so precise as to look real, they started painting pictures of beautiful women for men to hold onto when they couldn't have a real one. (Girl With the Pearl Earring, by Colin Firth, is a great story of this practice.) Andy Warhol devoted his life to making art about our love of the fake. So here we are, in 2012, and did you check out the photo of the Apple store at the top of this post? Here's another photo of the store. Guess what? It's a fake Apple store in the middle of nowhere in China. All the employees think they are working for Apple. And the customers think they are buying from Apple. And though some mistakes are obvious, a former Apple store employee stumbled upon the store and she documents all the little details the store owners got wrong in a very fun blog post. I want to tell you this is thievery and dishonest and an international crime. But you know what? I love it. Fake is fun, and China is simply just amazing at it. 4. The rise of career centers. At some point, there's going to be a huge shift in university politics, and the head of the career center is going to be the god of academia. That's because the value of a school is no longer in the knowledge it spews—anyone can take the classes online. Anyone can access the teacher's papers online, and anyone can email the professor with a good question. The value in the school is the jobs kids get after they graduate. For some schools, just the name of the school will open doors. For most schools, though, this is not true. And for those schools, the career center has an opportunity to add huge value to the diploma. At some point, university administrators will stop courting physics professors and start courting a high-profile head of the career center. Because right now the career centers are throwing the students under the bus. You know what will make this shift go much faster? When US News and World Report gets a reality check about what people reallly want to know about higher education, and they start publishing lists of schools ranked by how well they place kids in the job market after graduation. There's nothing like a new list criteria to force the hand of university presidents. (And in the meantime, we should complain loudly that US News and World Report uses largely irrelevant criteria for school rankings, like class size. It's 2012. If you don't like the size of your class, go online and have a class of one, and then meet your professor during office hours.) 5. The compounding effect. The guy who publishes Success magazine, Darren Hardy, wrote a book called The Compound Effect. I liked the book as soon as I heard the title. I thought to myself, "Of course! Making good career decisions every month is like putting money in a 401K every month!" The thing is that most of us are not putting money in a 401K every month. (And it probably doesn't matter, because saving for retirement is an antiquated approach to life.) But most of us can get the compound effect by making solid decisions each month, again and again and again. The opening of Hardy's book is: "Ever heard the story of the tortoise and the hare? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm the tortoise. Give me enough time, and I will beat virtually anybody, anytime, in any competition? Why? Not because I'm the best or the smartest or the fastest. I'll win because of the positive habits I've developed, and because of the consistency I use in applying those habits." I like that. I like the idea of making lots of good small decisions about my career knowing that the compound effect will create big rewards over time. Which reminds me of the idea that captured my attention in 2008: having a strong career is so much more rewarding than having a 401K.
My New Year’s Resolution: Pay Attention 6 January, 2012, 2:13 pm
Somehow, last year, I got too big-picture. It’s not surprising since I’m an ENTJ. I understand my deficit, which is one reason I picked the Farmer, an ISTP-–extremely short-term thinking. At the end of the day, the Farmer walks in the house and talks about his day’s accomplishments, and the weather. I used to tell him that the weather is such a stupid topic that it actually makes me uncomfortable to have him bring it up. But now I realize that the weather is a segue to talking about what is happening right now. And that’s something I need to get better at. 1. Pay attention to the short term. So my first resolution is to be more excited with what's going on in my life in the near-term. On January 1st the Farmer separated from his parents’ farm, and he has pigs are at our farm now. (I am saying our farm now. It shows us being a team more. It’s hard to write, but I guess this is a sub-resolution within the resolution: Think like a team.) He used to make the pigs have babies in crates, at his parent's farm. The birthing process was confinement—the moms couldn’t move so they couldn’t roll onto the babies. Now he is letting the pigs breed while they wallow in grassy mud, and he's letting the moms have babies wherever they choose in a barn full of soft hay bedding. The pig will roll on some of the babies probably, but probably that’s why pigs have big litters. Anyway, the Farmer is excited and scared and curious and he comes into the house each day and says something fun about the new pig setup. I should have something fun to say each day about my work, too. I want to be excited that I’m trying new things. 2. Pay attention to moment-to-moment happiness. Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, and my happiness research idol, is shifting his focus to the workplace. This is not surprising. As our education system grows more and more inadequate, companies are taking more responsibility for educating their employees. So there’s a lot of money in corporate America earmarked for education, and if you have a new idea, you’d best start selling it to those purse holders. Anyway, Gilbert gives a great interview in the Harvard Business Review this month about what makes people happy. And, first of all, it’s really clear for the last two decades of research that events do not make us more happy or more sad. We overestimate how much a single event will change us – a huge raise, a lost limb – all of it has little long-term impact on our happiness because we bounce back on both ends of the spectrum to our happiness set point – that is, the one we’re born with. (If you’re interested in facing the reality of the fact that happiness is basically predetermined at birth, a good book on the happiness set point, check out The How of Happiness, by Sonja Lyubomirsky.) So work is simply not going to change how happy you are. That’s not how work works. On the other hand, you do have to be at work for eight hours a day – well, most of us do, in one way or another, even Tim Ferriss – so we should get a good feeling from being there. And here’s where we can affect our happiness: minute-to-minute. One of the lucky grad students in Daniel Gilbert’s research lab at Harvard is Matthew Killingsworth, who distributed an app (through this blog, actually) to track peoples’ happiness on a moment-to-moment basis. As we learn more about people reporting their own happiness we know that our ability to predict happiness stinks, and the way we remember our happiness levels is inaccurate, but we are pretty decent at knowing how we feel if someone asks us. (I know, this flies in the face of every marriage counseling session in the world, but still, I believe Gilbert knows what he’s talking about.) This is where we get good information about work. People are happy, minute-to-minute at work if they are setting reasonable goals and meeting them. 3. Pay attention to paragraph breaks. I want to try new things in my work and I want to set goals for myself. At my core, I think I’m a writer. And I need to always be improving. Some of that will come from forcing myself to make more money from this blog. I have to organize my ideas in different ways if I want to make more money from them, and so now seems like a good a time to tell you that I’ll have a new book coming out this spring. (More on that later.) I’ve also been forcing myself to try different ways of writing blog posts on my homeschooling blog. (Here’s one that I like that is different than anything I would write here.) I am obsessed with expertise. And people get better and better at something – anything – by being focused on what they are working on and pushing themselves in new directions to reach hard goals. I think to myself: what am I doing with my writing to make myself get better? It scares me that I’m not getting better. Mostly, I just need to write more to get better – it’s what anyone needs to do to get better. But I want a goal, also, so this year I’m going to focus more on the paragraph break. I think that’s where the big potential is to elevate my writing. Like there. Right? You stopped a beat to think, oh, here’s a break. Something big will happen. The break is an opportunity for an intimate moment with the reader. It’s the part of writing I like best, and I could do much more with it. Do people give New Year’s presents? Here is mine to you. Or to me. It makes me happy just to have this poem here on my blog: Because You Asked about the Line between Prose and Poetry By Howard Nemerov Sparrows were feeding in a freezing drizzle That while you watched turned into pieces of snow Riding a gradient invisible From silver aslant to random, white, and show. There came a moment that you couldn’t tell. And then they clearly flew instead of fell.
Zero tolerance for domestic violence is wrong 1 January, 2012, 2:24 pm
It's been four days since I documented my own domestic violence, in almost real-time, between me and the Farmer. The most common response I've heard is some variation of: "Zero tolerance for domestic abuse!" And you know what? I have zero tolerance for things I am not prone to tolerate as well. That’s easy, isn’t it? It’s much harder to see the issue from the person’s perspective who has the issue. I've spent days reading the 500 comments on my blog and the comments about my situation on other blogs, and I'm absolutely shocked by the collective hatred and disdain for women who are in violent relationships. Here’s what someone said on my blog: "Victims of domestic abuse suck at pressing charges." Yes. It’s true. Women don’t like to press charges. Because they love the guy. You, maybe, are unable to fall in love with a guy who is violent. Good for you. But do you have to hate women who aren’t like you? For some reason, people feel it is honorable to rip a woman to shreds if she is living with domestic violence. Here’s an example from comments on James Altucher’s blog: "[Penelope Trunk is] out of her mind to think that her children are not being abused. She, in fact, is as guilty of that abuse as the farmer that beats her." The high-and-mightiness that emanates from the public discussion of domestic violence is breathtaking. Everyone is an expert. Everyone knows what’s right. Here’s a comment on Jezebel, a supposedly feminist community that is full of anger towards women who live in violent households. "No one gets another chance to hit me. I don't care that I have the training to fight back. "One incident, and YOU LEAVE. Violent people don't get better without a lot of work, and it's not *your* problem. Once someone raises a hand to you, you owe that person *nothing.* It's likely that the violent behavior will escalate. Sometimes it is deliberate. Either way, YOU LEAVE." This person sees everything very clearly. If there’s abuse, you leave. Even if it’s small. Because all small abuse gets huge. I don’t think anyone is suggesting that if the guy hits you twice, the kids are better off living in a single-parent home and hearing their dad called an abuser. What people do say is that the odds are it won’t stop. The odds are it will get worse. The odds are, the kids will be worse off, in the end, having lived with the dad. But the truth is that we do not believe that men who leave two, visible marks on their wife should lose their kids. You know how I know we don’t believe this? Because if Child Protective Services sees two bruises on a kid at two different times, the kid is not removed from the home. Think about it: Is that kid better off with parents who might be able to stop, or in the Foster Care System for the rest of their life? So we are making bets, right? Is it better to leave, because it is likely to get worse? Or is it better to stay because the benefits from things improving, although unlikely, are huge? I’m in the startup community. It’s the world of high risk. You bet big on yourself, you kill your family’s credit, you put your house on the line, and maybe, just maybe, your company will make it. So why wouldn’t I bet big on myself now? I am not the whole problem in my family, but I am half. And over the last year I have described multiple situations where I was half the problem. I can improve my own half and see what happens. Have you been to couple’s therapy? There’s a saying that a marriage is a gear system. If one gear changes, all the gears change. Blog commenters will argue against this idea by telling me not to change because It's not my fault. But really, how do they know? We know that I grew up in a home where there was lots of violence. So it's likely that I will be in that kind of house when I'm an adult. And surely it's possible that I am contributing to the mix since I am statistically likely to create a violent household. Here's another thing: You don't know what I did leading up to the bruise in the photo. I'll tell you what my mom used to do leading up to my dad hitting her: One night they were wallpapering. They had been wallpapering the living room after work for a week. My mom got mad at my dad and threw red paint all over the wallpaper. Ruined all their work. He didn't respond. He was stunned. Then she knocked over the table with the wallpaper and the glue. It ruined the newly varnished floors. He held her arms so she couldn't do anything else. He held tighter and tighter. She kicked him to get loose. She left no mark. He hit her in the face. If she blogged about it, and showed the hand print on her face, she might get 500 commenters telling her it's not her fault. Should she leave with me and my brother because our dad is violent and we should not live with him? Or should she work on her own behavior to see if she can single-handedly stop the violence? I think the most grown-up, good parenting thing for her to do would be to understand her own behavior and stop it so that me and my brother could grow up in a home with both our parents. She didn't do that, of course. She had little insight into her own behavior and she and my dad ended up taking most of their anger out on me. My mom had good choices she could have made because, in fact, part of the domestic violence was her fault. "It's not your fault" completely limits a woman's choices, because you are saying that she is powerless to control the situation. And if you tell every woman "it's not your fault" then they can't improve. How do women get better at not creating a violent household? Probably by changing their behavior. This doesn't mean "always tiptoe around your spouse and become a mouse". But it can mean a wide range of positive changes. We are all growing personally. It's not your fault is almost always a path to no growth. It's what Oprah founded her show on, right? Personal responsibility. Why don't we go there, first, before we go to "it's not your fault". The truth is that if we take responsibility for the problems in our lives, we can solve the problem. If we blame other people, we are always running. People who blame other people can't get along with siblings, can't get along at work, lose friends quickly. People who facilitate that behavior say, "It's not your fault." Most of the success of my blog comes from my reliance on the idea of personal responsibility. There are no bad bosses–it's only you. If you can't get a job it's not because of the job market, it's because you are unemployable. And you can fix that. Your heavy workload is not because someone gave it to you — you gave it to yourself. People like what I say because I show them how they can fix anything when they take responsibility for fixing it. That's what I truly believe. And that's why I'm staying with the Farmer.
Most popular posts of 2011 31 December, 2011, 1:00 pm
I think this year was a year of me looking for stuff. Trying to figure stuff out. Maybe trying to figure out what I'm looking for. It was also the year I discovered pictures for my blog, and I even redesigned the whole blog so the photos are more prominent. So it makes sense to me to end with a picture of me looking for something — who knows what? — when I was a child. Because some things are just part of us. They don't change, even when the year changes. I don't know if these are the best posts of the year. But they are some of the posts that received the most comments. My favorite post of the whole year is the one that's first on this list. Hopefully I've picked a few of your favorites too, and a few that you missed, so there's a fun one for you to read right now. Happy new year, and thank you for reading my blog and commenting. You make me feel lucky. And here's the list: On Sunday my son sold his pig (271 comments) Voices of the defenders of grad school. And me, crushing them. (249 comments) Blueprint for a woman's life (440 comments, 3,000 likes on Facebook) 5 Reasons to stop trying to be happy (146 comments) Salaries top out at age 40 (102 comments, 471 likes on facebook) What gen-yers don't know about themselves (250 comments) Generation Z will revolutionize education (175 comments)
The psychology of quitting 28 December, 2011, 7:56 pm
I am at a hotel. I think I'm dying. I have a bruise from where the Farmer slammed me into our bed post. I took the kids and went to a hotel so I could have time to think. I think I need to move into a hotel for a month. The Farmer told me that he will not beat me up any more if I do not make him stay up late talking to me. If you asked him why he is still being violent to me, he would tell you that I’m impossible to live with. That I never stop talking. That I never leave him alone. How he can’t get any peace and quiet in his own house. That’s what he’d tell you. And he’d tell you that I should be medicated. I’m trying to make sure this is a career blog, because, if nothing else, if I don’t have a career then it’s pretty hard to have the discussion of why I am not leaving. I am having trouble writing, in case you haven’t noticed. I’m not great at faking things. I am trying to do business as usual because we all know that I should have left the last time there was violence. Look. I can’t even write “the last time he beat me up.” I tried to, but then I thought: "No. It’s my fault. I deserve it. He’s right. I’m impossible to live with.” Our couples therapist told us we will never make any progress. The reason that we will never make any progress is because neither of us can be vulnerable in a relationship. This might be true. The Farmer responded by saying he thinks we are making good progress. That was when he had made it to two months without hurting me. He said that was progress. I feel like I am never going to get past this if I don’t write about it. Some days I wish I had a real job at Brazen Careerist where I had to go into an office every day. I think it might be good for me. Structure is good for me. I thought it would be such a big deal when I stopped working there. But it’s not. No one really cares. The company moves on. I show up to board meetings and there are people working there who I’ve never even met. When I was growing up I always heard women say that you should have a career so you can take care of yourself without a husband. What if there’s a divorce? You need to be able to support yourself! Don’t let yourself get stuck. But now we know more about work. It’s fun to have a career. It’s fun to get the accolades that work provides. And we know more about domestic violence. You don’t need a career to leave. You need something else. I am not sure what. I think I might need a hotel. But really I need to know what is keeping me there. I’m pretty sure that blaming myself is keeping me there. I think, “Why would I leave him when it’s all my fault?” This is what I felt like when I was a kid. I was taken out of my parents house when I was fourteen. But I kept wanting to go back. I kept thinking that I’d be better and they’d like me better. My parents were banned from family therapy because of poor behavior. The final blow to their time in family therapy was when they said the family is much better with me in the mental ward. So I did therapy alone, and after a while I got that feeling again: That maybe now I would be the type of person my parents liked and we could all get along. I lasted one day at my parents house before there was violence. I tell you this to tell you where my comfort zone is. Right there. And I tell you this to tell you that I blame myself for getting myself into this. I think I have poor relationship skills. I think I am probably only interested in sharing my feelings if I’m writing them. I think my closest relationships in my life are with my kids and with you, the person reading my blog. The hardest thing about leaving is that no one cares. My parents were so relieved when the police finally took me out of the house. The police said, “We’re going to have to take her now,” and my mom said, “Thank you so much! Please do that.” She wasn’t mean when she said it. She was genuinely relieved. That’s how the Farmer will be, too. He broke up with me 50 times while we were dating. He loves the feeling of getting rid of me. That’s why I can’t leave. I want someone to miss me.
Shortcuts to Common New Year's Resolutions 20 December, 2011, 8:47 am
One reason I have achieved so much in my own career is that I’ve taken shortcuts. For example, I played professional beach volleyball without learning how to play indoor sixes very well—I can really only play doubles, which is what people play on the sand. But it allowed me to skip a lot of years of indoor volleyball training and still play pro. I'm always fascinated by people who find shortcuts. Tim Ferriss is a shortcut taker, but he totally annoys me because he pretends his shortcuts don't mean he still had to do hard work. One of the reasons I was initially attracted to the Farmer is that he is good at knowing what shortcuts to take and he values hard work. Just last week, in fact, he moved his pigs to a new barn, where they will be able to mix with the cattle herd. It's not something anyone in our area does, but he had a hunch it would work, and now he manages one herd instead of two. I love that I'm learning the rules of farming by watching the Farmer cut corners. In lists of the most common New Year’s resolutions, most are career-related. So I thought I’d take a look at the most common things people tell me they want to do, and I’d tell you shortcuts to getting to that goal. Because I'm pretty good at learning the rules and then figuring out how to work around them. This still means you have to do some hard work, of course, but it's a smarter way to spend your energy and still get to what you want. Goal: Get a book deal First of all, I'm not convinced that people need to get a book deal. That said, if you want to get a book published, don’t write the book until you write the proposal. That’s how you get a book deal – from a ten-page proposal, not an actual book. So here’s what you should do: Write a proposal and if you don’t get a book deal from it, write another. It’s a lot easier to write ten proposals to get one book deal than to write a book that no one bids on. And, if you don’t invest tons of time in one, single proposal then you won’t feel bad if you find out the proposal sucks. Because you’ve got another in the hopper. Here are tips from my agent on how to get a six-figure book deal. Goal: Sell your company You don’t actually need to have a big exit. You just need to build something and then, well, sort of give it away. Because the idea of “selling a company” is actually just the idea that you build something that someone else wanted. Sure, $10 million would be great. But so few people get that much money for their company. It’s much more common to get somewhere around $100,000 when all is said and done. And yes, that’s a lot of money, but you’d probably still work after that size exit, and you’d probably change very little in your life. The value would be that you built something that someone wanted. So sell your company by finding someone who can use what you’ve built and will give you a small, token fee ($10) but a good job at the company. You can use that staff position as a break while you figure out what company to do next. And maybe you'll start a company and sell it all over again. Goal: Change careers You’re going to need to show you’ve done the new job before you can get the new job. It’s not fair, I know. But it’s how the world works. So just make up a job, do it, and then put it on your resume. You don’t need pay or permission to do the job you want. Just start doing it. And if you already have the job you want on your resume, you’re much more likely to get hired for the job you want. Are you worried about being exposed as a fake in an interview? First of all, there’s not a law that says you can’t have unpaid jobs on your resume. And you can have freelance jobs. So that’s what a made-up job is: freelance, for free. And then keep at it so that when an interviewer wants to talk about this job and what you gained from doing it, you will look great. Because you’ll say you made the job up, to get yourself experience, and here’s what you did, and here’s what you learned, and you’ll look like a self-starter and a results-oriented super-performer. Because only that sort of someone would make up a job and then do it to gain experience. Goal: Skip entry-level drudgery Start a blog. Think of a blog like a high-end resume. Most peoples’ resumes are a list of the jobs they’ve done that never show how you bring great ideas wherever you go. A blog, on the other hand, is a list of your ideas. You tell the world your opinions regarding your industry or interest. If you have good ideas, people will start listening. But you have to keep writing, to keep trying to find your niche and the audience for your niche. When you get the influencers in your industry to read you, then you become a respected voice in the arena. And that’s your ticket to a beyond-entry-level job because people who listen to you will also be willing to help you get a job. (Want to get a jump-start on your blog? Try Blogging Bootcamp.) Goal: Launch a consumer product Don’t sell the product direct to consumers. That’s the hard route because you have to build your own sales channel. Instead just make a prototype and sell it to retail buyers. Those buyers have a lot more power than a single consumer. And if your core-competency is product design, then you don’t want to spend all your time marketing to consumers. So get the prototype done and if you have no bites, then make another prototype and try again. This will make your failure cycle go fast, which is one of the key factors in finding huge success. It’s rare to have a big win on your first try. But it’s universal that the way to get through failure is to keep trying when other people would stop. Goal: Become a writer People ask me about this goal more than any other. And here's my advice: Just write. No one can write more than three hours a day. And most of us can find an extra three hours to do what we love. You are already a writer. No one has to give you permission to do what you love. Of course, this is the problem with most New Year's resolutions – that the only thing between us and our goals is self-discipline.
Secret social skills successful people know 14 December, 2011, 10:47 pm
When we were at LegoLand I was struck by the high emotional intelligence of the employees. Their job is to make everyone feel like their Lego project is great. (You'd be surprised how many parents are there, swiping the white blocks from little kids at the Lego snowman contest.) High emotional-intelligence jobs are very hard, and I would rather sweep floors. But I force myself to try to improve my emotional intelligence because people who don't try to improve it generally suck at it. And people with high emotional intelligence are fascinated by how to get even better at reading people. So I'm always seeking out new data points for emotional intelligence so I can get that social skills boost I most definitely need. Here's what I've learned about the social skills secrets of successful people: 1. Don't try to fake emotion. The first thing you should do is stop trying to fake that you care. It simply doesn’t work. You know the studies about smiling? They show that if you really smile, your eyes wrinkle. If you fake smile, those wrinkles are not there. And we read that subconsciously. In fact, most of what we read subconsciously is correct. Here’s a good summary of that in the Economist. But the bottom line on reading people is that we have had millions of years to perfect the skill, and we’re good at it. We can also tell right away how someone feels toward us. Researchers at the University of Toronto found that people judge empathy accurately in just 20 seconds of video without sound. This means we are reading the face. This also means that it’s pretty difficult for someone who doesn’t feel empathy to feign empathy. 2. Focus on doing rather than feeling. I read a lot of books about how to have good social skills, and the instructions are always something specific I should say or do. For example, if someone is talking about themselves, I should not interject to talk about myself, but rather, ask a question about the other person. I can do this. But I have a hard time caring, and it shows up as awkwardness—an act of empathy but no empathy showing in my face. Now I get it: the whole “passing for normal” goal is useless. It’s much easier for me to follow rules that involve doing instead of caring. 3. Pay attention to personality types. You know you should make people feel good by recognizing them for their work. But it’s actually difficult to know the right way to do that; one way won’t work for everyone, and, not surprisingly, it comes down to personality. There are four dominant types of personalities. (Take the Myers Briggs test here to find out yours. It’s free.) There are four dominant types of people, each motivated primarily by either power, relationships, craftsmanship, or ideals. 4. First recognize then reward. It's important to first recognize a job well done, with gratitude. But also, if you reward the person with appropriate work then you'll encourage a repeatedly outstanding performance. (Insights is a company that trains managers to think like this.) Here are the four personality types and how to inspire them. Power. Type-A types. For a job well done, reward this person with public recognition when a task or project is finished. Reward the person with visionary, forward-thinking projects. Relationships. The cheerleader type. This person also wants some sort of public recognition, but it should be fun. And the thank-you speech is really important to this person. Reward them with projects that are varied and well defined. Ideals. The crusaders. This person wants to be rewarded along the way, not just at the end. Reward this person as part of their team, not alone. Show faith in their ability to build strong partnerships by giving them more work to leverage that skill. Craftsmanship. The perfectionists. Reward this person for attention to detail, and do it in a private, one-on-one way. They don’t want big fanfare. This person wants acknowledgement that they did a good job by seeing executive management adopt their work as the standard. 4. Judge yourself on how precisely you give a compliment. You might not be in a position to reward someone at your company, but you are always in a position to acknowledge the work someone has done. This information helps you understand who wants acknowledgement for what. And you can mention something to them. This seems subtle, but the difference between high emotional intelligence and merely average is that everyone knows you should give compliments when you can. But not everyone knows who needs what sort of compliment.

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