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On Bliss

Don't change the channels 19 February, 2012, 2:09 pm
I don't mean the channels on TV, but your input channels when you are experiencing something. What usually happens in a common activity (e.g. a conversation or climbing the stairs or even while reading a book) is that you are eager to quickly finish that activity. The details and subtilty of that activity is not fully experienced. The tendency to quickly flip the page or quickly ascend or descend the stairs is high among all of us. How to Practice this Today Stay with the activity a little longer than usual. Understand there is a history of creation within the activity. For example, when you climb the stairs, you can be conscious of nature's wonder in creating the stones or the substances required for the cement, the wood required or even the hard work of the construction workers in putting this safe structure in place. When you read a book, there is nature in every page you touch, every word you read. The creativity of the author when you absorb each word. Every activity you will realize is a connected series of actions, some of them were executed by nature and some of them by other creatures including humans. In this way of experiencing an activity you will be enchanted with the continuous flow of interplay with nature and us. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Gratitude Attitude 14 February, 2012, 4:58 am
I am pretty sure the title is self-explanatory. I had recently written about energy management and one of the places I had suggested that you put your energy into was to show gratitude. Showing or expressing gratitude has this positive viral effect which can transform your life and is key to simply being happy. Since it requires energy, it requires some effort. There are numerous ways to use awareness to cultivate gratitude. Of course you acknowledge your appreciation when things are going well. But even more helpful is to notice those things for which you are grateful when you are affected physically or emotionally in a not so positive manner. I often instruct readers to respond to a difficult situation by acknowledging it as such, then saying to themselves, 'Yes, this is upsetting, and I am grateful for...' An example would be, 'I am angry at this moment, and I am grateful I have a mind which knows this is so and can deal with it.' Even though initially practicing Gratitude requires effort, the practice will turn to become a natural habit. But like every other positive habit there are things which can prevent you from cultivating this one. Let's talk about some of them. Sometimes you shortchange gratitude because your mind is stuck in problem-fixing mode; it only notices what isn't working and sets about trying to resolve it. Another reason is that the mind loses interest quickly and moves on to the next thing. It tends to take for granted whatever is both desirable and present. You can see this for yourself around drinking your favorite drink: Notice how the first few sips taste so delicious, then how quickly the mind ceases to register the pleasant sensations. The phenomenon of comparing mind is another hindrance to practicing gratitude. It is the aspect of your mind that notices, 'She has a nicer house than I do,' 'He is taller than I am,' or 'He makes more money than me.' Understand that there is a difference between discernment, the factor of mind that sees things clearly, and comparing mind, which exercises judgment and hides a belief system that says, 'If only I have more of the right things, I will be happy.' The ego is another factor which arouses arrogance and creates unnecessary separation between you and the things around you. It makes you incline to focus on things which are not right. It can stem from a sense of either having suffered unfairly or having been deprived or being in a position of power. It can also arise from others making you feel special. When you realise that everything around you is special your sense of gratitude increases. Permalink | Leave a comment »
You are not the mind 13 February, 2012, 4:54 am
I constantly hear from my friends and family members about them wanting to get 'Peace of mind'. It is interesting to hear the responses when you ask them what exactly are they referring to when they use the phrase 'Peace of mind'. Some of them refer to not having peace of mind when things or events do not go the way they expect to or when people behave or act in a way which is irritating or not conducive to what my friends or family members perceive to be acceptable. They are saying that their mind's peace was disturbed because of an event or a person. So the question I always ask is - 'You' are aware that your mind is disturbed ?. Who is that 'You' ?. Just like your hand is part of 'You' , your mind is just a part of 'You'. It's not really 'You'. Once you realize that, your awareness of what disturbs just a part of you becomes easier to handle. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Stop Clinging 2 February, 2012, 4:22 am
Clinging is the worst form of attachment. A restless form of attachment which does not allow you to settle down. If you haven't settled down, it will be hard to apply awareness. Your mind is full of the object which you are clinging on to. Often we get so caught up in this 'Clinging' that we barely even notice we are caught by it, we never sit back and get any perspective on this ongoing craving or deep uncontrollable desire that we have. Understanding Clinging We need to get a good understanding on how all types of desires work, not just one particular desire. Understanding the creation of the 'clinging' will help us understand how to overcome it. So this is what I want to spend some time about here and show how the process of desires and sensual pleasures repeats in our lives – eating issues, addiction problems, cheating on our spouses etc. These are all 'clinging' in one form or another, even down to the subtle stuff like desire for a morning cup of tea or a wanting for a hug from your little one. What do we cling on to According to Buddhist teaching there are five types of phenomena (aggregates) which serves as objects which we cling on to. They are : Aggregate External Sense Base Internal Sense Base Form mental visible form, sound, smell, taste, touch objects eye, ear, nose, tongue, ear, nose, tongue, body Sensation mental objects Perception Formation Conscousness mind Step #1 : Identifying the form Once we identify the different objects we cling on to, we can start being aware of the attachment associated to these objects. That sounded easy but as you know this is not easily done. An example can help you understand the workings of this. I am currently fond of 'honey roasted peanuts'. I eat them almost regularly because I have this plastic see through bottle sitting on the kitchen counter and its clearly in sight. The object of my attachment is the visible form 'honey roasted peanuts'. But there is another form associated with it and that is the form of taste. Step #2 : Identifying the Sensation , Perception or Formation Once you have identified the forms, you can start identifying the sensation associated with the form. So in my example it could be sensation of craving. A formation of temporary hunger. A perception that eating the snack can take your mind off something boring you are doing. Step #3: Watching the Desire A desire arises almost as soon as the sensation arises. People usually confuse the two. The sensation in the step above is the trigger to the desire. This is where awareness plays a vital role. We have gone through a process of identifying the form, finding the associated sensations and identifying the desire triggered by the sensations. Just watching the desire as an observer will reduce the impact the desire has on you. The proper response is to let go of the desire little-by-little. By not pushing the desire away, by not fighting it or resisting it, you become automatically detached but your need to take action does not automatically happen. This last line is very important and I sincerely advice you to read that again. We need to be constantly aware and vigilant so that as any desires arises we can observe it and see it for what it is, not act on it, and just let it pass. As you do this the desire’s propensity to be repeated reduces until eventually it ceases to arise any more. This is that path to the cessation of suffering and the real path to simply being happy. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Energy Management is Key 29 January, 2012, 4:12 am
Managing energy across the 5 layers is a key technique to ensure you are happy. Even though most of the energy management happens in the 'Energy Layer', the other layers are directly affected by this. How do you manage energy? STEP 1 : You begin this by accepting everything which is happening now. I cannot explain how simple this is and how important this first step is. The easiest way to explain this by showing how I put this into practice. When I am working at home, usually on my laptop, my 4 year old comes by, once-in-a-while , and nags me. She usually wants to sit on my lap. The initial reaction for me is a little bit of irritation. But with my awareness I fully accept her and her demand and I request her to do something more interesting like reading a book. If she still persists, I ask her to wait for a minute so that I can logically stop my work at a place I can come back to without much effort. Then I put her on my lap and with a smile from my heart, I give her a hug and tell her that Acha (daddy in our mother tongue) has work to do and she can sit with daddy for a couple of minutes. And I do nothing else other than giving her a light hug. After a couple of minutes, she usually gets down by herself and happily goes to her next task. The essence of the above example is that accepting whatever is coming to you, whether it is a request from the outside, or something your mind creates will help you lay the foundation so that you continue to practice awareness. Resistance of what is happening now is counteractive to optimal energy management. The layer where this applies is the Awareness layer. STEP 2 : Have the right kind of food Avoid animal and high fat products as much as you can. Animal products contain fat, especially saturated fat, which is linked to heart disease, insulin resistance, and certain forms of cancer. These products also contain cholesterol, something never found in foods from plants. And, of course, animal products contain animal protein. It may surprise you to learn that diets high in animal protein can aggravate kidney problems and calcium losses. Animal products never provide fiber or healthful complex carbohydrate. These products do not help with optimizing your energy. On the other hand, to digest animal products and to deal with the effects it has on your health it takes up lots of your good energy. STEP 3 : Have the right kind of rest at the right intervals Finding the right 'pace' for your activities and sprinkling breaks in between can make the activities more enjoyable. For example, when I wrote this article, I use a hard rule of not writing for more than 20 minutes at a stretch. I also start writing with an intention of not getting distracted with anything else - e.g. browsing or emailing. If a random actionable thought comes up, I write it down into my plain blank sheet of paper which is always beside me. Getting into the 'flow' is a practice which everybody can get into. Energy management for your activities is primarily done with getting the right kind of rest so that you are recharged when you get back to the activity. STEP 4: Breathe properly Proper breathing can be an important coping skill to learn. It may sound silly, but many people do not breathe properly. Natural breathing involves your diaphragm, a large muscle in your abdomen. When you breathe in, your belly should expand. When you breathe out, your belly should fall. Overtime, people forget how to breathe this way and instead use their chest and shoulders. This causes short and shallow breaths, which can increase stress and anxiety. STEP 5: Get some sunlight There is a sort of spiritual significance when you get some 'light'. Most vegetation extracts its energy from the sunlight, which is absorbed directly by the chlorophyll of plants. In men, it is absorbed by mitochondria, which are like miniature batteries that store the indispensable energy for its organism. Getting out in the morning or sitting close to a window, you can expose yourself to some sunlight. Experiencing the warmth generates some emotional warmth, energy and revitalizes you. STEP 6: You put energy in the places where you get more energy back This is about spending time on things which are good for you long term. For example, avoid television as much as possible unless you watch something which is energizing or informative. Don't gossip, because it creates a lot of negative energy. Spend time on projects or activities where the minimum you get back is the knowledge and experience. Do some gardening; see plants and flowers grow. Spend time with small children and enjoy their spontaneity. Spend time on activities with family and friends which all of you enjoy. Show gratitude. Gratitude is an expression of positive energy. When you sow positive energy into the universe it multiplies. By the way, there is another way of defining happiness. It can also be called 'blissful energy'. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Results don't matter 28 January, 2012, 8:27 am
Again, a very powerful knowledge element from the Bhagavad Gita : (2.46) One has the ability and privilege to do one's respective duty, but has no control over the results. The fruits of work should not be the motive. Also, one should never remain inactive. When you do anything with most of your attention spent on how the results will be, then you split between two things. You are split between the present moment and the future. Instead of paying full attention to what you are doing, you are constantly worrying about what the results will be. To be truly happy, you will need to be fully aware of what you are doing and not dilute the energy spent on the activity worrying about the results. Permalink | Leave a comment »
The Happiness Layers 26 January, 2012, 3:31 am
When I think of how everyone can simply be happy, I usually think of some fundamental layers which need to exist to build the foundation of your happiness. These layers are not 'really' layers but a simple way to comprehend the concept of the interdependent components. All these layers needs to be taken care of on a daily basis. What I mean by 'taken care of' is that we need to pay attention to these layers by doing things which are appropriate for each of the layers so that the layer remains strong. If we don't, the layer deteriorates and causes the Happiness Stack to fall apart. It is like not watering our favorite plant. The plant can probably go up to a couple of days without water. But after some time its health will start deteriorating. So what layers does the Personal Happiness Layer comprise of : Physical layer ( the body) Energy layer ( breath, food , rest) Mental layer ( your thoughts and related feelings) Intellectual layer ( your knowledge based activities which accesses memories and experiences) Awareness layer ( the pure consciousness) Each of the layers can interact with any other layer and that is the key thing to note here. Supreme happiness (Bliss) is attained when all these layers work efficiently and interact properly. This concept of 'happiness layers' is not something I invented. In fact, it has been around for ages. The hindu tradition (from India) labels its the 5 sheaths of human existence Anna-maya kosha - Organic body Prana-maya kosha - Energy body Mana-maya kosha -Psychic body, thoughts and feelings Vigyana-maya kosha - Intellectual body, spiritual discrimination and wisdom Ananda-maya kosha - Body of joy, pure consciousness, blissful being Permalink | Leave a comment »
Before thought 26 January, 2012, 3:16 am
The concept of natural awareness is alien to lots of us. The buddhists call it 'Sati' or Mindfulness. It is 'before thought' in the perceptual chain of events. 'Before thought' is the state where you register an event. It is the direct and immediate experience of whatever is happening. It is before you have started using your memory or have started analysing. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Non-judgmental Awareness 24 January, 2012, 5:30 am
Awareness is the fundamental building block for happiness. The ability of the mind to observe without adding layers of bias, criticism and unnececessary analysis make the awareness non-judgemental. It is like you watching a fish swim in a pond or an aquarium. You don't know where it is going to swim to next and you just simply observe its motion flowing easily and effortlessly through the water. It is a natural effortless way of observing what is happening now without any preconceived notions. There is no projections of what will happen in the future because you are only observing what is happening now and nothing else. Permalink | Leave a comment »
Want vs Needs 23 January, 2012, 4:12 am
Lots of people just don't get the difference between what they want and what they need. For example, I want to drink a can of Coca-Cola. I don't need one. A 'want' is usually a 'mental' formulation and a 'need' is more closely associated to a 'physical' requirement. You can argue that the thirst for a Coca-Cola is 'physical'. The truth is that you have a 'physical' need on which you have layered the 'mental' want. You will need to decouple them and become aware of the qualitative differences between these two. Once you start understanding your true needs ( e.g. you 'need' a roof on your head) you are already well ahead on the true journey of simply being happy. Permalink | Leave a comment »

Dumb Little Man

7 Secrets to Making This Year the Best Year Ever 30 December, 2011, 11:05 am
It’s the time of year when goals are made and abandoned a few weeks later. Will you be one of them, or will you set goals that have the power to change your life?Not achieving what you set out to do means you’ll yet again fail to move toward the life you desire, which leads to nothing but regret. Inertia can be difficult to overcome, but something you may overlook is the influence from friends, parents, and society in general.Often what you believe you want is not what you want at all. The trick lies in setting meaningful objectives.It doesn’t matter whether you set goals or not, as long as you’re doing something that makes you come alive.Stay Here and NowBefore you decide what you want to do, stay present here and now. Forget about the past and the future. Let any and all thoughts pass. Don’t give them meaning, and don’t add to them.It is from this blank, calm state that you can begin to look at what has gone well last year, and what hasn’t.EliminateThe big mistake people make is they think more is better, but that isn’t always the case. The more things you do, the less time you have. You want to make sure that every single thing in your life is something you’ve consciously chosen.It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing things that distract you from what you really want to do, because you’re afraid.Instead of letting distractions take over your life, look at what you can stop doing. Pick just one thing right now. Keep it simple, and then eliminate it from your life. It could be something small, such as a magazine subscription, or something bigger, like fast food. DiscriminateYou have to be vigilant about what you let into your life. Learn to say no and learn to respect your own time. You don’t always have to say yes to friends and family. First, think about what you want to do. Otherwise you’ll end up living someone else’s life.If you complain about not having enough time, you probably need to get clearer about what you want from life. And by clear, I mean really, really clear. Focus on ONE main thing at a time.GoalsNext, set one big goal for the year. And by goal, I don’t necessarily mean regular goal setting. Set a direction for where you want to go.I simply use the concept of goals to get a point across. Goal-setting is just a process that gets you results. What matters are the results; many get stuck on the process, but the process doesn’t matter.Use whatever feels good, and take action. Start now.Focus (on Your Next Step)When you have one big goal, it’s time to look at what your next step is. What can you do right now to move closer to that goal?Keep the next step as tiny as possible. It could be brainstorming ideas and action steps. Whatever it is, start now. Yes, you can put it off, but if you do that, you’re putting off your life. If you make it a habit, you’ll end up living a mediocre life.Do you really want that?Living an extraordinary life takes effort, at least at first, which is why most people turn it down.MomentumWhen you focus on taking one step at a time, you build momentum. You take one step, then the next, and then the next. It eliminates overwhelm, because you don’t have to try and predict the future.Know where you’re going, and keep taking the next step. Let the rest take care of itself.The Most Important SecretLast, but not least, remember to focus on what matters to you. Forget about what others think you should or shouldn’t do. This is your life, and you are the one who has to live it.If someone thinks you have to do something that you don’t want, forget about them. If they try to push you to do it, eliminate them from your life. I know, easier said than done!There’s no one you have to put up with, and nothing you have to do, except follow what feels right for you. Always remember that, because that is what will help you create results that matter and make this year the best one of your life.Written on 12/30/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: lednichenkoolga
Trying to Improve Your Willpower is a HUGE Mistake - Here's What to Do Instead 28 December, 2011, 9:14 am
When we're failing to reach our goals, we often blame a lack of willpower:I've gotta try harder.If only I could stay focused.I need to be more determined.I have to be self-disciplined. The problem is, willpower alone won't get you far. You know that, really; you've seen the times in your own life when you tried to be determined and self-disciplined ... but when you still failed to reach your goal.Maybe you tried to lose weight – but ended up scoffing junk food every evening.Maybe you wanted to save money – but you couldn't resist that shiny new laptop.Maybe you were going to take up exercise – but you just couldn't manage to get up early enough to hit the gym before work.Every time, you probably blamed yourself. You felt lazy or stupid for not managing to stick to your plans. Perhaps you looked at friends or colleagues who were succeeding in similar goals – and you felt sure that they had some huge reserves of willpower which you lacked.You felt like you just weren't cut out for success.The truth is, willpower is hugely over-rated. We don't generally achieve things by gritting our teeth and struggling on manfully.Why Willpower Doesn't WorkThere are plenty of times when you've used willpower successfully. Maybe you: Resisted the lure of that chocolate cookie Made that difficult phone call Tidied up a messy roomSaid "no thanks" to a third glass of wine...and so on.The problem is, willpower is a limited resource. You can't stick to a diet by sheer willpower, day after day after day. And you've probably noticed that on days when you've been trying really hard to be patient or to stick with a tough task, you're more likely to crack and fail in a difference area.So, if you try to improve your willpower – forcing yourself to rely on it, or even putting yourself in situations where you'll be tested – then you're just setting yourself up to fail.What Works InsteadWe're all creatures of habit. We tend to take the easiest route, or the one which seems most attractive – we need to apply our willpower to do anything else. Our daily environment (home, work, etc) makes far more of a difference than most of us realize. For instance, if you've got a vending machine at work, you're probably going to end up buying more snacks than you otherwise would.Instead of fighting against your habits and environment, get them to work with you!That means doing these sorts of things: Keep those tempting candy bars out of your house. If they're sitting within easy reach, chances are, you'll grab one without even thinking. But if you have to go to the store every time you want candy, your natural laziness will usually stop you… Make it hard to access distractions on your computer. Do you always end up playing flash games or checking Facebook when you should be working? Then block those websites. If you want to stop checking email first thing, then don't let the program load up as soon as your computer is switched on. Work exercise into your day. Instead of trying to get up at 5am, or drag yourself out in the evening, how about going for a brisk walk during your lunch break? Hide the TV remote so that you don't switch the television on as soon as you get home from work. Build a habit. If you're trying to establish something new in your life – like reading for 30 minutes every day – then find a consistent time and place for it. Once something becomes just another part of your routine, it's easy to keep it up. Chase goals that excite you. Of course, however awesome your goal, it's not going to inspire you every minute of every day – but it's much easier to achieve something which you want than something which you just feel you should do.Has willpower ever worked for you? If it has, let us know about it! And if not, what went wrong – could changing your habits and your environment help, instead?Written on 12/28/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here.Photo Credit: locusolus
Whose Goals Are You Really Chasing? 21 December, 2011, 9:32 am
Do you have a big goal for the next year – or perhaps a three-year or five-year plan? You might have a whole bunch of goals, even if you don't call them that – perhaps ranging through things like:Lose weightMake lots of moneyGet a promotionStudy for a new qualificationStop reading for a moment, and think about some of the goals that are currently lodged in your mind – they might be things you've told yourself you "should" do, but you've not made much progress on them. You may want to write them down.Whose goals are these?Perhaps that seems like a stupid question: obviously, they're your goals ... aren't they?Unfortunately, there's a fair chance that some of "your" goals aren't really yours at all. They might belong to your parents, your friends, or even your society as a whole.Here's how other people's goals can become yours – and why you want to take control again.#1: Your Parents' (or Family's) GoalsNaturally enough, parents often have big hopes and dreams for their kids. They may have struggled through hardship and made sacrifices in order to support their children – and they might have ideas about what constitutes a "good" career or a valuable life.Parents (or other relatives) may impose goals by:Insisting that a particular activity isn't worth pursuing because "there's no money in it" – perhaps art, writing or musicFocusing on certain qualifications and career paths – perhaps wanting their children to become doctors or lawyersEncouraging a particular type of lifestyle by criticizing behavior that they consider "wrong"Talking about the success of certain family members in terms of career, wealth, marriage, etc...How to Change: Spend some time digging deep into your own goals. What do you really want for yourself? If you're pursuing a degree or career that you dislike, don't be afraid to change to something new. Your family may well turn out to be more supportive than you expect.#2: Your Friends' GoalsAmong groups of friends, it's common for particular traits to spread. For instance, if your friends are all overweight, there's a good chance that you'll be overweight too.One recent and dismaying example of this trend is for breast enhancements, with women feeling pressured into following their friends into having surgery.Your friends might not talk about their goals as such. But they probably have a set of things that they value – and it may be hard for you to identify your own values. For instance, if you work with colleagues who just care about the paycheck, you might find it tough to stick to what's important to you: doing a good job and playing a valuable role in society.How to Change: Consider joining a group or club that relates to one (or more) of your goals. For instance, if you're starting up your own business but all your friends are traditionally-employed, you could look for small business networking opportunities in your area.#3: Your Society's GoalsFamily and friends aren't the only people whose goals you might have unwittingly adopted. Society as a whole can impose certain goals on you – ones that may not be what you want at all.Big companies have an interest in making sure you think of certain things as important or even essential. They encourage you to adopt goals that mean purchasing their products. For instance, you might end up buying gym membership or diet products because you feel like you "should" get in shape – even though you're already pretty healthy.If you find yourself thinking that's just the way it is or everyone knows that, try questioning your assumptions.Is it really better to buy a house, or would you be just as happy renting?Will that new gadget/TV/game really enhance your life?Do you need a new car?Do you and your spouse really want to have a pricey meal out on Valentines' day, or are you both just doing it because you feel like you should?Some of society's goals and priorities might well be in tune with your own. Others won't.How to Change: Don't be afraid to be different! There are plenty of ways you can challenge the assumptions of society – that might mean living frugally, homeschooling your kids, avoiding designer labels, or whatever else you want to do.You only have one life to live: your own. Don't waste years of it chasing other people's goals. Take the time to decide what you want, and go after it wholeheartedly.Written on 12/08/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here.Photo Credit: [F]oxymoron
Are You Making These 7 Productivity Mistakes? 21 December, 2011, 9:31 am
You want to get things done. You're keen to be efficient and effective. "Productivity" is your favorite word – and you're working really hard at it. The problem is, if you're going about being productive the wrong way, you might just be setting yourself up to fail.These are seven common mistakes that people make when they're trying to be more productive. Do any of them sound familiar?Mistake #1: Cutting Back on SleepWhen you need an extra hour or two in the day, it's very tempting to simply cut back on sleep. You'll even hear productivity gurus advising that you "get up half an hour early" in order to create some extra time.The problem is, skimping on sleep is going to decrease your productivity. In the short-term, you'll find yourself struggling to focus. You'll work more slowly than usual. In the longer-term, you could end up getting ill more often.Mistake #2: Multi-TaskingAlthough multi-tasking sounds good, it rarely works. You can multi-task if you're combining a physical task with a mental one (e.g. you listen to audio books while doing the ironing) – but you can't multi-task by reading emails while working on your big report.When you try to tackle several work tasks simultaneously, you're really just switching your focus constantly from one to another. This breaks your flow, slows you down, and leaves you more susceptible to distractions.Mistake #3: Doing Everything YourselfPerhaps you believe that if you want a job done well, do it yourself. Instead of delegating tasks to other people (at work and at home), you simply get on with them. Some of the tasks aren't exactly challenging – like data entry, or doing laundry – but you want them done to your high standards.This isn't just bad for your productivity, it's bad for the people around you. If you try to do every little thing yourself, you're going to be using up time that would be better spent on more high-powered activities. And if you never give your subordinates (or your kids) a chance to tackle something new, you're stopping them from growing.Mistake #4: Focusing Solely on NumbersIt's often useful to track particular metrics: how many miles you ran this week, or how many new leads you got from a particular business conference. But just focusing on numbers can be counter-productive – you'll miss all the important things that can't be easily quantified.There's often not an obvious ROI to be found – especially in areas like relationship-building. You may need to invest time without any immediate results, but the network you create around yourself could be invaluable in the future.Mistake #5: Eating at Your DeskWhen you're busy, it's tempting to skip a lunch break in favor of carrying on with work. You grab a sandwich at your desk, munching away while reading emails. Once in a while, you might genuinely be so rushed that you have to do this – but if it's happening every day, you need to reassess things.Taking a proper break helps refresh you for the afternoon ahead. Even getting out of the office and walking around for 15 minutes is valuable. And if you can eat lunch somewhere other than your desk, you'll probably enjoy the meal more – and digest it better.Mistake #6: Checking Email FrequentlyUnless your whole job is about answering emails (e.g. you're in tech support), you almost certainly don't need to check email every ten minutes. You don't need to have a notification pop up on your screen with every new message, either.All too often, we check email when we're not too sure what we should be doing – or when we're putting off a more important task. If you're genuinely worried about missing an urgent message, use a service like AwayFind to make sure that you're alerted about emails from your boss / client / child-minder.Mistake #7: Pushing Yourself HardIn the quest for productivity, you may find yourself trying to squeeze more and more into your days. Perhaps you're working full time and running a business on the side – while writing a novel and redecorating the spare bedroom. If your days, evenings and weekends are all packed full, something's eventually going to give.In many cases, that may be your health. Mental and physical health issues can be caused by stress and overwork – and the time you'll lose to ill health can add up to far more than the extra few hours you gained.Of course, it's good to be productive – to achieve things in both professional and personal life. But don't try to be productive at the expense of all else, and don't adopt measures for short-term gain that are going to cause problems over the long-term.If you've got a productivity tip to share – or a mistake to warn us about! – then leave a comment below...Written on 12/19/2011 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here. Photo Credit: MrVJTod
7 Warning Signs That You’ve Given Up on Your Dreams 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
What do you REALLY want from life? What’s your big dream? Are you taking steps toward it? If not, why not? What’s stopping you from taking action today?Perhaps you’re scared, or maybe you've built a huge wall of procrastination that you'll never scale. Whatever it is, you probably think it has merit. In fact, you may have simply stopped thinking about your dreams because you've given up.It's too bad. People in much worse situations than you have created the life of their dreams. You may have excuses and obstacles standing in your way, but you can transcend them. However, it only happens when you’re ready.Here are seven warning signs that you’ve given up on your dreams:ExcusesEveryone makes excuses. Fleeting excuses are fine but problems begin when you stick to the same excuse over and over again. That’s when you start believing that it’s real and insurmountable.Your excuses may seem real, but the one creating them is you. I had a lot of excuses when I started. I could’ve given up, but I kept going, because I knew that that was the path to realizing my dreams. Lose the excuses and focus the effort on progress.FearNot only did I have a lot of excuses before I started building my online business and following my passion, I also had a lot of fear and still do. I'm afraid of failure, not being good enough, and all those fears that we all share.But I kept moving forward. If you're letting fear stop you from going after your dreams, you're surrendering to a life that you ultimately don't want to live. Sure it may seem comfortable right now, but a few years down the road, you'll regret not having taken action. Is that what you want?AnalyzingAre you trying to analyze how you're going to go after your dreams? Trust me, it doesn't work. Some planning is certainly helpful, but ultimately you have to take action in order to learn what works and what doesn't.Look at that thing you've been putting off, and do something today to take action toward it.Some DayHow many people have told you that some day they will go after their dreams, follow their passion, and be happy? A whole bucket load I’d bet - and one of those people may be you.Some day is not on the calendar, and the longer you wait, the longer you wait. It doesn't get any simpler than that. Instead of waiting, start now, start anywhere, and start with anything, because it's better than sitting around waiting for some day.If OnlyIf only you had more money, connections, or talents, you'd easily go after your dreams and enjoy life, right?I don’t think so.Many of the most successful entrepreneurs and people that are living the life that they want to live did not have their dreams served to them on a silver platter.The bottom line?You're not missing anything except the proper attitude and willingness to take action.I’m Not…Are you afraid that you don't have anything unique to give to people?This is something I deal with a lot with my clients, especially when it comes to creating an online business and putting yourself out there. We all have something to contribute to the world (yes, that includes you), and that something is the exact thing that makes you come alive.For me one of those things is writing, and another thing is helping people live the life of their dreams and follow their passion.What's yours?Comfort ZoneFear of failure is a big obstacle for many when thinking about going after their dreams. You’ve probably heard that it’s hard to go after your dreams and follow your passion, and it is, but anyone can do it, if they are willing to suspend their disbelief and take action.You have to decide whether you are happy with where you are now, or whether you want to take action and work towards something that truly fulfills you.Discover your passion, follow it, and create the life you want. There’s no better time to start than now.Written on 11/10/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Benson Kua
5 Small Things You Can Do Today to Infuse Your Day with Positivity 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
Everyone wants to make big life changes because they believe that it will make their life better. I am talking about HUGE life changing events that will transform you into some other, more powerful you. And, I think you’ve experienced it first hand just like everyone else reading this article.Why do you think most people are still chasing something they think will bring more security, happiness, and freedom to their life? Why don't these BIG changes ever occur despite our best efforts? Well, something's missing, that's why.Making your life better doesn’t start with big changes - nothing does. Change happens slowly. Sometimes the changes are so small that it may seem that you're standing still. Alas, change is indeed occurring and it can happen with something as small as a thought - anything that changes your direction and your actions is meaningful.Let’s have a quick look at what small steps you can take today. As you read these, think slowly and really digest the message. You'll notice that size and speed are rarely important to meaningful progress.Be PresentNotice your thoughts, and welcome them.Just for today, be present with whatever goes on inside your body and mind. This includes your thoughts, feelings, and everything else that goes on during the day. Let them be there and do what they do. Your thoughts have a life of their own, and if you try to resist, which most people do, it will only cause suffering.Something else you may want to try is to simply welcome any thoughts and feelings that you notice. The effect may astonish you.Acts of KindnessDo something nice for someone. It could be your kids, spouse, friend, coworker, or perfect stranger. It doesn't have to be big. If you can do it anonymously, that's even better. Leave a dollar for someone to pick up, or whatever creativity your mind can conjure up.It doesn't have to scare you in any way, just do something that you think is kind to someone else. If you make it a daily habit, you may again be surprised by the results.JournalMost people never write down their thoughts. When you let thoughts fly around in your head, you will often feel out of control - in and out, all day, every day, your mind races with no end in sight. When you write down your thoughts, you will see patterns, and suddenly you’ll notice yourself starting to write down answers to your problems that you never thought of before.What I do is I simply grab a blank sheet of paper, and I write. I write for about 30 minutes non-stop. If I run out of words at any point, I'll write that I don't know what to write. At first, I thought this exercise was a waste of time, and it took me a long time to even try it. But when I did, I noticed more clarity, more creativity, and more solutions to things I perceived as problems.Try it, you might like it. Food ChoicesThis is a no-brainer, but how often do you actually choose healthier food options?If you're like me, you're not perfect and you often fall prey to the more convenient (and tasty) foods. So, just for today, eat healthy all day long, and see what happens.Give up the soda, pizza, and chips. Drink water, and take care of your body. Do LessYeah, you heard that right. Experiment with doing less today, say no to people asking for your time, reduce your consumption, and minimize the media you take in. You don't have to do everything on your to-do list. We often put more things on our lists than we need, because we think doing more is what will bring us happiness. Wrong. The truth of the matter is that it is not by doing that you will be happy, but by being. Deep inside you are happiness, joy, and presence.All you have to do is peel away the layers and tap into it.The question is, will you?Written on 11/20/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Abaconda
7 Mental Mistakes That Stop You From Living a Life of Freedom and Peace 21 December, 2011, 8:46 am
How often do you lament the fact that you’re still not where you want to be?There’s still something missing from your life that if you could get, you’d be happy.Life doesn’t seem fair, and it never works out just the way you want it.If you identify with any of these statements, then you’re most likely making mental mistakes that may hold you back for the rest of your life. The good news is that since they are mental mistakes, they can be changed, and when changed, your whole life can be changed.Living in the FutureDo you dream of a better future where you have more money to travel, more time to do what you want, or even a better job? Then you’re falling into the first mental trap, which is giving your attention to a future projection that does not exist.The future cannot save you. The more you complain, the worse you will feel.The solution? Notice whenever you feel pulled to daydream and bring your attention back to your body. Be present with whatever is here and now, even if it feels negative. In the beginning, it may be uncomfortable, because you are used to running away, and your mind is active, but if you truly want to live a joyful life, then this is one of the fastest paths there.This doesn’t mean you stop planning. It means you stop excessive future projection that leads to chronic dissatisfaction.Living in the PastDo you wish you could go back to the past and change something? Or maybe you’re marveling in a memory that is sweet as cotton candy. It fills you with joy and excitement, but at the same time, it carries with it a sour aftertaste, because it’s only a memory.Remembering good times is all fine and good. The problem arises when it is done excessively. Whenever you notice your attention drifting away either to the past or future, gently bring it back, and notice how you’re feeling right now. Saying No to the Here and NowStaying right here and now can be painful. Stay vigilant of what is happening within you even as you read these words. Guard the temple that is your inner space.How deep or shallow is your breathing? What thoughts are arising? Do you want to be somewhere else, do something else, have something better? Is there a problem in this present moment unless you think about it?Going Nowhere FastAre you constantly in a hurry? You have a goal that you want to get to, because you think it will make your life better. The best measuring stick for a good goal is to ask yourself if it is making your life better right now.If not, then drop the goal.Most people are constantly going somewhere else. They are never here. And when they reach that somewhere else, they set a new goal, and off they go, back on the hamster wheel.It is a never-ending journey that is full of suffering. External Solutions to Internal “Problems”Things do not give you peace, freedom, and fulfillment. It is your reaction to them that gives you all the good feelings. The good feelings come from inside, not from outside.Beyond food, shelter, and a few basic needs, things do not dramatically increase your happiness, which is why you see so many miserable people swimming in material abundance. They are trying to fix something internal with something external. It just doesn’t work.The only way to experience freedom and peace is to go inside.AvoidanceWhenever you feel inner turmoil, negativity, suffering, or pain, sit with it, and be with it, without analyzing. It is the running away and wanting it to go away that feeds the fire. Stop avoiding what you are experiencing, and simply be.Notice the chaos of your mind, and notice that you are not that. You are the presence behind your thoughts. And if you want to take it further, notice what is aware of both your thoughts and the presence behind them.Feeding the Fire That Burns YouWe take so much so seriously, but everything that exists in our head are merely ideas. It may not seem like that, but that is how it is. If you believe that you shouldn't do something, that’s an idea. If you believe you are better than others, that’s an idea. If you believe you are no good, that’s an idea. If you think this article is full of baloney. That's another idea that is constructed from other ideas you've learned in the past.Those are all ideas, and they hold power over you as long as you choose to identify with them.How do you not identify with them? By allowing them to pass. Look at them, taste them, but do not put them in your pocket and call them yours. You have ideas that you do not pay attention to, such as the color of flowers. You don’t get angry about them or try to change them. They just are the way they are.What if all your thoughts and ideas were like this? What if it was okay to feel whatever you feel? Just let it be. It is your constant wanting to change what is that stands between you and a life full of freedom and peace.Written on 11/29/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).Photo Credit: Tim Geers
6 Ways to Start Your Day Off on a High Note 21 December, 2011, 8:34 am
I’m an early riser and I have been most of my life. It’s a habit my parents instilled in me ever since I was a kid, and nowadays I actually look forward to the morning. But for the first part of my life, my mornings used to be a bit chaotic.I recall the daily scrambling to eat breakfast, get my things together, and get out the door. As a result, my life was a reflection of this chaos. I think the way you start your day can have a big impact on how the rest of it turns out so I today I want to share six basic ways that you can start your day off on a high note. WriteAs a blogger, I’ve found that I’m most prolific and creative early in the morning. But even if you’re not a blogger, writing is a very therapeutic thing to do. We tend to have quite a bit on our minds when we wake up because we’ve been dreaming all night. Putting it all down on paper allows you to clear the mind for a much more productive day ahead. I always come back to what Tony Robbins said about journaling - “A life worth living is a life worth recording.”ReadOn the days that I can’t seem to put two words together, I go to my next alternative which is to read. I recommend you don’t read the news or anything serious right when you wake up. Most of what’s on the news is negative. You could spend time reading through the archives here at Dumb Little Man or find books that are uplifting. Whatever you read, make sure it’s somewhat light-hearted or thought provoking. Even if you read for 15 minutes each morning you’ll be amazed at how much that adds up over time. Eventually it will be something you look forward to.Listen to MusicI tend to combine reading and writing with listening to music, but you could just listen to music. I have a morning playlist setup on Spotify that is very soothing. I tend to stay away from anything that is really loud or full of negative lyrics. I think you can more or less listen to anything as long as you find that it calms your nerves.Motivational TapesThis is something I’ve actually learned from listening to Zig Ziglar. He said that one of the best ways to speed up the flow of serotonin first thing in the morning is to listen to a motivational tape. Having done this more than a handful of times, I can definitely say there’s value in doing this. You start your day off with a bit of inspiration and hope and that mindset permeates the rest of your day.ExerciseIf there’s one thing that trumps all of the above for me, it’s a morning surf session. With nothing but waves, a sunrise, and dolphins leaping in the air, this really enables me to start the day off on a high note. All it takes is one good wave. But if you don’t live near an ocean, any form of exercise will do. Go for a walk around your neighborhood even if it’s a short one. Do a search online and you’ll find a number of exercise options that you could do in the comfort of your own home. While I think being outdoors is idea, if you live somewhere where it’s freezing cold it might not be that easy to get outside.Sit QuietlyThis might seem like a strange way to start a productive day. A few years ago when I was diagnosed with IBS the doctor told me to spend 15 minutes in the mornings just relaxing and doing absolutely nothing. This is actually easier said than done because we’re so used to being in motion. But I think you’ll find that slowing down just a little will actually result in a much better day.The way you start your day can have a big impact on how the rest of it turns out. So pick any one of these ideas and try it for 30 days. I think you’ll be amazed at the dramatic difference it will make in your life.Written on 12/21/2011 by Srinivas Rao. Srinivas is the author of the Skool of Life, where he writes about surfing, personal development, and things you never learned in school but should have. If you’re ready to to become a student, check out his FREE course on the 7 most valuable lessons they never taught in school. You can follow him on twitter @skooloflife.Photo Credit: Tobyotter
Turn Yourself Into a Savvy Buyer While Christmas Shopping 16 December, 2011, 9:58 pm
Maybe you slept in on Black Friday simply unable to muster the will to battle hundreds of other people storming the gates of the local WalMart. Perhaps you are waiting for your next paycheck in December before you start searching for good deals. Or, maybe - just maybe - you believe retailers will cut costs even further because they NEED to liquidate their inventories before the end of the year.No matter what the reason is, the goal for many is clear: Purchase as many presents as possible for the lowest possible cost. If you are in that crowd, here are some hints for being more than a bargain hunter; we're talking about becoming a savvy buyer.HaggleYou may not think that the local appliance store is willing to go down from the printed sales price, but you would be surprised what a failing economy does to salespeople. If you have knowledge on your side (like what the competitors are selling the same item for), you can get them to come down on prices, add extended warranties, deliver for free, install for free, etc. In addition to these, don't forget the freebies. Be willing to walk awayDon't be afraid to be difficult. If you don't get the deal you want, tell them you are going to leave. This works even better when you cart is loaded with other purchases and you are willing to let all of those go because you don't get the deal on what you really want.Bring up competitorsThis works well when you are looking at very competitive business - like car dealerships or electronics or even credit card companies who are pumping up your interest rate. If you are in a store, it works even better. If you say, "that other store was selling those same things for cheaper" loud enough, you'll get all sorts of attention.Cash, cash, cashNot only should you bring cash for your purchases to keep you on your budget, you should tell the salesman you intend to pay with cash and thus save them the 3%-5% that Visa collects on each purchase. Some stores will drop the price simply because it's a cash purchase.Another trick is to be sure you only bring as much cash as you are willing to spend. This will eliminate the possibility of you exceeding your budget. It also may help persuade a sales manager when you are haggling over the price of an item.Shut upWhen in doubt, keep your hands in your pockets and keep your mouth shut. This will make the salesman dicker himself down on prices when you don't seem happy with his initial offer. They may even divulge some juicy information, like the markup price or even if what your looking at is the best model. Remember, the sales person wants to make the sale more than you want to purchase it!The Golden Rule! Don't be afraid to ask for a discountIf all else fails, ask for a deal. There may be sales coming up you don't know about, special pricing or even a coupon that the store has on hand. Even small bargains add up to big ones. "What else can you toss in" is a single sentence that can amount to some huge discounts or freebies.These aren't just holiday strategies; use them all year long and you can become a big-time bargainer. If you feel embarrassed or cheap by asking for discounts, remember that you are never going to see this salesperson again! You will however see your bank account balance for the rest of your life!Written on 12/01/2008 by Mike Koehler. Mike Koehler is a multimedia journalist in Oklahoma City working full-time to save the newspaper business while helping his wife raise three kids under age 8. In his spare time he sleeps. E-mail Mike at kmanconsulting@gmail.com.Photo Credit: CamelCrusher1978
How to Lose Weight... By Snacking 15 December, 2011, 4:06 pm
Many people make this mistake of thinking that they can't snack at all if they're trying to eat healthily or lose weight. But it's not only okay to snack – it's beneficial.Snacking keeps the cravings down. You don't get over-hungry – so you don't eat as much at mealtimes. If you snack a little during the day, you'll consume fewer calories during meals: aim to eat a light meal or snack every three hours.Of course, you need to eat the right things. Snacking on candy bars and chips won't help you lose weight. Here are some healthy snacks to try:Healthy Snacking: NutsAlmonds make a great snack: your portion should be about 12 – 15 individual almonds. They're a great source of calcium – which makes them especially good for those of us who don't like milk. They're also heart-healthy.For the chocoholics (like me!) out there, combine almonds with about an ounce of good-quality dark chocolate – 70% or more cocoa. Avoid milk chocolate, as it usually has a lot of sugar. Dark chocolate has been scientifically proven to lower your blood pressure.Nuts in general are good for snacking. Peanuts have gained a bad reputation – they're actually healthy, as you don't eat too many. Walnuts are a great choice as they contain Omega 3 fatty acids – particularly useful if you dislike fish. Healthy Snacking: FruitsIt's important to include fruits in your diet: they're high in fiber and vitamins. Bananas are often a good choice, unless you're diabetic (they have a high sugar content, especially when very ripe). They contain a lot of potassium so they're good for people with high blood pressure.Many fruits are easy to grab and eat straight away – like grapes (freeze them if you like) or berries. The dark-colored berries like blueberries, raspberries and blackberries are all packed with anti-oxidants.Snacking While You're OutIt can be tough to eat healthily when you're on the move – traveling or shopping, for instance. You may need to plan ahead and take some healthy snacks with you.Although popcorn makes a good snack while at home, the type you buy at the movies is often covered in butter, sugar or salt. Whole wheat pretzels are a better option.Other good snacks on the move include fruit, and small containers of yogurt (look out for the sugar content, though).Don't just think about what you eat while out and about – think about what you're drinking, too. "Liquid calories" can add up to a surprising amount. Your favorite latte could contain up to 500 calories, which is equal to a cheeseburger. While the occasional special coffee will not ruin your diet, having one every day may add on the pounds. You can – and should – snack while you're trying to lose weight. Sensible snacks are a vital part of a healthy diet.Have you got a favorite healthy snack? Share your suggestions in the comments.Written on 12/15/2011 by Patricia Setzer. Patricia is the author of How to Eat Healthy for Life (Without Giving Up the Foods You Love), available in ebook form. You can click here to find out all about it here.Photo Credit: havankevin

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Why We Overplan 17 April, 2012, 7:40 am
‘A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.’ ~Lao Tzu Post written by Leo Babauta. There is something about my mind, and many people’s minds, that is overly optimistic. We think we can do so much each day, and so we overplan. We fill our plans with so much, confident we can do it all, ignoring the evidence of the past when most plans didn’t get done and most things didn’t get crossed off as hoped. We believe that, sure, we might have failed to meet our expectations in the past, but this time will be different! This time, we will do better. This time, we will be disciplined and productive and get more done. Yes, that’s an excellent plan. Let me know how that works out. Hint: It never works out for me. I’ll give you a good recent example. What I Learned on Vacation As I said last week, my family and I recently went on a short vacation to sunny and sublime San Diego for four days. As usual, I had lots of goals and expectations (I can’t seem to help it): I bought a book (The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest) and planned to finish it in just over 4 days of vacation — which meant about 150 pages per day. No problem! I brought a yoga DVD, planning on doing yoga every morning as the kids slept in. I thought I could do some beach running every morning too, as we were staying a block from the beach. I had lots of work I thought I could get done too. And of course, we were going to walk around and explore San Diego all day, hang out at the beach for hours, and eat at lots of restaurants. Guess how much of that got done? I did read a fair amount, but only about half the book. I didn’t even open the plastic wrapping on the yoga DVDs. I did almost no work. I ran for maybe 10 minutes at the beach once. We did a lot of walking and exploring and eating, and hung out at the beach a fair amount, but little else. I overplanned. I was overly optimistic. I had lots of goals and expectations. Yes, I’ve been mostly going without goals for awhile now, but I slip into my old habits frequently. Not Overplanning in Real Life Sure, many experienced travelers know that I made a basic traveling mistake — overplanning is common among travelers, and the best of us plan very little on most trips. I know this, and usually follow that advice. I guess the plans above were subconscious plans and goals that my mind was making without me really trying. It was only during the middle of the trip that I realized I’d had high expectations of myself for the trip, and had set goals without realizing it. But here’s the thing: travelers know we should travel without goals and too many plans … but what about in the rest of our lives? Most people who travel with few plans and goals ignore this wisdom in regular, daily life. In our daily personal and work lives, we overload ourselves and overplan. We are overly optimistic about what we can do, despite past evidence. We set too many goals and have too high expectations. Here’s what I’ve learned from my vacation (and the last couple years) that can help with overplanning and goal setting in our daily lives: Leave plans to a minimum. That’s not to say you won’t do anything, but plan as little as possible — most of what you might plan won’t get done anyway. Why create a fiction? Leave wide open blocks with few scheduled appointments when possible. Learn to act fluidly. If your day is mostly wide open, how do you fill it? Flexibly. You don’t have plans or goals, but know how to pick your priorities fluidly, in the moment. At this moment, what is the thing you’re most excited about? What is the most important thing you can do? What can you do that will change your life the most? This is a skill that you learn by practice, but planning ahead what you should do makes no sense when the landscape is changing constantly. We are not walking a path, but surfing a sea. Most people look at goal setting as picking a destination, then figuring out a path to get there. That assumes you’re walking on land that will change very little, and that while you will have unforeseen obstacles, you’ll be on stable ground and the destination won’t move. That’s not at all true — life is more like the sea, ever changing with no fixed paths or destinations, with swells and currents and waves that change everything at every moment. The ultimate skill, then, isn’t setting a destination (goal) or a path (plan), but surfing. In surfing, you take whatever waves come, learn to judge the waves as they come, learn to ride the wave as it changes, not as you planned. It’s going with the flow (literally), and changing what you do depending on how the flow changes. Your plans might fall apart, but life will be greater for it. While nothing went as I’d apparently hoped it would on our trip, I was completely happy. We still filled our days with exploring and trying new things and play, and living in the moment meant I didn’t care that I didn’t get the work done or do the yoga or accomplish the massive amounts of reading I’d hoped. Life changes things, and it’s when we cling to our goals and plans that we are unhappy or stressed — when we learn to surf the wave as it comes, we can be very happy, no matter what comes.
Teaching Kids to Pack Ultralight 11 April, 2012, 8:52 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. Eva and I and our five kids (the sixth is in college) just got back from a 4-day trip to gorgeous San Diego, and instead of being exhausted from wearying travel, we came back with smiles on our faces. This is despite four days of walking for hours as we explored, running around and building sand castles on beaches as the sun set, hiking in Torrey Pines on our last day, taking planes and multiple trains. Our secret was packing ultralight. I’ve been a fan of packing ultralight for awhile now, of course. Last year, I took three trips with basically one change of clothes, a book, an 11″ Macbook Air, deodorant and a toothbrush — three days in Portland, a month on Guam and 10 days in New York City. But I consider it a glorious thing that our kids are now ultralight packers themselves. How did it get this way? We’ve been moving gradually towards this for a few years. We traveled to Tokyo in 2009 with a backpack each, and moved from Guam to San Francisco in 2010 with a backpack each, then took a month trip with a backpack each. In those cases, the backpacks were usually filled with clothes and computers and various gadgets and toys. This year I sat them down and we talked about packing even lighter. I told them about my experiments and how much I enjoyed it. I explained that carrying heavy bags and rollerbags around airports, train stations, on and off trains and buses, into rental apartments and around strange cities … can be physically taxing. Going light is truly lovely when you travel like that. They were immediately on board, and so we decided to do it. This San Diego trip, by the way, was a practice run for our three-week trip to southern Europe (Italy, southern France and Barcelona) this summer, where we plan to pack the same way. The practice run went swimmingly. Here’s what we packed in tiny backpacks (I used the 16-liter Goruck Echo): 1 T-shirt 2 pairs of underwear 2 pairs of socks 1 pair of shorts deodorant and toothbrush a book the kids had either an iPod or Nintendo DS, with charger That’s it. In addition, we wore a pair of jeans, T-shirt underwear, socks, shoes, and a light sweater. The bags were incredibly light and easily fit under the seats in front of us on the plane, and weighed almost nothing. I was the only one to bring a laptop (an 11″ Macbook Air) but only used it for about 30 minutes a day. We wore the shorts at night and to the beach, washed clothes before bed (I handwashed in the shower but Eva used the washer & dryer in the house we rented). We encountered no problems, and everything was easy. My two little ones, by the way, carried their own little packs (the 8-liter North Face Sprout), and had no problems as they were super light. The kids thought the light packing experience was great, and this short experiment (four days) helped them see that we could do it for three weeks in Europe this summer. I’m sold on ultralight packing, of course, but it’s a joy to know that my kids love it too.
How to Meditate Daily 9 April, 2012, 8:00 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. The habit of meditation is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever learned. Amazingly, it’s also one of the most simple habits to do — you can do it anywhere, any time, and it will always have immediate benefits. How many habits can you say that about? While many people think of meditation as something you might do with a teacher, in a Zen Center, it can be as simple as paying attention to your breath while sitting in your car or on the train, or while sitting at the coffee shop or in your office, or while walking or showering. It can take just one or two minutes if you’re busy. There’s no excuse for not doing it, when you simplify the meditation habit. Why Meditate? Why create a small daily meditation practice? There are countless reasons, but here are some of my favorite: It relieves stress and helps you to relax. When you practice mindfulness, you can carry it out to everyday life. Mindfulness helps you to savor life, change habits, live simply and slowly, be present in everything you do. Meditation has been shown to have mental benefits, such as improved focus, happiness, memory, self-control, academic performance and more. Some research on meditation has indicated that it may have other health benefits, including improved metabolism, heart rate, respiration, blood pressure and more. Actually, some of the best benefits of meditation are hard to define — you begin to understand yourself better, for example, and form a self-awareness level you’ve never had before. Most simply, sitting for just a few minutes of meditation is an oasis of calm and relaxation that we rarely find in our lives these days. And that, in itself, is enough. How to Do It Daily There are lots and lots of ways to meditate. But our concern is not to find a perfect form of meditation — it’s to form the daily habit of meditation. And so our method will be as simple as possible. 1. Commit to just 2 minutes a day. Start simply if you want the habit to stick. You can do it for 5 minutes if you feel good about it, but all you’re committing to is 2 minutes each day. 2. Pick a time and trigger. Not an exact time of day, but a general time, like morning when you wake up, or during your lunch hour. The trigger should be something you already do regularly, like drink your first cup of coffee, brush your teeth, have lunch, or arrive home from work. 3. Find a quiet spot. Sometimes early morning is best, before others in your house might be awake and making lots of noise. Others might find a spot in a park or on the beach or some other soothing setting. It really doesn’t matter where — as long as you can sit without being bothered for a few minutes. A few people walking by your park bench is fine. 4. Sit comfortably. Don’t fuss too much about how you sit, what you wear, what you sit on, etc. I personally like to sit on a pillow on the floor, with my back leaning against a wall, because I’m very inflexible. Others who can sit cross-legged comfortably might do that instead. Still others can sit on a chair or couch if sitting on the floor is uncomfortable. Zen practitioners often use a zafu, a round cushion filled with kapok or buckwheat. Don’t go out and buy one if you don’t already have one. Any cushion or pillow will do, and some people can sit on a bare floor comfortably. 5. Start with just 2 minutes. This is really important. Most people will think they can meditate for 15-30 minutes, and they can. But this is not a test of how strong you are at staying in meditation — we are trying to form a longer-lasting habit. And to do that, we want to start with just a two minutes. You’ll find it much easier to start this way, and forming a habit with a small start like this is a method much more likely to succeed. You can expand to 5-7 minutes if you can do it for 7 straight days, then 10 minutes if you can do it for 14 straight days, then 15 minutes if you can stick to it for 21 straight days, and 20 if you can do a full month. 6. Focus on your breath. As you breathe in, follow your breath in through your nostrils, then into your throat, then into your lungs and belly. Sit straight, keep your eyes open but looking at the ground and with a soft focus. If you want to close your eyes, that’s fine. As you breathe out, follow your breath out back into the world. If it helps, count … one breath in, two breath out, three breath in, four breath out … when you get to 10, start over. If you lose track, start over. If you find your mind wandering (and you will), just pay attention to your mind wandering, then bring it gently back to your breath. Repeat this process for the few minutes you meditate. You won’t be very good at it at first, most likely, but you’ll get better with practice. And that’s it. It’s a very simple practice, but you want to do it for 2 minutes, every day, after the same trigger each day. Do this for a month and you’ll have a daily meditation habit. Expanding Your Practice Sitting and paying attention to your breath is really mindfulness practice. It’s a way to train yourself to focus your attention. Once you’ve practiced a bit while sitting in a quiet space, you can expand your mindfulness practice: When you feel stress, take a minute to pay attention to your breath, and return your mind to the present moment. Try taking a walk, and instead of thinking about things you need to do later, pay attention to your breath, your body’s sensations, the things around you. When you eat, just eat, and focus your attention on the food, on your feelings as you eat, on the sensations. Try a mindful tea ritual, where you focus your attention on your movements as you prepare the tea, on the tea as you smell and taste it, on your breath as you go through the ritual. Wash your dishes and sweep your floor mindfully. This, of course, is just a start. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, including with other people, while you work, and so on.
How to Beat the Exhaustiveness of Stressful Work 5 April, 2012, 8:00 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. I’ll confess: I recently let stress beat me. I know, some of you think I’m perfect and never get stressed out, ever, especially as I’ve written about slowing down and simplifying for five years or so now. But I do get stressed out, and I do sometimes overwork myself. It doesn’t happen much anymore, but it does happen. This week was one of those times. Stress beat me … but stay with me until the end. In the end (spoiler alert), I beat out stress. How Stress Beat Me This Week As you might know, I created the Sea Change Program to help people change their lives, and The Mindful Diet course as part of the program because many members wanted help with healthy eating. Unfortunately, there was a glitch in the registration process that caused 400 people to have registration problems, and so I spent two days manually fixing the problems (along with the trustworthy Dean, Zen Habits Creator of Smiles). It was tedious, exhausting work, and I did it until late at night and starting early in the morning. I learned to do it almost as a form of meditation — trying to be mindful as I did it, much as I try to do when I sweep or wash dishes or take a walk. Still, the overwhelming amount of people needing help at once stressed me out for two days, and at the end of it, I was wiped out. How I Measured the Effect of Stress Normally, we can feel the exhausting effects of stress, subjectively, but it’s hard to really know how much of an effect this is having on our minds and bodies. On Tuesday, I found an objective measure of the toll stress had on me: strength training. I’ve been sticking to a regular weight lifting program for about 7 weeks now, doing the same four workouts (mostly barbell stuff with chinups and dips) and logging my progress. So I know pretty much exactly how much I should be able to lift for each workout. But on Tuesday, I tried to lift the same amount I had lifted a week earlier, no more, on the exact same lifts with the exact same rest periods. I was too tired to make it through even half the workout. My body (and mind) couldn’t do what it had done a week before. There are lots of possible reasons: not enough fuel (but I eat the same thing every day), too much other types of activities (but that is also very consistent on my current schedule), not enough sleep (this was slightly less in the last two weeks, but that amount hasn’t hurt me this much in recent weeks), burnout due to too much exercise over a period of weeks (possibly a factor, but looking at my log, probably not), illness (but I’m not sick, actually very healthy right now). After evaluating the many possible factors, stress is the most obvious. A few of the other factors probably played a smaller part, but stress was most likely the biggest factor. And it had a major effect, judging from my objective test. How I Beat Stress Here’s what I did: After two stressful, exhausting days, the workout was actually my first step to recovery. It might seem counterintuitive — why exercise when you’re exhausted? And sometimes that can be dangerous — adding the stress of lots of exercise to physical and mental exhaustion can put you at risk of burnout or injury. But I’ve found that a good bout of exertion works wonders for when I’m stressed. So I ran and lifted a few weights. Already I my head was clearing. Then I meditated for about 10 minutes. Bringing myself back to the moment is a great way to beat stress. I then shut down my computer, got outside, walked, met with a friend and spent a few hours of disconnected time. When I got back, I did return to the computer, but only allowed myself shorter bursts. I also took a short nap (highly, highly recommended). I massaged my shoulders (OK, my wife Eva also helped with the shoulder massage). I read for a bit. I spent some time reading with my kids. And I had some green tea while drinking it slowly and savoring it. This is a de-stressing routine that works wonders. You don’t need to do the entire routine, but pick three or four and apply generously.
How to Go From Fear to Freedom, One Step at a Time 3 April, 2012, 7:45 am
Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility, to give something back. ~ Anthony Robbins Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Tess Marshall of The Bold Life. Every path to success has been littered with doubt, fear, and uncertainty, as well as persistence, calculated risks and repeated action. The difference between someone who fails and someone who succeeds is the courage to act, repeatedly. When I was 22 years old, I was mom to four daughters under the age of four. My third pregnancy was twins. Taking care of them was utter madness at such a young age. I lived in a constant state of exhaustion. I lost weight, I had dark circles under my eyes, and I had suicidal thoughts. The impulse I fought, was to run, to leave and never look back. My biggest fear at the time was, “I’m not capable.” In my state of exhaustion, while crying myself to sleep at night, I would ask my husband again and again, “What am I going to do. How am I suppose to keep going?” He never faltered, his answer was always the same, “You’re going to get out of bed tomorrow morning and put one foot in front of the other. You’re going to do it one step at a time. That’s how you’re going to do it.” For 22 years that’s exactly what I did. I made the decision to follow his advice. I was young, strong, and determined. I would focus only on the step in front of me and I would not fail. It was the most difficult job I ever had. Leo coined the word, “Joyfear” last year during an exercise at The World Domination Summit and wrote it on his arm. He defines Joyfear as the mixture of two powerful emotions, joy and fear. Leo goes on to say, “It turns out every single defining moment in my life has been filled with Joyfear, with a mixture of intense joy and intense fear into one ball of powerful emotions that both lift me up and make me see things clearly when I hadn’t before.” When I read that I remember thinking, “I know exactly what he is talking about.” I know now, that the emotion that propelled me forward, as a young parent was Joyfear. Today the girls are 39, 37, 35 and 35 years old. What fear is holding you back? Where do you feel incapable? What daunting task can you complete, one step at a time? Read on for action steps that will propel you forward. Make the decision to succeed. Once you decide on success you rarely allow doubt to enter your mind. Your persistence, dedication, and resilience are strengthened. You free yourself to do the uncommon and the impossible. Take risks. Chase your fear. Do what scares you. Make the dreaded phone call. Ask for what you want. When you experience rejection, ask someone else. Be bold and brave. Defy the odds. Be prepared. Anticipate your own needs. Unemployment is the world’s fastest-rising worry, according to a BBC World Service survey. Don’t live in fear, create solutions in advance. Know how you will get out, over, around, and through what could go wrong. Let go of urgency and fear. Learn to relax and go with the flow. Our anxiety and stress are caused by living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Life happens in the present moment. Focus on the benefits of your success. Become focused on what you will gain. Is your benefit financial freedom, travel, saving the lives of others, or leaving a legacy you can be proud of? When the going gets tough, focus on your “why.” Calm your body. Find a quiet place and bring your attention inward, notice where your fear resides in your body. Notice if you have a tense forehead, shallow breathing, or aching shoulders. Relax the area of your body that’s being affected. Learn to calm and center yourself. Create your own fan base. I believe that most people have good hearts. They want to see you succeed. Believe people are cheering for you. When you are scared out of your mind, imagine everyone you know in one place rooting wildly for you. Participate in life. Turn off your television, electronics, and the negative media. Take a guitar lesson, a skydiving lesson or yoga lesson. Swim in the ocean, hike in the mountains, or go for a morning walk or run. You are enough. Accept who you are and where you are today. When you compare yourself to others you create your own suffering. My friends were in college when I was changing diapers. I was too busy to care. What others think of you is none of your business. Hugh Macleod, from Gaping Void, has advice for our economic times: “Learn how to work hard, work long hours, find something you love, and then excel at it. Above all else, learn how to create, learn how to invent. That’s your only hope, really.” I agree with Hugh, however — unless you can learn how to move through your fear, you’ll continue to hold yourself back. You’ll never learn to risk, to excel, to create, to invent or to experience Joyfear. Tess Marshall is the founder of The Bold Life, where she inspires people to live a fearless life. If you are tired of being stuck in fear and want to step into your greatness, click here to learn more about Take Your Fear and Shove It.
The Mindful Diet: A Healthy Eating Course 30 March, 2012, 10:02 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. I’m happy to tell you all about my new course on healthy eating, The Mindful Diet. It will run during April and is included if you register for the Zen Habits Sea Change Program. Update: Registration is now closed. The Sea Change Program, as you might know, is my membership program focused on helping you change your life slowly but completely, and includes video webinars, articles, a forum, the ability to submit questions and participate in polls, guest experts and more. Included in this membership are regular mini-courses. In February I held a meditation mini-course, and the materials for that are still available if you join the Sea Change Program. And in April, we’ll have The Mindful Diet mini-course, focused on healthy and mindful eating. It’s going to be powerful. I have a lineup of guest experts, including: Mark Sisson of Mark’s Daily Apple, on beating sugar and carb cravings Zen priest Susan O’Connell of the San Francisco Zen Center, on mindful eating Kath Younger, RD of Kath Eats, on 10 ways to easily add real food to your diet Matt Frazier of No Meat Athlete, who will do a webinar on vegetarianism Jules Clancy of Stone Soup, who will share some amazing healthy & simple recipes, along with tips on healthy grocery shopping and more Jesse Jacobs of Samovar Tea Lounge, on tea and mindful eating Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend, on how to lower bodyfat in a month Mike Bundrant of Healthy Times, on stress and eating Inspiring success stories from people who’ve changed their eating habits In addition, I will have videos, articles and a webinar with me, covering these topics and more: Learning to eat mindfully Dealing with emotional eating issues The optimal diet Changing diet habits Dealing with eating in social situations and travel Losing weight, gaining muscle, and getting healthy Simple & frugal - how to keep things simple, fast & cheap but still healthy How to beat food addictions Junk food, fast food, convenience food Exercise vs. diet We’ll also have a habit tracker and a forum to help support a mindful eating habit change during the month. Also note: included in the Sea Change Program is a growing amount of content to help you change your life, as well as a mini-course on the Habit of Meditation, a new monthly live webinar for bloggers & writers, and more. Unfortunately registration is closed for April. Read more here.
An Exceedingly Simple Guide to Keeping a Journal 26 March, 2012, 8:10 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. I have to confess: I’ve never been good at keeping a journal. Until this year. It’s always been something that I’ve wanted to do regularly, and over the years I’ve started journals in many different forms. I have bits of journals in several notebooks and in several computer files, but while they’re interesting, they’re more a testament to my failure to keep a journal going for very long. But this year has been different. I started a journal on January 3, 2012 and have an entry for just about every day since then — nearly 3 months might not seem like a lot to you, but it’s about six times what I’ve ever done before, and at this point I have confidence that I’ll keep it going for at least a few more months. What has changed? I instituted a few “tricks” to keep the journaling simple, easy, and sustainable. My Journal Rules I wanted to make sure the journaling was as easy as possible, so I have no excuses. So I instituted a few rules that have worked very well for me: 1. Only write a few bullet points. I don’t write full sentences — just a bullet point for interesting or important things that happened each day. I only have to write 2-3, though sometimes I write 5-6 if I did a lot. I mix personal and work stuff together. By keeping each day’s entry short and simple, I make it so easy to journal that there are no excuses — it only takes a few minutes! 2. Keep my notebook where I won’t miss it. I put my notebook where I have coffee in the morning. I’ve been using an old Moleskine that I found in my closet that I’d started using as a journal in 2008, on my trip with Eva to Thailand. It really doesn’t matter what kind of notebook you use, but I’ve found a physical notebook is best because on the computer, I’ll tend to forget or be distracted by other computer tasks (damn the Internet!). When I see the notebook as I sit down to drink coffee, I remember to journal. Btw, one of the lapses in my current journal came when I changed my morning routine and started drinking coffee on the couch instead of at my desk — my journal stayed on the desk and I forgot to journal for more than a week. I had to fill it in later, which wasn’t easy. Which brings me to my next rule. 3. Don’t miss more than 2 days of journaling. I missed almost two weeks once, as I just mentioned … and later when I had to fill in back entries, I had a hard time remembering what I’d did. I had a couple other lapses like this, usually because visitors change up my routine, and I’ve found that looking in my calendar and emails helps jog my memory so I can get most of the main things into the journal. But it’s far better to journal the day after the events happen, when things are still fresh. I’ve found that two days later is also fine, but at three days, you start to mix up the previous few days and forget some things. So if I don’t journal every day, I will make sure not to miss more than a day or two. That’s it. Those three rules work very well for me, and have helped me keep a journal for the last several months. Bonus Tips And here are a few more tips (some were said in the paragraphs above as well): Physical notebooks are better than computer journals, as you tend to forget computer programs or get distracted by the Internet. I also like the physical act of writing pen on paper, which I do far too little these days. That said, if you prefer a computer journal, keep it simple. I like text files rather than a dedicated journal program, because text files are pretty much forever, while other data formats can become obsolete if the journal program gets discontinued. What physical notebook you use doesn’t matter. I use a pocket Moleskine notebook witha soft cover. I use a hard cover pocket Moleskine for my workout log, which I’ve been using since last year so I can see my progress. Those are my only two notebooks. I’ve used other notebooks too, and they work well. I like the pocket notebooks because they’re easy to carry around if I want to journal on the train (which I don’t do often) and don’t take up much space on the table next to where I drink coffee. Journal before you get on the computer in the morning. Recap your previous day. If you start on the computer, I’ve learned, you’ll forget about the journaling. Don’t put it off! If you forget to journal for a few days, use your calendar and the emails you sent as reminders for what you did. Remember, keep it short! Just a few bullet points of the main things you did. Here are my bullet points for Wed. Mar. 21, 2012 for example: 1. gym – end of week 6; 2. drafted ZH post on 3-step happiness algorithm; 3. wrote mnmlist post on being OK with things as they are; 4. bought groceries, gifts, decorations for Noelle & Chloe’s birthday party. I like that I can look back and see what the highlights are of each day — this helps me to know if I’ve been focusing on important stuff, or frittering my days away. I highly recommend keeping a journal. It takes minutes a day, and looking back on your life is something that seems deeply satisfying.
A Powerful Three-Step Algorithm for Happiness 22 March, 2012, 8:09 am
Post written by Leo Babauta. Today I’m going to share a really simple secret that can make your day instantly better. If you’re feeling down, it can make you happier, all day long. It’s something I’ve been trying myself, with great results. It’s three steps, and anyone can do them. Anytime, all the time. This is an algorithm that can be repeated over and over, all day long. It starts with a basic assumption: that we are all human beings capable of goodness, of love, of pain, of broken hearts and passionate love. That we all have bad days, that inside our jaded exteriors is a person who just wants love. It is based on my observation that we take other people for granted, and that we judge others and become irritated with them for almost no good reasons, and we expect everyone to make us happy or at least behave the way we want them to, and if they don’t, our day is ruined. That’s crazy. People are living their own lives, and aren’t trying to please us or act in accordance with our expectations, and once we accept that, we can be happy. Here are the three steps. They might sound silly to some of you, but I urge you to give them a try. For just one day. Even just an hour. They are powerful, and they work. 1. Say “I love you, and I’m thankful for you” to every single person today. This sounds kinda silly perhaps, but it works. Seriously, try it. Look at each person you pass or encounter today, and think to yourself (as if you’re talking to the person you’re looking at), “I love you, and I’m thankful for you.” Try to say it with feeling. Mean it! Even to those you pass on the street, in the elevator, while you’re driving (you might only see them for a split second, from a distance). 2. Smile at that person, and look them in the eye. Many of us are used to not looking people in the eye, avoiding contact. But looking someone in the eye is acknowledging their existence and human-ness, and establishing a connection. Smiling helps pass your happiness on to others. Obviously you can’t do this if the person is far from you or driving past you, but when you can, apply this step. 3. If you feel comfortable, say it aloud to that person. Say, “I love you and I’m thankful for you.” Even if they’re strangers — it’ll be weird, I know, but strangely powerful. If you’re not comfortable with that, try to say it with actions instead of words. A simple hug, doing something nice, spending time with someone while treating them kindly, doing a favor without expecting a return favor, just being thoughtful. Obviously you can’t do this step with everyone you pass, but the more people you apply this step to, the better. Try these steps, please. Also know that I love you. And I’m grateful that you’re alive.
The Way of the Peaceful Parent 20 March, 2012, 10:31 am
‘… and she loved a boy very, very much– even more than she loved herself.’ ~Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree Post written by Leo Babauta. There is no such thing as stress-free parenting. A reader requested that I share my thoughts on stress-free parenting, as the father of six kids. And while I have learned a lot about being a dad, and finding joy in parenthood, I also know that stress-free parenting is a myth. Parents will always have stress: we not only have to deal with tantrums and scraped knees and refusing to eat anything you cook, but we worry about potential accidents, whether we are ruining our kids, whether our children will find happiness as adults and be able to provide for themselves and find love. That said, I’ve learned that we can find peace. Peace isn’t a place with no stress, but a place where you take the stress as it comes, in stride, and don’t let it rule you. You let it flow through you, and then smile, and breathe, and give your child a hug. There is a Way of the Peaceful Parent, but it isn’t one that I’ve learned completely. I’ll share what I’ve learned so far, with the caveat that I don’t always follow the Way, that I still make mistakes daily, that I still have a lot to learn, that I don’t claim to have all the answers as a parent. The Way The Way is only learned by walking it. Here are the steps I recommend: Greet your child each morning with a smile, a hug, a loving Good Morning! This is how we would all like to be greeted each day. Teach your child to make her own breakfast. This starts for most children at around the age of 3 or 4. Teach them progressively to brush their teeth, bathe themselves, clean up their rooms, put away clothes, wash their dishes, make lunch, wash their own clothes, sweep and clean, etc. Teaching these skills takes patience. Kids suck at them at first, so you have to show them about a hundred times, but let them try it, correct them, and let them make mistakes. They will gradually learn independence as you will gradually have less work to do caring for them. Older children can help younger children — it’s good for them to learn responsibility, it helps the younger children learn from the older ones, and it takes some of the stress off you. Read to them often. It’s a wonderful way to bond, to educate, to explore imaginary worlds. Build forts with them. Play hide and seek. Shoot each other with Nerf dart guns. Have tea together. Squeeze lemons and make lemonade. Play, often, as play is the essence of childhood. Don’t try to force them to stop playing. When your child asks for your attention, grant it. Parents need alone time, though. Set certain traditions so that you’ll have time to work on your own, or have mommy and daddy time in the evening, when your child can do things on her own. When your child is upset, put yourself in his shoes. Don’t just judge the behavior (yes, crying and screaming isn’t ideal), but the needs behind the behavior. Does he need a hug, or attention, or maybe he’s just tired? Model the behavior you want your child to learn. Don’t yell at the child because he was screaming. Don’t get angry at a child for losing his temper. Don’t get mad at a kid who wants to play video games all the time if you’re always on your laptop. Be calm, smile, be kind, go outdoors and be active. When a stressful time arises (and it will), learn to deal with it with a smile. Make a joke, turn it into a game, laugh … you’ll teach your child not to take things so seriously, and that life is to be enjoyed. Breathe, walk away if you’ve lost your temper, and come back when you can smile. Remember that your child is a gift. She won’t be a child for long, and so your time with her is fleeting. Every moment you can spend with her is a miracle, and you should savor it. Enjoy it to the fullest, and be grateful for that moment. Let your child share your interests. Bake cookies together. Sew together. Exercise together. Read together. Work on a website together. Write a blog together. Know that when you screw up as a parent, everything will be fine. Forgive yourself. Apologize. Learn from that screw up. In other words, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn whenever he screws up. Patiently teach your child the boundaries of behavior. There should be boundaries — what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s not OK to do things that might harm yourself or others. We should treat each other with kindness and respect. Those aren’t things the child learns immediately, so have patience, but set the boundaries. Within those boundaries, allow lots of freedom. Give your child some space. Parents too often overschedule their child’s life, with classes and sports and play dates and music and clubs and the like, but it’s a constant source of stress for both child and parent to keep this schedule going. Let the child go outside and play. Free time is necessary. You don’t always have to be by her side either — she needs alone time just as much as you do. Exercise to cope with stress. A run in solitude is a lovely thing. Get a massage now and then. It helps tremendously to be a parenting team — one parent can take over when the other gets stressed. When one parent starts to lose his temper, the other should be a calming force. Mom and dad need a date night every week or so. Get a babysitter, or better yet, teach the older kids to babysit. Sing and dance together. Take every opportunity to teach kindness and love. It’s the best lesson. Kiss your child goodnight. And give thanks for another amazing day with your beautiful, unique, crazy child. ‘You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.’ ~Bill Cosby
Empty-Handed, Full-Hearted 16 March, 2012, 6:49 pm
Post written by Leo Babauta. We often load ourselves up when we travel, because we want to be prepared for various situations. This burden of being prepared leaves us with our arms full, unable to receive whatever is there when we arrive. It leaves us tired from carrying, so that we are not happy when we meet someone new on our travels. What if we traveled with empty hands, ready to embrace new experiences, receive new foods, touch new people? We might feel less prepared when we leave, but the preparedness is an illusion. Stuff doesn’t make us prepared. Having empty hands but a heart that is full of love leaves us prepared for anything. This doesn’t just apply to taking a trip, but to living each day. Each day is a journey, and we load ourselves up with material possessions, with tasks and projects, with things to read and write, with meetings and calls and texts. Our hands are full, not ready for anything new. Drop everything, be open to everything. Enter each day empty-handed, and full-hearted.

Unclutterer

Workspace of the Week: Personal practical 4 May, 2012, 7:01 am
This week’s Workspace of the Week is NeverMindTheEnd’s glossy white home office: This home office is a wonderful example of a highly utilitarian space that feels very comfortable and personalized, without any clutter distracting the desk’s user. A mail sorter provides a space to hold a small notebook and mobile phone. The teapot, powdered milk container, and mug are likely used daily (or even multiple times during the day) to keep NeverMindTheEnd productive and happy. I also really like the open bookshelf, that keeps resources handy and looks attractive. The artwork (which appears to be on the theme of Duluth, Minnesota) is hung high enough on the walls so as not to interfere with the visual focus on the monitor, but still provides character to the room. This is a terrific space, and we thank NeverMindTheEnd for sharing it with us. Want to have your own workspace featured in Workspace of the Week? Submit a picture to the Unclutterer flickr pool. Check it out because we have a nice little community brewing there. Also, don’t forget that workspaces aren’t just desks. If you’re a cook, it’s a kitchen; if you’re a carpenter, it’s your workbench. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Start a full-room organizing project with a blank canvas 3 May, 2012, 7:21 am
Earlier this week, our landlord brought in floor layers to pull up the carpet in our master bedroom and replace it with wood flooring. This meant we had to get everything except for the bed frame and mattress out of the room so the flooring guys could work their magic. Once the crew finished, we moved our dresser, alarm clock, lamps, nightstand, and a bench back into the room. Then, we made the bed, rolled out a new area rug, and stopped moving things back into the space. We didn’t move anything else back into the room because we loved the way it felt with nothing else in there. Without clutter and extraneous furniture, our bedroom felt calm and relaxing again. When talking to each other about the room, my husband and I have used the words refuge and retreat numerous times to describe it. Now, we’re in the process of finding new homes for all the other things that were in the room, such as we moved the hamper to the bathroom, relocated family photographs and books to the bookshelf in the living room, and took a box of charity donations to Goodwill. We were surprised by the amount of stuff that was living in our bedroom that we didn’t want to have in there. This exercise was a good reminder that there are significant advantages to moving everything out of a space as the first step of a full-room uncluttering and organizing project. When you remove everything, you get to see the bare bones of the room. Additionally, you can bring items one-by-one back into a space to decide if you really want something in that room and be attuned to its presence and its best place. It’s also immediately obvious when a room looks and feels the way you want it to, and you know that everything outside the room needs to be trashed/recycled/donated/relocated because it doesn’t belong in the room. When you’re uncluttering and organizing a full room, keep these questions in mind once the room is empty: Structurally, does any repair work need to be completed in the room? Do walls need to be painted? Do floorboards need to be cleaned? Do any holes need to be patched or cobwebs vacuumed? What are the purposes of this room? What are my goals for this space? Is the large furniture in its best place? Should the furniture be rearranged? Does all of the furniture need to come back into this space? Why? How does each piece of furniture help me to achieve the goals for this space? Do the decorative elements in this room add or detract from the purposes of this room? Do they inspire me? Do I find them beautiful? Do the other items that are going into this room belong in this room? Is this the best place for these items to live? Do I need these items to meet the goals of this room? Are items placed where I use them? Is there a place for everything, and is everything in its place? Once the room is set, decide if the items that didn’t make it back into the room need to be trashed, recycled, donated, or relocated. Be careful not to let the clutter from one room become clutter in another room. If you don’t have the space in your home to temporarily hold all the furniture and items of another room, set down a tarp in your yard or driveway and move your things outside (obviously, only do this in good weather). If you’re in an apartment or condo, give your neighbors a head’s up, and then take over the hallway for a few hours. I’ve found that when you use a space outside your home as a temporary holding location, you’re motivated to work quickly and efficiently, which is also a good thing. The image above is not of our bedroom, but it certainly represents how our room feels to me now. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Unitasker Wednesday: Cupcake Corer 2 May, 2012, 6:44 am
All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy! This week’s selection sincerely leaves me asking a lot of questions. What horrible event could have possibly happened to someone to make him want to punish cupcakes and those who love to eat them? Why would anyone want there to be LESS cupcake? A cupcake is not an oil field — why would anyone drill into a cupcake? What lurks in the hearts of those who want to ruin (RUIN!!) cupcakes with the Cuisipro Cupcake Corer: Okay, maybe (but it’s a very unlikely maybe) I’m a bit biased against the Cupcake Corer because I don’t like frosting. (Except for cream cheese frosting, which I’ll tolerate on a red velvet cupcake.) But even people who like all types of frosting still like the cake element of the cupcake. No one would order a cupcake in a bakery and ask the clerk to, “hold the cupcake.” It’s not as if frosting lovers are looking for ways for there to be more frosting in a cupcake, because all they have to do is pile even more on top. On the plus side, this thing is relatively inexpensive, cleans easily in the dishwasher, and doesn’t take up space. However, a multipurpose melon baller (which I use to core apples, make cheese ball appetizers, scoop seeds out of bell peppers and jalapenos, and more) could ruin a cupcake in the same way — and you probably already own one of those. I simply don’t get it. Cupcakes should not be mutilated! Give us the entire cupcake! Thanks to readers Michele and Stella who sent us this cupcake violater. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Small spaces: Custom closet using Ikea bookshelves 30 April, 2012, 6:57 am
One of my favorite places for small living inspiration is Ikea Hackers. If you’re unfamiliar with the site, it’s a collection of reader-submitted modifications to pieces of furniture from Ikea. The hacks range from relatively small (like adding paint to a Lack table) to extremely involved (like turning a Spar butcher block into an electric guitar). The site has been around since 2006 and is teeming with ways to personalize Ikea furniture. Earlier this month, the site featured Regina’s amazing closet for her itty bitty Swedish apartment. Under what I think is her lofted bed, she has five modified Expedit bookcases (in the 2×2 configuration) that she added a piece of wood to the base and then attached four casters to the bottom of the piece of wood. In the U.S., these Expedit shelving units are just $40 a piece and the Besta casters are $10 for two, so the whole system probably cost less than $350 to create, which isn’t bad for a custom closet that could easily cost four times this price. Visuals from the article: The rolling bookcases not only hold her clothes, but also her hobby supplies (such as the sewing machine and fabric stash pictured above) and other necessities for her apartment. I like that she can roll the sewing Expedit directly to her sewing table, and then roll it all back into the closet when she’s done. The storage system is ideal for this small space, and I think could easily be utilized in other homes — small or large. Note: There are casters that are specifically made to hold the Expedit bookcase, but they stick out beyond the base of the bookshelf, so you can’t nest the shelves directly next to each other. They’re also $5 more for two casters, which adds $50 to the cost of casters, but gets rid of the need to attach a piece of wood to the bottom of each bookcase. If you don’t need the items to nest next to each other, the Expedit casters might be a good alternative for you. If you are unfamiliar with Ikea Hackers, spend some time perusing it for even more ideas. Most of the hacks are inexpensive and easy to do. Images by Regina as posted to IkeaHackers, and thanks to reader Shalin for bringing this closet to our attention. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
A year ago on Unclutterer 29 April, 2012, 7:30 am
2011 Switching out seasonal clothingBefore you pack away your winter coat and hat, take a few minutes and make sure you’re keeping clutter out of storage and also protecting your clothes so you won’t be unpacking clutter in the fall. 2010 Unitasker Wednesday: Reel RoasterThe Reel Roaster is guaranteed to make any child a plaintiff in a personal injury class action suit. 2008 The highchair is in the way, againIn our recent move to a smaller home, we have noticed that our daughter’s highchair is in the way more often than not. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Ask Unclutterer: Displaying sentimental items in one location or spread throughout a house 27 April, 2012, 7:25 am
Reader Amy submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer regarding sentimental items: I do a pretty good job keeping my clutter contained. My partner is a clutterbug. We live in a small apartment in a big city and are preparing to move to a smaller apartment in a bigger city. We have the clutter/anti-clutter conversation a lot, and our biggest problem is that even if we follow the display rule, it’s still lots of “treasures” all around our house collecting dust. What do you do with the treasures once you’ve decided which ones are display-worthy? We both rather like the idea of putting his treasures up on the wall somehow to keep it off the surfaces, and I am partial to having everything in one place, so there are obvious visual limits to how much stuff is allowed to stay (like shelves or some kind of cabinet). What you’re trying to decide is if the sentimental items you’ve chosen to keep should be zoned together or zoned apart. Do you want a Sentimental Items District or would you rather they commingle with all the other design elements in your place? I recommend starting with a Sentimental Items District. The first reason I think you should do this is just to get all of these pieces together on a series of shelves or in a display cabinet so you can really get a grasp on how much you have. Sometimes, when objects are spread throughout the house, they feel like a bigger collection than they actually are. Other times, you come to realize you have way more sentimental items than you intended. Creating a Sentimental Items District is also a good idea because it forces you to be practical with how many items you can keep in your home. If you don’t have a single space that can display all your sentimental items, you’ll need to do some additional uncluttering to get your collection down to a size you can properly store. This is when the Unclutterer motto is a good one to recite to yourself: “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” I also like the Sentimental Items District because it forces you to be realistic about the maintenance and upkeep of these items. How long does it take you to dust all of them? How much room in your apartment do you have to provide to keep them? Are some of these items more valuable than others (what did we push to the back of the shelf to make room for what we really want to see)? After three or four weeks of living with your Sentimental Items District, sit down and talk about how you want to display these items moving forward. Did you miss walking past your championship bowling trophy on the way to the kitchen each morning? Do you think only having your sentimental items in one place makes your home less personal? Did you like it better when you could be reminded of different memories as you moved through your home? Or, are you happy with the Sentimental Items District? Does it help you to make better choices about what is worth keeping and what isn’t? Do you prefer to have the majority of surfaces in your home free of sentimental items? Or, is there a middle ground that will work best for you? Do you think you would like to have two Sentimental Items Districts — one for framed family photographs on the fireplace mantel and then everything else in the display cabinet in the dining room? You’ll have to figure this out together, and there isn’t a right or wrong answer. Starting with the Sentimental Items District, though, will give you the opportunity to stop thinking about this issue in the abstract and really see how it would work in a concrete way. Thank you, Amy, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. I hope I answered your question, and be sure to check the comments for even more advice from our readers. Do you have a question relating to organizing, cleaning, home and office projects, productivity, or any problems you think the Unclutterer team could help you solve? To submit your questions to Ask Unclutterer, go to our contact page and type your question in the content field. Please list the subject of your e-mail as “Ask Unclutterer.” If you feel comfortable sharing images of the spaces that trouble you, let us know about them. The more information we have about your specific issue, the better. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
The dirty truth about messy offices 26 April, 2012, 8:28 am
For good or bad, people make assumptions about you based on the appearance of your office. If they see a framed picture on your desk of you standing on a beach with two children, they instantly assume you like going to the beach on vacation, you have two kids, and you enjoy being reminded of this vacation while you’re at work. If you have a law school diploma and a state bar association certificate framed and hanging on your office walls, people seeing these items assume you’re a lawyer, who graduated from a specific school, who is legal to practice law in your state. The previously mentioned examples of the family photo and the diploma both resulted in positive assumptions about you and these items were likely placed in the office to elicit the exact responses they received. The bad side of assumptions based solely on appearances is that people can also come to negative conclusions about you. For example, a consistently messy desk (not one that is disrupted for a few hours each day as you plow through a project, but one that is disorganized, dirty, and cluttered over a prolonged period of time) can hurt you professionally because it gives the impression to your coworkers you’re not a good employee, even if your work product proves otherwise. On April 13, Businessweek published the article “Clean Your Messy Desk, Lest Ye Be Judged.” The article, as you probably assume based on its title, explains the downsides of having a perpetually messy office. From the article: … according to a survey of U.S. workers by hiring firm Adecco, 57 percent of people have judged a co-worker based on the state of his or her workspace. A clean desk sends the message that you’re organized and accomplished, while a disheveled one implies that the rest of your life is in a similar state. Katherine Trezise, the president of the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (you may know ICD by its former name, the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization) comments on the survey’s findings in the Businessweek article: Trezise says that a little mess is OK, but that “the problem comes in when it affects other people. Can you do your job? Maintain relationships with colleagues?” If the answer is no, you might need to rethink your habits. To keep your coworkers from making negative, and probably inaccurate, judgments about your job performance, spend five to ten minutes each day cleaning and straightening your workspace before heading home. Return dirty dishes to the break room, wipe up any spills, process the papers in your inbox, throw away trash, put away current projects to their active file boxes, and set your desk so it is ready for you to work from it immediately when you arrive to your office the next morning. Not only will these simple steps send a positive message to your coworkers, but they will also help you to be more productive. For larger projects, such as waist-high stacks of papers and towers of boxes cluttering up your office, schedule 30 minutes each day to chip away at these piles. Your coworkers will notice your efforts and start to reassess their negative assumptions. For the rare few of you who work for bosses who believe a messy desk is proof of your competency, I recommend keeping a fake stack of papers on your desk for the purpose of looking disorganized. To create your fake mess: assemble five inches of papers from the office recycling bin and wrap a large rubber band around the stack. The bundling will make the stack of papers simple to pull out of a drawer when you need it to influence your boss, and it will also make sure you don’t get any important papers mixed in with the decoy stack. Think of the stack of papers similar to a potted plant (which, oddly enough, researchers have discovered gives the impression to your coworkers that you’re a team player, so put a single plant in your office if you don’t already have one). Like most of you, I don’t love that assumptions about job performance are influenced by the appearance of one’s office, but feelings about assumptions aren’t important. If you want a promotion and/or raise, if you want your coworkers and boss to have positive opinions about your work, and you want to give the accurate impression that you value your job and place of employment, then keeping your office organized and clean can’t hurt you in your pursuit of these goals. My opinion is that in this economy you do what you can to keep a job you love, so it’s a good idea to spend the five or ten minutes each day helping yourself in a positive way. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Unitasker Wednesday: Pic Nic Pants 25 April, 2012, 8:00 am
All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy! It’s difficult to believe, but it appears we have run out of coffee unitaskers to feature. Instead of giving up and throwing in the towel, reader Elaine found us a brilliant “multi-tasking” unitasker from Italy to feature instead. The purpose of this week’s selection is obviously to be a multi-tasking garment, but I’m not really sure the Pic Nic Pant is up for the challenge: The purpose of the Pic Nic Pant, as described on the designer’s site, is: … [to] take advantage of the usual cross-legged position to become a comfortable surface useful for consumption of a meal outdoors. Laterally pants have an orientable pocket for drinks. I’ll be honest, the drink holder on the right knee has the potential to be useful. However, since it’s not detachable, it’s awkward just hanging down when you’re up walking around. The tray insert between the legs, though, is wrong on many levels. My biggest issue with it is that the tray prevents crumbs from falling directly to the ground. Not having to clean your clothes or the floor when you’re finished eating is why eating outside is so awesome. You dropped a bit of your hot dog bun onto the grass? No problem. A bird will come along and eat that bun piece for dinner — simplicity to the extreme! Thanks again to reader Elaine for finding this week’s unitasker for us. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
A year ago on Unclutterer 25 April, 2012, 7:50 am
2009 Ask Unclutterer: Storing sports equipmentReader Jesse asks for tips on how to store sporting equipment. 2008 Storing out-of-season clothingThe best ways to store out-of-season clothing in your home. Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.
Are you prepared for severe weather and natural disasters? 24 April, 2012, 7:41 am
This week is the first National Severe Weather Preparedness Week in the United States. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, along with a number of other acronym-identified organizations, started the week to help Americans prepare for floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, major thunderstorms, earthquakes, volcanoes, wildfires, and whatever else nature throws our way. The first bit of advice they give is to identify what types of severe weather and natural disasters regularly affect your area. USA Today has a nice interactive map that lights up when you select the specific disaster. It’s not a perfect map — it doesn’t identify the Mid-Atlantic as having earthquakes or tornadoes, yet we had both in 2011 — but it’s decent for identifying the most likely disasters to hit a state. Their second suggestion is to create a disaster kit and an emergency plan based on the disasters that are most likely to strike where you work and live. If you haven’t organized a kit or a plan, check out FEMA’s articles on how to build a disaster kit (they also have a flier with similar information) and how to make a plan to meet up with your family after a disaster strikes. They also recommend getting a NOAA Weather Radio. I noticed recently we didn’t have a single radio in our house, so I ordered one of these for our home. There are many different styles, I liked this one because in addition to batteries it has a crank and a solar panel for alternative energy sources. The article doesn’t mention this, but it’s also a good idea to have an emergency kit in your car. The kits are small, easily fit into the trunk of your car, and can be life-saving in an emergency. If you don’t want to assemble one on your own, there are numerous kits available for purchase. With all emergency kits, it is important to maintain them and check them twice a year. If you already have kits, National Severe Weather Preparedness Week is a good time to go through them and make sure all parts are present, in good condition, and nothing has expired. Even though they’re not fancy, emergency kits are extremely useful gifts for graduating seniors. Related: “Making a family first aid kit“ “2010 Holiday Gift Giving Guide: Kits“ Like this site? Buy Erin Rooney Doland's Unclutter Your Life in One Week from Amazon.com today.

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GGS Glass Screen Protector 18 May, 2012, 8:51 am
When I buy a new camera one of the first things I do is affix a GGS glass screen protector over the LCD screen. I did this even on my prosumer digital SLR despite its scratch resistant glass screen. The reason why is that while they may be scratch resistant, they also feature anti-reflective coatings that simply do not last the life of the camera. And as that slowly wears away the screen begins to look like it's lost a battle with sand paper. Not to mention that scratch-resistance does not equate to scratch-proof. I'm always amazed at how many people buy plastic-film screen protectors (commonly seen on touch sensitive smartphones) that do little if anything to protect the screen. More often than not they occlude the screen as they quickly become scratched. They offer little to no protection from hard objects, and they frequently need replacing (especially given how easy it is to trap air bubbles beneath them). GGS screen protectors, on the other hand, are different as they are made out of optical quality glass. They are thin, sturdy, and affix tightly to the back of the camera. Once on, they almost appear built into the body (this is where careful application is key). They don't scratch easily as they are made of glass, and when they do you know you're investment has been justified. I've personally scratched and shattered a GGS screen protector, and I know without it I would have been left with a potentially ruined screen instead of a cracked $8 investment. The only downside is that when the GGS screens shatter glass shards can fall off despite being laminated. Removal of the broken screen is simple: slide a credit card (or other rigid plastic object) under a side and slowly work your way around until it pops off (if it's really stuck, warm it with a hair dryer). Depending on how long it's been in place the adhesive may leave a sticky residue that is easily removed with nail polish remover or a Goo Gone equivalent. Other brands of glass screen protectors exist, and some even feature anti-reflective coatings that cost 5-10 times more. But none that I have tried are as consistently well reviewed, as minimally invasive, or as affordable as the GGS models. It's the rare case where the best also happens to be the cheapest. -- Oliver Hulland [These glass protectors are NOT meant to be used with capacitative touch screens.--OH] Available from Amazon $4-$8 Manufactured by GGS (I can't seem to find a manufacturer's website, but if you have better luck let me know and I'll update this)
Camscanner 17 May, 2012, 7:02 am
Camscanner allows your Android or iOS smartphone to function as a document scanner. And while there are other competing apps from the few I've tried it's clear that Camscanner is the pack leader. This app is better than the rest because it is intuitive and produces great results. It includes a virtual bubble-level shown on the screen when you are taking the photo, so you get the picture straight on and undistorted. When you get it level, it disappears, which is excellent design (both giving feedback that you 'got it right' and uncluttering the view at the same time). [Note: Strangely, the bubble level seems to be an Android-only feature.--OH] When you need to crop, the cropping screen shows a thumbnail 'peek' window at the opposite corner while you pull the crop line, showing crosshairs of where you are placing the corner on the photo. No need to try multiple times since you can't see what is happening under your thick finger! The layout is very intuitive, five unambiguous icon buttons, and a quickstart document with a guided tour included (no searching for the documentation)! Did I say great design? After you've scanned something the cropping and enhancing happen before your eyes, recapturing some of the thrill of watching a Polaroid develop. The enhancement options work well, turning even faint pencil scratchings into well contrasted digital versions. Once the document has been processed, Camscanner can either email or upload the document as a JPG or PDF to a number of hosting services including Google Docs, Dropbox, Box.net, Evernote, and iDisk. There are no ads in the free version, though it is limited to generating 10-page scan-pdf's with a 'watermark' line at the bottom of each page and also doesn't feature the Optical Character Recognition (OCR) for text searches or AirPrint (which is iOS only). But other than that no annoying (and bandwidth guzzling, cpu-battery hogging) ads! The full version costs $5 and removes all limitations. -- Aryeh Abramovitz [I gave the free version of Camscanner a run through on my iPhone 4 and it really is far better than any other scanning apps I've tried. Its flexible processing engine turns out very readable PDFs (here is a link to a sample PDF I made) even in crappy light. It should be noted, though, that this application is limited by the quality of the phone's camera.--OH] Camscanner Free (with limitations) or $5 Available from iTunes Store and Android Store Produced by Intsig
Gantto 16 May, 2012, 7:43 am
I am a self-employed writer who publishes a new book every 9 months and primarily works from home. For my first several books I struggled with time management and found I was constantly playing catch-up for the two months before my books were due. Then my engineer husband introduced me to the application he uses at work to organize his projects: Gantto. For my last book I used Gantto to plan out my book publishing process, goals, and the milestones I needed to hit. Early schedule items consisted of writing so many words a week (with milestone markers for finishing a quarter of the book, half, etc.), middle items included submitting drafts and doing revisions, and latter marks included publishing house schedules and promotional items -- all ultimately leading to the release date of the book. The great thing about Gantto is that I can visually see how all of those little steps lead to the final goal on one page, and if life events (illness, family trouble, etc.) crop up during the project, the whole timeline shifts to where end-goal estimation becomes far more accurate. Vacations can be added at any time for scheduling purposes. For me, seeing the gantt chart really helped put my daily work in perspective, and I found I was much less likely to procrastinate. There was still a bit of a crunch getting my last book out the door (unfortunately, the tool couldn't write the book for me), but my process was tighter and the last week was far less painful than submissions for previous books. I am definitely using Gantto for my next book. The real time collaboration aspect is likely not as key for the self-employed business owner as it would be for a larger team/business, but I actually found it a fantastic feature. If you are collaborating between two writers or a writer and an assistant, both of you can go into the schedule (simultaneously) and make changes. As someone who has used spreadsheets in the past to track projects, the ability to shift an entire schedule of events with one click is mind-blowingly great. Add that to the price (free for one month, with subscriptions starting at $5 a month) and I am delighted with this tool. -- Anne Mallory Gantto http://gantto.com/ $5/month
Rules for Radicals 15 May, 2012, 7:35 am
Herein are pragmatic tactics for radicals and wannabe radicals of all stripes. Originally written for hippie revolutionaries in the 1970s, today both Tea Party and Occupy folks are quoting and studying it. The "rules" really work, but they are pretty ruthless. Think of this advice as anti-state Machiavelli. -- KK Rules for Radicals Saul D. Alinsky 1971, 224 pages $11 Available from Amazon Sample Excerpts: I present here a series of rules pertaining to the ethics of means and ends: first, that one's concern with the ethics of means and ends varies inversely with one's personal interest in the issue. When we are not directly concerned our morality overflows; as La Rochefoucauld put it, "We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others." Accompanying this rule is the parallel one that one's concern with the ethics of means and ends varies inversely with one's distance from the scene of the conflict. * Those who opposed the Nazi conquerors regarded the Resistance as a secret army of selfless, patriotic idealists, courageous beyond expectation and willing to sacrifice their lives to their moral convictions. To the occupation authorities, however, these people were lawless terrorists, murderers, saboteurs, assassins, who believed that the end justified the means, and were utterly unethical according to the mystical rules of war. Any foreign occupation would so ethically judge its opposition. However, in such conflict, neither protagonist is concerned with any value except victory. It is life or death. * For an elementary illustration of tactics, take parts of your face as the point of reference; your eyes, your ears, and your nose. First the eyes: if you have organized a vast, mass-based people's organization, you can parade it visibly before the enemy and openly show your power. Second the ears; if your organization is small in numbers, then do what Gideon did: conceal the members in the dark but raise a din and clamor that will make the listener believe that your organization numbers many more than it does. Third, the nose; if your organization is too tiny even for noise, stink up the place. Always remember the first rule of power tactics: Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have. The second rule is: Never go outside the experience of your people. When an action or tactic is outside the experience of the people, the result is confusion, fear, and retreat. It also means a collapse of communication, as we have notes. The third rule is: Wherever possible go outside the experience of the enemy. Here you want to cause confusion, fear, and retreat. The fourth rule is: Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules. You can kill them with this, for they can no more obey their own rules than the Christian church can live up to Christianity. The fourth rule carries within in the fifth rule: Ridicule is man's most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counterattack ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, who then react to your advantage. The sixth rule is: A good tactic is one that your people enjoy. If your people are not having a ball doing it, there is something very wrong with the tactic. The seventh rule: A tactic that drags on too long becomes a drag. * The twelfth rule: The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative. You cannot risk being trapped by the enemy in his sudden agreement with your demand and saying "You're right--we don't know what to do about this issue. Now you tell us." The thirteenth rule: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.
Cambridge Quad Notebook 14 May, 2012, 7:16 am
Having just finished a year of math and science heavy coursework, I am confident in stating that the Cambrdige Quad Wirebound Notebook is one of the best tools I've used all year. Notebooks may seem like a silly thing to get worked up about, but having used this day-in and day-out for a year, I can attest that it makes a difference. When I first started looking for a notebook I was astonished by how much variety existed (especially in the world of graph paper), and consequently how much vitriol is generated by crappy notebooks. Everything from paper thickness to perforation was a potential sore spot. After field testing several varieties it was immediately clear that the Cambridge Quad was the winner. Why this particular notebook? It has the perfect weight paper that doesn't bleed when using a variety of pens (I'm partial to the previously reviewed Lamy Safari with Noodler's Bulletproof Black Ink, and the Pentel Sharp Kerry mechanical pencil). It's perforations make for clean tearing, but are strong enough that they never unwittingly lose sheets. At 70-sheets per notebook, it's not too big, and the spiral binding holds up throughout its life (which hasn't been the case for other notebooks I've tried). Finally, the the paper in the Cambridge notebook has a warmer tone which provides for a nice contrast while also making it simple to distinguish any of my assignments in a pile. At the end of the day these notebooks are nice enough that I've stocked up on them in case they decide to stop production. -- Oliver Hulland Cambridge Quad Notebook $5 Available from Amazon Manufactured by Mead Sample Excerpts: Don't mind the illegible scrawlings, and instead take note of the warmer tone.
Freesound 11 May, 2012, 10:10 am
There are sound effects libraries that cost more than a small car, and they're probably worth it to certain kinds of users — like movie studios or audio production houses — but not to me. In search of interesting, appropriately licensed sounds for personal amusement, some google searching led me to Freesound.org, which has many thousands of freely usable, user-contributed sound recordings, all Creative Commons licensed. Some of them are tiny snippets, the audio equivalent of the icons on a computer screen, and some are lengthy field recordings. (Many of the sounds here are purely synthetic, too, or remixes that the CC licensing facilitates.) Last Halloween, I set up a playlist for my family's "haunted condo," consisting of screams, clanks, and creepy laughter (but also repurposed sounds like foghorns and musical instruments I thought sounded ominious), with sounds drawn entirely from this site. It's also a good place to find ring-tone and computer alert sources, if you're just looking for audio clip art, or (with headphones, especially) fascinating "you are there" audio experiences; being transported to an audio landscape inhabited by gentle waves, ships' horns, and thunderstorms is a legal way to escape ordinary consciousness. Freesound really is free, too, though donations are accepted; it started as a project of the Music Technology Group of the Universitat Pompeu Fabra. One (very small) catch: you can listen all you want just by visiting the site; downloading the files requires free registration. -- Timothy Lord Freesound http://www.freesound.org/ Free
Big Foot Cargo Bags 10 May, 2012, 7:33 am
Some weekend sports outings - climbing, skiing, camping, shooting, etc. often require many, many trips back and forth to the car to load and unload all of the things necessary for the weekend. I counted once and found that I made 8 round trips to the car for all of my backcountry ski gear to bring it back into the house at the end of a weekend. The Big Foot Bag allows me to move everything in one single herculean trip. The "big" in "Big Foot Bag" is not an understatement. I have the *smallest* bag made by this company at 114L and 1.5m long. The *largest* bag they make is 1050L and 3 meters long. (It should probably come with a trailer hitch and wheels.)The innovative part of the design is that it lays out completely flat when unzipped, allowing you to pile everything in the center, fold it over like a taco, sit on it, and zip it up quickly. The 600 denier Cordura is coated on the inside and there is a storm flap, allowing it to function as a water resistant rooftop carrier if desired. Yes, it's only got a 6 month warranty, but I think this is more reflective of how hard people use them (the website illustrates them carrying mulch, firewood, and rocks) rather than their construction quality. We've had ours for four years and it still looks like new. Sure, there are big cargo bags of more durable construction out there (YKK zippers and 1000D Cordura would be improvements), but none of them approach the sheer size and ease of use of the Bigfoot. -- Jon Braun Big Foot Bags Small (5.8 cu ft), Medium (14.8 cu ft), Large (37.3 cu ft) $60-$150 Available from Amazon Manufactured by Bigfoot Bags
Manual of Field Geology 9 May, 2012, 9:38 am
This book is an essential guide to how field geology should be practiced. It is simple, clear, and written in a style which is accessible to students and amateurs. Jargon is limited to the irreducible and there is no effort to obfuscate. I have been using this all my professional life of more than 30+ years. Using this manual and a fairly rudimentary set of basic geologic skills, outcrop and contact geologic maps can be produced, complete with cross-sections. There is no better resource for those interested in learning more about field geology. -- Edward Bryant [For those interested in a narrative take on American geology, look no further than John McPhee's epic and accessible Annals of the Former World. A worthy read!--OH ] Geology In The Field Robert R. Compton 1985, 416 pages $60 Available from Amazon Older editions available used for $1 from Alibris Sample Excerpts: Appendix 8. Lithologic Patterns for Stratigraphic Columns and Cross Sections * Appendix 3. Percentage Diagrams For Estimating Composition By Volume (p. 366)
Low-tech Magazine 7 May, 2012, 10:30 am
I immediately thought of Low-Tech Magazine when I saw the previously reviewed Millers Falls Boring Machine. The web based magazine publishes a lushly illustrated and researched article every few months highlighting a technology from the past that is no longer used, but could still be very useful. The articles, in describing the history of tools, is a valuable tool in itself. Some recent examples include Gas Bag Vehicles, Human Powered Cranes, and Hoffman Kilns. -- Stephen Balbach Low-tech Magazine http://www.lowtechmagazine.com/ Free Low-tech Magazine
Gloves Off Stain and Paint Remover 6 May, 2012, 9:57 pm
I carefully laid plastic on my bedroom carpet before painting my closet. But somehow my painting tool began to fall, and as I grabbed for it I dumped the latex paint on the carpet beyond the plastic-protected area. I used wet rags to soak up what I could, but this left a 12" sticky latex stain on the rug plus numerous spatters. I put an old wet towel on it overnight. The next day I used successive applications of Gloves Off Stain and Paint Remover following each with a rag. By repeated applications, I was able to remove all visible paint. Gloves Off is a newish brand of stain remover that uses plant-based ethoxylated alcohol as a surfactant to loosen stains and make them easier to clean. It's marketed as being a greener alternative to bleach and ammonia based cleaning agents. Today, I spied a dried exterior latex stain on metal so I sprayed it with Gloves Off, and in a minute, literally peeled off the paint. So far I've been delighted with this product! -- PJ Cote [As with any chemical product it's best to have the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) just in case.--OH] Gloves Off Stain and Paint Remover $6 Available from Home Depot Manufactured by Planet People Co

getrichslowly

Reader Survey: How Can We Improve Get Rich Slowly? 18 May, 2012, 4:00 am
I am the guiding voice of Get Rich Slowly. Over the past six years (and one month), I’ve been the one who has written the bulk of the articles here, the one who has edited 95% of the material on the site, and the one who has decided which topics we cover and which topics we ignore. That said, I like to think I’m responsive to the needs of the readers. As the audience has changed, so too has the material I’ve covered. (And, of course, my own financial life has changed too, which influences the direction of the site.) From time to time, though, I feel out of sync with the readership. I feel like your needs and my needs have diverged. When that happens, I make a post like this one, a post that asks explicitly: What topics would you like to see Get Rich Slowly cover? Rather than simply guess at this stuff, I’m asking you to give us feedback about what you need and want from a personal finance blog. Do you want to see more articles about the psychological side of money? Or would you prefer to see fewer of these? Is it useful for you to hear about the lateest bank and credit card deals? Or should we keep these sorts of articles to just a couple of times per year? Would you like more reader-contributed material or less of it? What about non-financial stories, stories about success and achievement? Basically, anything you can tell us about what you like about Get Rich Slowly — and what you don’t like — will help us build a better blog for the future. So, please leave a comment below to tell us how we can better help you. (And, if possible, point to some recent articles you love and/or some recent articles you hate.) While we’re talking about administrative stuff, let me note that we’ll soon be doing another round of hiring for staff writers. As we bring new people on board, what’s important to you about their content and writing style? Do you like personal stories? More academic pieces? Do you a younger writer who reflects your experience? An older writer? Somebody who’s struggling with debt? A millionaire? How important is the writer’s voice? Their writing skill? Basically, tell us what sort of staff writer you think would appeal to you I know many of you would prefer that I wrote every post here, and that’s flattering. But, as several astute readers have noted lately, I’ve burned out. It’s time to inject some fresh blood into this site, and your voice will help us determine how we do that.
How to Buy Brand Name Items at Generic Brand Prices 17 May, 2012, 5:00 am
This is a guest post from Halina Zakowicz of Your Money and Debt. Like many of you, I’m always looking to save money on brand name items. Aside from drug prescriptions, generics have just never quite “done it” for me — the generic soda I bought went gone flat in hours, the generic toilet paper I’ve purchased has either shred in my hands or never come off the roll, and the generic snack items I’ve acquired either taste wrong or are just plain stale. Most of the store brands I’ve tried have also had one unfortunate problem or another. Brand name items usually do cost more, though. So, how can you save money when you buy them? Here’s what I do: Use manufacturer coupons. Last year, I signed up to receive the Sunday newspaper at my house. The Sunday paper typically includes 2-3 coupon inserts that are loaded with discounts on brand name items like Charmin, Johnsonville, Yoplait, etc. I cut out the coupons I think I’ll use and give away the remaining coupons to other people. Use store coupons. My local stores like Copps and Target send out monthly coupon books to customers who sign up for their mailing lists. These coupons are usually not available in the store and offer substantial savings on brand name items. Print online coupons. Online coupon sites like Coupons.com and SmartSource.com offer many valuable coupons that are not available through any other coupon insert or source. In many cases, I have found myself using online-generated coupons far more often than the physical coupons I’ve received through my newspaper. Peruse online promo code sites. Sites like Tjoos, Buxr, Ebates, CouponSmarter, Savings.com, and RetailMeNot offer a dozens of promo codes that can be applied to online shopping sites during checkout. These promo codes give you a percent discount on your purchase, free shipping, free stuff, etc. Combine your online and in-store savings. Sites like CouponMom, The Krazy Coupon Lady, and Julie’s Freebies alert you to where you can combine various manufacturer, store, and online coupons to either get your purchased item for free or at a severe discount. In some cases, you can even end up making money on the coupon item. Use online deal sites. Major shopping sites like Amazon and eBay offer discount plug-ins that alert you to deeply discounted brand name items. For example, WeLoveDeals is an Amazon-based plug-in that alerts you of amazing Amazon deals on a daily or even hourly basis. Shop after the holiday. Regardless of whether you are shopping online or in-store, you will find significant savings on brand name items if you shop right after a major holiday has ended. For example, I always buy designer Christmas stockings about two weeks after Christmas for 90% off of their original retail price. This year, I stocked up on about four sets of Paas Easter egg dye kits at 95% off of the retail price by buying them one week after Easter. I will save these dye kits for next Easter. Use group discount sites. Groupon and LivingSocial are wonderful online sites that offer brand name items that are discounted at 50% and more. Using Groupon, I recently purchased Okabashi sandals at 60% off their retail price. Today, I used Groupon to purchase two $40 gift certificates to Apple Wellness (a health and nutrition store) for only $19 each. Shop at discount retailers. Stores like T.J. Maxx and Filene’s Basement sell designer fashion labels at huge discounts. I’ve seen labels like Victoria’s Secret, Calvin Klein, Pacific Trade and Infantino on a regular basis at T.J. Maxx. At the Filene’s Basement in downtown Chicago, I was able to find big name items like Coach purses, Dolce & Gabbana suits, Hugo Boss shirts, and Giorgio Armani suits and dresses. Keep in mind that such items will run $200-$500, but these prices are still a bargain when you consider that originally these clothing items were anywhere from $1,000 to $2,500. Earn online gift cards. Online sites such as MyPoints and Recyclebank offer free and easy opportunities to earn points that can later be redeemed for gifts cards at top retailers like Macy’s, Home Depot, and Target. There is no cost to joining these sites or earning points through them; in most cases, points are accrued by simply clicking on and reading emails. However, if you make any purchases through the sites, you also earn points. It’s been over a year now since I resolved to never again pay full-price on any brand name item. In this time, I’ve been able to find all kinds of great online and in-store deals by simply keeping “my ears peeled” and talking with friends who like to shop and save on brand name items too. It’s certainly been a learning experience; however, I’m now at a point where I never buy an item outright, knowing there’s a discount on it somewhere. Patience and determination are the cornerstones of my bargain-hunting process, and so far they have paid off quite well, saving me thousands of dollars. What are your favorite places to find discounts and coupons?
The Real Secret to Making Money by Following Your Passion 16 May, 2012, 2:00 pm
This is a guest post from Chris Guillebeau, author of The $100 Startup, available from Amazon.com or your favorite local bookstore. You can also read his free blog at ChrisGuillebeau.com. Guillebeau is a long-time reader and supporter of GRS and one of J.D.’s good friends. You’ve probably heard the line about following your passion to the bank. Just do something you love and cash in…right? As an astute reader of Get Rich Slowly, chances are you also know that there’s more to it than that. Lots of people follow their passions and fail to make any money. Meanwhile, others are indeed able to craft a new life for themselves — and earn a lot of money — by pursuing something they love to do and finding a way to craft a business around it. What’s the difference between these two groups? What separates those who fail from those who succeed? Well, it’s not about working less, manifesting riches, or waiting for wealth to arrive at your doorstep. It’s about making something that improves the state of the world — or at least the lives of a small group of people willing to pay for it. It’s about working more, but spending your time on the things you love to do. In researching my new book, I discovered a not-so-secret formula. This formula isn’t found on the road to Bali or in the depths of a Mayan temple. Instead, it comes from the lessons of ordinary people who created a new future for themselves, using a small amount of money and the skills they already had. Here’s the formula: Passion + Usefulness = Value You can be passionate about all kinds of things that won’t actually pay you anything. But when you combine your passion with something that’s useful to the world, that’s where you’ll find synergy. And that’s how you can make some money. The $100 Startup Model I recently completed a multi-year study of 1500 people who had built “freedom businesses” by using the skills they already had. For the study, we didn’t want to hear from self-described entrepreneurs, billionaires, or even anyone who had much of a business background. Instead, we had a few specific criteria that everyone had to meet to be part of the study: At least $50,000/year in net income (many earned much more, but the average U.S. income of $50,000/year was the baseline) Full financial disclosure (respondents had to agree to share their annual income) Five employees or fewer (many of the studies in my book have no employees, by design) Low startup costs (most spent less than $1000, and one-third spent $100 or less) No special skills (or at least no skills that couldn’t be replicated by others) From the initial group of 1500, we narrowed down to the top 70 stories. These stories appear in my new book, The $100 Startup. The goal was to craft a narrative around these “accidental entrepreneurs” to understand exactly how they did it, and to provide a blueprint that readers can follow as they pursue their own freedom. A few of the stories include: Heather Allard, the “Mogul Mom” who built a business after making a blanket for her daughter. She later sold the business and now teaches other moms how to be self-employed. Gary Leff, who helps people book international plane tickets with their Frequent Flyer miles. Gary works full-time as a CFO, but this “side business” brings in more than $100,000 a year. Susannah Conway, a former journalist from England who got the surprise of her life when she earned more than $140,000 last year teaching photography. Sarah Young, who started a yarn shop in Portland, Oregon at the height at the recession. Two years later, business is booming and Sarah recently celebrated her first $10,000 day. Jen Adrion and Omar Noory, two young design students who started a map-making business from their Columbus, Ohio apartment. Within six months they had quit their day jobs to focus full-time on the business. Each of these people found a way to apply the formula — they did something they were passionate about, but they also made sure to translate their passion into a valuable skill. These and other stories from the book combine to form a common message: The skills and the money you already have are all you need. Many of the people I talked with didn’t consider themselves to be “entrepreneurs”; they were ordinary people who made a few specific choices. Some had been laid off or otherwise experienced a painful transition, but then crafted a new life for themselves as they engaged with their first customers or clients. More than one said, “Being let go was painful at the time, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.” Making the Leap We live in exciting times. At the touch of a button, we can go online and connect with thousands of people all over the world. No matter our interests, we can instantly find other people who share the same values and concerns. Most of us who read this blog are very well off, at least in comparison to the rest of the world. We have the resources to choose how we spend our money and how to structure our free time. We have tremendous opportunities to create, connect, and yes—to earn a good living. What’s exciting is the timing and scale of it all. If you want to take the leap to working for yourself — or even if you just want to earn a healthy side income — there’s no longer any need to wait. But don’t take it from me; take it from 1500 people from all different backgrounds and from all over the world. They found personal freedom by improving the lives of others.
When a Woman’s Work Is Done 16 May, 2012, 5:00 am
This is a post from staff writer Robert Brokamp of The Motley Fool. Robert is a Certified Financial Planner and the adviser for The Motley Fool’s Rule Your Retirement service. He contributes one new article to Get Rich Slowly every two weeks. One of my jobs at The Motley Fool is to serve as the internal financial planner for Fool employees. Lately, however, I’ve been answering more questions my colleagues have about their parents — and it’s more likely about their mothers or mothers-in-law. The truth is, women face a more difficult task when it comes to retirement planning, for several reasons: Women earn, and have, less. According to the Census Bureau, women earn just 77% of what men make. They are also more likely to interrupt their careers to raise children or take care of older relatives. According to the Social Security Administration, the typical woman spends 12 years out of the workforce. This results in lower retirement benefits and smaller portfolios. On average, a female’s 401(k) is 40% less than a male’s. Women live longer. Generally, retirement begins when a person leaves the workplace and ends when life leaves the person. The longer someone lives, the longer retirement lasts — and the more assets will be needed. On average, gals live five years longer than guys, which means they tend to be retired longer. Add to this the fact that, with most couples, the wife is a few years younger than the husband, and you can see why most women should plan on spending their last few years on their own. Which leads us to… Women are more likely to spend part of their lives single. Though my wife may not believe it, marriage enhances retirement security. According to a National Bureau of Economic Research study by Susann Rohwedder and Michael Hurd, 80% of married couples in the 66-69 age group are adequately prepared for retirement, whereas just 55% of single persons have enough resources. Unfortunately, more than twice as many older women are single than older men. According to the Census Bureau, 19% of men over the age of 65 live alone, compared to 40% of women in the same age group. More than two-thirds of 85-year-olds are women. Women tend to retire earlier. According to the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, the average retirement age for men is 64, whereas the typical woman retires at age 62. This is often because a wife will retire at the same time as her husband. It’s just another reason why women can be expected to fund a longer retirement than men. Women often leave financial planning to their husbands. According to a survey from ING Direct and Dailyworth.com, 40% of married women leave retirement planning to their partners, and almost 30% say they don’t know what their main source of future retirement income will be. This leaves widows and divorcees vulnerable when they find themselves single again, and could contribute to a general lower knowledge about money matters. According to studies by Dr. Annamaria Lusardi, director of the Financial Literacy Center, women score 12 percentage points lower than men on tests about concepts such as inflation and diversification, as well as other measures of financial literacy. What’s a Woman to Do? While all those statistics can be discouraging, the good news is that there are plenty of solutions. Here are the steps all women (and the men who love them) can take. Become a money master. Regardless of whether you’re single, married, or living in a hippie commune where no one bathes but someone has to pay the bills, make sure you keep learning about financial planning and have a hand in the household finances. According to a study from Hartford Financial Service and the MIT AgeLab, couples who share the financial housework are more prepared than couples that rely on just one member to do all the financial lifting; the former group is more likely to have saved more and developed a plan for what will happen when one spouse passes away. This doesn’t mean that each spouse must do everything together, but it does mean that each spouse should know enough about what’s going on, and how to manage the family finances in the case the other spouse becomes ill or passes away. Manage the couple’s benefits with the survivor in mind. The timing of when one spouse begins receiving Social Security and pension benefits (if any) can affect the financial security of the other spouse. The questions to ask are: 1) Will the primary beneficiary receive a larger benefit for delaying, and 2) how much of the benefit will go to a surviving spouse? In the case of Social Security, the benefit does increase for each year of delaying, which can be very important source of income for a retiree whose lifetime earnings record is not as high as her or his spouse’s, because that higher benefit will continue to the lower-earning spouse when the higher-earning spouse passes away. Be ready to be on your own. The last time I covered this topic in a GRS post, a reader linked to a New York Times article, written by a woman who had once been an advocate for stay-at-home motherhood: So I was predictably stunned and devastated when, on our 40th wedding anniversary, my husband presented me with a divorce. I knew our first anniversary would be paper, but never expected the 40th would be papers, 16 of them meticulously detailing my faults and flaws, the reason our marriage, according to him, was over…. The judge had awarded me alimony that was less than I was used to getting for household expenses, and now I had to use that money to pay bills I’d never seen before: mortgage, taxes, insurance and car payments. And that princely sum was awarded for only four years, the judge suggesting that I go for job training when I turned 67. Not only was I unprepared for divorce itself, I was utterly lacking in skills to deal with the brutal aftermath. I hate to be so cynical as to suggest every person should be ready to become single at any moment, but I do think everyone should have a Plan B at the ready. Delay retirement until everyone is ready. The decision to retire should not be based solely on whether both spouses have enough money to cover expenses, but also on whether a surviving spouse would be secure should the other spouse pass away. According to the Hartford study, the typical widow sees her income drop 50% when the husband passes away, yet expenses drop just 20%. To make sure they have enough in their later years, people should continue to work — and save — until they have enough to survive on their own, and not retire just because their spouse does. Everyone should know the team. If you use any financial-services professionals — accountants, advisors, attorneys — both spouses should know at least enough to know what they do for you, and how to contact them. If you don’t use pros because one spouse does the work, you may want to begin assembling a team in your later years to smooth the transition in case that one spouse is no longer able to do the job. You can start with a fee-only financial planner, such as those who belong to the Garrett Planning Network or the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors. The Times, They Are A-changin’ These kinds of posts can be tricky, since they’re based on generalizations that obviously don’t apply to every woman or couple, and can come off as sexist. To be sure, I know plenty of couples in which the wife is in charge of the household finances. These folks tend to be younger, which is why I think the difference in retirement prospects for women and men is partially a generational issue. It’s certainly my experience that women in their 70s — like my mother, who found herself divorced and re-entering the workforce in her 50s — are more comfortable leaving all the financial housekeeping to their husbands, and also less comfortable talking about money. Maybe that’s just my personal experience. But I do hope, as the income gap between men and women shrinks, and more men share in the child-raising responsibilities (for example, The Motley Fool offers paternity leave to new dads), that a post like this will be largely unnecessary several years from now.
Your Friends are Marketing to You (How to Like Them Anyway) 15 May, 2012, 5:00 am
This post is by staff writer Sarah Gilbert. Your friends may be marketing to you. I know: I’m taking the internet-shocking tactic I hate seeing elsewhere, but if I didn’t have evidence in my very inbox from (as I’m writing this post) three minutes ago, not to mention The New York Times and other well-regarded media, I would still have all the stuff that’s not headline material. You probably know it as “keeping up with the Joneses” or “being cool”; it’s the reason I carried a screen-printed canvas Esprit tote bag in high school even though I had extremely limited disposable income and the tote bag was a really uncomfortable way to lug my books, and the reason I used those over-sized butterfly clips in junior high even though they made me look more “insane human-alien love child” than “supercool Valley Girl.” The word-of-mouth feel-good cycle Often your friends are marketing to you by word-of-mouth marketing, every small business owner’s or corporate marketer’s wildest dream. “This Dove makes my skin so soft!” is what the corporate folks are hoping to coach you to say. “The service at Open Space Coffee is amazing!” is what the local folks are prompting you to say with their kind ways. And the thing is that this is kind of an ethical trap. Great service notwithstanding (I stand firm in my endorsement for the coffee shop, they really are super nice), we’re getting a high when we tell our friends about a product’s positive characteristics. We’re saying through our glowing reviews of a skincare product or a diaper or a brand of energy bar, “I’m informed about this topic and I am someone whose opinion people seek out and I’m willing to share my opinion with you.” We’re saying when we listen to a friend or buy on a friend’s recommendation, “I have smart friends and I care about their opinions and I am going to be more like the people I admire when I spend money like they do.” The reason this is an ethical trap is that we are both buying into the belief that our consumption habits are integral to our personhood and that imitating consumption habits will transform us to someone else (even if that transformation is slight). Marketing is about selling a new you This is now obvious to most of us but still a pretty big deal, in my opinion: what marketing is selling is not a product but a new you the product will make out of the existing you. You know the one. It’s the you whose skin is not perfectly soft and smelling of “botanicals,” whose hair does not always bounce and glow and shine, whose kids do not clap their hands gleefully every time you serve them a snack in the back seat of your clean, comfortable, dual-DVD-equipped minivan. (Side note: A few years back, J.D. posted this guest post about “Personal Marketing”, using advertising tools to convince yourself to save. What a great way to create the new you that you really want!) The thing is that, more and more often, the you that you want to be is not an actress on a commercial but a friend of yours — either a real-life friend, or a “friend” whose blog you read and you’ve come to think of as a friend. (As a long-time blogger, I have blurred the line between these two categories; I actually have lots of real-life friends who started out as people-whose-blog-I-read, so for me this is, as they say, a “meta” phenomenon.) The new you is the author of a blog As The New York Times pointed out last weekend and I’ve certainly observed myself over the past few years, corporations have really keyed in to the fact that the blogger (especially women bloggers, and especially women bloggers who are moms) is the new influencer. The mom blogger is the new you you want to be — if you’re a mom, of course, and often if you’re a young woman who hopes to be a mom one day. She’s very seductive, as she’s able to create a world populated by the best bits of her life with her kids (most of us don’t take photos of the kids refusing to eat kale chips or the mess in our minivan’s back seat). And the reason even the men among the readership should take note is that this does not, by any means, occur just among females; it’s just in sharpest relief with mom bloggers, who are first making their blogs into mini-businesses (or not-so-mini) and then second being recognized for their role as a highly critical and powerful market force. Even in the age of two-income families and the at-home dad revolution, it’s still women who make more purchase decisions for their household. Here’s how McDonald’s thinks of you and your mom blogger icons “Bloggers, and specifically mom bloggers, talk a lot about McDonald’s,” says Rick Wion, director of social media for McDonald’s USA, told The New York Times. “They’re customers. They’re going to restaurants… We identified them and said, ‘These are our key customers. These are our influencers for our brand.’ We need to make sure we’re working with them.” They’re working “with” them by working through them. It’s a savvy ploy, and I’ve been watching this for years, thanks to my aforementioned real-life blogging buddies/buddies who are bloggers. McDonald’s, or another company — I just got a persuasive email from Pampers; a few months ago I went to a fancy blogger shindig for Whole Foods — does not necessarily pay bloggers to write blog posts about them. That can be illegal and it can also create bad “buzz.” What the corporations do is to butter up the bloggers by inviting them (I feel special!) to fancy events and one-on-one chats with high-up managers and celebrities (I feel listened to!) and then send them links and offer resources “in case” they want to write about their experiences, with a request that they send links after the posts go up (I think I might even get a new audience!). As that New York Times story said of the McDonald’s headquarters boondoggle, “The posts that followed — each accompanied by a disclaimer noting their sponsorship by McDonald’s — were overwhelmingly positive.” Why would the mom bloggers — and your friends — talk pretty about big brands? The reason mom bloggers and the people you meet at an investment club meeting or coffee shop talk up the big brands is for a lot of reasons, but I think there are three main psychological cues at work here: After having a personal experience with a company, we don’t want to let anyone down. I’ve been in this very situation and can say that I worry about what the marketing rep or PR agent or social media outreach person will think of me if I accept an invite or a free product and don’t write positively about it. I also worry about their feelings. If we get something good, we subconsciously react in a way that will ensure we keep on getting that good stuff. Whether that “good stuff” is freebies, or fancy trips to corporate headquarters, or lunch invitations, or very positive feedback, we’re going to want it to happen again and we’re going to act in a way we think will keep it coming. We want to be associated with the thing we admire. Even if we started out with a somewhat critical opinion — say of McDonald’s marketing to kids, or the high expense of a brand of soap — once we meet an admirable executive connected to the company or are persuaded that the soap makes our skin so soft and fragrant, we want to be thought of as possessing these admirable qualities. Presto: we talk nice about the brand, subconsciously thinking that the admirable qualities will automatically rub off on us. Hidden Valley Ranch and Knorr and how I said to myself, “no.” I have an MBA and just am interested in product marketing, so I am automatically skeptical about such things. I am not shy about expressing delight in things I love, with or without freebies (I’m still hoping, though, that Theo Chocolates or Icebreaker will see my gushing over them and send me some promotional goodies), but I do try to hold myself back if I am indeed still critical after a brand’s full-court-press. Two examples of packaged food (salad dressing and chicken stock, in this case) blogger outreach are, I think, a perfect case in point. At BlogHer’s 2011 conference in August, I was invited to cook with a celebrity chef. We made asparagus risotto, coached by Marco Pierre White, and were sent home with coupons and cookbooks. In another occasion, several friends of mine were invited to a very fancy several-course dinner utilizing Hidden Valley ingredients. One afternoon I sat in a coffee shop (ironically, the shop is connected to the farmer-direct food buying club of which I’m a loyal member) watching two of my friends tweet and Instagram the beautifully-presented concoctions some California chef had whipped up with this rather non-gourmet ingredient. The fact is that, in both cases, I didn’t think the prepared ingredients were any better (and certainly not cheaper) than my own homemade variety. And in both cases, I said to myself, “this is just not good.” And I did not “like” the photos — even though they were gorgeous! — and I decided not to blog a word about Knorr’s cooking class. Observe and abstain The best way to deal with this, when your friends get caught up in marketing — going on a “Twitter tour” for some brand or bringing home freebies to share or having a giveaway for something you wouldn’t ever buy, is to first observe. “This is clearly an effort to influence me,” you can say to yourself, and think about where it started, probably the Midwestern office complex of some huge corporation in a conference room filled with my business school classmates. And how your friend is the unwitting passer-on and buyer-into this quest to make a new him or her. And just say (in your own brain), “no.” I suggest not getting angry or trying to convert your friend or writing a blog post about how insidious this brand is. I suggest not taking photos of the package or using the hashtag the brand asks you to. I suggest not commenting on the blog posts or entering the contest. Just say, “no,” to yourself, and go on spending your time in a way you value. Learn a language. Study up for your investment club. Make chicken stock. Earn $20 selling your old CD collection on eBay. Just observe, and abstain. Have you been marketed to by your friends, either aggressively or with every well meaning in the world? How have you responded?
Trading Time for Money 14 May, 2012, 4:00 am
Last week, I was complaining to my Spanish tutor (who, by the way, thinks I always complain). “Ideally, I’d be writing less,” I told her. “I want to have more time to learn Spanish and to focus on other passions. But I just got an offer to write a couple more articles per week. And I would get paid for the work!” My tutor shook her head. “Por la plata baila el mono,” she told me: The monkey dances for money. She didn’t have to explain what she meant. It was obvious. Money makes us do things we wouldn’t do otherwise; it turns us into puppets. My tutor later sent me a link to this video“The monkey dances for money — and how well the monkey dances!” Although my tutor had a point, it’s not as simple as that. Yes, we sometimes do things we don’t want to do in order to earn money. But sometimes doing these things allows us to get money so that we can pursue our passions later. “I write a monthly column for a magazine,” I said (in Spanish, of course). “The amount I earn from that column each month is exactly the same as what I pay you each month. Every month, I tell myself that I’m writing the column so that I can learn Spanish. That keeps me motivated to do it.” Personal Currencies This conversation reminded me of personal currencies, which I first mentioned four years ago. At the time, I wrote: Money is an abstract concept. It really represents time and labor, and those are hard to visualize. By finding something concrete to use as a measure of value instead, it’s easier to visualize how much something is really worth to you. For example, my wife sometimes measures things in lattés. If she sees something in a store, she’ll stop and consider: “That vase is three lattés” or “Those shoes are ten lattés” or “That book is two lattés”. By looking at things in this way, she’s able to figure out how much they’re actually worth. Our friend Marla measures things in Saturns. She loves her car (a Saturn, naturally), and so whenever somebody mentions something expensive, she’s able to compute its value to her. A fancy plasma TV might be one-fifth of a Saturn, for example. A house might be ten or twenty Saturns. Last night at dinner, I mentioned this notion to our friends Mike and Rhonda. “Oh, we used to do that all the time,” Rhonda said. “When we were first married, we lived near a sushi place. We loved their rainbow rolls, but they were kind of expensive. Whenever we got paid, we’d convert the dollars to rainbow rolls.” Obviously these sort of personal currencies aren’t sophisticated financial tools. They are, however, quick and easy ways for each of us to measure the relative value of the things we buy. This notion of personal currencies — and my mental equation in which writing a magazine column pays for Spanish lessons — is another way to look at life energy, which many of you will know from the classic Your Money or Your Life. Trading Time for Money In Your Money or Your Life, the central point that Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin try to convey to readers is this: Money is something we choose to trade our time for. (Except that the authors don’t call it “time”, they call it “life energy”.) They write: Our life energy is our allotment of time here on earth, the hours of precious life available to us. When we go to our jobs we are trading our life energy for money. This truth, while simple, is profound. [...] Our life energy is more real in our actual experience than money. You could even say money equals our life energy. So, while money has no intrinsic value, our life energy does — at least to us. It’s tangible, and it’s finite. Life energy is all we have. It is precious because it is limited and irretrievable and because our choices about how we use it express the meaning and purpose of our time here on earth. [...] Ultimately you are the one who determines what money is worth to you. It is your life energy. You “pay” for money with your time. You choose how to spend it. In a very real way, time is money. For most of us to be happy, we have to find a balance between trading our time for money. And, at times, trading money for time. We need both. Over the past few months, I’ve found that balance. I’ve achieved it. I’ve been reluctant to mess with it, yet now I’m tempted. Or am I? Finding Enough Over the past week, as I’ve debated whether I should take on the additional workload to earn more money, I actually turned to my own book for advice. In Your Money: The Missing Manual, I briefly explore the concept of Enough (something that’s also covered in Your Money or Your Life). In my book, I write: Knowing that you have Enough can be better than having billions of dollars. If you’re obscenely rich but aren’t happy, what good is your money? [...] If you don’t know why you’re earning and spending money, then you can’t say when you have Enough. So take time to really think about what Enough means to you. [...] If you don’t have an end in sight, you’re at greater risk of getting stuck in the rat race. Or, to use the words of my Spanish tutor, you’re at greater risk of being a monkey that dances for money. And so I have to ask myself why? Why do I want to take on this extra work? It’s not for the money, so what is it? Do I really think I’m going to improve my life by writing two extra columns per week? Where will I even find the time to do that? And what is it that I really want to be doing? I don’t know the answers to all of these questions just yet, but I do know the answers to some. And, in fact, those answers may hint at the direction my life could take in the future. For now, one thing is sure: This monkey has decided he won’t be dancing for money — at least not this time.
Reader Story: Saying Good-Bye to a 16-Year-Old Car 13 May, 2012, 4:00 am
This guest post from Joel Berry is part of the “reader stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success or failure. These stories feature folks with all levels of financial maturity and income. Want submit your own reader story? Here’s how. I’m writing this post as a follow up to my first post about why I drove a 13-year-old car. In that article, I set some goals for myself and came up with a plan to help me achieve those goals. Today I’m going to share where I succeeded — and where I failed. My original goals were to: Drive my 1995 Geo Prizm for four more years in order to save a large down payment for a newer car. Put away $300 a month into a savings account for the down payment. Spend $1000 or less per year in maintenance for the Geo. Have $10,400 for a down payment on a new-to-me car. How did I do? Let’s find out. Goal #1: Keep My Car Another Four Years At the time I wrote my last post, I’d already driven the Geo for 13 years. I had a choice to make: Take out a loan for the value of a new car minus any money I could get by selling the Geo Or, keep the car for a while longer while saving up more money to put down on the new car. I came up with a plan to try to keep the Geo as long as it remained a reliable and safe car. I wanted to resist the temptation to purchase a new car and jump back into payments before I had to. All of my friends had purchased new cars and I was feeling a little pressure to keep up with them. I knew this was financially a bad move. I did not want to “keep up with the Joneses.” I wanted to buck the norm and not give into consumerism. I knew the longer I kept the car and remained payment free the better off I would be when I did purchase a new car. So, did I keep the car for four more years? No, I kept the car for three instead of four years. Why? My needs changed in the three years since I set that goal. My family grew and no longer fit in the car. When I originally set this goal, my children were smaller. They grew older, taller, and it was now uncomfortable for them to sit in the small back seat. When the car no longer met my needs, I knew it was time to change my plan. My needs changed and my goals needed to change with them. Goal #2: Pay Less Than $1000 a Year on Maintenance There was not a year of the three that I spent even close to the $1,000 I budgeted for maintenance. This number was a worst-case-scenario number. If I was going over that number, I would have called it quits and gave up on the Geo. I averaged $400 a year on maintenance. I consistently hear people say they need to get rid of their car because it is going to nickel-and-dime them to death. They get a new car out of fear, not because they truly have a need. The fear is the car would need a repair that would cost so much that it is better to sell it now and get a new car. I chose to ignore that fear and let the numbers dictate if I should keep the car or not. Looking at the math, $400 a year and no payment works out to $33.34 a month that came out of my pocket to drive this car. I was okay with that. Other people might have chosen to sell the car. If I were to purchase another newer car, I feel the maintenance would be about the same. It might even be more because I would want to take better care of a newer car I was going to try to keep for a decade or so. I knew this car was going to be out of my life soon, so I had less to lose by not checking into every little squeak I heard. People rarely take into account that the new car they buy might have problems as well. I have read many posts on the car forums about someone purchasing a brand new car and having nothing but trouble with it. Even though the repairs are covered under warranty, there’s a huge feeling of anger that they paid for a new car and it isn’t reliable. Most people end up selling the new car and take a huge loss just to be free of the troubled car. Goal #3: Put $300 a Month into a Savings Account for a Newer Car I set up a sub-account at ING Direct and had the money automatically withdrawn every month. I paid myself first to make sure the money was there before any other money was taken out to pay bills. This was easy to do; it only took a few clicks. The money being gone right away made it easier to meet this goal every month. When the money is not there to spend it made it easier for me to put off purchases until next week’s paycheck. Goal #4: Save $10,400 for a Down Payment on Another Car I missed this goal for two reasons. The first reason I brought on myself and the second was an unexpected life event. The first reason I missed my goal was I sold the Geo one year early and missed out on that twelve months of savings. That’s $3600 that I gave up. Even though I was under budget with the maintenance costs, it wasn’t enough to offset the loss of those twelve months. The second reason I didn’t meet this goal is we had a tough choice to make. One of my family members had a series of health problems that were getting worse and they lived very far away. We felt the need to take a trip to visit this person. The trip was something I needed to do; not going wasn’t an option. We looked into all the alternatives. Credit card debt? I didn’t want to be paying for the trip on a card charging us 13% interest. 401(k) loan? I wasn’t willing to pull money out of my 401(k), pay the loan fee, and miss out on the potential returns the stock market could give us. ING account? The ING account was the only choice that made sense. After all, the ING account was only paying 0.8% interest at the time. But it would put me behind saving for a new car. That was a difficult thing for me to do. We pulled the money out and went on the trip. We enjoyed spending time with family, saw things we would never have seen if we hadn’t taken the trip, and built lifelong memories. This is a choice I don’t regret at all. Money isn’t everything in life. I cherish my family and felt this was the right thing to do. The Bottom Line Three years ago, I set some goals for myself. I did my best to make a plan to help me meet those goals. As time went by my needs changed (needed a bigger car) and unexpected expenses came up (trip to see family). I feel good about how I did. I set some goals and stuck to them as much as made sense. Over the 16 years I owned the Geo, twelve of those years were payment-free. My original payments were $250 a month. That extra $250 a month I that I didn’t have to spend on a car payment added up to $36,000 over the 12 years. If I subtract the overall maintenance I spent on this car over the full 16 years ($3400), it still leaves me with $32000. This number represents the amount of money I would have spent if I continued to have a car payment. I know many people who always have a car payment. I consider this a huge amount of money. This is the reason I chose to drive the car for so long. In the end, I found a used car I wanted, put an ad on craigslist, and sold the Geo. After 16 years with this car, our family had outgrown it and was ready for another. Will I keep the new car for as long as I did the last one? That’s a question I can’t answer at this time. That depends on if this new car is as good as the last. Life throws you curves; you have to bend with those curves. You have to take everything day by day and month by month. Your financial future is not set in stone. It is more like clay. Every decision you make and every curve life throws at you molds that clay. You need to re-evaluate your needs, wants, and limits every so often to make sure that clay is looking the way you want it to. Am I the only one that decided to change the plans that I made in January of 2009? If you read J.D.’s note at the bottom of the original post he writes about his Ford Focus. He had a plan for that Focus, to drive it into the ground. Not long after that, J.D. bought a Mini-Cooper. His plans changed, and so did mine. I feel like I am in good company. Reminder: This is a story from one of your fellow readers. Please be nice. After more than a decade of blogging, I have a thick skin, but it can be scary to put your story out in public for the first time. Remember that this guest author isn’t a professional writer, and is just learning about money like you are. Henceforth, unduly nasty comments on readers stories will be removed or edited.
Ask the Readers: What Do You Wish You’d Learned About Money? 11 May, 2012, 4:00 am
When we’re young, we think we know it all. We make decisions — financial and otherwise — based on what little we know of the world, and these decisions are colored by a relentless optimism that comes from not having to deal with the harsh realities of the world. Realities like the high cost of health insurance, steep interest rates on credit cards, and trouble finding a job. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could go back and give your younger self some words of wisdom? Since time travel doesn’t exist, the best thing you can do is try to help other young people. That’s what Shannon wants to do, and she wants your help. Shannon writes: Like many of your readers, I made some bone-headed financial moves when I was younger. Luckily for me, none were really all that bad; rather than spending more than I earned, they were more on the lines of spending all that I earned as opposed to saving. Now, I’m lucky to be in a good place financially. Even better, I also have a job that I love: I’m a college professor. I’ve just learned that this fall I’ll have the opportunity to teach some incoming college students about money management. While this is a great opportunity, I (unfortunately) only have one hour to do this as it’s part of a “learning about college” course, and we have a lot of other content to cover. Right now I’m a bit overwhelmed when thinking about what is absolutely essential for students to learn during that hour. Could you ask your readers to let me know what they wish someone had taught them about personal finance way back when? For a couple of years, I would travel to Western Oregon University in the spring to speak to graduating seniors. I told a bit of my story and talked about things I might have done differently. As part of that, I shared my one-page guide to personal finance and tried to stress the following points: Develop a basic budget. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Whatever you choose to do, make it a goal to set aside 20% for saving and investing. This sounds like a lot, but if you can start the habit young, it’ll be easier. (And will yield greater returns in the long run.) Avoid lifestyle inflation. As your income increases, it’s tempting to increase your spending in proportion. The more you can resist this urge, the more successful you will be with money. Do what you love. A low-paying job that leads to future prospects in a career you like is better than a high-paying job in a career that doesn’t move you in the right direction. Never stick with a shitty job. It’s easier to change jobs now than it will be in five or ten years. The less you spend, the more flexibility you have. When I graduated, I bought a new car and developed credit card debt. I had to take any job I could find because I was tied to monthly payments. When my friend Sparky graduated, he had a lot of freedom. His debts were minimal. He traveled the U.S., taking whatever job struck his fancy. He spent time in Mexico. He spent five months traveling southeast Asia. He was able to do these things because he didn’t have expensive obligations. But really? If I could just pick one thing I wish somebody had taught me about personal finance? It’d be that everything boils down to one simple equation: Spend less than you earn. What about you? Can you give Shannon some help? What do you wish you’d learned about personal finance when you were younger? If you could give your teenage self one piece of advice about money, what would it be?
Classifying Wants and Needs 10 May, 2012, 5:00 am
This post is from staff writer Tim Sullivan. We all have our ways of destressing after a long day. One of my weirdest and most beloved post-work, take-a-load-off strategies has always been cruising the aisles of gourmet grocery stores just to look at packaging. Give me an aisle of fancily bottled extra virgin olive oil, and I’ll need at least an hour. Nothing is more calming to me than fancy fonts on fancy jars of fancy imported foods. I don’t even need to buy anything. Often I just stroll around, try a sample of pickled figs, and continue my stroll home. Sometimes though, I’ll splurge on a $3 glass bottle of spring water from some promised fountain-of-youth in Italy. This, to me, is the quintessential quandary of wants vs. needs: I need to drink water, but I don’t need it to come from a hydro-spa in Lurisia. What’s a want? What’s a need? There were a lot of comments in my last article about spontaneous spending as to how to determine wants and needs when budgeting according to the Balanced Money Formula in Warren and Tyagi’s All Your Worth. Whether you use their formula or not, figuring out the essentials of your budget is important. For those of you just tuning in, the balanced money formula says that 50% of your income should go toward needs, 30% to wants, and 20% into savings. I think this comment exemplifies some of the confusion: The discussion went on to include a lot of grey areas: Car payments. If you bought a new car, how much of the purchase was the need of a car as opposed to the want of buying new? Rent. Is paying higher rent to live closer to work a want or a need? What about student loans? We need to pay those off but we didn’t need to go to a fancy private school. I took to the Balanced Money Formula because it gave me a way to not have to worry about the particulars each month. I was just so tired of not knowing where my money had gone at the end of the month, or trying to keep track of how much I was spending in a given week. If you know where your money is going, you don’t have to worry so much about it. First though, I had to iron out some of these grey areas. Two Carts of Groceries I wasn’t about to through the grocery store with two carts of groceries, one with dried beans and broccoli and one filled with ice cream and Perrier, so where to draw the line? Warren and Tyagi recommend using the USDA monthly allotment for food, which averages to around $250 a month depending on age and gender. Anything over and above that comes out of wants. I’ve heard of a few different systems for allocating this money. One is to use cash, about $65 a week, and put that in your wallet with your weekly wants cash. All food just comes out of that stack o’ bills. Another idea is to have a debit card that debits directly from an allocated account. Personally, I use my phone to keep track of it all. The important part seems to be to find a system that doesn’t seem overly complicated to you and to stick to it. When the cash dries up, I’m brown bagging it the rest of the week to work. Rent, Car, Loans…Netflix, Gym, Phone? My needs category was way over 50% when I first looked at it. The stuff I had to pay each month was more nearing 70%. Outside of my monthly need of calories, what else went into my needs categories? For most, rent, car payments, student loans. Okay. What else are we contractually obligated to? Netflix memberships, gym dues, data plan? Uh oh, the grey areas seem to be growing. Well, not exactly. What were my hardcore commitments? A lot of my monthly auto-payments started going away as I clicked “unsubscribe.” Since my monthly payments were above 50% of my income, I started eliminating the things that I could get for free, whether it be using the library for movies or just taking my jogs in the great outdoors. If I wasn’t willing to cut them completely, they transferred to wants. Fine. My digital subscription to The New York Times is a want. Ugh. You start to cut where you can barely feel it. I should add that both in the book and here at Get Rich Slowly you can find great strategies for reducing your student loans (Whether or not your liberal arts degree was a need is no longer the question — paying for it now is.), finding more appropriate health insurance, and renegotiating your rent. All these things take work and research, but their reduction in monthly cost won’t hurt your current lifestyle and can help you reduce costs. I still wasn’t under 50%. I had to look where it hurt a little more. The book recommends selling or downgrading your car, getting a roommate, trimming your health insurance bill, returning any rentals like furniture, and re-shopping childcare. For me, I have no car, no kids, I barely have health insurance and my apartment is a major part of my business. I just couldn’t. Well, I could, but it would require the next step, which would be what the book calls “radical surgery” such as selling your home for something cheaper, moving apartments, or changing jobs. Also listed under “radical surgery” is taking in additional income. For me, it didn’t feel very radical or surgical at all so that’s what I did, far less painful than moving apartments at the end of my lease. I added five hours a week by taking on an extra gig, which takes away a few hours of my nighttime routine of drinking fancy bottled water and listening to Pandora One, but the extra income takes my needs under 50%. But it hurtsssss! Why do this to yourself?! I do it because I sleep better. The Balanced Money Formula has a lot of variables, and I had to finesse what went where, but after I figured it all out, it was a deep breath. 50% is a sustainable number that allows me to live well and have fun. I had to give stuff up and take on some additional income. I had to figure out what went where and set up the system how I kept track of everything. I had to wait a while for some contracts to expire, like downgrading my phone, but ultimately, for me, it really works. No one has all the answers for you and often, there isn’t an easy solution. It isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being empowered and doing the math to trust that your finances in balance, fudging it where you need, so you can sleep easy. So how about it? What seems impossible to categorize? How can you bring more balance to your budget?
How to Do a Wallet Audit 9 May, 2012, 5:00 am
This post is from GRS staff writer Donna Freedman. Donna writes the Frugal Cool blog for MSN Money, and writes about frugality and intentional living at Surviving And Thriving. On my way to the 2011 Financial Blogger Conference last year I encountered three young men who’d made a non-traditional career choice: mugging tired-looking, middle-aged women pulling suitcases. They got me as I headed for the train to the airport, taking a little over $80 and other wallet contents. (Also my peace of mind.) Afterward I did a mental inventory of what I’d lost. It wasn’t easy, given that I hyperventilating on adrenaline and rage. For days I had “Oh, crap” moments as I realized what else had been taken: debit and credit cards, bank deposit slip, loyalty cards, library card, Mensa card and a check from my brand-new business account. (I’d planned to reimburse my roommate, who’d already paid for the hotel.) This isn’t an article about avoiding street crime but rather about reducing its impact, from minor aggravation (hello, friendly folks at the Division of Motor Vehicles!) to the potential for credit-card and identity fraud. I’d like for you to learn from what I did right and especially from what I did wrong. What’s in your wallet? Quick! Name everything in your billfold. No peeking. Nope, I couldn’t do it either. (See “Oh, crap,” above.) Among other things, I was carrying a gift card and a loyalty card to a local burger joint, a credit card for a department store I rarely enter, and bread-outlet and teriyaki-joint punch cards. The wallet also held a card for a department store I rarely enter. Why? Inertia. I left it in there after using it once. Why was I carrying that stuff to a business weekend in Chicago? My only excuse is that I was up to my hairline in deadline, working right up until 10 minutes before I headed for the light rail. Thus I skipped my usual pre-travel routine, i.e., paring down my wallet and putting my driver’s license in a pants pocket for easy airport security access. Right now, before you put it off for another six months, make a list of what’s in your wallet. Should you meet your own trio of thieving knuckleheads, you’ll know which calls you need to make. List only the 800 number for each card, obviously, rather than the card number itself. The customer service rep can verify your identity through security questions. Here’s the hell of it: I’d actually made that list some time ago, but forgot to transfer it to the coat I wore to Chicago. (Pause for the Homer Simpson noise and a few self-inflicted forehead smacks.) Some options for storing your oh-crap list: with a service like Wallet Garden, on a thumb drive, as a Google doc, e-mailed to yourself, or on your phone, tablet or laptop. As noted, paranoiacs like me do paper versions, on the theory that muggers might find a smartphone or tablet awfully attractive. Just don’t keep the list in your wallet. Set up a perimeter Use that list immediately. Don’t wait until the next morning or the next business day. Less than 15 minutes after the wallet left my possession those punks were using my credit card to buy sandwiches. Within an hour of the mugging I’d canceled several credit and debit cards and frozen four bank accounts (personal and business). Upon returning to Seattle I closed the bank accounts on the off-chance the thieves were organized enough to print fake checks. Here’s an example of the aggravation factor mentioned earlier: Closing those accounts meant I had to re-do automated transactions. Those included PayPal, utility bills, automated savings at an online bank, a monthly charitable contribution, and payments for health and life insurance. Corollary aggravation: I neglected to re-establish every account promptly. It’s downright irritating when a cell-phone company not only gives you the electronic stink-eye, but is justified in doing so – after all, the payment didn’t clear because you forgot to give the new credit card number. I canceled my library card, too, lest someone borrow and keep a ton of books and DVDs in my name. Please remove anything with bank routing numbers from your wallet, bag or briefcase. If you have automatic payments, list which entities are connected to which account. After a couple of years you might forget you even have life insurance, let alone which credit card covers the monthly tariff. What’s NOT in your wallet As noted, there was no reason to carry that department-store credit card. Lesson learned: The replacement plastic is stored in a locked cabinet. When I’m home, my wallet holds one credit card and very little cash, and I keep my debit card in a coat pocket. While traveling I carry some cash in my wallet but most of it gets divided between a front pants pocket and a coat pocket. I also put a second credit card in another coat pocket. My theory/fondest hope is that a thief would be satisfied with the cash and card in my wallet. If he asked me to turn out my pants pockets, he’d get only some of my money. He’s less likely to have me empty all four coat pockets, too. (And one of my jackets has a fifth, hidden pocket.) Guard your ID As noted, my driver’s license usually isn’t in my wallet when I travel. Not this time, dammit. Fortunately, I was able to order a new one by mail. I recently learned that a relative stored his Social Security card in his wallet. I suggested he take it out. He’s lucky that he never got robbed, since that card is gold to an identity thief. However, the SS number is part of his Medicare card ID. Here’s a solution: Photocopy the card, then black-Sharpie-out the last four digits. Carry this in your wallet, bringing the actual card out only for medical appointments. If you get hit by a bus, the hospital will at least know you have Medicare. The billing office can get the last four digits when you wake up. An ordinary health insurance card is potentially damaging, too, due to the possibility of medical identify theft. (Liz Weston wrote an interesting and scary article about this for MSN Money.) If someone uses your insurance card to get emergency-room care, his medical conditions become yours. Suppose you’re turned down for life insurance on the grounds that you’re riddled with hepatitis? Think that’s alarmist? It isn’t. Rebecca Busch, the author of “Healthcare Fraud: Auditing and Detection Guide,” notes that one victim nearly got the wrong blood during surgery because “her” records showed a pregnant meth addict’s blood type. And for horrifying extra credit: After the addict gave birth and skedaddled, the state tried to take custody of the identity theft victim’s kids. Consider doctoring (so to speak) your health-care card a la the Medicare Sharpie maneuver. In my case, I arranged with the HMO to require photo identification; I don’t carry the card in my billfold any longer, either. Be careful what you carry in yours. Getting robbed is bad enough. Frantically trying to remember what you’ve lost just adds to the trauma. Please take a few minutes now to do a wallet audit. Make that list, too — and believe me when I say I hope you never need it.

LiteMind

How to Make Great Decisions in Life: Top 5 Practical Insights 1 November, 2010, 4:40 am
Making great decisions can be tricky: there are many hidden traps and potential roadblocks you need to be aware of. Here are 5 practical, actionable insights to help you make the best possible decisions to improve your life. 1. Value is in the eye of the beholderHow much is a gallon of water worth?Well, if you’re reading this, you can probably get a gallon of water for pennies from your kitchen tap. Yet, if you were dying of thirst in a desert, you’d happily pay a hundred bucks for it, right? On the other hand, you’d pay a hundred bucks an hour for a plumber to avoid the water being there in the first place (in your flooded basement, that is).Many people believe value is intrinsic to an object. Sure, water is water is water, but its value varies enormously depending on what you need it for.Decision making is a very personal business — it’s about assessing what’s valuable to you. There’s no absolute best job, best car or best life to be lived: value is in the eye of the decision maker.How to Apply This InsightAlways decide on your own. Sure, factor in other people’s opinions, but bear in mind that they may value things (very) differently. Blindly following other people’s advice may lead to disastrous decisions — even if they are based on “sound” advice from people with the best intentions of helping you.2. Know your goals before choosingAs we’ve seen in insight #1 above, no decision outcomes are intrinsically ‘good’ or ‘bad’ — the outcome depends on who you ask, and there are never absolute answers. How do you make sure you’re making the best decision for your life, then?It may sound obvious at first, but it all boils down to your goals — knowing what you want out of the decision.
Personal Development Ebook Winners 4 August, 2010, 5:28 am
Wow, more than 700 entries in our giveaway — thanks to all participants! Now it’s time to meet the lucky 12 who will receive their free ebooks… Here they are:Derek Watson, Ashley Nielsen, Susan Blackman, Akila, Naz, Vicky Buckland, Olaia, Bhaskar Jha, Cary, coy, Mary Frances, Adrian Chira (full draw results)Congratulations! I’ll get in touch with you today so you can start enjoying your ebooks as soon as possible! What if I didn’t win?Don’t let that stop you from getting the ebooks you want! These ebooks are premium guides that I know will make a difference to a lot of people. Their authors worked hard to create and compile information in a way that’s easy to read and understand and that — above anything else — is actionable. So, even if you didn’t get them for free, if you believe one or more of these ebooks will be useful to you, go get them right now!Litemind Readers’ Top 5 Picks[Update] Many of you asked me which ebooks were the most popular choices among participants. So, by popular request, here are Litemind Readers’ top picks listed first. 1. Learn More, Study Lessby Scott H. YoungWhat if I told you everything you know about how to learn, study and succeed in school was wrong? Through researching speed learners, school experts and pinpointing the hidden weaknesses most students face, I’ve been able to come up with my own system — holistic learning.Holistic learning is the opposite of rote memorization. Instead of trying to pound information into your skull, you can weave it into existing understandings. By using these strategies you can actually “get” any subject you want to study.Learn more about ‘Learn More, Study Less’ 2. The Essential Motivation Handbookby Leo Babauta and Eric HammAre you in need of a motivational boost? The Essential Motivation Handbook was created to address those everyday motivation, productivity and self-improvement issues that seem to plague so many of us.You can use this ebook as a handy reference any time you need motivation and as an easy way to find dozens of great motivation tips without having to spend time searching for them online and filtering out the useless stuff.Learn more about ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ 3. How to be More Creativeby Marelisa FábregaHow to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists is your guide to leading a more creative, inspired life. It shows that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts, but is important in any field.The purpose of this ebook is not just to give you information, but to transform you into a more creative and innovative person. Get practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor.Learn more about ‘How to be More Creative’ 4. The Personal Excellence Bookby Celestine ChuaThe Personal Excellence Book is your essential handbook to help you live life to your best. At nearly 800 pages long, it contains 120 in-depth, self-exploratory articles and exercises.Covering 9 key categories of personal growth — including Purpose & Meaning, Goals and Success, Cultivating Habits, Emotional Mastery, Relationships, Productivity and more — The Personal Excellence Book is a one-stop guide if you’re serious about living a life of your highest meaning and potential.Learn more about ‘The Personal Excellence Book’ 5. How to Change a Habitby Scott H. YoungDo you have a habit you would like to change? This book is about learning the right strategies so you don’t need to constantly rely on willpower. Exercising, quitting television, cutting down e-mail, waking up earlier — which are normally painful and long processes. By practicing the right techniques you can learn how to do it with far less pain and much better results.Learn more about ‘How to Change a Habit’All Ebooks How to Live Your Best Lifeby Marelisa FábregaImagine waking up each morning to a life that’s centered around your life goals, instead of trying to fit what’s most important to you into the nooks and crannies.How To Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List will show you how. By the time you finish reading this ebook you’ll know exactly what you want in each area of your life, and you’ll have defined exactly how you’re going to get it.Learn more about ‘How to Live Your Best Life’ Doing with Lessby Daniel RichardThe fastest way to go broke is to spend on the things that you don’t love. In a society that had taught us to have more of everything — from junk to spending on the unnecessary — how can one go from funding dreams with debt to becoming debt-free, ending the addiction of overconsumption and start living again?Doing With Less is written to guide you to make changes in your live, bringing out the minimalist in you, and making you thrive with less in a rush-rush society.Learn more about ‘Doing with Less’ Regain Your Balanceby Ali HaleRegain Your Balance is designed to help you get back in control of your life. Tackling six key areas – your time, creativity, focus, environment, recharging, and money – it’s packed with motivation, ideas and tips to help you find your balance again. With bonus worksheets and a two-minute questionnaire to get you started, you’ll feel calmer — and on top of things — straight away.Learn more about ‘Regain Your Balance’ The Personality Puzzleby Hunter NuttallThe Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most popular personality assessment in the world. While simple on the surface, one’s four-letter type offers amazing insight into their personality. Solve the personality puzzle, and get a much deeper look into yourself and everyone you meet. Whether you’re a type theory newbie or a die-hard typewatcher, this ebook will give you a fresh and entertaining perspective on how to enjoy better relationships and a better life.Learn more about ‘The Personality Puzzle’ The Power of Positivityby Henrik EdbergThe Power of Positivity contains 22 chapters where we explore the tips and strategies that can help you to greatly improve your life in areas such as weight loss, confidence, social skills, productivity, self esteem and attitude. It’s a constructive and practical guide to living a more positive, happy and successful life.Learn more about ‘The Power of Positivity’ Passionate Livingby Henri JuntillaPassionate Living is a simple guide to getting you started on following your passion. There comes a time in each of our lives when we need to stop squandering our potential and start doing what we truly love.Passionate Living is a book filled with my personal experiences on how to make that happen. It’s a simple and effective guide that deals with aspects ranging from fear and the lack of time to the specific steps I took to get to where I am now.Learn more about ‘Passionate Living’ The Art of Being Minimalistby Everett BogueThe Art of Being Minimalist teaches you how to apply simplicity in your life to achieve your goals. Last year I quit my job, moved across the country with everything in my backpack and $3,000 in the bank — everyone said I’d starve, but instead I opted to live a minimalist life. This is what I learned: when you don’t have all of the junk, you can achieve the important.Learn more about ‘The Art of Being Minimalist’(Note: If you’re still on the fence about buying the ebooks, remember that nearly all of them have money-back guarantees — just in case you’re not 100% satisfied. So you have nothing to risk, really. All I ask from you is: if you’re serious about improving yourself, don’t let possible doubts hold you back.)And, once again — thank you for participating in this commemorative giveaway. This has been really fun and I’ve been blown away by your response! I feel very lucky to be part of such a vibrant community!Related ArticlesPersonal Development Ebook Giveaway!One Year of LitemindImperfect StartHow Can I Make Litemind More Useful for You?Free Ebook: The Very Best of Litemind, 2 Years of Mind ExplorationsNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Personal Development Ebook Winners.
Personal Development Ebook Giveaway! 26 July, 2010, 5:10 am
This weekend marked 3 years since the first post on Litemind! To celebrate the date, I have a special treat for you. For the past few days I have been talking to many fellow personal development bloggers… Many of them, in addition to their blogs’ free articles, also sell ebooks with premium content. These ebooks are great and well worth the money (as their customers can attest) — and today you have the chance to get them for free!Yes, each of these authors agreed to give away copies of their ebooks to a few lucky Litemind readers! And it’s really easy to join and participate.How to Participate in the GiveawayFor a chance to win, all you have to do is leave a comment with the 3 ebooks that you would like to win, in order of preference, chosen from the list below. You have until August 2nd (next Monday) to post your comment. (One entry per person, please.)I will publish the list of winners on Wednesday, August 4th. There will be 12 winners — each one getting one of the ebooks. (If two or more winners choose the same ebook as their top preference, I’ll use their second and third choices, giving preference to the winners who were drawn first.)Personal Development EbooksHere is the list of personal development ebooks, in random order, for you to choose. The descriptions were provided by their authors. Many of the ebooks have free chapter previews, so make sure you visit the links to get more details.Anyway, make your choices, pick the three you like best and let me know in the comments below. 1. The Essential Motivation Handbookby Leo Babauta and Eric HammAre you in need of a motivational boost? The Essential Motivation Handbook was created to address those everyday motivation, productivity and self-improvement issues that seem to plague so many of us.You can use this ebook as a handy reference any time you need motivation and as an easy way to find dozens of great motivation tips without having to spend time searching for them online and filtering out the useless stuff.Learn more about ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ 2. How to Change a Habitby Scott H. YoungDo you have a habit you would like to change? This book is about learning the right strategies so you don’t need to constantly rely on willpower. Exercising, quitting television, cutting down e-mail, waking up earlier — which are normally painful and long processes. By practicing the right techniques you can learn how to do it with far less pain and much better results.Learn more about ‘How to Change a Habit’ 3. How to Live Your Best Lifeby Marelisa FábregaImagine waking up each morning to a life that’s centered around your life goals, instead of trying to fit what’s most important to you into the nooks and crannies.How To Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List will show you how. By the time you finish reading this ebook you’ll know exactly what you want in each area of your life, and you’ll have defined exactly how you’re going to get it.Learn more about ‘How to Live Your Best Life’ 4. Doing with Lessby Daniel RichardThe fastest way to go broke is to spend on the things that you don’t love. In a society that had taught us to have more of everything — from junk to spending on the unnecessary — how can one go from funding dreams with debt to becoming debt-free, ending the addiction of overconsumption and start living again?Doing With Less is written to guide you to make changes in your live, bringing out the minimalist in you, and making you thrive with less in a rush-rush society.Learn more about ‘Doing with Less’ 5. Regain Your Balanceby Ali HaleRegain Your Balance is designed to help you get back in control of your life. Tackling six key areas – your time, creativity, focus, environment, recharging, and money – it’s packed with motivation, ideas and tips to help you find your balance again. With bonus worksheets and a two-minute questionnaire to get you started, you’ll feel calmer — and on top of things — straight away.Learn more about ‘Regain Your Balance’ 6. The Personality Puzzleby Hunter NuttallThe Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the most popular personality assessment in the world. While simple on the surface, one’s four-letter type offers amazing insight into their personality. Solve the personality puzzle, and get a much deeper look into yourself and everyone you meet. Whether you’re a type theory newbie or a die-hard typewatcher, this ebook will give you a fresh and entertaining perspective on how to enjoy better relationships and a better life.Learn more about ‘The Personality Puzzle’ 7. The Power of Positivityby Henrik EdbergThe Power of Positivity contains 22 chapters where we explore the tips and strategies that can help you to greatly improve your life in areas such as weight loss, confidence, social skills, productivity, self esteem and attitude. It’s a constructive and practical guide to living a more positive, happy and successful life.Learn more about ‘The Power of Positivity’ 8. The Personal Excellence Bookby Celestine ChuaThe Personal Excellence Book is your essential handbook to help you live life to your best. At nearly 800 pages long, it contains 120 in-depth, self-exploratory articles and exercises.Covering 9 key categories of personal growth — including Purpose & Meaning, Goals and Success, Cultivating Habits, Emotional Mastery, Relationships, Productivity and more — The Personal Excellence Book is a one-stop guide if you’re serious about living a life of your highest meaning and potential.Learn more about ‘The Personal Excellence Book’ 9. Passionate Livingby Henri JuntillaPassionate Living is a simple guide to getting you started on following your passion. There comes a time in each of our lives when we need to stop squandering our potential and start doing what we truly love.Passionate Living is a book filled with my personal experiences on how to make that happen. It’s a simple and effective guide that deals with aspects ranging from fear and the lack of time to the specific steps I took to get to where I am now.Learn more about ‘Passionate Living’ 10. The Art of Being Minimalistby Everett BogueThe Art of Being Minimalist teaches you how to apply simplicity in your life to achieve your goals. Last year I quit my job, moved across the country with everything in my backpack and $3,000 in the bank — everyone said I’d starve, but instead I opted to live a minimalist life. This is what I learned: when you don’t have all of the junk, you can achieve the important.Learn more about ‘The Art of Being Minimalist’ 11. Learn More, Study Lessby Scott H. YoungWhat if I told you everything you know about how to learn, study and succeed in school was wrong? Through researching speed learners, school experts and pinpointing the hidden weaknesses most students face, I’ve been able to come up with my own system — holistic learning.Holistic learning is the opposite of rote memorization. Instead of trying to pound information into your skull, you can weave it into existing understandings. By using these strategies you can actually “get” any subject you want to study.Learn more about ‘Learn More, Study Less’ 12. How to be More Creativeby Marelisa FábregaHow to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists is your guide to leading a more creative, inspired life. It shows that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts, but is important in any field.The purpose of this ebook is not just to give you information, but to transform you into a more creative and innovative person. Get practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor.Learn more about ‘How to be More Creative’Whether you’re a newcomer or an old-time reader, thank you for being around during these 3 years — it means a lot to me. And good luck everyone! PS1: Just like I did with the Personal Excellence Project, I want to make sure the random draw process is as transparent as possible. To pick the winners I’ll use a random sequence generator, numbering the comments (in chronological order) and using a public and yet unknown piece of data as the seed. I will use Amazon‘s stock last trading price for August 3rd. That makes sure the draw is fair and that its authenticity can be verified by anyone. (I know many people wouldn’t care about this kind of stuff, but I do.)PS2: I’d like to spread the word to as many people as possible about this giveaway. So, if you’re feeling particularly generous, I would be very grateful if you tweeted it or shared it with your friends on Facebook (buttons right below). Thanks!Related ArticlesPersonal Development Ebook WinnersOne Year of LitemindImperfect StartHow Can I Make Litemind More Useful for You?Free Ebook: The Very Best of Litemind, 2 Years of Mind ExplorationsNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Personal Development Ebook Giveaway!.
6 New Productivity Principles to Live By 7 June, 2010, 9:33 am
A while ago I laid out a small set of productivity principles that sum up what makes me really productive. Distilled from a million tips I read online on a daily basis, they’re the gems that make the most difference in my everyday life.From the time I wrote that article, I had the chance to try many new principles that are probably as effective as those. So, there you go: the six tried and tested new productivity principles that have been working exceptionally well for me — and which can make you feel at your best too.Principle 6: Goals are for today, not for the future.I got this insight from Steve Pavlina‘s book Personal Development for Smart People, and it’s as simple as it’s powerful:The point of goal-setting is to improve the quality of the present.For a long time, I was setting goals that were like punishments: their only purpose was to serve as whips to get me to work. “Sacrifice yourself now to reap the benefits later” was the rationale. No wonder I have had a hate relationship with goals for a long time — I’m glad things have changed now.Set goals that make you feel powerful, motivated, and driven when you focus on them, long before the final outcome is actually realized. So the debate about setting your goals on a daily, weekly or yearly basis doesn’t really matter much. What matters is that your goals create not only a better tomorrow but above all a better today for you.How to Apply this PrincipleAsk “Will committing to this goal improve my present reality?” If you can’t find a good answer, either refine the goal or throw it away. For example: Suppose your goal is to ‘save money’. The goal is just not worth it if it makes you feel miserable. But if ‘saving money’ makes you feel more confident about what you could do tomorrow, empowered and in control, that’s a keeper.Principle 5: Do you want to improve? Track it!Do you want to exercise every day? Then track the days when you exercise on a calendar. Do you want to write the best book ever? Track how many words a day you actually write.You can improve anything you do if you pay attention to it on a regular basis. When you track, you get cold, brutally honest data. That means, for example, realizing that you’re writing zero words for your novel, day in and day out, exactly as your blank calendar makes painfully clear. Nothing is more revealing (and shocking!) than real-world data — real data about your actual world.And guess what: once you start tracking, you may not even need to do any conscious effort to improve. There’s a phenomenon called the Hawthorne effect: we change our behavior just by being aware that we’re being watched. This means that tracking, by itself, can set in motion the changes that you need without any further conscious effort!How to Apply this PrincipleUse (simple) tracking systems. Take anything you want to improve and create a simple spreadsheet or table in your notebook. And since you may need to record data often, tracking should be fast and easy, otherwise it won’t work.Keep a journal. Writing regularly is a great way to track your thoughts in a more informal way; it helps clarify what you think about any topic you choose. An effective way to track the topics that matter to you is by using the Topics du Jour technique.Principle 4: Treat upcoming decisions as regular tasks.I firmly believe that taking commitments seriously is paramount for leading a productive life (as I’ve outlined in one of the principles in the original manifesto — “Honor Thy Commitments”). However, that raises a big issue: when we aim at honoring all our commitments, we tend to hesitate a lot before accepting any new ones into our lives to begin with.And avoiding new commitments usually manifests itself as delayed decisions. After all, for every decision we make, it means that all tasks associated with it have been officially ‘welcomed into’ our lives, like it or not.Those pending decisions are big energy drains and a major source of procrastination: we can’t afford to let them hang around for too long. They not only deplete our energy but, most importantly, delay meaningful, important action in our lives. And, perversely, decisions with the greatest payoffs are the ones that we tend to put off the most.How to Apply this PrincipleMake upcoming decisions explicit. Don’t let important decisions drift aimlessly in your head: treat them exactly like any other of your tasks. Write them down and deal with them. Put them in your to-do list and allocate the amount of time necessary to make the decision.Set a time limit for making decisions. Oftentimes we have the illusion that if we just wait a bit longer, it will become easier to make the decision — but in fact that usually simply compounds the problem. Most of the time, it’s better to just decide (imperfectly), adjusting to the results of our choices as we go. Set a timer and commit to having the decision made by the time the alarm goes off.Principle 3: Keep it simple, sweetie.When creating to-do lists, setting goals and the like, I always assume that these things will be used by the dumbest person I can think of — me. And I’m right: although I usually feel very smart when setting goals and planning, the “doer” in me is indeed the dumbest person I know…This “other me” (which is in control most of the time) is a procrastinator. He looks for any excuse to escape work. He wants things to be complicated — because it’s in complexity that he finds ways to avoid work without feeling guilty — while pretending to be very busy indeed.So yes, we still want to plan, set goals, review; but let’s keep things simple — otherwise the doer in us will find ways to avoid the important stuff. Simple tasks lists, simple goals, simple reminders.How to Apply this PrincipleUse simple tools and systems. Don’t make it complicated. Use pen and paper or other simple tools. Remember: your goals and plans are only support tools for action, and you shouldn’t spend any more time or effort than necessary on these things.Always look for ways to simplify things. This is more than an isolated act — it’s a mindset. Constantly look for opportunities to simplify routines and put time and effort streamlining them. To make things simple is one of the most difficult things there is, but it pays off!Principle 2: Fresh starts, every day.It’s impossible to be productive every single day. There will be setbacks. There will be times when you will succumb to distractions. It’s a fact of life, and that’s OK.Don’t fret over lost time; don’t try to catch up with yesterday’s unfinished tasks. If yesterday was bad, just start afresh today. I like to think about this as a “productivity meditation”: if something sidetracks me, all I care about is getting focused again. Don’t analyze, don’t criticize, just focus on getting back on track again. Be forgiving with yourself and move on.The flip side of the coin is that if you’re having many good days in a row this is no guarantee that you’ll have a good day next. So, treat each new day as a new personal mini-challenge: forget past successes and failures. Now is all that matters.How to Apply this PrincipleTreat each day as “day zero”: Let go of sunk costs: act like all you have is today. Forget tomorrow and yesterday: focus on doing your best just for today.Don’t fail twice in a row. This is a technique I’ve been trying lately with success. It’s simply an ‘escape clause’: if you fail one time, make it your top priority not to fail for the second time at this task. So, if you missed today’s practice, no big deal. But tomorrow, make that your topmost priority. This guarantees you will get back on track quickly and make you feel terrific again in no time.Principle 1: You already know what to do.Let’s face it: most of the time you don’t need a “productivity system” to get stuff done. Although I believe that tools like task lists, goals and tracking sheets can be really useful, the fact is that they’re only that — tools. Just like any other tool, though, they can be misused or become an end in themselves.Easy goals can distract us from what really matters. Long task lists can be merely a way to show how busy we are, when in fact we’re not sure what to do next. We like spinning our wheels and will go to great lengths to avoid tasks we find unpleasant.It turns out that, most of the time — right in our guts — we already know what to do. And that’s usually not in our to-do lists or calendars.No system can force you to do anything. You can “set priorities” and “get organized” but in the end, no matter how sophisticated your lists are, you’ll still need the courage to act on what matters.How to Apply this PrincipleListen to your fears. What are you avoiding? If you’re spending energy avoiding something, you should pay closer attention to it. Learn to identify your tendency to procrastinate and then act on what matters, even if you feel uncomfortable at first.Keep important things in front of you. What is the most important thing you need to do? Write it on a piece of paper and keep it in front of you. Make it hard to escape from it. Get used to making it go away by means of action, not by running away from it.How do these principles apply to you?Do these principles resonate with you? Do you have anything to add? What works and what doesn’t for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments!Also, if you haven’t yet, make sure you check part I of this article, which I pompously called my “Personal Productivity Manifesto” (though, as you can see, is not a fixed set of values by any means…) Thanks!Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Lifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Do It Tomorrow: An Interview with Mark ForsterBeat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your ProductivityNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: 6 New Productivity Principles to Live By.
The Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us Astray 12 April, 2010, 4:54 am
Our minds make sense of the world by making comparisons. For instance, how do you tell if something is cheap or expensive when shopping? It’s mostly by comparing it with other products, isn’t it? And so it happens for everything in our lives: we’re constantly comparing — everything, all the time. It’s true that making comparisons is human nature, but judging everything only through comparisons can get us to think irrationally and make bad decisions. It eventually makes us feel miserable when we realize that our choices weren’t really that good, after all.Learn how this mind trap works and how to escape it.Relativity in Our Daily Lives: Pens and SuitsPicture yourself in the following situation: You have two errands to run today — buying a new pen and a new suit for work.At an office supply store, you find a nice pen for $16. You are set to buy it, but you remember the exact same pen is on sale for only $1 on a closeout 15 minutes away. Do you buy the pen for $16 or go for the $1 one?OK, on to your second errand: Let’s go get your suit. You just found a nice suit for $500 and while waiting for the cashier, another customer tells you that you can find the same suit for $485 on a store just 15 minutes away. Do you buy your suit for $500 or drive 15 minutes for the $485 one?Take a moment to think about your choices. What would you have done?A similar situation was presented to a group of people in a study (by Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, the same brilliant guys from another great famous framing experiment). The results? They found that most people chose to drive to buy the cheaper pen, but happily parted with $500 for the more expensive suit.What’s going on? Can you spot the contradiction here?A Dollar is a Dollar is a Dollar — Or Is It?Clearly, our minds are fooling us. In both situations your choice boils down to saving $15 or 15 minutes of your time: The absolute price of the item you’re buying has no importance whatsoever (and is the red herring used in the experiment to elicit the contradictory behavior the researchers were looking for).Whether you save $15 from buying a pen, a suit, a car or a luxury yacht, the end result is the same: $15 in your pocket. The only question that matters here should be: “Is 15 minutes of my time to save $15 worth the $15 I’m saving?”What’s happening here is that your mind can’t decide, without external aid, if a $15 discount is a good deal: it needs something else to compare the discount to (in this case, the total price of the item).And this is the problem: we look at things in life relatively, comparing differences, instead of looking at each thing’s value on its own.Making comparisons and evaluating things relative to each other is a many times a useful shortcut, but as demonstrated above, in many occasions it severely hinders our ability to make wise decisions.Relativity Traps are EverywhereNot surprisingly, relativity kicks in not only when buying pens and suits but in almost everything in life.Relativity, along with the bad comparisons it entails, can make you feel bad about yourself, get you in debt, and lead you to make life-changing decisions that are just plain stupid. In short, it can make your life miserable.The examples are countless; here are just a few.Comparing yourself with others. This is a biggie. If you assess your worth by comparing yourself with others (in any dimension you choose to use), you’re set for disappointment: there will always be people better than you in any measure you pick. I’ll further explore this theme in a subsequent article, but for now it suffices to repeat something you already know: avoid comparing yourself with others; it’s always a no-win situation.Keeping up the Joneses. The richest person in a poor neighborhood is usually happier about his net worth than the poorest person in a rich neighborhood — regardless of how much they actually have! In light of relativity, people compare themselves with their neighbors, and don’t like the feeling they’re behind “everyone else”. This is an endless cycle: the more people have, the higher they set the bar for the people they compare themselves with.Winning (and feeling like you lost). Isn’t it true that the silver medal usually tastes bitterer than the bronze medal? Despite the absolute value of the medals, earning the silver medal usually comes in the context of failing to win the gold one. The bronze medal, on the other hand, is earned in the context of getting any medal instead of no medal at all.Taking advantage of “great deals”. It’s a well-known sales technique to offer customers the most expensive products first. Those overpriced items establish the context for people to see the other products as being cheaper. Oftentimes those “cheap” products are not cheap at all, but thanks to relativity, you walk away thinking you made a great deal. (Note, though, that you paid the ‘absolute’ amount of money for your product! It may be relatively cheaper but you may have parted with a great deal of your hard-earned money, anyway.)On the flip side, people may go for the more expensive item because the difference in price to the less expensive one doesn’t look as big. People find it easy to spend $3,000 on leather seats for their new $25,000 cars (the $25,000 serves as the comparison number), but have a hard time spending the same amount on their living room sofas (that usually don’t have a clear figure to be used for comparison).How to Overcome the Relativity TrapIs it possible to escape the mind trap of relativity”? Dan Ariely, in his brilliant book Predictably Irrational (from which I got most of the inspiration to write this article) hints at the solution.The way to escape thinking in terms of comparisons and relative terms, is — not surprisingly — thinking more in absolute terms: you got to escape the trap of doing local comparisons and think more broadly.Going back to our example of buying the pen and the suit: Resist the temptation of looking at the $15 savings relatively to the item’s total price (the immediate, most salient comparison). Escape that local comparison and put the savings into a broader context instead. Ask yourself ‘What can I do with the $15 saved?‘ and see how that can better inform your choices.Maybe you will buy a book? Save the money? Donate it to charity? Moreover, ask yourself: “Is $15 worth a drive downtown and 15 minutes of my time?” In short, see beyond the immediate situation.In 15 minutes, maybe you can go back to work and earn more than $15? Or maybe a 15-minute break is what you need right now? Regardless of which way you decide, remember: this has nothing to do with the price of the pen or the suit, but with what you are actually saving (time? money? hassle?) means to you in a broader context.This was an easy example, but if you think about it, you can apply it to just about everything in your life. How about stop comparing yourself with others and assess how you feel about your life broadly — on your own terms? How about focusing on the value of your silver medal instead of the other guy’s gold medal?Think outside your immediate context, escape easy comparisons and start seeing things in a broader perspective. When you think about life this way, everything can be seen under a new — much more positive — light.Try it: make notes of some of your important decisions (and some of the not-so important ones) then write down your impressions from a relative as well as an absolute perspective. Are your decisions better one way or another? Why? How?While simple in theory, thinking in absolutes is not the way we’re wired to think, so doing it always takes a great deal of conscious effort and practice. But it’s absolutely worth it.Related ArticlesTop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IITop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part ISunk Cost Bias: How It Hinders Your Life and 4 Ways to Overcome ItThe Essential Guide to Effective Decision MakingSharpen Your Critical Thinking With E-PrimeNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: The Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us Astray.
Framing Changes Everything 5 March, 2010, 4:46 am
A young priest asked his bishop, “May I smoke while praying?” The answer was an emphatic “No!”Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, “You shouldn’t be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn’t do it!”“That’s odd,” the old priest replied. “I asked the bishop if I could pray while I’m smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!”As this joke shows, the way you frame a problem profoundly influences the solutions you get. The same problem, when seen from a different angle can lead to a directly opposite interpretation!Skillfully framing problems is paramount for better problem solving and decision making.On the flip side, it’s too easy to fall into thinking traps when it comes to framing. Let’s look at one of these traps — and offer some ideas on how to overcome it.A Brief Pause for You to Save Some LivesLet’s make a thought experiment, shall we?Suppose the government is gearing for the outbreak of an unusual disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative programs to combat the disease have been proposed, and you must choose which one you think is better. These are the estimates of the outcomes for each program:Program A: 200 people will be saved.Program B: There’s a 1/3 chance that 600 people will be saved, and a 2/3 chance that no people will be saved.Make a note of your choice.Now suppose that, instead of those two programs above, you’ve been presented with the following two programs instead. As in the previous situation, pick the one you think is better.Program C: 400 people will die.Program D: There’s a 1/3 chance that nobody will die, and a 2/3 chance that 600 people will die.Are You Being Consistent?Which programs did you pick for the two questions above? (Hint: Most people pick A and D.)This question was asked in a famous experiment by Tversky and Kahneman (which led to a Nobel Prize for Kahneman), with 72% of participants choosing option A over B, and 78% choosing D over C.Well, I don’t know about you, but for me these are astonishing results!Why? In case you didn’t notice, programs A and C are identical, as are programs B and D. They’re objectively the same — the same number of people live and die, with the same odds — but they’re presented — or framed — in different ways!If people were to act consistently, it would be expected they would pick either A-C or B-D. But the change in wording alone was enough for people to shift their choices from the first option to the second. Many people chose inconsistently compared with their previous choice.And that’s how powerful framing is.No matter how “rational” we think we are, emotions and mental images play a large part in our decisions — many times preventing us from seeing the real content behind our options.The Problem is Not Risk Aversion. It’s Loss Aversion.Have you ever heard that people are in general averse to risk?Well, the experiment we looked at strongly suggests that that statement may not be entirely true. When the programs were presented in terms of lives saved, the participants preferred the safe program (Program A). However, when the programs were presented in terms of expected deaths, participants chose the gamble (Program D). If people were risk averse, they’d always choose the safe option.People are willing to gamble — but usually only when the gamble can avoid losses.It turns out that in our minds losses are much stronger than gains. We feel much stronger negative emotions when losing than positive emotions when winning (about 2 times stronger according to some studies).We feel much more disappointed losing $1000 than happy when earning $1000. Saving 200 lives is good, but it is not as appealing as the possibility — even if not that favorable — of avoiding the loss of 600.Framing ToolsIf framing has such an impact in how we decide and solve problems, what is the “correct way” of framing a problem? How can we protect ourselves from our biases? Here are four ideas.1. Try multiple different perspectives.Never accept the initial framing without at least some thought — whether it was formulated by you or by someone else.Try different perspectives and look for distortions in thinking. Play with your problem definition.Because our perceptual positions determine how we view things, it’s important to learn how to shift perspectives and look at a subject in different ways.2. Make all-encompassing and neutral statements.To avoid the biases of posing your problem as losses or gains, state the problem in a neutral way — one that combines both positive and negative perspectives. Make it in such a way that it is redundant, simultaneously encompassing multiple reference points as objectively as possible.In our previous example with the disease programs, it could become:Program A: 200 people survive. 400 people die.Program B: 1/3 chance for 600 people to survive and 0 to die, and 2/3 for 0 people to survive and 600 to die.Regardless of which of the options you end up choosing, you can now evaluate them in a much more balanced way.3. Invert the situation.Take your problem, invert it and see how you feel about it.For example, if it’s about earning $1000, imagine that you already have it and now would lose it. In the same manner, if it’s about losing $1000, imagine that you’re $1000 behind and that you’ll earn it.Check how that feels comparing to the original situation. If you notice a strong asymmetry between your feelings in both situations, this is a strong signal that you’re being affected by the framing of the question.4. Detach yourself from it.Check for elements in your problem that trigger disproportionally emotional responses. It’s always useful to be aware of the role our own emotions play when we make decisions. Acknowledge and express your emotions — it would be impossible not to, anyway — but don’t let them cloud your vision.To separate the rational and the emotional components of the problem, detach yourself from it: Imagine the situation is happening to someone else, someone you don’t know. Conversely, get the opinion of other people who are not involved.Tune the emotions down for a minute to add a new perspective to your problem. Then feel free to tune them back up.What About You?Now, it’s over to you… Have you ever been affected by misframing a situation? Were you able to reframe it? How did it work? Share in the comments!Related ArticlesTopics du Jour: Give Your Life Direction in Less than 10 Minutes a DayTop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IITop 10 Thinking Traps Exposed — How to Foolproof Your Mind, Part IThe Relativity Mind Trap: How Comparisons Can Lead Us AstrayThe Essential Guide to Effective Decision MakingNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Framing Changes Everything.
Deconstructing Creativity: The 4 Roles You Need to Play to be Fully Creative 2 February, 2010, 5:16 am
Do you want to be fully creative? To not only have wild ideas, but to actually create and bring remarkable things to life?There are four distinct roles to be performed for the creative process to be as effective as possible. Each one requires that you play different characters, with different mindsets and skills.The roles are: Explorer, Artist, Judge and Warrior.Learn how they help unleash your creativity and how to master the skills each one requires.1. The ExplorerIdeas do not come out of the blue. In order to build them you first need to gather the raw materials: facts, concepts, experiences, knowledge, feelings — that’s what ideas are made of. To get all of that, you need an attitude of ongoing curiosity and exploration.The Explorer is always in search of new things. He is relentlessly curious and never limits himself to a particular area of experience and knowledge. To have ideas is to connect dots. First and foremost you need lots of dots to connect — you need fuel for the formation of new ideas.How to Develop Your ExplorerBe curious and alert. Poke around in unknown areas. Be like a child, by paying attention to the world and being receptive to it. Rediscover the fun in finding things out.Seek out as many inputs as possible. Do not limit yourself to the tried and true. Read different books and see different movies from the ones you like. Also, don’t mind going after information “you’ll never use”. Seek many different areas of knowledge.Talk to a lot of different people. Get to know many different perspectives. Talk to strangers. Don’t limit yourself to expert advice.2. The ArtistThe artist has ideas. He takes the raw materials from the Explorer and combines them in novel ways.When people say someone’s “creative”, they’re usually referring to the Artist. The Artist has ideas mostly by trying new things. He applies his imagination by rearranging, turning things upside down, stirring things up. He pursues different approaches and finds unexpected connections. He’s playful; he doesn’t care about what people expect from him.How to Develop Your ArtistFlex your idea muscles. Write down new ideas as they come to you; it stimulates your brain to generate more and more ideas. Also, use idea-generation tools deliberately: Lists of 100, Idea Quota and SCAMPER just to name a few.Play! We all know it: the most efficient way to have new ideas is by having fun. Don’t always take problems too seriously. Entertain yourself and keep your brain fresh and ready.Use your imagination. Leave practicality aside; don’t be afraid to let your imagination run wild and visualize new possibilities. Dare to ask ‘what if’ and watch new realities unfold.3. The JudgeThe Judge is all about “getting real”. His job is to analyze the Artist’s wild ideas and assess if they’re practical — in the real world.The judge questions assumptions; he compares and analyzes. He checks how feasible ideas are. No matter how much the Artist loves an idea, the Judge looks for counterarguments, checks evidence, and makes hard decisions. Combining gut feeling and analytical tools, the judge must only let through feasible ideas.The Judge gets a bad reputation — but only because people usually invoke him too early. Killing an idea before the Artist can play with it is a pity; killing it later is oftentimes a necessity.How to Develop Your JudgeDevelop critical thinking. Check your assumptions, experimenting with hypotheses, analyzing results and drawing conclusions. Master decision making.Be aware of thinking traps. Our minds deceive us. Be always aware and vigilant of your own biases. There are more ways than you can imagine that your thinking can go wrong. Really.Be real. Will the idea give you the return you want? Do you have the resources to make it happen? Are you willing to put the effort to make it happen? Be practical and down-to-earth.4. The WarriorAs soon as you have an idea ready to be executed you’ll realize the world isn’t set up to accommodate every new idea that comes along. The enemies can be external: competition may be fierce, or people may just don’t “get” your beautiful ideas. Even harder than those, there are more than enough enemies already within you: think resistance, excuses and fear of failure.The Warrior’s job is to make ideas happen. For that, you’ll need not only a strategy and plan of action but to put in the hours — fight the daily fight.That means remaining productive, developing the resilience and courage to overcome obstacles and, of course, being able to sell your ideas — whatever’s necessary to materialize them.How to Develop Your WarriorOvercome resistance. When you create something new, resistance inevitably creeps in. You need to find ways of overcoming procrastination and staying productive day in, day out.Be courageous. In order to make things happen, you’ll need to let go of self-doubt and conquer fear of failure.Market and sell your idea. Are you the only one who thinks your idea is great? Can you convince others of the merits of your idea? If you can’t sell your idea, it won’t get far.Awareness and Timing are Critical TooIn reality, we all know the path to creativity is not that sequential — explorer-to-artist-to-judge-to-warrior. Usually, there’s a lot of switching back and forth between roles: The Judge may return an idea to the Artist for further development; the Artist may want more data from the Explorer to develop a certain idea, and so on.This is fine. The main thing is to be aware of which role you’re performing at different points in time. We often get stuck in the Explorer role for too long. Or we may jump the gun and summon our Judge while our Artist is still working his magic. There are so many ways to spend too much or too little time in each role, or to overlap ineffectively.The lesson is: make sure not only to develop the skill set for each role, but also to play each one at the appropriate time. Be aware of which phase of the creative process you’re in and what you’re trying to accomplish. All roles are equally important: make sure they’re playing well with each other.Want to Know More? Here’s a RecommendationThese concepts above are not new. The idea of the four creativity roles comes from Roger Von Oech‘s classic work on creativity A Whack on the Side of the Head, as well as the Creative Whack Pack (which is a deck of cards where each of the four roles is a suit — very fun, do check it out too).I have had this book for ages but only lately have been applying its principles and becoming more conscious of the steps of the creative process. There’s a myth that creativity needs to be wild and unplanned, that one cannot be trained to be creative. I’m increasingly convinced that that is not true and I will expand on this topic as I explore more. In the meantime, A Whack on the Side of the Head and Creative Whack Pack are two truly excellent resources I recommend for those interested in becoming more creative.Related ArticlesThe Medici EffectTackle Any Issue With a List of 100Solve Your Problems Simply by Saying Them Out LoudGet Mentally Fit with an Idea QuotaEinstein’s Secret to Amazing Problem Solving (and 10 Specific Ways You Can Use It)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Deconstructing Creativity: The 4 Roles You Need to Play to be Fully Creative.
50 Ways to Get Your Life in Order 12 January, 2010, 5:20 am
This is an article by guest writer Mark Foo, author of The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People.There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of chaos in your life. As Albert Einstein once stated, “Three rules of work: out of clutter find simplicity, from discord find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”Unexpected challenges are what make us stronger, so don’t avoid them. Keep in mind the following 50 tips and you’ll be able to streamline your life and get back on track in the New Year.Recycle old papers that are filling drawers in your house. If you’re anything like me, you have drawers overflowing with old receipts, junk mail, records, and notes to myself. Get rid of all of this. Invest in a paper shredder to reduce clutter and maintain privacy.Mentally prepare yourself for change by visualizing your ideal self. Who do you admire the most? How do you envision yourself in the future? Who do you want to be? Visualize yourself to be that person.Realize that unexpected events can be a good thing. As the Dalai Lama once said, “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”Ask people you admire how they got where they are today. I’ve always admired my grandfather. Learning more about how he started up his business, dealt with difficulty throughout his life, and maintained grace throughout it all has helped me in my personal endeavors.Cut back on alcohol, cigarettes and other vices. These can be crutches that cloud judgment. The money saved by not purchasing or cutting back on this type of material can then be put into something rewarding such as a vacation.Remove elements of negativity from your life, be they people or a job you don’t want to do. If you have friends who are bringing you down, there’s no need to keep hanging out with them out of obligation. Cut your ties and cut your losses.Start each day with a clear to-do list along with your cup of morning coffee. Knowing what you need to do in the day ahead helps keep you on track.Clean your house from top to bottom and throw away anything outdated. Not only receipts, as mentioned above, but any old junk that should be donated to charity or sold in a garage sale.Institute a clear filing system for your personal records. Investing in a simple filing cabinet and folders with labels is something you don’t need a personal secretary for and makes your life much easier when you are looking for a specific item.Do your grocery shopping for the week on the day it’s most convenient. Make a list, budget, and get only what you need to save time and money.Take a career test that will help you identify your strengths. If you are unhappy with your career but don’t even know where to begin in the process of moving on, this can be a good way to identify strengths and new possibilities.Meet with a professional counselor if there are issues you need to discuss. Many people are struggling with dead weight from the past or emotional baggage that is holding them back. Deal with them and move on with professional assistance.Go through cabinets and throw out expired medications or food items. The last time I did this, I found everything from 3-year-old curry powder to 5-year-old aspirin. Throw them out.Make a clear diet plan with an emphasis on whole grains, fruits and vegetables. A healthy diet plan has a tremendous effect on your overall energy levels.Add vitamin pills to your daily diet. Vitamin supplements can help reduce the possibility of cancer and osteoporosis, among other disorders.Work out a clear exercise plan with an activity that you enjoy such as dancing or biking. My girlfriend loves yoga, and I am a soccer enthusiast. As long as it’s active, it counts.Set appointments you’ve been putting off. It’s easy to put off going to the doctor or dentist until we are sick, but preventive care is extremely important in overall health levels.Take up a mental exercise. Crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or other word games along these lines are more than just a good way to pass time. They have been shown in studies to help improve overall mental capabilities.Publish your own book. This is easier than ever before with Internet publishing. You can get your ideas out there and start making money from them. I’ve published my own eBook, The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People, check it out.Make a reading list and join a book club. Most people state that they want to read more, but without an actual plan you may not make the time to do this. Joining a book club not only serves as a social activity but also keeps you up to date with your own reading list.Spend time with yourself each day. Susan Taylor states that “spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”Practice breathing exercises or meditation. Stress can have an overarching effect on our overall productivity levels. When stressed, I personally forget to breathe at times. Take the time to take deep breaths and improve oxygen flow to the brain.Speak and act with honesty. Are you able to stand by what you do and say? If not, it may be time to reexamine your own words and learn to articulate your thoughts in an open, honest way. This helps eliminate mistakes down the road.Learn from past mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Usually, we make a lot of them during our lifetime. As long as they aren’t repeated too many times, and are looked at as a learning experience, they can in fact be a good thing in the long run.Volunteer to help others in your community. Helping others is a rewarding way to get your own life together.Take up a new language or hobby.Read inspirational biographies. For new ideas, find out how others got their lives in order.Talk to a stranger. Unplanned conversations can be surprisingly inspiring.Reconnect with friends and relatives who live far away. Call those people you miss but keep putting off calling. With the Internet and Skype at your disposal, even an online chat can help you reconnect.Change your toothbrush. It can be a hotbed of bacteria.Take more naps. Sleep is often sadly underrated in its ability to boost energy, mood, and keep reaction times sharp.Drink at least 6 cups of water per day. Staying hydrated helps keep energy levels up.Organize your photo collection. Get both digital files and physical printouts in albums. If you’re anything like my family, your photographs could be sadly sitting tucked away in shoeboxes in the closet, taking up space.Take an interest in art in your community. Visiting galleries can help introduce you to the artists in your community and help stimulate thinking.Join a hobbyist club. My friend decided to learn more about building model airplanes and was so deeply into it that he recently obtained his commercial pilot’s license. You never know where a simple hobby can lead you in life.Keep a calendar with commitments. Having a visual reminder in front of you can be extremely helpful. We are all different types of learners.Don’t put off difficult conversations. Deal with problems directly and immediately. This will result in a much lower level of anxiety for all involved.Make a list of priorities and do what makes you happy. If you have lost touch with your own priorities lately, it can be beneficial to take the time to sit and think about what actually makes you happy. Work toward achieving this as much as possible.Spend more time outdoors. Nature has an ability to help soothe a troubled mind and clear your thoughts. Taking a walk in the woods or climbing a mountain, at any level of difficulty, gives a sense of pride and accomplishment.Attend lectures. These could be science lectures or other types, but it’s helpful to keep up-to-date on what’s going on in the world and plan accordingly. Keeping the mind active helps you in all aspects of your daily life.Take the time to stretch muscles. Get a massage to improve muscle tone and circulation, then use this new energy and apply it to your work routine.Make laughter a priority. Hang out with some of your most entertaining friends for a good laugh, or simply sit back with some favorite old comedies. Laughter counts as exercise and has been shown to expand your life span.Clear some time each day to do nothing. As a child, I remember that we had “free time” scheduled into our school activities every day. This could be used for reading, drawing, or simply staring into space if that’s what we felt like doing. What a novel idea, and one that keeps the brain at ease.Schedule a much-needed vacation.Learn new tips for entertaining. You don’t have to be Martha Stewart to throw a great dinner party, and learning how to be a host or hostess with minimal effort can give a big boost to your confidence levels.Throw out old clothing that doesn’t fit. Too many of us are squeezing into outdated clothes that are doing us no favors. Look and feel your best with clothes that are tailored to fit.Live in the present, not the past. The past is over. Move on and enjoy every moment as it occurs. Take stock of what needs to be accomplished and move forward with this information.Learn from past mistakes and move forward with your life. Get your life in order by looking forward, not back.Get your car checked up. You go to the doctor to have your body checked up. Don’t wait until it is too late to perform maintenance on your car. I once got stuck on a road trip to Ipoh (Malaysia) as a result of this oversight, and it wasn’t pleasant.Budget for possible home repairs. Set aside some money in the proverbial cookie jar to keep home maintenance within the realm of possibility in this coming year.Do you have a tip to help us get our lives in order? Please share in the comment section below!About Mark FooMark has brought together 48 personal development bloggers and writers to co-author The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People eBook that spells out all the secrets of very successful people. This eBook is available to you FREE. Grab your copy now at http://www.77SuccessTraits.com.Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Overcome Fear of Failure, Part II — 6 Powerful Strategies You Can UseOvercome Fear of Failure, Part I — Building the Right MindsetLifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: 50 Ways to Get Your Life in Order.
Are you stuck in a rut? Run from the experts! 7 December, 2009, 9:20 am
You’re facing a big challenge at work and can’t come up with any innovative ideas. Maybe your business is flagging or a particular area in your personal life has stalled. Either way, you could really use fresh new ideas to spice things up.In situations like these it’s tempting to go seek help from the experts. After all, someone much more knowledgeable should be the best source of ideas, right?Well, maybe not.The Problem with ExpertsExperts need to specialize. They need to draw boundaries around their subjects so they can narrow their focus and be as effective as possible in their fields.This ‘compartmentalization in thinking’ is immensely useful in speeding up problem solving. It also means experts usually fall short in stretching their thinking beyond their areas of expertise, and as such fail to see the big picture.Michael Michalko puts it well in his book Thinkertoys: “It’s like brushing one tooth. You get to know that one tooth extremely well, but you lose the rest of them in the process.”But it gets worse: experts may not only miss obvious solutions, but they may actually cause harm, forcing inadequate solutions that fall within their area of expertise. “To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail”, psychologist Abraham Maslow wisely remarked.Although experts are often useful, when it comes to innovation you may actually be better off without them.An Alternative: Embrace The Nonexperts Around YouThe alternative to talking to experts is — drum roll — talking to nonexperts, of course.Regular people around you. Your soccer buddies. The garbage collector. Uncle Bob. It doesn’t matter who: anyone outside your field, anyone who’s strange to the problem — anyone who “doesn’t know the rules” will do.Regular people — nonexperts — don’t have enough experience to know where to draw boundaries: they’re unaware of limitations or “how things are supposed to work”. In their naïveté, they’ll miss many constraints and assumptions you take for granted — which is exactly the point. These are the people who will most likely spark fresh new ideas for you. They can genuinely think outside the box: for them, there’s no box.We have a tendency to always go after more specialized people for getting help in our problems — and that works in many cases. But for creative endeavors, perhaps all you need is someone who knows less.The great news is that there is no shortage of nonexperts around you. Everyone is a nonexpert at most things. All you need is to know how to tap into their non-expertise in the area you need help. Here are 3 tips to help.1. Meet Different Kinds of People — Lots of Them!To build a solid network of idea-generating friends, first and foremost you need to strive for diversity.It doesn’t matter if you have 500 peers to draw ideas from if everybody else’s mind is the same: it’s not a matter of how many people you know, it’s how many kinds.Resist the temptation to seek advice only from people who think alike: it’s comfortable, I know, but it hinders you from fully expanding your mind. Go out and mix with people with diverse interests for a change!Getting in touch with many different perspectives is guaranteed to keep your creative juices flowing (and as a bonus you become a much more interesting person in the process!).Find out how different people would tackle your problem. How would a nurse do it? A 5-year-old child? An economist? Your mom?Never miss the opportunity to have casual conversations with strangers. The butcher, the old lady ahead of you in the line and the ice cream vendor are all sources of potentially useful ideas. Even if you don’t discuss your particular problem directly (which of course may not always be a sensible thing to do), discovering different perspectives about random life subjects is useful in itself to spark new ideas.2. Seek Out Idea-Oriented PeopleHaving an abundant circle of relationships always comes first, but after striving for quantity, you now need to make sure you have quality relationships too!There’s a certain breed of people that you’ll always benefit from having around: it’s the kind of thinkers that spark your imagination whenever you talk to them. You know who they are:They love original ideas and use them in their businesses and lives.They are relentlessly curious and pay attention to the world around them.They may be naïve about your business, but are not stupid or ignorant of the things that matter.They have great wits and challenge the absurdity in things.Make a list of people who you know have those traits and arrange to spend more time with them. Never let too much time pass without staying in touch with them. Discuss your challenges and ask for ideas — or just engage in idle chatting (which also sparks a torrent of ideas in itself).Having such vibrant people around you is invaluable for your creativity and too fun to miss out.3. Engage in “Fool Mode” (Assume Everybody’s a Genius)This is a fun technique I use sometimes. I like to call it “Fool Mode”.When I’m in “fool mode”, everybody knows the solutions to my problems. Everybody is a genius — except me. In fact, not only do they know the solution I’m looking for, but they may be already giving it away — the only caveat being they’re talking in riddles — so it’s my job to figure it out!Adopting the fool’s mindset works great because it checks our tendency to kill ideas before giving them at least some thought.Think about this: When someone presents us an idea we can’t see the use for, our tendency is to dismiss it immediately, labeling it a ‘stupid idea’. Now what if the other person were a well-known genius — like, say, Einstein? Would you not consider paying a little more attention to what he would have to say? Of course you would! It’s in that thinking — trying to force relationships between seemingly unrelated ideas — that your breakthrough idea may lie.Being in “fool mode” is also fun and teaches important lessons: You open your mind to the world. You temporarily suspend judgment and let go of any intellectual arrogance you may have. You assume everybody has something to contribute — and what you come to realize, of course, is that they do.In ClosingYou shouldn’t expect random people to actually solve a complex problem they don’t know about. But, if you have an open mind and are willing to listen, they can spark off a torrent of fresh new ideas, which may be just enough for you to solve the problem yourself.So, by all means don’t dismiss experts. They have more experience and can often help you. But don’t forget that the great innovative ideas are usually elsewhere. The solution you’re looking for may be with your neighbor or with weird uncle Bob — you just need to go get it.Related ArticlesThe Medici EffectTackle Any Issue With a List of 100Solve Your Problems Simply by Saying Them Out LoudNever Eat AloneHow to Always Remember People’s NamesNext ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Are you stuck in a rut? Run from the experts!.
Beat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your Productivity 16 November, 2009, 5:20 am
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Even if you are not familiar with its name, I’m sure you’ve fallen prey to Parkinson’s Law countless times… what can we do to escape it?Do You Recognize These Symptoms?We all know the drill: when we have too much time to complete a task, we tend to slack off until the task becomes urgent. Then, when meeting the deadline gets nigh impossible, we become super-productive and miraculously pull it off — getting the job done just in time.The quintessential example of Parkinson’s Law in action is school assignments: even with a full month to complete an assignment, most people work very unproductively (if at all) until the last few days — when they pull one or two all-nighters and manage to get it done right at the last minute.If you are like one of those students, you know that ‘working’ on the assignment filled up the whole time available — even if only psychologically — despite the fact that you spent little time in actual, productive work. Had you invested this short amount of time right after the assignment was handed to you, you would have completed it much sooner and could have spent the remaining time much more joyfully (either truly resting or working more productively on other stuff).Does that mean we’re doomed to work at our peak only when we’re faced with looming deadlines? How can we get rid of this unproductive behavior and beat Parkinson’s Law? It turns out there are a few things you can do. Read on.6 Surefire Ways to Beat Parkinson’s Law1. Break Down Your Tasks and DeadlinesParkinson’s Law always strikes the hardest when you have enormous tasks with far-away deadlines. The best way to fix this is, of course, breaking those big, monolithic tasks into many smaller, bite-sized tasks, along with several intermediate deadlines to complete them.In addition to showing how you are progressing, frequent, achievable deadlines create a mild sense of urgency during the whole duration of your work, keeping you naturally engaged and focused on what needs to be done.This method works great indeed, but note that you still need to take those intermediate deadlines seriously — which is not always easy!2. Know What ‘Done’ MeansIt’s not always easy to know for sure when a task is finished. The more of a perfectionist you are, the most likely you’re a victim of Parkinson’s Law: there’s always one more little thing to add, one little refinement to be made, isn’t there?Sure, I am all for aiming for greater quality: the hard part is knowing where to draw the line so we don’t spend a lot of time overdoing it.If you suffer from this same problem, one thing that helps a lot is to precisely define the output of your tasks. The trick is to be as specific as you can about them — and then simply stop when you complete them.For example, ‘write white paper draft’ allows too much room for interpretation by your inner perfectionist. ‘Write a 1000-word unedited stream-of-consciousness-style text’ works much better, doesn’t it? Being specific upfront helps keep our perfectionism in check.3. Set Clear BoundariesMost of the time, Parkinson’s Law kicks in when we’re doing too much stuff at the same time: our days become a jumble of tasks when hardly any ever gets completely finished. And, with the huge amount of distractions that tend to creep in, it only gets worse.To avoid Parkinson’s Law’s effects and finish tasks sooner, we must work on them one at a time, focused and with as few distractions as possible.The best way I know to do that is by corralling your tasks using time boxes. Get a countdown timer and set a time limit to work on them — a contiguous block without distractions to finish or at least make progress on those tasks.Another great way of setting boundaries is by clearly separating between work and leisure. If you restrict the time available for work (and honor it, of course), you’ll learn to fit all your work into these boundaries. My favorite technique to keep work boundaries well-defined is the time budget (where you define how much time you spend on each area of your life).4. Challenge YourselfWhen you have a tight time limit or deadline, it forces your brain to figure out ways to get it done in the time available.So, it’s time to stop adding hidden “safety buffers” when you estimate and allocate time for your tasks: if you pad your estimates, they will be wasted as a result of Parkinson’s Law kicking in.What works here instead is to set challenging deadlines for yourself. Not too challenging — mildly challenging, I’d say. The trick here is that they must still be believable — otherwise you’ll just disregard them.Take those time boxes you set for yourself (in item #3 above) and now shrink them! Can you do the same task 10% faster? Maybe 20%? A litttle more, perhaps? As soon as you set an expectation — an estimate for the duration of a task — the estimate becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The task will take the expected time, so take advantage of that!The good thing about regularly challenging yourself that way is that you’ll improve your estimation skills very quickly, in addition to having fun finding creative ways to win these self-imposed challenges. If you practice (and your tasks are well-defined and small enough), it becomes increasingly easier to effectively set challenges for yourself.5. Create Incentives to Finish EarlyOne reason Parkinson’s Law is so prevalent — especially in corporations — is that people rarely have the right incentives to finish early:—”Finished already? Here’s more work for you.”—”You’re fast! Guess we can bring the deadline forward next time!”Even without pointy-haired bosses around, sticking to the current task as long as possible is often desirable, as it can act as a security blanket: maybe you’re avoiding your next task because it is too daunting, for example.So if you finish early, give yourself mini-rewards: take a quick break, browse the web, go for a walk — do whatever takes your fancy — and enjoy the feeling of having deserved it. The key here is to associate rewards with results, not with time spent — so don’t fool yourself.Of course, incentives for finishing early only work if the task is well-defined (i.e., you know exactly what ‘done’ means), otherwise most of us will just cheat (by doing a sloppy or incomplete job) in order to get the reward sooner.6. Know What’s NextLastly, something that happens too often is hanging on too long to a task solely because we don’t know exactly what to do next.Most of the time, the cognitive effort in planning tasks is much higher than that required to actually carry them out. That means that if we don’t have anything ready to be acted on, we may not have the required energy to stop, plan on-the-fly, and then get back to work. The easy way out is to stick to the current task for as long as we safely can.One thing that I always strive to do is separate planning from doing, and make sure to always have a few next actions in the pipeline so you can keep the momentum going and avoid having to stop to reassess what you should be doing.Over to YouAre you a victim of Parkinson’s Law? What works best for you in beating it? Share in the comments!…and, while we’re still at it, writing this article reminded me of an oldie (but goodie) short video I enjoy. It’s not exactly about Parkinson’s Law, but it’s somewhat related and always makes me chuckle… (If you can’t see the video, watch it on Youtube)Credit for intro photo: Robbert van der Steeg.Related ArticlesTime Budget: An Easy Way to Avoid Prioritization Dilemmas and Keep Your Life BalancedOverwhelmed by Your To-Do List? Go With a ‘Will-Do’ List Instead.Lifehacks vs. Lifestyle Design (And the Winner Is…)Do It Tomorrow: An Interview with Mark Forster6 Productivity Principles to Live By (My Personal Productivity Manifesto)Next ActionsDid you enjoy this article? Visit the original post and leave a comment.Interested in extra content (not available on the site) from Litemind? Sign up for the free Newsletter.(cc) Litemind, some rights reserved. Original post: Beat Parkinson’s Law and Supercharge Your Productivity.

metatalk

"Expand all" on favorites? 18 May, 2012, 9:08 pm
Pony request: Expand all on favorites?I did a search and didn't see anything indicating that this has come up before. I use favorites as bookmarks and I often like to go and read through them generally or specifically look for something. Is there a way we can set it up so I can expand the comments I've marked as favorites and don't have to click into each one individually to see the whole comment? I'm thinking like the "expand all" feature similar to what gmail uses. Then I could just scroll down the whole page and read or skim as necessary without having to click a million times. This would be especially helpful as I often go to look for something I think I might have favorited, but I can't remember a search term to look for it so being able to just scroll down the page and see the entirety of each comment would be really helpful.
There is no Lacuna Cabal, kid. 18 May, 2012, 8:18 am
Author Sean Dixon is now a Grand Poohbah of Metafilter, thanks to this post. Also, a comment in that thread from suburbanbeatnik was quoted in a Globe and Mail article about the incident.
Ask question re: disability, accommodation and Massachusetts? 17 May, 2012, 10:28 am
Within the last week or so someone posted on Askme needing disability/accommodation referrals/support in Massachusetts.It took a week for a friend to get back to me and now I have some suggestions but I cannot find the question searching Askme. Can anyone help me find it/does anyone else remember it? Thanks!
This is how I tell it, ohhhhhhhhhh but it's long 16 May, 2012, 9:35 pm
It's with almost unbearable sadness and a heavy heart that I am writing to let you know that my husband, Metafilter member holdkris99 took his own life on the May 12th.(I sat down earlier today to write this post and now, some 7 or 8 hours later, I think I have to stop wrestling with it and just post it. After rereading I realize this post has grown much longer and detailed than I originally intended. I have not been, until now, a Metafilter user and didn't really know the protocol for doing a post like this and I want to thank Jessamyn for helping me get to this point and for waving the one week waiting period. What I do know is that Marc loved Metafilter). Many late nights or early mornings I would wake up and walk back to the office and find Marc staring at the "blue" or the "green" as he assured me they were called. To be honest, there were times when I was a little jealous, in a loving way. I often teasingly referred to it as MistressFilter. What I always found strange about him participating in discussions or answering (and asking) questions is that he really distrusted most social media, well not distrusted, he just didn't see the point of it all. But, he told me y'all were different. That the people participated in the discussions were smart and empathetic and that he learned a lot about things he never knew he could be interested in and that y'all gave good advice when he asked questions. Because we both worked for ourselves, he as a bookseller and me working as an independent spice saleswoman we were able to set our work schedules, for the most part, so that we had a couple of hours every morning to do our favorite thing in the world: sit together and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and just talk about...well, everything. Invariably four or five days a week he would tell me something that really had struck his interest and every time it was something from Metafilter. Every time. He would always try to encourage me to try to get into the site. But I just never did. It was his thing and I liked listening to him talk about it. He had his favorite users that he brought up a few times over the last couple of years, and I am sorry if I get the names wrong: gregnog, darlingbri, whelk (he was envious of whelk actually, he told me whelk new something about almost any post that came up) and some others, but his favorite was scody. He always said scody gave the best advice in the AskMe's. It even became kind of a little joke between us "What Would Scody Say." Anytime we were talking about some problem we were having with our family or friends or we were making some important decision about almost anything really, one of us would always ask "What would scody say?" He liked posting questions and liked to use some song lyric as his post title. That kind of became a game too. He would tell me the question he posted and I would try to guess the song lyric he used, but I was never right. He always told me I should go on the site and read what he said in different posts or all the answers to a question he asked, but I always said "just give me the highlights" or something like that and never delved into all of his activity, really until today as I was trying to piece together his last couple of days. I read through his comments and questions and looked at the stuff he had marked as favorites (I never knew that "Robots ain't shit" was from metafilter, he said that all the time). What struck me first was how intertwined his metafilter life was with our life together. He joined about 6 months before we met and almost his entire life, things that I am stunned he ever talked (or wrote) about in such a public forum because he was such a private person, pop up at one point or another in his comments. Marc struggled for years with meth addiction, well we both did. We met in Rehab actually, 13th Stepping. One of the first questions he asked was seeking help somewhere in Dallas for meth addiction and he made a few comments over the years, both during and after we finally kicked two years ago about his addiction. He was never ashamed of his addiction, never hid from it or tried to downplay just how much of a grip meth had on him. Even though we have been clean more than two years, he still had his bad days, like any addict, where he had bad cravings, but we were always able to support each other and work through it. Marc and one of his four sisters were abused, sexually by his uncle directly and by his "real mom," as he always called her in different ways. She was a life long addict herself who was in and out of prison for most of his life, beginning when he was 4 or 5 when she was arrested for child endangerment for trying to "sell" is the word he always used, him and his older sister for $50. I don't know the details really and he doesn't remember it, he has just been told about it by family. I know that just the knowledge of it affected him deeply throughout his life. He would mask his pain by making jokes. Whenever something we were looking to buy cost around $50 he would always say something like "well we can get this blender or we can get two kids" and he would laugh but I know it hurt him. He would never, ever have a fifty dollar bill and would always tell the teller at the bank if she was cashing a check that he didn't care about the denomination, but "no fifties please." Still despite all of the hurt she caused him, he was always trying to contact her through his teens and 20's before I met him, because he wanted to know her or he wanted some closure or he wanted to cuss her out or something. I think he wanted her to love him, like any kid, but he would never say it. She died shortly after we met of complications due to AIDS. She had been homeless for a few years, or in and out of shelters and jails. When she died she had a backpack with her as her only possessions. The backpack was full of baby pictures of him and his sister, a mothers day card that he had made her when he 3 or 4, his socks he came home from the hospital in and a bunch of different letters she had written him over the years but that she never sent. He looked through it all one time. He didn't cry or show any emotion really, he was very stoic about it all. All he ever said was "all these years, in and out of prison and god knows what else, she held onto this stuff." He went into a terrible depression that lasted weeks. Eventually he went to WalMart and bought a little portable safe and put it all in it and, as far as I know, never looked at any of it again the last 5 years of his life. The safe is in our closet, but I don't know what he did with the key and I don't know what I would do with it if I had the key or what I am going to do with now. Besides one passing comment he never mentioned her on MetaFilter. I wish he had, no doubt y'all could have helped him with it. Besides that one incident, and granted it was a big one, he was not really prone to depression except for the three years we were using together and he felt the guilt and shame about neglecting his son, who is 13 now. Over the last two years he has really rebuilt his relationship with his son. I have never seen him happier than when it's his weekend to have him. He also within the past couple of years found out that he had a 14 year old daughter, and though it was going slow, he had been building a relationship with her as well. He had a very strained, to say the least, relationship with his dad and step-mom. He told the story in a Green Bay Packer thread about his dad. He was close with his dad but his step-mom is one of these people that just could not get along with anyone, would constantly try to start fights with him, belittle him about his drug use well after he got clean and tried to sabotage our wedding. The day he went to buy the Packer share with his Dad and our wedding is the only times he has seen them in almost two years. We went to see them after we got clean and he got out of jail but she was so dismissive of him and his recovery and showed nothing but distaste for me and he finally decided he was through with them. He has four sisters. Three of them live either next door or across the street from his parents and are solidly under his mom's influence. They told him repeatedly that they didn't want a drug addict around their kids (his nieces and nephews) which I understand when someone is using you don't want them around kids, but even after he had been clean for over a year they would still constantly call or text him and just be extremely mean and degrading, usually parroting things his step mom said. He never stole from them during his addiction, never asked to borrow money, never called them to bail him out of jail, never made excuses or laid blame on them for his addiction, he always blamed himself. Its hard for me to understand them treating him they way they did, but only because my family were the exact opposite with me. His sister recently came out and the entire family but Marc just completely disowned her. She was his "baby sister." She is the only person from his family that will talk to me. My god I'm rambling. I am so sorry. I didn't want to do this post just to tell you about his suicide, but also to thank you for helping us. You helped plan our wedding playlist, , our honeymoon to Chicago, helped us figure out how to deal with his step mom at the wedding, gave us the words plonks and foonsockled, helped him give his son the opportunity to say goodbye to his dying grandmother, helped him decide what to read or what to listen to, helped us plan a get together with friends and helped him cope with his rightful actions that he (incorrectly) believed led to a young womans murder. That had been weighing on him significantly these past few months. Marc was a good person with a big heart. He was extremely introverted and suffered from near debilitating social anxiety. Once we sent into a sandwich shop called Which Wich where instead of telling the person your order you have to feel out this slip of paper. We got in line and the place was busy and we didn't know we were supposed to have filled out these order forms and when we got to the front of the line and he started giving his order and the guy said "just fill out the slip" and pointed to this row of checklists that you are supposed to choose from and he just lost it. He started having a severe panic attack, couldn't breathe, started crying, just lost it. And I laughed at him. It's the biggest regret of my life. It was early in our relationship and I didn't really understand anything about how bad his anxiety was. God how I regret that. He didn't have (or want) many friends. We have four good friends. They all loved him like an older brother. He was 10 years older than me. In a lot of ways I loved him like an older brother too. He always looked out for me and I felt safe with him. He protected me. When things were going bad for one reason or another he would always hold me and tell me everything would be ok and then he would find a way to make it true. When I would tell our friends that they always told me that that's old fashioned and that "this is the 21st century dammit, you are a strong woman you can protect yourself!" Maybe so, but I also know that he made them feel that way too. One of them told me today that what they will miss the most about him are his hugs, that whenever he would hug them and kiss them on the top of the head, which was kind of his little thing that he would do because he was so tall, that they would always feel better afterwards. Marc was extremely smart. He had a BA and an MA in American History. He was also really quick witted and the funniest person I have ever known. But he grew up in a very unstable environment with his step-mom always ridiculing him and putting him down so his wit could cut both ways. He could be brutally honest. I have seen him cut right to the core of someone with just a sentence or two. He could be an asshole I guess. He never was to me, but he had that built in defense mechanism that could make him just vicious. Marc loved music. Going to concerts was our thing. We went all over the country to different concerts, once rode a grayhound from Dallas to Delaware to see Wilco and rode one to see Bright Eyes at the Hollywood bowl. We probably went to a hundred concerts in our five years together. He agreed with the John Cusack character in High Fidelty that its what you like that matters, not what you are like. He liked Wilco and Spoon and he loved the Beatles and Elliott Smith and the Beastie Boys. He loved The Office and The Wire (especially Bubbles and DuQuan) and The Sopranos. He loved David Foster Wallace and Don Delillo. His Favorite movies were You Can Count On Me, LA Confidential and Kes. God we must have watched those movies a dozen times in the last 5 years. I know, I know. He liked things that everyone agrees are great. Nothing groundbreaking in his taste in Pop Culture stuff. But he would be embarrassed for me to tell you that he also loved Kelly Clarkson and true crime books and American Idol and that he saw Love Actually more times than Star Wars. I don't know where I am going here. Trying to avoid the painful stuff about his last days but I am getting there. I am so sorry this is so long. His great grandmother, who is 97 going on 70, always says that life is what you leave. This is what he left: his pile of books to read next that he kept by the toilet, which was his favorite place to read, (he would go into the bathroom and emerge two hours later unable to walk because his legs had fallen asleep from sitting on the toilet reading), this comic strip series he drew for me in jail called If We Were Boxes (he said he tried to draw people at first but couldn't so he just made us into boxes), a cache of letters and cards he wrote and handmade books and journals made for me over the years, his baby sister who idolized him and looked to him for protection from the rest of his family, two beautiful teenagers and me. On May 11th I left for the weekend to go visit our friends and my mom for mothers day. Even though they only live about 40 miles away, I decided to stay the entire weekend at my parents to spend time with my mom. Marc and my dad were like best friends. They were always debating politics and religion. A few months ago my dads faith was shaken after a series of conversations with Marc about god and science and religion. Things have been on shaky ground with Marc and my mom since then so he decided to stay home for the weekend. He went to the store and bought a bunch of stuff to grill while I was gone and everything seemed fine. He had accidentally? Or purposefully? Left his cell phone in my car so he didn't have his phone and we don't have a home phone so I had to email him Friday night to check in on him. He emailed back and said he was little upset that he had overcooked his steak, which looking back seems weird because he was a perfectionist at the grill. I've been told that's normal to be looking back and thinking I should have caught this or that or applying meaning to things where there probably is none. We always had a little game where I would ask him what he was listening to because I could usually tell his mood by what he was playing. If it was Automatic for the People or post-Revolver Beatles or Elliott Smith I would have known he was feeling down. If it was Titus Andronicus or Fucked Up I would know that he was angry or agitated. I emailed him back to say that I was going out with my friends and asked him what he was listening to. But he said he was listening to Husker Du, which he hasn't really listened too much in the past couple of years, so I didn't really think anything was amiss, had no reason to really. His last email to me said "Have fun myKim, tell everyone I said hi, see you Sunday. Leprechaun, Leprechaun." (That's how we said I Love You. From those viral videos where people thought they saw a Leprechaun in a tree. At our wedding we wrote our own vows and besides pulling out a picture of Ron Swanson and showing it to me and giving a room commanding comedic performance that no one could believe he did because of his shyness and social phobia, he also said a line from that video in sign language "I'm gonna get me a backhoe and uproot that tree, I want to know where the gold at.") As far as I know our emails that night was the last communication he had with anyone. It was at about 10:30pm Friday night. He had plans for a buddy to meet him at the house Saturday morning to go play disc golf. Our friend got there at about 10am and when he pulled up he didn't see Marcs car so he got out to wait on him to come back, thinking he had ran to the store or something. But as he got out of the car he heard a car running inside the garage. He said he didn't put two and two together and he just opened the garage because he knew the four digit code to our garage door key pad. As the door was raising he smelled the fumes and he knew. He had the CD player on loud with this Wilco song on repeat. That's where I got the title for this post, in honor of Marc and his song lyric post titles. He called 911 and got him out of the car but it was too late, the coroner said he had been dead for a few hours when he found him. As I started piecing everything together I didn't think he intended to kill himself when I left that Friday morning. After all, he told me he had posted a grilling question the day before on AskMe and specifically said my wife will be gone for the weekend and I want something complicated to grill, but he also said that he found the prep and cooking to be cathartic, so maybe something was already bothering him? But he also ordered two books from Amazon Friday afternoon. He emailed my dad early Friday evening to schedule a round of golf with him the next week. He didn't call his son and say anything, didn't call anyone or email anyone else outside of a few customers who had questions about books. We looked frantically though the house and did not find a note. In my mind I was thinking someone must have done this to make it look like a suicide. I had convinced myself of that, until the mail came yesterday. As soon as I saw the envelope I knew what it was. He used to always get me these cards that have a spiritual or motivational saying in them and mail them to me. They are immediately recognizable because they are square instead of rectangular. He bought a ton of them a few years ago and had been mailing them to me just out of the blue every two or three months or so since then. I always loved getting them. This one had a Walt Whitman quote: You are so much sunshine to the square inch! It said, in part: I always said I would kill myself before I ever call Bruce again. It was just a matter of time before I did. I could feel it everyday getting closer and closer and I know if I did it would kill me eventually. "All my lies are always wishes, I know I would die if I could come back new." Leprechaun, Leprechaun. Calling Bruce was our code for getting some meth and the quote is from one of his favorite wilco songs. That was all the note said. As I went back through all of his stuff and searched his internet history and stuff I noticed that he had been on Metafilter some on his last day. One of his last comments was in a post about Husker Du. It said "Well, my wife, whom I love dearly, told me not too long ago that Bob Mould was hot. Does that count?" But, I didn't know who Bob Mould was (I do now) and I never said he was hot. I like to think he was just leaving a little not to me there, saying that he loved me. I know that's what he was doing. But the last thing he did online in his life was make a post on Metafilter of Willie Nelson covering one of our favorite songs, Just Breathe by pearl jam. He titled the post with lyrics from the song "Under everything, just another human being, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed" (Ironically, I guess, he apparently worded the post in a way that made people think he was doing a Willie Nelson Obit post and that Willie Nelson had died. He emailed Metafilter asking for the wording to be changed and got an email from Matt at 9:56 confirming that he would change the wording) and his last comment told a story about our wedding that I did not know, but that he wanted me to know. To me this is his suicide note, not the card he sent me: Well I guess its good that I didn't lead with the last line of the song "Hold me til I die Meet you on the other side..." Sorry about that symbiod. We played this song (the original) at our wedding a few months ago, just in the background in a mix of other songs, but when it came on I just watched my wife as she moved around the room oblivious to my stares. And man it was the only time that I got real emotional at the wedding. She kind of razzed me a little because I never "teared-up" despite it being a pretty emotional ceremony for a lot of reasons. But I did tear up some with the song on as she moved so gracefully through the room. Luckily this Willie version wasn't out at the time or I may have completely lost it and my cover would be blown. Anyway, I will get out of my thread now. Oh that haunts me. Because I did "razz" him as he says because he stayed so even keel during the ceremony after the drama with his mom and everything. I think it was just him protecting me again, staying calm so that I could freak out. But, that story he told in that comment, that is him to a tee. He was always so sweet and loving to me. I can imagine him sitting there watching me and getting some tears in his eyes. That's him. Marc didn't believe in god or any kind of afterlife and I don't either. When he would talk to people about god or heaven or the after life he would always quote Roger Ebert who said something like "I didn't have any problems before I was born, I don't think I will have any problems after I die." God I hope he's right. .
Like, Transcription 15 May, 2012, 7:02 pm
The web transcription of last month's podcast is 90% done. Stop by, and do a couple of 30 second snippets!This MeTa can also serve as a discussion of the Fanscribed demo. I thought the interface was great, and I like the idea of transcribing the podcast for everyone, but I don't think the effort is sustainable with only a couple of transcribers working on it.
Wiiiiild Horses 15 May, 2012, 1:16 pm
Seeing all the prancing ponies on Metatalk lately reminded me of something I've been meaning to suggest for a while now, regarding links.I know this sounds pretty small, and I do know what Right-click>Open in New Tab is, but why do links I click on here open on the same page? There are other sites I visit where clicking on a link opens it in a new tab. I think it'd be nice and more comfortable to see that here, too, especially seeing how many multi-link FPPs we get. But maybe there's a special reason for links opening in the same window by default that I'm not aware of. Anyways, no biggie, just thought I'd toss that out there.
Add Remove from Activity to Mobile Site? 15 May, 2012, 12:01 pm
Feature Request: "(Remove from activity") link on the Mobile site?Now that I'm spending more time on the mobile version of the site, it can be annoying to still have a thread in Recent Activity when it turns fighty or boring etc. Could a "Remove From Activity" link be put in the mobile version?
mobile me, mobile you 15 May, 2012, 10:39 am
I love reading MetaFilter on my phone! I have a couple discussion prompts/pony requests about it.1) Is there a way to see tags on a post (on any sub site) through the current mobile site? If not, could there be? MetaFilter is one of the few sites I go to where the tagging system is actually helpful for finding related content and I use it all the time—so far I've been going to the regular site to look at/click through tags and then switching back to the mobile site, not perfect. 2) Ditto the sidebar. Hmm, or maybe I should just go to BestOf instead? 3) It would be awesome if there was some system in place for indicating if a Blue post is particularly mobile-friendly or not, and then a place to go on the mobile menu or a filter to see just those posts. I'm thinking this would be user-driven—maybe it's a tag or a flag category, so commenters/readers can indicate "I looked at these links on a mobile device, and they looked/loaded/worked great!" Most links in posts are readable one way or another on a phone, of course, but some are better than others, and it would be cool to know ahead of time. Thoughts?
Pop-up YouTube HTML5? 15 May, 2012, 8:28 am
Would it be possible to make the pop-up YouTube player have an HTML5 preference?Under the current Linux implementation of Flash, red and blue are swapped if you are using hardware acceleration. I wish I could get rid of Flash completely.
My Little Pony, Draggable YouTube. 15 May, 2012, 7:12 am
My Little Pony, Draggable YouTube.I think it would be swell if I could drag the embedded YouTube window around, and possibly click the links that are beneath it. This concept was mentioned several years ago but no mod showed up to talk about it. Possibly because it had the misfortune to appear on April 1. In that thread The Winsome Parker Lewis posted a well-reasoned version of this request. Is this a nice thing we can have?

michaelhyatt

5 Ways to Keep Moving Forward When You Hit a Wall 18 May, 2012, 2:00 am
This is a guest post by Bill Blankschaen. He is a writer, thinker, and speaker who also leads in a Christian school by day. You can read his blog and follow him on Twitter and Facebook. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here. Yawn! When I read Michael Hyatt’s post on taking naps, I agreed. I knew from personal experience how beneficial a quick midday nap could be. But as I pondered how I might actually put it into practice, I hit a wall. How could I keep moving forward with this idea in an educational role that requires me to be always alert and on-call throughout the school day? The tension between what I wanted to do and what I could do quickly threatened to become crippling frustration. I suspect I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed at times by excellent advice, helpful strategies, and enlightening insight. To be candid, sometimes I feel like a deer in the personal-growth headlights. I’m often paralyzed by the possibilities. It’s easy to see where I want to go. It’s figuring out how to get over the walls between here and there that creates the tension. We usually think of tension as always being a bad thing. It can be. But growth always requires movement. And movement creates tension between where we are and where we’re going. It’s when we hit a wall—or what seems to be a wall—that we can get the wind knocked out of our dreams. Here are a few ways you can keep moving forward when you hit a wall in your personal growth: Screen for Excuses. Be honest with yourself. It’s easy to slip in an excuse disguised as an immovable barrier. To be safe, assume all walls are excuses until proven otherwise. Like Neo of Matrix fame, sometimes your best answer will be that “there is no wall.” Question the Walls. You could try talking to them, I suppose, but that could lead to other problems. Think about the barriers themselves. Are they walls that you’ve created yourself or allowed to be created in your silence? Are you missing the skill sets to get over the walls? Where can you get a reliable third-party perspective on the barriers you face? Don’t rule this out: The walls may be telling you it’s time to grow elsewhere. Get Creative. As Thomas Edison famously said, “There’s always another way.” If you find a real barrier does exist, start by figuring out your goal. Let your imagination work backwards to see if other solutions present themselves. In my case, perhaps a protected mental downtime without phones or visitors will get me close to the same result as a nap for now. Take Baby Steps. If you find you can move forward where you are, don’t hesitate to start small. But do start. As Michael Hyatt has said, “Motion leads to momentum.” Maybe you can’t do it all right away, but you can do something. Sit down. Jot down a plan. Take steps, even small ones, in the right direction. Do it today. Keep Moving Forward. These three words from one of my life leaders Walt Disney sum it up. William H. Murray added this wisdom that I have found true again and again: “The moment one definitely commits oneself … all sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred.” Unlike the rides at Walt’s magical World, we should always refuse to come to a complete stop. Above all, know that you’ve got a lot of friends here who feel your growth pains when you hit a wall. I can’t be the only one. Let’s cheer each other on. After our naps, of course. What walls are you hitting at this stage of your growth? How can we help each other over them? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
A Book Signing in the Waldenbooks [Video] 17 May, 2012, 5:00 pm
If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here. This is every author’s worst nightmare. At least Parnell Hall could see the humor in it! (Thanks to my friend, Kelly Combs, for bringing this to my attention.)
The Fine Line Between Working Hard and Letting Go 17 May, 2012, 2:00 am
Some of my favorite memories of growing up are building model airplanes with my dad. I remember him showing me how to assemble, sand, and paint them. I think back on how proud I always was when we finished a project together. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/eriktham On one occasion, I remember struggling to get two parts to fit together. I tried several different angles. Nothing seemed to work. I grew increasingly frustrated. Calmly, my dad said, “Son, don’t force it.” I stopped what I was doing, looked up at him, and instantly knew he was right. I relaxed, set down the parts, and started working on some other aspect of the project. An hour later, I returned to the obstinate parts and clicked them into place. Life is often like that, isn’t it? You do your best, but often you get to the point where you are in danger of breaking something if you press any harder. Then you realize that the best strategy is to let go—at least for a while. I had an experience like that yesterday. I have been wanting to interview my friend, Bob Goff, for some time. His new book, Love Does, was just published earlier this month, and is already in Amazon’s top 300 books. I read the first draft of the manuscript more than a year ago and was blown away. Not only did I want to help my friend, I wanted to share this treasure of a book with my readers. I knew they would love getting to know Bob and his book. So, Bob and I decided to do the interview via Skype last Saturday. I called him at the appointed time. However, he couldn’t get Skype to work correctly on his computer. I could hear him; I just couldn’t see him. After twenty minutes of fiddling with it, we gave up and decided to reschedule. We tried again yesterday. Everything seemed to work fine. I had a fantastic time talking to Bob and hearing more about his adventures with the book. But when we hung up, and I played the video, the audio was badly out of sync. I worked on it for several hours, trying various solutions I found on Google. Nothing worked. The video looked like a bad foreign film where the actors lips and words wouldn’t align. I grew increasingly frustrated. I kept thinking, I just need to push a little harder. Then I remembered my dad’s words. “Son, don’t force it.” So, I relaxed, set it down, and decided to do something else. It’s just not worth breaking something. Instead, I had to believe that it was not meant to be. At least not for now. In life, we have to learn there is a fine line between working hard and forcing an outcome that isn’t meant to be. If we don’t push hard enough, we never experience the breakthroughs that take us to the next level. But if we push too hard, we risk breaking something important—our physical or emotional health or even a relationship. It’s just not worth it. We have to trust. After all these years, this is a lesson I am still struggling to learn. Question: Where are you frustrated right now? Is it time to push harder or relax and trust? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
#012: The 5 Marks of Authentic Leadership [Podcast] 16 May, 2012, 2:00 am
In this podcast episode, I talk the essence of authentic leadership. What is it? Is it simply influence or is it something more. I have always been fascinated by this topic. Perhaps because I enjoy creating models that try to explain something people want to know about. Click to Listen Podcast: Subscribe in iTunes | Play in browser | Download Episode Outline In the last few weeks, I have been interviewed several times: at the Chick-fil-A Leadercast, the Catalyst Dallas Conference, and then a couple of interviews for my new book, Platform. Because I my blog is mostly about leadership, the interviewer inevitably asks, “So how do you define leadership?” Most experts I know define leadership as influence. Certainly, I think that is one aspect of it, but I don’t think it’s the whole story. Instead, I suggest that authentic leadership has five marks or characteristics: Authentic leaders have insight. Authentic leaders demonstrate initiative. Authentic leaders exert influence. Authentic leaders have impact. Authentic leaders exercise integrity. If we are going to maximize our leadership, we have to pursue all five of these characteristics. It all begins by leading ourselves well. Listener Questions Question #1: Carrie Jones asked, “Is there ever a time that authenticity disqualifies you from leadership?” Question #2: Chris Stevens asked, “How do I set myself up as an authentic leader from the get-go of a new job?” Question #3: Donny Vaughn, asked, “Is it possible to be a leader without being vocal?” Question #4: Perry Holly asked, “What are the top two or three obstacles that get in the way of us becoming authentic leaders?” Question #5: Randy Peterman asked, “How do you become an authentic subordinate, given workplace politics?” Next week, I will be talking about “Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World,” the topic of my brand new book. If you have a question about that topic, please leave me a voice mail. I’d love to hear from you. Special Announcements My new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, started shipping on April 25th. However, I am once again asking that you refrain from buying it yet. Why? Because I want to register as many sales as possible during the first official pub week of May 21–25 in order to have a shot at driving the best sellers list. To make the wait worth your while, I have put together a bonus package of seven FREE BONUSES worth $375.98! To get this special bonus offer, all you have to do is buy the book. I can’t tell you more yet, but you can signup here to be notified when this special offer is available. I will be speaking at the BlogWorld & New Media Expo in New York City on June 5–7. I will be leading one of the “Super Sessions” on Thursday, June 7th, at 9:00 a.m. You can register here. We will be offering the next SCORRE Conference in Vail, Colorado on October 17–20, 2012. The last one sold out in about a week. If you have ever wanted to come to SCORRE, or ever thought about becoming a professional speaker, or just want to communicate more professionally, this is your chance to grab a ticket before we sell out. Episode Resources I mentioned the following resources in the show: Website: Building Champions, an Executive Coaching Company Movie: We Were Soldiers Subscription Links If you have enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe: iTunes Zune RSS Your Feedback I want to hear from you! Please leave me a voicemail with your question. I may use it on the next episode of my show. If you have an idea for a podcast you would like to see or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. Also, if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks. Questions: Do these attributes mark your leadership? Where can you improve? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
4 Ways Supervisors Frustrate Their Employees 15 May, 2012, 2:00 am
When I first became President of Thomas Nelson, I began hosting an event called “Pizza with the Prez.” Once a month I invited a different workgroup to have lunch with me—without their supervisor being present. Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/J-Elgaard This event provided an opportunity for me to get unfiltered feedback. It was one of my favorite activities. It also proved to be one of the most productive. It confirmed what I thought was true: The further you move up the chain-of-command, the less likely it is you will get the truth. Information is often filtered, spun, and managed. People either tell you what they want you to know—or think you want to hear. Some time ago, I read The Last Czar, a biography about the life of Czar Nicholas II, the last emperor of Russia. While his generals were brutally suppressing dissent, they told him civil unrest was the result of foreign influence and assured him his own people loved him. The Czar didn’t have any other source of information. When the Communists took over, he was caught by surprise and forced to abdicate. Sadly, the Bolsheviks eventually executed him and his entire family. It is one of the saddest stories I have ever read. Though extreme, his story demonstrates the difficulty of getting good information at the top. If you are a leader in any capacity, you must develop a pipeline for unfiltered feedback. “Pizza with the Prez” was one of the ways I did this. Typically, I had ten to twelve people join me for lunch in the boardroom. After a few “icebreaker questions,” I always asked them: What do you like about Thomas Nelson and want to see us continue? What do you not like about Thomas Nelson and want to see us stop doing? Although I only scheduled an hour of time together, it was always a challenge to finish on schedule. I was always amazed at how open people were and how many good ideas they had. I have also noticed a recurring theme: most people’s frustration at work is inflicted by their supervisors. Don’t misunderstand me. These workers loved their colleagues. They loved the company. But they continued to be frustrated by leaders who unwittingly hindered their productivity. Here are the four most common complaints I heard. See if they ring true in your experience. Supervisors call too many meetings. Many of them are a waste of time. The issues could easily be handled by e-mail. Even those that should be called last twice as long as is necessary. This is because they don’t have a clear idea of what they want to accomplish or a specific agenda to get them there. Supervisors are often late to their own meetings. Since they called the meeting, the other attendees can’t start without them. As a result, they waste a lot of time waiting for the leader to show up. This makes them feel disrespected. Supervisors don’t really understand the work process. They don’t appreciate the amount of time it takes to complete certain tasks. Consequently, they sit on—or slow-walk—approvals and bog down the whole process. By the time the worker gets a response, they are in crisis mode. If a deadline is missed, they get blamed. This creates a lot of unnecessary stress on everyone. Supervisors are not responsive. They don’t answer their e-mails. They don’t return their voice mail messages. Workers often feel like they are sending e-mails into a black hole. By the time the manager does respond, the issue is resolved or it has escalated to a new level of urgency. Why can’t they just respond more quickly? More than likely, you are not guilty of these behaviors. But, if you are, I hope you’ll take a moment and try to see how frustrating this can be to your teammates. You may not be able to change your boss, but you can change yourself and provide a better environment for the people you are leading. Question: What other ways do you see supervisors frustrate their employees? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
3 Characteristics of the New Marketing 14 May, 2012, 2:00 am
Every morning while getting dressed I have The Today Show playing in the bathroom. I enjoy catching up on the news and getting the forecast for the day’s weather. At least until the commercials come on. It’s not that I am opposed to advertising per se. I’m not. I understand that television producers have to monetize their content. What I object to is the fact that these commercials—especially the ones from car dealers—are several decibels louder than the program itself. Evidently, the pitch man thinks he can bludgeon me into submission by yelling at me. This is the old marketing. More than a decade ago, Seth Godin described this as Interruption Marketing—impersonal, irrelevant, and unanticipated. (If you haven’t read his book, Permission Marketing, do so.) Thankfully, this kind of marketing is almost dead. The new marketing is based on building relationships. If you dislike marketing—particularly the thought of marketing yourself—this is good news. Yesterday, I experienced this first-hand when I took Gail out for brunch at The Southern, a hip new restaurant in downtown Nashville. We had celebrated Mother’s Day with our girls and their families the day before, so it was just the two of us. In addition to a fabulous dining experience, I enjoyed watching the employees connect with their customers. Here’s what I observed: The new marketing starts with authenticity. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were welcomed by Tom Morales, the owner. Though my daughter, Marissa, works at the restaurant, we had never met him. For all he knew, we were just new customers. Tom greeted us warmly, wishing Gail a happy Mother’s Day. He seemed genuinely delighted to see us. He then engaged us in a conversation, asking us several questions about ourselves. The new marketing is fueled by generosity. As we were looking over the menu, the server brought us free BBQ Shrimp and Oyster Southern appetizers. This was totally unexpected—and wonderfully delicious. In today’s environment, the way to create wow experiences is to define your customers’ expectations then exceed them. This is exactly what our server did. As it turns out, “It is more blessed to give that to receive” is a brilliant marketing strategy. The new marketing incorporates story-telling. I ordered “The Cuban,” which the menu described as “pork tenderloin, mojo marinated overnight then pan fried, black beans, yellow rice, skillet debris, and topped with two fried eggs.” After the server brought our food, Tom wandered over to our table and told me a story. He explained how his grandmother, a refuge from Haiti, had invented The Cuban, wanting to find a way to use her pork tenderloin leftovers. This story made the dish all the more meaningful and memorable. This simple experience turned us into unpaid evangelists for The Southern. Our first impulse was to share the experience with our family and friends. The bottom line is that you can’t succeed in today’s environment without generating word-of-mouth publicity. Turning up the volume won’t help. Trying to outshout your competition won’t either. Instead, you must build authentic relationships with your prospects and customers. This is the new marketing and anyone can do it. Question: How can you better use authenticity, generosity, and story-telling to market your product or service? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Special Discount for Upcoming SCORRE Conference [Announcement] 12 May, 2012, 2:00 am
Special Discount for Upcoming SCORRE Conference The next SCORRE Conference will be held in Vail, Colorado, October 17–20, 2012. We will begin the official promotion next week. However, we are making a special, pre-promotion offer to my readers. (That’s you!) Here’s the deal: If you register any time before Monday, May 14th at 5:00 p.m. CDT, we will give you another $200 off the regular price. Don’t miss this opportunity. This is your chance to take your speaking and communication skills to the next level. To take advantage of this special offer, register with the coupon code HYATT. Note: This conference will sell out. If you want in, you need to take action NOW. Our last conference sold out in less than a week! By the way, you take ZERO RISK. If you attend the conference and don’t feel the investment was worth every penny you paid, we will happily refund your full registration fee, no questions asked. Also, Ken Davis and I will both be there. In addition to teaching one of the sessions, I will be present for the whole conference, interacting with the students. So will Ken. I hope to see you there!
Andy Andrews Interviews Me About Platform [Podcast] 11 May, 2012, 5:00 pm
“Andy Andrews Interviews Me About Platform” by Andy Andrews Listen to this podcast on my website… In the Loop05/11/2012 In this podcast, bestselling author Andy Andrews and host, Andy Traub, interview me about my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.
4 Characteristics of Effective Communicators 11 May, 2012, 2:00 am
This is a guest post by my dear friend and business partner, Ken Davis. He’s also one of the best public speakers you will ever hear. You can also read his blog and follow him on Twitter. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here. Listen to most presentations and you will hear a litany of stories half submerged in what might be major points—or maybe just another story. Regardless, 75 percent of the people leave a presentation with no idea what the point of the message was. Even worse, 50 percent of speakers can’t identify the objective of their own talk. During my thirty-five years as a professional speaker, I have been constantly asked the secret to being a powerful communicator. My experience with audiences of all sizes and from all walks of life have taught me that, whether speaking to twelve people in a board room or fifty-five thousand in a stadium, effective communicators share four characteristics: Effective communicators know how to prepare a message with a singular and crystal clear focus. If you know where you are going, you can take anyone with you. If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. Effective communicators know how to read an audience and are able to customize their presentation to make that audience want to listen. Until the audience is engaged, communication has not taken place. An engaging presentation puts people on the edge of their seats. Effective communicators are passionate about their subject. They pour every part of their being into the presentation. If the subject is not worthy of your passion, it should be distributed in a memo. Effective communicators leave the audience no doubt about how to benefit from the objective of the talk. They call people to action. They make it easy to respond. No secrets there! Most people want to do all the above but don’t know how. That’s the secret! I developed the SCORRE System™ to teach people how to develop all the skills above. I may be biased, but the response of people who have attended indicates that if you want to be a dynamic communicator, The SCORRE Conference is the best investment you can make. Thousands of men and women including writers, professional speakers, CEOs, ministry professionals and sales and marketing executives have learned to prepare with focus, deliver with clarity, and speak with power. I hope you will become one of them. Michael here again. The next SCORRE Conference will be held in Vail, Colorado, October 17–20, 2012. We will begin the official promotion next week. However, I talked Ken and my team into making a special, pre-promotion offer to my readers. Here’s the deal: The registration fee for the conference is $1,497. The “early bird price” is $1,397. However, if you register any time before Monday, May 14th at 5:00 p.m. CDT, we will give you another $100 off, making the total price just $1,297. Note: This conference will sell out. If you want in, you need to take action NOW. We are already getting calls and e-mails from people wanting to reserve a spot. Our last conference sold out in less than a week! Don’t miss this opportunity. This is your chance to take your speaking and communication skills to the next level. To take advantage of this special offer, register with the coupon code HYATT. By the way, you take ZERO RISK. If you attend the conference and don’t feel the investment was worth every penny you paid, we will happily refund your full registration fee, no questions asked. Also, Ken and I will both be there. In addition to teaching one of the sessions, I will be present for the whole conference, interacting with the students. So will Ken. I hope to see you there! Question: What would better communications skills make possible for your career? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Learning to Be Present Now 10 May, 2012, 2:00 am
I just returned from the Catalyst Conference in Dallas where I spoke on the topic of my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World. The theme for this year’s conference series is “Be Present.” Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/anouchka This is a particularly powerful reminder for me. I seem to be always living in the future. I’m either planning my next big project or worried about how it’s will turn out. But this them reminds me that all I really have is now. The past is gone. The future is not guaranteed. This moment is a gift. Maybe that’s why it’s called “the present.” Every now and then we get a reminder about how fragile life is. We just can’t take it for granted. Each moment is precious. For example, several years ago I was attending the early service at our church. My family was coming later in a separate car and had not yet arrived. About twenty minutes into the service, one of my friends walked up behind me and whispered in my ear, “Michael, your family has been in a car accident. You need to leave now!” This is about the worst possible news I could imagine receiving. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any details. The wreck had occurred about two miles from our church. I raced to the scene of the accident. But the traffic was backed up. I suspected it was because of the wreck. I parked my car on the side of the road and started running. My heart was pounding. My mind was racing. I imagined the worst. After running about a hundred yards, I saw a fire truck, police cars, and my family’s Suburban laying upside down against a telephone pole. It was completely crushed. All the windows were blown out and the roof had collapsed into the body. Initially, I was confused, because I didn’t see my family. Then I heard my youngest daughter, Marissa, scream, “Daddy, Daddy.” I looked to my right, and she was running down the hill toward me—arms outstretched and crying. Just beyond her, the other five members of my family were seated on the grass. They too were crying. I scooped up my daughter and kept running toward my family. I couldn’t believe it. There wasn’t a scratch on any of them. They were shook up, to be sure, but no one was hurt. As I later learned, my oldest daughter, Megan, had been driving. It was a country road. She veered off the pavement for a second, over-corrected, and then flipped the car. It had smashed into a telephone pole. The sheriff told me that when he arrived on the scene, he called the life flight unit. He was just sure that the people in the car were either critically injured or dead. He kept describing what had happened as “a miracle.” Indeed it was. I still tear up thinking about it. That experience made me realize (once again) just how precious my family and friends are. I want to treasure every moment—and be present to them now. The future will take care of itself. I want to learn to be present now. Question: To whom do you need to be present today? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Pick the Brain

What to Answer When They Ask What You Want to Be 12 May, 2012, 11:50 pm
When I was five years old, my parents asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be a butterfly. It did not seem to be the answer they were looking for. But I quickly caught on. The next time they asked me that question, in junior high, I knew what I wanted to be-- a... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
Recharge Your Life – Go Green! 11 May, 2012, 10:59 pm
Did you know that most modern hunter-gatherers spend only 20 or so hours a week working? The Zhun people of Africa, for example, spend most of their time hanging out, socializing and generally enjoying life, while those of us running the rat race in industrialized nations work an average of 44... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
Can Meditating Make You Smarter? 10 May, 2012, 10:59 pm
But meditation was great! My mind could see inside the golden ball in my brain. Millions of sparks flew about in it. These sparks were busy rebuilding my brain cells. All my old patterns of intellectual thinking were disappearing. Awareness was growing along with the golden ball. The ball of... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
Are You Postponing Your Life Until Tomorrow? 8 Ways to Start Living NOW 9 May, 2012, 11:54 pm
There is nothing worse than looking back at life with regret. But if we keep walking the road of constant procrastination, this outcome is guaranteed. It’s not too late to make the necessary changes. Start living now. Read more at PickTheBrain.com
Why You Need to Say “No” … to Yourself 8 May, 2012, 10:37 pm
If you’ve read much time management advice, you’ll know that the ability to say “no” is an important one. Lots of productive, busy people have a tendency to take on too much because they never want to turn down a request for a favor, or even a new client who they know is going to be a pain to work... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
How To Create More Powerful Beliefs 7 May, 2012, 9:53 pm
We believe them intellectually or rationally, and we believe them subconsciously or emotionally. When the two types of belief are in alignment, it’s easy to take action and move towards our goals. However, when there is disagreement between the two types of belief, we feel stuck and unmotivated, we... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
7 Smart Ways to Build Self Confidence 5 May, 2012, 10:46 pm
I believe the best way to build self confidence is by broadening your life experiences. When you work hard to increase your knowledge, skills and experiences, you’ll automatically become a confident person. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~Anaïs Nin, Diary, 1969 Read more at PickTheBrain.com
The Importance of Continuing Education and How to Master It 4 May, 2012, 10:18 pm
The world we live in today is busier and takes more of our attention than any of the previous generations would have ever imagined. Consider your daily responsibilities, then add the current technology to that mixture, and you are ultimately left with limited time for extracurricular activities. ... Read more at PickTheBrain.com
10 Golden Rules of Giving 3 May, 2012, 9:30 pm
You know all about the law of attraction. You have tried to change, adopt, adapt, adjust, but the outcome has not changed. Sometimes you try hard, too hard to please the other person, to make your relationship work. Read more at PickTheBrain.com
Should You Follow Your Dreams or Get a ‘Normal’ Job? 2 May, 2012, 10:30 pm
If you’ve been interested in self-improvement for a while, you’ve probably come across phrases like “follow your passion” or “find your dream job”. You might have read books or articles that push you towards seeking out a career that you love, rather than a job that’s simply a means to an end. Read more at PickTheBrain.com

penelopetrunk

We are in the Age of Personal Responsibility 18 May, 2012, 9:07 am
When I moved to the farmhouse, I first replaced myself with a new CEO for my company, and then started reading enough about interior design to get a degree in the subject, if I believed in graduate degrees. I became enthralled with Steampunk as a way to blend the rustic nature of my surroundings with my fascination with putting objects with an old purpose into homes for a new purpose. Steampunk is the updated yet still-dated look of the Industrial Age. A recent Harvard Business Reivew has a timeline of business. I was surprised to remember that the Industrial Age was actually during the aftermath of the Civil War. The timeline also shows the Space Age, which, by the way, Restoration Hardware has interpreted in a genius way so as to be able to sell to interior design mavens with a fetish for mid-century modern. Looking through the timeline, you start to notice that so often in history there is little awareness of the prevailing movement of the time. At the time of the Space Age, people were not aware that it was actually the Woodstock Age, when Baby Boomers began ramming their narcissistic view of self-actualization down American throats, as their Greatest Generation parents slipped in one last good deed, the Civil Rights Movement. (Here’s a great article about how Baby Boomers are selling out Generation Y. Read it before you defend baby boomers in the comments.) Most recently in the timeline is the Information Age. You know the story: the rise of computer, then the Internet, and now the rise of mobile everything. But I don’t think that’s the story, really. I think the story of our time is the personal responsibility. Here’s why: 1. You are responsible for your own health. We used to put our health in the hands of our doctors because the doctor knew best. Today, there is too much information and too many decisions required in dealing with a medical problem for any single doctor to manage. When my newborn son was diagnosed with hemifacial microsomia, there was a team of fifteen doctors assessing him. The person who ultimately handled the coordination of this data was me, his mom, with no medical training whatsoever. But even for the healthy, a useful relationship with your doctor is quickly becoming an anachronism. Newsweek reports that the average amount of time a patient has to explain symptoms before being interrupted by a doctor is 23 seconds. Doctors are so overworked that they are seeing about 30% more patients than is recommended to ensure quality medical care. You are better off using the Internet to figure things out for yourself, which most of us do anyway, and then going to a doctor to double check. 2. You are responsible for your own retirement. There is not going to be Social Security for you. I love the article about how the Baby Boomers have sold out the whole country so much that I’m going to link to it for the second time in this post. Right here. Because here’s a great quote about today’s politicians: “This isn’t conservatism. It’s a going-out-of-business sale for the baby boom generation.” There is also not going to be a company that gives you a gold watch and some sort of security blanket to go home with after 40 years of service. More likely is a pink slip after three-to-five years of service, over and over again, until you can’t work anymore. And there will be no children who will take you into their home when you get old. I know, there has not been this for a long time. There had been this practice, before Social Security and before pensions. But it’s unheard of now. 3. You are responsible for educating your children. Public school began as a safe place for kids to go while their parents worked in factories. Today school has evolved into the best babysitting service in the world. But the truth is that your kids do not need to be in school to learn. Your kids were born knowing how to learn. Math? Yes, even math. So we can no longer ship our kids off to school with impunity. It’s completely clear that individualized learning plans are best for kids, and there is no way that public education can afford that, yet it’s very easy for parents to provide it merely by providing food and shelter and love. Which means the education of your children is in your own hands. And, actually, it’s been there forever when you realize that the only part of education that matters is teaching grit and perseverance, and those are values that children learn from parents who model that behavior. Kids never learn that from memorizing facts to pass standardized tests. 4. You are responsible for your career. I think the theme of this blog is personal responsibility for your career. Make sure you take care of your own career development. You have to keep your learning curve high. If people don’t like you, it’s probably your fault. If you have a bad boss, it’s probably your fault. What I have found in my own career, and in the careers of people I coach, is that the more responsibility you take, the more you can affect change. If you blame outside forces for your problems, you have to wait for outside forces to fix things for you. Which means you have given up control over your own life. The Age of Personal Responsibility is exciting. Because the more responsibility we take, the more control we have over our own happiness. And we are lucky to be living right now.
Attention to problems matters more than solutions to problems 10 May, 2012, 10:22 pm
Fortune magazine has started reporting about family in corporate life. We all know corporate jobs are messed up. Fortune magazine is a monument to how messed up corporate life really is. In November, Fortune wrote that the company that Sheryl Sandberg, a working mom, runs, has employees “on lockdown” and their kids come to the office to say goodnight before bed. In December Fortune reported that to get his almost-top spot at GE, John Krenicki relocated his family 11 times while the kids were growing up. Working at GE requires the same type of sacrifice from a family that the US expects from military officers. In January, Fortune profiled Wei Hopman, from Citigroup (pictured above). She has one of the coolest jobs in the world — investing Citi’s money in startups in Asia. Here’s how she describes her life: “I have an apartment in San Francisco, but I usually stay in hotels in Palo Alto because I’m generally in the office 12 hours a day; no matter where I am, I’m almost never home.” The workplace is in a war with family life right now. It’s not a question of balance or accommodation. If you want a big, serious job, you have to give up your family. I never really noticed this stuff when I did not have kids. But once I made the goal to have a fun, exciting career that also accommodated kids, I started paying attention to everything related to my goal. That key shift toward attention and focus pops up everywhere. Our instinct is to try to ignore what’s going wrong so it doesn’t bring us down all the time. But really, the key to improving what we don’t like in our lives is to pay attention to it. By paying attention we can’t help but make it better. Here are a few examples I’ve noticed: 1. Careers People who hire me for career coaching are invariably high performers. Even the people who got themselves stuck, or the people who have no idea what to do next, all have a common past: strong performances wherever they have been. I realize that this is because people who are strong performers at work get lots of advice for how to manage their career. 2. Love life At a point in my life when I had tons of disposable income but no boyfriend, I hired a feng shui consultant. My apartment had almost nothing in it, but I was curious. What would a feng shui expert advise? What differences could feng shui make? She made tons of suggestions. Like, put something purple in my money corner. But I noticed that the suggestions I paid the most attention to were the bedroom suggestions, because that’s the part of my life I wanted to change. I threw out old pillows. I changed the lighting. I added some pink. And that’s really just the tip of the iceberg for what I did. I am not sure that I believe that the feng shui got me my husband. But I do think my mental shift to paying attention to things that create a life of romance gave me the ability to find a guy. Feng shui, like career consulting, reflects a commitment to focusing on what matters most during that time of your life. 3. Finances My friend is investigating whether she should cancel a credit card to get a better one or if it’s not worth it because it’ll ding her credit score. The first thing I thought to myself when she said that was, “Oh god, I have to check my credit score.” This is why: People who know their credit score do better at managing their money. Not because you will somehow be a high earner if you know your score. It’s because people who pay attention to their money are better at handling their money. I know this first-hand because I’m actually terrible at managing my money. I get away with it because I’m great at earning money. When I met the Farmer, one of the first conversations we had was about money. He told me he made $15,000 a year. I couldn’t believe it. “I make that from one speech,” I told him. “But you have no money,” he told me. It was true. I have lived with no savings for the last fifteen years. In my defense, nearly half of the US lives paycheck to paycheck, and you’d be surprised how high the incomes go in the paycheck-to-paycheck world. Although surely I’m at the high end of it. I realized, from watching the Farmer in action, that people who have a grip on their money don’t necessarily earn a lot, but they focus on what they have. People who don’t have a grip on their money choose to focus away from their spending. I know this because I am acutely focused on earning. I am always hatching plans for new revenue streams. So my point is that you can learn about yourself by seeing what you focus on day to day. That’s what you’re going to do well in. And the stuff you hate thinking about? That’s the part that will never improve. I once interviewed Tiziana Casciaro, professor at Harvard Business School. She does research on social skills in the workplace. Midway through the interview, I started to panic and I asked her how I could tell if I have terrible social skills. She told me that it’s nearly impossible to judge one’s own social skills. But there’s one good way: Measure the amount you care about your social skills. If you care, and think about ways to make them better on a daily basis, you probably have decent social skills. This is true for most things in life: It doesn’t matter so much exactly what action you choose in working toward improvement, it just matters that you’re trying, with genuine intention. The common problem is not wrong action so much as it is no focus.
How to choose a career if your interests are wide 8 May, 2012, 9:04 am
I’ve spent the last five years learning about farming. At first I couldn’t even tell the difference between a hay field and an oat field. Now I can tell when a planting is late. I have learned enough about cattle to sort them for breeding. I don’t do as good a job as the Farmer of course, but I won’t miss any that are really bad. I have learned how to milk a goat, even though I’m terrible at it. Now it’s spring, and the farm is incredible. There are baby animals everywhere. The farmer is letting the piglets slip out of their pen. The piglets run all over the farm like they’re free-range chickens, and because the mom is stuck in the pen, the piglets always come back. My son just used money he earned selling his pigs to buy two Alpacas. We are fascinated by the alpacas, the alpacas are fascinated by the piglets. The boys spend tons of time outside, doing things that, had we lived in a city, I would have felt are way too dangerous, like cutting wood with an ax and walking through a whole herd of cattle to explore the creek. The boys spend a lot of time in the yard pulling stuff out of the garbage and turning it into forts. Just when I was about to tell the boys to stop making a mess of the yard and stop taking stuff out of the garbage, a cat had her kittens in the fort. And the boys were so proud that they added a playroom to their fort so the kittens could learn to walk. Now they spend their days waiting for the mom to go get food so they hold the kittens. It’s also a great time on the farm because we can let the goats out of their pens without worrying that they’ll eat all the crops. The goats are like dogs right now, following my son all around, and waiting for him like a good friend waits, while he goes in and out of buildings doing his chores. I tell you all this to tell you how nice it is to be on the farm. I love the peacefulness of it and I love how high my learning curve is. I love how I can make a big difference with whatever I do. And when the Farmer needs help with a job, I feel important and useful doing it. Life on the farm has all the components of a great job. Control over my hours, control over my workload, goals that are challenging but I can meet them, and a high learning curve. But the farm is not my job. I have tried, believe me. I’ve come up with 50 different business models to make the farm my job. But I can see that it’s not going to work. The farm is not my job. It’s something I love right now. It’s something I’m really excited to learn about. But I can do that without getting paid. I do it for pleasure and because it’s fun to be passionate about something. I have other work that I get paid for. My homeschooling blog, for example, is growing very fast, and already making me a good bit of money, and it’s an example of a way to keep my learning curve high doing something that earns me money. Which is to say that there’s a wide range of things we are passionate about, and there’s a wide range of things we can make money doing. The trick is not to find the thing that allows us to earn the most money or the thing that we are most passionate about. The trick is to find the thing that combines passion and money and stick with it so you get great. Just because I love the farm doesn’t mean my work has to involve the farm. And this is true for you, too, when you are picking your line of work. Often we feel there are are so many things we are passionate about that no career makes sense. Just pick one thing to do. And if that doesn’t work, then pick another. Making a choice and trying it is an important career skill. And choosing something practical, that people get paid well for, is an important life skill. You are not a failure if you don’t do what you love for a living. You are a practical person who knows that no one can do the stuff they are passionate about if they are worrying about food and rent. Support yourself somehow first, and then explore your passions from there.
What we can learn from the lies people tell 4 May, 2012, 11:46 am
I love watching people lie. I know that I probably have the same feelings the liars do, the feeling of being stuck. I like to think about what I do when I have that feelings, how people cope with it, and how much pain we can handle before we become our worst selves. Lately, I’ve been thinking about these lies and the feelings that provoke them: 1. The lie about expectations. Have you heard of Ashley Madison? It’s the site that caters to married people who want to cheat on their spouse. We could debate about the ethics of that business model (or this one), but I think Ashley Madison might have made up for their questionable ethics by using their data to provide one of the biggest insights to marriage problems that I’ve read in a while: Guess which is the second most popular day of the year for women to sign up for Ashley Madison? I’m leaving a blank spot for you to guess. The second most popular day of the year for women to sign up for Ashley Madison is the day after Mother’s Day. That report was a major surprise to me. But just think: Women want to be appreciated for being a mom. In a world where women have more power and more opportunities than ever before, what they want, still, is to be appreciated for where they are devoting their time and energy. Whatever a woman is doing—working long hours outside the home, staying at home with one kid and a nanny, or anything in between—the woman perceives that she is putting a large amount of her intellectual and emotional energy into parenting and she wants recognition for that. The outside world does not value parenting openly, it only values earning money. So it’s up to a spouse to recognize a parent for parenting. When I coach people and they tell me they want to focus on work issues instead of relationship issues, I remind them that if you get a divorce, your career options shrink fast because you have to support two families. Your earning power goes down and your power to control your own life goes down. So Mother’s Day is really a career issue. If you want to keep your career options open, tell your spouse you appreciate her. But the biggest lie in all of this is that women tell themselves Mother’s Day doesn’t matter. The reason men ignore Mother’s Day is because the women don’t say, “Mother’s Day is important and here’s what I want you to do.” That’s fine. It’s fine to tell your spouse what you want. This is true in most of life—tell everyone what you want from them. You’re much more likely to get it. And much less likely to have to lie about the decisions you make later. 2. The lie about inadequacy. It turns out that Scott Thompson, the new CEO of Yahoo, lied on his resume. That’s right. His degree is in accounting, but he added computer science, which is, of course, much more relevant and interesting to the high-flying jobs he’s held. Which goes to show that no one is immune to having feelings of inadequacy. This is important to remember when you’re managing up. Making sure the people above you in your organization love you is probably the most important part of your career, because if you do great work but you annoy everyone, people won’t care that you do great work. The key feature of managing up is finding your boss’s weakness. Many of you work for supremely confident types. But Thompson shows us that no one, really, is supremely confident. And everyone wants help, they just don’t always ask for the help they need. Thompson’s been lying on his resume for a long time. Which is, of course, how it goes with lying. You start the lie, when you think it’s a small, innocuous lie, but then you have to keep lying, and you never really know how big the lie will get. There’s a great children’s book about this topic, where the lie turns into a monster and follows the boy around. 3. The lie about fear. I think a lot of people resist hearing what is true because they don’t want to have to face that they’re wrong. For example, people love to mock the idea of managing your personal brand. They say how stupid it is, and how transparently self-obsessed it is. But the truth is that people want to be able to find out about you easily, and the people who malign the idea of personal brand simply don’t want to take the time to help people find out about them. It requires learning to be good at something new and people don’t want to hear that they have to do that. Homeschooling is another example of a truth people don’t want to hear. It’s so incredibly clear that the education reform movement favors individualized learning. And people pass over that information as if it’s impractical. But you can do whatever you want with your own kids, You can give your kids the opportunity to learn on their own, which is exactly what experts advocate that you do. It’s just that many people don’t want this to be true because it undermines how they planned on educating their kids. They don’t want to be wrong about what’s best. The thing is, it’s okay for personal branding to be a must-have career skill and still you don’t have it. It’s okay for homeschooling to be definitely a better education for your kids and still you’re not doing it. It’s ok to be wrong. Admit you’re wrong and then consider a new choice. Which brings me to plastic surgery. I was wrong about this. I looked at the research about good looks and drew the conclusion that since good looks give you an advantage in everything, everyone should get plastic surgery. But when asked Gordon Patzer, the king of attractiveness research, about my theory, he said that in fact, plastic surgery does not make people better looking in other peoples’ eyes. You still are what you are to other people. Which means that plastic surgery is useless. And, forget those self-esteem arguments as well. The Wall St. Journal reports that women who get plastic surgery are likely to have poorer body image than women who don’t get plastic surgery. And the plastic surgery does not help. That poor body image persists. Not that this information doesn’t stop me from obsessing about looks. And the photo up top is one of the 10,000 photos I’ve sent to Melissa to have her fix my outfit. But now I know that getting a chin implant is like getting a salary increase, really: You are happy for awhile, and then you go back to whatever happiness level you are usually at. Salary doesn’t increase your baseline happiness and neither does plastic surgery. So I was wrong. And I’m telling you this to let you know that it’s okay. Because the first step to finding the truth is to realize that it is okay to be wrong.
How to make amends for bad behavior 1 May, 2012, 5:38 am
Photo by Roz Joseph c. 1970 It used to be that the reason people hated me was because I offended them. Poor social skills. I’m sure you can imagine, but if you can’t, here’s the post about how I spoke at a women in business blogging event and I offended everyone by telling them that their blogs sucked and how to fix them. Maybe I should set up a coaching business where I tell people how to fix their blogs, but really, most people don’t want to know. It’s like going to couples therapy. It’s a lot of work. And there’s always the hope that great sex can make up for everything else. People strive to write the blog equivalent of great sex. 1. Understand your personal style for bad behavior. Anyway, the way I offend people today is different. Because I’m much more conscious of my lousy social skills, and I’m always trying hard to compensate for them. So my new way to offend people is to have terrible followthrough. In case you are wondering how bad it is to have terrible followthrough, it’s one of the five most damaging deficits you can have in the workplace. Anyway, here’s a list of what I do with my life: Earn $150,000 a year from career coaching, speaking and ads on my blog. Homeschool two boys ages six and nine. Drive eight hours to Chicago round-trip once or twice a week for my son’s cello lessons. Go to the gym almost every day. Manage a vegetable garden that allows us to eat completely off the farm from June to September. Do you want to know how I do it? I miss stuff. Not the stuff you are thinking. I mean, I miss that, too. Like, I rarely see my friends, I don’t go to movies or out to dinner. I don’t go shopping. 2. Don’t say you’re sorry. That gets old. Take action instead. But I also miss stuff like Chris Guillebeau had a book coming out, and he asked me to endorse it. I know Chris, and I like his work, and he’s a fun guy. So I wanted to help. I carried his manuscript around with me for months. During those months, Chris sent me two followup emails asking if I was still doing it. They were really nice emails. I sent back emails saying “Yes, of course, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, okay next week.” Also during that time, the Farmer had a chance to read the manuscript. “Did you read the book by Chris Gillebeau?” he asked. I said, “Do you think that’s how you pronounce his name? I don’t think it is.” He said, “So you didn’t read the book, right?” “Did you like it?” “Yeah. It’s good. You should read it. “ I didn’t read it. But then Chris sent me a copy when it was done, with endorsements that included, of course: A list of all the people who had their shit together. And I read the book, and here’s my endorsement: The $100 Startup is a book that shows you there is nothing keeping you from launching your own company. (It’s a great book to give to all the people who talk about how they are entrepreneurs but never do anything.) 3. Do unexpected favors to make people forget about unexpected rudeness. Another thing: I missed a conference. I was supposed to give this talk in Madison. Melissa says the reason I didn’t go was because I wasn’t getting paid. This might be true. I know that this whole blog is a diatribe on how money doesn’t make you happy. But money makes me motivated. So this was a really small thing about giving writers advice on being writers and I wasn’t getting paid, and I missed it. Not that I didn’t have a good reason. We realized that our siding was falling off in pieces and it is asbestos (I always wondered why our siding didn’t look like any siding I had ever seen) and then when the guy came he told us that we had asbestos all over the pipes in the basement and the cats were clawing at it and the air was totally infested. I think that’s the real reason the farmer is always coughing, and it’s not really allergies. I told him that and it just made him freak out more because I’ll tell you what farmers hate to do: spend any money on the house. There are barns to maintain and fences to build. Those fences are expensive. So the Farmer was having a fit over having to spend money on the house and I was having a fit that the kids had been in the basement playing for two years and they were going to die before me and there is no more terrible thing in the world than watching a kid die and there were hazmat guys climbing all over our house and I forgot to go to the writer’s thing. It’s particularly bad because the writer’s thing was in Madison and I worry that people in Madison don’t like me. I worry that they won’t do playdates with my kids because of this blog and I also worry that they just think I’m a nutcase. I’m not going to link to nutcase. You can think of a lot of appropriate links, I’m sure. But maybe there’s someone reading who lives in Madison who came to my blog because they heard I’m really fun and interesting. I don’t want to give them any bad ideas. Wait. Here’s a linkfor fun and interesting. So I called this Hazmat guy in Madison to come ASAP, because I’m from NYC and everything for me is ASAP even though I expressly moved to rural America to stop being the ASAP type. I called him and he came right away. Advanced Health & Safety. That’s the company. The guy’s name is Bob Steinberg. I’m putting his name here so it’s free advertising to him. This is a way to get people in Madison to like me. So look, if there is anyone who was planning on going to my talk about how to make money being a writer –or whatever the talk topic was. I can’t totally remember –but if you were supposed to see me, and you’re disappointed, you can just email me and I’ll set up a time to talk with you. Actually, I’ll set up a time to talk with anyone about how I’m making money being a writer. I’m great at doing that. But if you were’t signed up for the conference you have to pay me my regular consulting fee. (And, what do you think? Would that count as making money being a writer or is that something else?) 4. If your bad behavior is toward yourself, be judicious with second chances. Finally in my list of things I messed up because I am doing too much is my essay about why eating meat is ethical. That’s right. The New York Times had a contest for who could write the best essay on that topic. Melissa sent me the info and said I should enter. I thought: She’s right. And I wrote my essay on the spot and I sent it to her. She wrote back, “I love it. You’ll totally win.” I thought, “Yeah. She’s right. I’ll totally win.” I thought how I should start entering contests again. I used to do that when I thought I was going to be the female version of Philip Roth but now I just write blog posts and I think I’m a winner if I get more than 100 comments. Okay. So I didn’t send in my essay. I decided I would hold onto the essay for a few days while I figure out how to replace the part about killing kittens. (We do that. Kill kittens. I wasn’t sure if it really had a place in the winning essay about how eating animals is ethical.) But then I forgot to send in the essay. I noticed one day while I was supposedly catching up on stuff. But really you can’t catch up on stuff that is past. So I was just sulking, really, and then Jeanenne came into the room and said, “Do you want this sweater washed or dry cleaned?” And I said, “Whatever. It’s clean just put it away. Don’t talk to me.” I am so disappointed that I sent my essay in late. I was thinking maybe they would let me be late. I was only a day late. But the contest is in the ethics column. And The Ethicist can’t really let me cheat on the contest. So I am fixing this, too. I am publishing the essay myself. Here. You can read my winning essay for The New York Times contest on why it’s ethical to eat meat. And I’m wearing my sweater anyway. I’m pretending it’s not dirty. And it seems that people are pretending right along with me.
How to travel for business if you travel a lot 27 April, 2012, 9:00 am
In the airport a fight attendant said to my six-year-old son, “Where are you going today?” He said, “California.” She said, “You’re a lucky boy!” He said, “Actually, I’m really tired of going to airports with my mom.” This is because I’ve been taking him on all my business trips. And he is learning something important about business travel: It’s really, really hard to do a lot of it, and you need a strategy. To be sure, there are people who travel almost every day of the year. I think they’re nuts. They don’t have a life. I’m talking about people who travel two or three times a month, which I’ve done, on and off, for a long time. Those trips take a toll, and you need a plan to keep yourself sane. 1. No sightseeing. Forget museums and other tourist hotspots. If you travel once a year, sightseeing is exciting. If you travel enough to wonder if your home is really your home, then you need to keep a semblance of routine so you feel like you do have some sort of life outside of work. The trick, when you’re traveling a lot for business, is to stay sane in the midst of constant new surroundings, not to pile new stuff on top of new. I try to stay on one time zone the whole trip, eat the same foods each day, wake up the same time each morning, and go to the gym. I book hotels according to how good the gym is. I used to book private Pilates lessons if I was missing my Pilates lesson at home. Now I book cello lessons for my son if we are gone for one or more lessons. 2. Buy two of everything. Duplicate sets of clothes means that you can stay packed all the time. Packing and unpacking constantly is really annoying if you travel for business. It’s just sort of a way to extend the trip even longer because the transition times are longer. And forgetting stuff on the trip makes the trip hell. If you have duplicates you avoid all these problems. Bonus: the second set of this stuff is usually tax deductible because you wouldn’t have bought it if you weren’t traveling for work. Another thing you can do with the duplicate stuff is leave it in a place you go to a lot. I go to NYC a lot, so my son keeps a skateboard, helmet and pads at my friend’s apartment. That way he can maintain his skating routine without having to schlep the equipment back and forth. 3. Meet a friend. I’m going to tell you about the time I spoke at the Natural Products Expo. First, you should always look at the list of people who will be at the show and figure out who you want to meet. You should contact those people beforehand to ensure that you get to meet them. I did not do this. But my friend, Heather Stouffer, did, and she texted me. I said to my son, “Let’s go visit my friend!” Heather is the CEO of Mom Made Foods. She is the person who gave me tons of coaching on how to launch a food business, when I was going to sell goat cheese. In fact, she was so generous with her time and information that I decided I’d rather die than deal with the shipping issues surrounding perishable food. My son did taste tests while we talked. It’s draining to meet all new people all the time, and I’m always careful to limit interactions with people I don’t know. But seeing a friend is different. Tom Rath’s research at Gallup shows that if we have a friend at the office, it’s almost impossible to hate our work. I have found that when traveling, if I have a friend in that city to meet up with, it’s almost impossible to hate that day of travel. 4. Be a tyrant about your hotel choice. When you travel, the fewer surprises the better. So you should pick a hotel chain and stick with it. When I had really well funded companies, I stayed at a Westin hotel wherever I went. The beds were so fluffy and cozy. Staying at a high-end hotel can make you feel a little better about missing out on your whole life back home. Which is why companies are often willing to spring for the higher hotel rate. When I travel for speaking engagements, I have less control over the hotel, but I always end up in a good one because it’s where the conference is. When I stayed in Las Vegas, I was at the Cosmopolitan. With my son, of course. A nice hotel in Vegas means naked women all over the walls, condoms all over our room, and casinos at breakfast. Which reminds me that fun stuff you don’t usually do, you should save for home. Stuff is fun when it’s a break from your routine. Stuff is not fun if it’s adding to the already unpredictable and tenuous life of a constant traveler. That includes shopping, movies, and even gambling. You don’t need to gamble at a casino. You can do it at sites like this. So don’t pick a hotel because it’s fun. Pick a hotel because it allows you to create more stability during your travel life. 5. Avoid the Red Eye at all costs. It’s so enticing to book a Red Eye. When you look at the landing time it looks like you almost won a free day. And on top of that, companies will almost always upgrade you to first class if you take the Red Eye. But there’s a reason for that: The Red Eye is impossible to sleep on without drugging yourself, and you are basically losing a night of sleep in order to gain a day of work. So it’s a great bargain for your worklife at a terrible cost for your personal life. Every time I get home from the Red Eye I’m a grouch, and I have to sleep in the middle of the day, and I vow to never do it again. But of course, I do book the Red Eye again. And here’s what happened last time I booked the Red Eye, and we were standing in line to board a plane at 11:50 pm:
How to take ownership of what you really want 25 April, 2012, 6:29 pm
The novel Fifty Shades of Grey is selling faster than a Harry Potter book right now. The book is about sexual domination in a contemporary setting, including the career woman who has everything, including a hot, successful boyfriend. The big news is that we have enough data to show that the majority of women buying Fifty Shades of Gray are in their 20s and 30s living in urban areas, according to the publisher’s data, and the Atlantic. To be clear, these women are incredibly powerful. In urban areas, more women than men graduate college, women out earn men in their 20s, and we are almost to the point where women in their 30s are outnumbering men as breadwinners. Which means that it is the women who have tons of power who are also having tons of rape fantasies. None of this should surprise you, because there is a tradition of sexual domination literature being popular with women. For example, The Story of O is a college reading list mainstay for women reading way off the syllabus. And rape fantasies have such a long history of being shockingly ubiquitous among women that we have a euphemism invented by the queasy: fantasies of sexual submission. So we know that the majority of women who read this blog have a college degree, live in a urban setting, and are in their 20s and 30s, presumably out earning men, if not the men in their immediate surroundings, then at least the men in their theoretical surroundings. Which means that the majority of women who read this blog have lots of power in their lives and also have lots of rape fantasies. Katie Roiphe has a phenomenal article in Newsweek about why this type of woman fantasizes about sexual domination. She writes that women must be desperate to read rape fantasies because they are reading Shades of Grey: “Millions of otherwise intelligent women are willing to tolerate prose on this level. If you are willing to slog through sentences like ‘In spite of my poignant sadness, I laugh,’ you must really, really want to get to the submissive sex scene.” So I am admitting now that I have rape fantasies, too. I have known since I was in college that this is not weird because I was a girl who read everything, and I read so much about rape fantasies that by the time I was teaching creative writing at Boston University I had to make announcements at the beginning of my course that students could not write about masturbation or rape fantasies because it was so common in an intro creative writing class and also so difficult to write well. There’s something really liberating about being able to own the rape fantasy. First of all, it reflects a lot of self knowledge. It reflects that you know that your fantasies are just fantasies and it’s okay to have them. It reflects that you do not feel the need to have all PC thoughts all the time in order to be an intelligent, educated person. And it reflects the knowledge that you do not lose your power by harboring fantasies of powerlessness—your power is much more stable, and hard-won than that. If you can do all that, then other things become easy. For example, it’s easy, then, to also harbor the fantasy of telling everyone at the cocktail party to fuck off when they ask you what you do and you are doing nothing because you know you’re going to get pregnant in four months and you don’t want to get a job and then leave it in a year. Because let me assure you that this is what most women want to do: work part-time after they have a baby. So of course they don’t want to hunt for a full-time job right before they have a baby. It also becomes okay to say that you are only dating men who earn a lot of money. Because I simply don’t believe that women harbor the fantasy of being responsible for putting food on the table for their family. Women do it because it’s practical. They fall in love with the intoxicating nature of earning money, or they fall in love with a guy who is terrible at earning money. But the number of women who want a full-time, high-powered job is very slim. Honestly, it’s easier for me to admit that I have rape fantasies than it is for me to admit that I wanted to marry a guy who makes a ton of money. If nothing else, I have control over both, and I’m only getting what I want for one of them. I have a huge collection of rape fantasy books leftover from when I was too scared to tell the guy I’m with what my fantasies are. And I have a mate who is nonplussed by the fantasies: he’s heard it before. But I did not get the guy who earns more than I do. I tried, but mostly what happened is that I hated those guys and when they asked me out on a third date, I wrote blog posts instead. Admitting to rape fantasies is so liberating because now I can admit to all the other un-PC things I’m feeling. I want to stay home with my kids because of guilt and I don’t care. I think it’s guilt built into my DNA and I’m not going to fight it. And I want someone to take care of me and I don’t care if you know. Sure, I like that I can take care of myself. But most educated, city-raised women can take care of themselves and their kids. It’s not that difficult. Finding a guy who will take care of me is much harder. I’m probably not going to read Fifty Shades of Gray, because, as an ex-creative writing instructor, I need to tell you that Elizabeth McNeil and Marquis de Sade are much stronger writers of the literary rape scene. But I am done having closeted fantasies. I don’t want to be told by the feminists what’s okay for me to want. I am done hiding what I really want because what is really liberating is for women to be able to want whatever we want.
Your biggest barrier to starting your own business 23 April, 2012, 8:03 am
Last month I gave a speech at the Natural Products Expo in California, and I took my son with me. Everyone’s an entrepreneur in my family, and my son’s first thought was that this would be a good way to expand his egg business. He knows the eggs he gets from our chicken coop garner a high price from natural food types. “This isn’t where you sell regular food,” I tell him. “This is more like a convention for processed natural food. People can charge more money for processing eggs than selling just the eggs.” “Maybe someone can process my eggs,” he suggested. So I encouraged him to look around for someone to partner with who could process his eggs. Mostly, though, he just found a lot of free samples. But it was great practice for him. Because the biggest barrier to having your own company is finding a great partner. This is true for my son, and it’s true for you. Really. You probably think getting your business off the ground is more complicated, but it’s not. Let’s say you don’t have an idea. You just need to find an idea person. (Look for an ENTP.) Let’s say you have a million ideas, but you never act on any of them. Partner with someone who is phenomenal at getting things done, day in and day out. (Find an INTJ) Maybe you already wrote the code, but you can’t figure out how to market the software. You need someone who understands what people want and how to sell it to them. (Look for an ENFJ.) See how it works? That said, I am not a big fan of the idea that everyone should run their own business. It’s simply not true. Running your own business is very risky and makes each day full of disorder and uncertainty. Also, running your own business usually puts your family on the line. That said, the majority of people say they want to start their own businesses. What they think they want is to work for themselves. The benefits, of course, are clear. You don’t get fired, you work whatever hours you want and starting your own business is the only path to becoming a gazillionaire. So here’s a plan for overcoming the biggest hurdle to being an entrepreneur. 1. Know your shortcomings. An extremely wide range of personality types are able to be successful entrepreneurs. Research from Saras Sarasvathy at Darden School of Business found that the single, common thread among successful entrepreneurs is their ability to compensate for their weaknesses by finding the right people to fill in the gaps. So, you need to really know yourself. It’s the only way to understand your gaps. The process of knowing yourself is difficult. Take the Myers Briggs. You’ll probably be disappointed but the good news is that there is no weakness that cannot be overcome with a good partner. 2. Grow your network. I shouldn’t even need to tell you this, but people hate networking, so I have to say this. You should know, by the way, that introverts hate networking for sure, but everyone hates networking too. Look, imagine you are the hot ex-cheerleader with an Ivy League degree and a six-figure salary. You still have to meet new people, right? And it sucks because all the men hit on you, so all the women hate you, and it’s difficult to find someone who could actually help you because you are performing at a level that’s much higher than most people. See? Even the person who you’d think would adore networking actually thinks it’s a pain. But you have to do it in order to have a roster of people to call on to help you fill in for your weaknesses. The key people in your network, according to the LinkedIn strategy department (which is from ancient times, when people looked at LinkedIn and asked what the purpose of the site was) you need 30 people who significantly different than you are—as in, not in your close circle, not in your industry, not your Myers Briggs type. Finding those people is hard work, which is why entrepreneurs spend a lot of time networking. There are lists of startups that help founders find co-founders for their startups, but you still have to network. There’s no way around that. 3. Typecast yourself. It’s not enough to know the person who can be a great partner for you. You have to be able to attract that person. Of course, you should go after a superstar, or something who is rising to that position. And the best way to attract these people is to differentiate yourself. You want to attract someone who has a special quality that you need, so you have to show the special quality you bring. It’s harder than you think. You have to typecast yourself. Ten years ago business schools started publishing research that the same rules of Hollywood apply to the workplace, and you will be more successful in work if you tell people what you do not do. You cannot be a star performer at everything, so if you don’t specialize then you can’t be a star performer at anything. You have to specialize to be a star at work. Here’s a great example of Scarlett Johansson doing just that. TMZ reports that a sex shop near the US-Mexican border used her image on their business card without her permission. You might expect a response from an A-Lister to someone stealing their image is to have no comment. Because it happens all the time and who cares? But watch what Johansson does: “I actually have not played that many sexy characters! . . .the characters I play aren’t really traditionally sexy, I don’t think. I think it’s probably a reaction to the fact that I’m curvy and confident about it, maybe.” She can’t be a “sexy vixen” because it’s a cliché and also because she will be unemployable as she ages. But non-traditionally sexy, that’s a good one. That gives her some leeway. And “curvy and confident” makes her almost sound like a plus-sized model rather than a gorgeous Hollywood icon. You need to be like that too, of course. Every time someone asks you “What do you do?” you need to reinforce your genre and your differentiator. If you take these three steps, and take them seriously, you’ll be well on your way to having your own business. But during this process you are likely to discover that you don’t really want to run your own business. Are you an ISTJ? You could start a business. Anyone can start a business. But it’s likely that you’ll be happier being at an office that has a system and has rules and pays you to keep things in order. The good news is that these three steps make everyone’s worklife better. Because if you don’t want to run your own business, you still need to stay employable. In fact, you need more than ever to stay employable if you don’t want to make your own company. And the best way to stay employable is very similar to the best way to be an entrepreneur. So there’s no getting around the work of doing these three things: know yourself, know other people, and define who you are so other people understand your value.
Five tactics for finding a spouse 16 April, 2012, 12:58 pm
Sheryl Sandberg has said that the most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry. I have to agree with this statement. Here’s why: If you marry someone with a big career and you want to have a big career you have to find that rare mate who can treat you as an equal, even when your career needs to come first. These are very tough marriages to hold together because there is a constant, never-ending re-balancing of priorities and power between spouses. If you marry a breadwinner who expects their career to come first, then things will probably only work if you can support that. Even if you have a career of your own. This is the easiest marriage to hold together (if any marriage can be called easy) as long as the man is the breadwinner. If you marry someone who is terrible at earning money, or someone who is good at earning money but doesn’t want to, then you will have to take responsibility for earning the money. In each of these cases, your career decisions are largely determined by who you choose as your mate. If the idea of being in a long-term, committed relationship makes you sick, you should stop reading now, and click over to Beatrice de Guigne’s stunning parody of wedding photography, featuring Barbie and Ken. If you still hold out hope for marriage, here are my five favorite ways to get a spouse: 1. Network. Getting a spouse is the first big test of your networking abilities. If you’re really well networked, like George Percy, then you can look around at who you know and who your friends know and pick someone. If you go the networking route, the same rules of networking for a getting a job apply to networking to get a spouse. Which means that the most valuable people in your network are people who you are not that close to because those people will likely know a bunch of people who you don’t already know. This seems like a good time to tell the story of how my brother met his wife. He came to visit me at college, and it was a weekend when there was a dance. And it turned out that my date was gay, and because I was so stupid about dating I was a) the only person in the school who didn’t know and b) too shy to cancel the date. I asked my brother to come, to save me, but he needed a date. So I asked a woman in my suite who I had recently gotten to know. The dance sucked, I couldn’t find my brother, and when I came home, he was making out with the woman in my entrance way. I remember standing there, stunned, and then saying: “What are you guys doing?” 2. Try online dating sites. That was before dating sites. Today dating sites make things easier, for the lucky 23% of people who can get dating sites to pan out. Most dating sites specialize. ScientificMatch matches you based on your DNA. Salon is for intellectuals. OK Cupid is more Jewish than JDate. JDate is rife with intellectual snobs and eastern-seaboard snobs who figure they can sort for their demographic by sorting for Jews. Feeling frustrated and ripped off? Luvia specializes in people who want a better payment fee structure for online dating. Really. The founder of Luvia, Ravi, says: “There’s no monthly fee or any premium services fee. And registration is totally free. Luvia.com is very economical because we charge based on usage.” 3. Use a headhunter. When I was thirty and not married and starting to panic, I hired a headhunter. Here’s why: I was thirty, I had just launched my second startup after exiting the first one, and I was a former professional beach volleyball player. I knew I was a good catch, but I had no time or patience for dating. The headhunter charged me $10,000 and for that, she taught me how you pick a husband. She told me you only get what you are worth. She told me that I’m an eight so I can get an eight. Then she told me I could give her three criteria and she’d meet them. First, I picked good looking, rich, and Jewish. She set me up with the only Jewish Calvin Klein model. I mean, maybe there were two, but it’s hard to believe there are two Jewish men as shallow as this guy was. Really. I think their moms wouldn’t allow it. So I swapped rich for smart. And I got a screenwriter. Unemployed, of course. After all, I was in LA. I knew I needed criteria to wipe out the screenwriters. That’s important in LA, because everyone’s a screenwriter. Even the homeless. Actually, especially the homeless. I spent a lot of time developing a perfect list of three things, and I came up with Jewish, good looking and great at what he does. I thought this last one would be sneaky because you probably are smart and rich if you are great at what you do. These guys were right up my alley—the type I was used to hanging out with. At work. So I had a hard time keeping dating talk to dating topics and almost all those dates turned into business meetings. Just when the headhunter was getting frustrated with me, my ex-boyfriend told me he was in LA and asked if I wanted to get together for sex. I said, Okay, if we get married. He said okay. He bought me a ring from the LA County museum, on the way to my apartment. We had sex. It seemed right because he was good-looking, Jewish, and great at what he did. (He was a video artist. One day I will spew my wide-ranging knowledge of video art on this blog.) 4. Go to therapy. Hiring the headhunter was like going to therapy. You know, those fairy tales about having three wishes aren’t really about the wishes. They’re about learning what’s important to you. (Sylvester and the Magic Pebble is a fun, contemporary take on this story.) The fairy tales are about the power of self-knowledge, and how hard it is to come by. Which is really what dating is all about. You have to give stuff up to get married. Picking a spouse is a lot like picking a location—it’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give up. You have to be really clear on what you are not willing to give up—because you’ll probably be giving up everything else. You have to assume you are. And it’s hard. Most of adult life is about admitting what you will not be able to have or be able to do. Marriage is no exception. If you can’t accept that, going to therapy can help—you get stuck otherwise. Which wouldn’t be so bad if you don’t want kids. But stalled dating under the tick-tock of a biological clock is no good for anyone. 5. Compromise your career. It’s true that who you marry is your most important career decision. But it’s also your most important financial decision, your most important parenting decision, and on and on. No one ever says that they knew what they were getting when they picked their spouse. Twenty years down the line, everyone is surprised. So the choice is impossible to perfect because the information you have about your options is so poor. People change, and people don’t know who they are so they can’t disclose who they are. And life before kids does not resemble life with kids, so how do you even know how the person will react when the kids come? It’s hubris to say this does not apply to you. But of all the things that spouses affect, and with all the things you have to compromise in order to hold a marriage together, a career seems like a small price to pay. People who are married are happier than people who are not. And I think it’s mostly that people are happier when they put the requirements of being in a committed relationship ahead of the other aspects of their life. And a career would be the first thing I’d tell you to give up. You can get a lot more from loving and being loved.
The career passion myth and how it derails you 13 April, 2012, 12:47 pm
You do not need to have a life full of passion. What is that life, anyway? You probably don’t even know what passion is. But if you really thought about what you were aiming for when you talk about passion and careers, eventually you’d get to the idea of engagement. This is not a controversial thought: that you would want to be engaged in your work. Engagement is one of the most important aspects of your worklife. Almost every study about what makes people happy at work comes down to engagement. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the book Flow, transformed the idea of work passion to be the idea of engagement. The work we do leading up to engagement is just practice time until we are so proficient at what we’re doing that we enter the state of flow, which is such a high level of engagement that we don’t even notice time passing. Getting to the state of flow requires years and years of practice at a single thing so that work is so much a part of us that we can get to the high level of flow. (As I write this post, I think to myself that I should be there with writing, and I can get there sometimes, but then every time I think, “Am I there?” and I stumble. So part of flow is not thinking.) Sonja Lyubomirsky talks about workplace engagement as a result of having control over one’s time and being able to make people feel good. Janitors, she finds, are happiest at work because they can control their workday and they can see immediately how they are helping people. Lawyers, by contrast, are the most universally unhappy, because they have little control over their hours and they are generally dealing with people who hate that they have to hire a lawyer, whatever the lawyer is doing. Lyubomirsky’s research is freeing because she finds that happiness comes from the most simple lives, rather than the lives with big, complicated, impressive careers. (You can read her book, The How of Happiness to find out why I realized that it’s hopeless for me to be happy—I relish the complications of life too much. But there’s still hope for me in the engagement arena.) When you say you want to do something you’re passionate about, you really mean, when you think about it, that you want to do something that is right for you. Something that is fulfilling and feels like the thing you should be doing with your life. Ironically, you can prepare kids for this adult-life hurdle by letting them play unlimited video games. Because video games are engaging, challenging, and social. This is why I took my kids out of school. So they could learn how to find their own paths to engagement. However schools train kids to subdue their own drive in order to pass required tests. Then we toss those kids into the adult world and tell them to do what they are passionate about. So you need to bridge the gap between what you learn in school to pass tests and what you need to learn about yourself to have a good adult life. This comes down to Myers Briggs. So here’s the link to a fast, free Myers Briggs test for the millionth time. And that site will get 5000 visitors from my blog post. I am frustrated that I do not have a Myers Briggs test on my own site that I can link people to. If anyone is qualified and able to build me a test for my site, please email me. I’m sick of sending these people traffic. And anyway, they haven’t even ever sent me a thank you email, and that, after all, is one of the ways that I feel good about my work. So go take the test. You will be one of sixteen personality types. Only two or three types of personalities are made for saving starving babies in Sudan, and rescuing crime victims from chains in dark basements. Most people would be psychologically destroyed doing that kind of work. Most of us need stability and order and predictabilty in our lives. Some of us need to control other people. Some of us need to be alone all the time. All of these types of people should not be doing that traditionally meaningful, passion-filled work of saving lives. You will find, after discovering your personality type, that you are well suited for a particular type of work. It might not be what your dad wanted, or what your wife wants, or what fits your idea of who you wish you were. But if you do the work that meets the core needs of your personality type, you will feel passion. Because you will be engaged in your work. If you refuse to pay heed to your core personality, you will always feel that you’re searching for something elusive in your career. Are you an ISTP? You need to use your hands to make things. Are you an ENTJ? You need to lead people. Are you an INTJ? You’ll go nuts if you don’t get something done every day. Are you an INFP? You’ll go nuts if you have to get something done every day. Figure out what you need in your life to be fulfilled. Find that work. Then, as long as you have control over your hours and you can see how you help people, you will feel good about your work. And you know what happens when people feel good in their work? They stop asking themselves bullshit questions about what they are passionate about.

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